|Highscore||Killed 16, injured 6|
|An Hero?||Sadly, no|
Robert Bales was a pretty cool guy and the greatest U.S. soldier to ever serve in the Army. On March 11, 2012, he set out for the High Score by massacring sixteen Afghan sandniggers and almost raping six others. His act of heroism sparked outrage from libtards, NATO, and the Taliban alike. But as with any other shooting, Robert's courageousness was slowly forgotten proving that Americunts have very, very short attention spans.
Robert grew up in Ohio and was the youngest of at least 100 brothers. After studying economics, he worked as a stockbroker starting in 1996. A few years later, a panel found him and his boss liable for financial fraud but the lawyers couldn't find him because he had enlisted in the Army after 9/11 and was already in Iraq by then. Throughout his illustrious career as a soldier, Robert beat up a casino security guard in Washington in 2002, injured his foot during a battle in 2007, and was treated for traumatic brain injury after his car flipped over in 2010. By 2012, he was promoted to Staff Sergeant and stationed at a fort in Afghanistan.
On March 11, 2012, Robert left his fort at three in the morning wearing night vision goggles. A stealthy motherfucker, he put on a disguise and wore cultured traditional Afghan rags over his fatigues. Robert was now set for his Genocide Crusade and traveled to the village of Alkozai. There he rekt four civilians and injured six others. The only notable thing he did in Alkozai was drag some cunt out of bed and bash her head against a wall. But the lulz didn't really start until he got to Najiban, where he killed twelve. In a stylistic and efficient manner, Robert dragged four sandnigger boys by the hair and shot them in the mouth. He also killed the relatives of the four boys, three of which were headshots. Robert also killed some IRL oldfag but nobody cared about him because his family was dead. After completing his killings, Robert set the dead sandniggers' bodies on fire, which is strictly forbidden by the Quran and he knew that would create even more butthurt from Mudslimes.
Now while all this was going on, the fort's commander noticed that a soldier was missing during roll call, and sent a patrol out to search for him. But they couldn't find Robert because they were extremely ruh-tar-ded. Even dumbass Afghan guards had spotted Robert a few minutes before he went on his spree. Eventually Robert returned to the base, dropped his weapon and got onto his knees and said "I did it." He told everyone what happened and was transported to Kansas for criminal proceedings.
Robert was a mega ultra super genius and knew that the death penalty would probably be used on him if he didn't act. So during his court martial, he pled guilty and apologized in a plea deal that effectively spared him from cruelly being murdered by The Man. He was sentenced life in prison without parole, but can get parole if a commanding general says so.
Protests followed Robert's genocide crusade; at least 300 subhumans demonstrated around the military base and burned blankets to honor the dead. College kids also protested in Jalalabad, shouting "Death to America! Death to Obama!" and burning crosses and flags. American and ISAF forces promised a full investigation into Robert's spree and the Secretary of Defense said that the death penalty 'should be a consideration.' See how that turned out, Leon. Obummer said that the killings were "heartbreaking" but he was "generally proud" of what was being done in Afghanistan overall. The Taliban also issued a statement, saying that "sick-minded American savages committed the blood-soaked and inhumane crime." The Taliban also blamed Afghan security officials of having a hand in the massacre. So to them, the obvious response to the 'inhumane crime' was to kill more people! On March 13th, they launched an attack on Afghan government officials visiting the site of the massacre. Sadly, the derkas only killed one and injured three showing that they can actually do jack shit.
|Kill count:||16/20 (injured 6)|
|Accuracy:||15/20 of 22 shot, only 6 survived|
|Style:||17/20 tactical espionage action|
|Butthurt:||15/20 only pussy liberals got butthurt|
|Bonus:||18/20 Killing sand-nigs instead of whites|
|Total score: 81/100 (B-)|
See full ranking
- Afghanistan - where shit went down
- Army - Robert served in it
- Campo Elías Delgado - another army veteran and high score seeker
- Mark Barton - was also a stockbroker and high score seeker