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Romania is the Mexico of Europe. It has over 3 million gypsies (Srsly). The gypsies call themselves romanies because this way they get a lot of money from Hungary - Romania's most trusted neighbour (srsly), and because of that, the Romanians hate the gypsies very nice. In fact they would ban them if they could. But they can't because they are busy emigrating to Spain and Italy.
Romanians descend from two great men, the Roman emperor Trajan (who had nothing to do with the romanian people of today) and the glorious ancestor of the epic beard man, Decebalus. Romania is considered by most experts to be the Earth's epicenter of all known epic fail. Because that's their favorite pastime. Romanians are a proud and tenacious people, best known for elevating the act of stealing to an art form. Romania is also well known for its high rate of fetus pwnage.
All Romanians are either gypsies or self-hating closet gypsies who blame all their problems in life on one another instead of owning up to their lazy indolence and lack of effort. It's easier for them to simply not try, give up, avoid any level of personal responsibility and to point their fingers at someone else while proceeding to stomp up and down with flustered indignation and hypocritical, self-reflective racial slurs.
Romanians moar liek Romaniacs Amirite?) have a very rich and interesting history, most of it involving one invading empire or another plowing them in the ass. This piece of information is not at all surprising, considering that the Romanian nation was born as a result of Roman pwnage inflicted upon the Dacians. Once upon a time they actually would have came close to defeating the Ottoman Empire if they weren't so busy fighting among each other over which sunflower seeds brand are best used for anal penetration.
Among the most notable nations that have trolled Romania, craving their huge, hairy cocks, are: the Celts, the Persians, the Macedonians, the "Scythians", the Roman Empire, the Goths, the Turkeys, the Austro-Hungarian Empire, the Nazis, the Soviet Union and the Tatar hordes. And now Europe.
It is a little known fact that during World War II, Romania was actually one of the bitches of the Axis powers, and was responsible for the Iasi Pogrom, the deadliest pogrom during World War 2, proof that Romanians would kill Jews rather than fix their shit economy, which isn't really that surprising. The Soviet Union, using its superior military technology, eventually liberated the Romanian people from the evil Nazis and gave King Michael the banhammer. It is generally accepted among scientists that some argue that the Ruskies overstayed their welcome.
In 1989, Ronald Reagan, who often bragged about his Romanian ancestry, finally had enough of Russian republican president Gorbachev's spot on his forehead, swooped down from the heavens and pwned the USSR using his secret weapon. The Romanians were very grateful and have been mongling Lady Liberty's star-spangled cock ever since.
It is known that the first Romanian spawned when sperm of Zeus clashed upon the dogcrap filled streets of Valachya, but he couldn't endure the silence alone, and so he abused the gypsy multiplication jutsu to populate the place, planting sunflower seeds for further chillaxin upon rapeage of aputees, a common practice among the working class of Romania. It is known that at least 100 years ago the Roman Empire ninjaraped Dacia, formerly known as The United Gypsy Tents Of Romania.
The history has given Romania the chance of revenge and the Boot-Shape-Village was the biggest PWN EVAH. The general of this massive revolution was Nicolae Romulus Mailat, former President and sheep-raper. The new national anthem starts now with "I think gypos is a pretty cool guy. eh stabs ya'all and doesn't afraid of anything."
Once entered into the UE, the massive Romanian workforce spread like a festering boil, afflicting their neighbors with their special brand of work ethic, which includes such basic tenets as rape, incest, pedophilia, necrophilia, begging and, most importantly, blaming everyone but themselves when problems arise.
It has been proved in the recent years that the Romanians and Hungarians are brothers, sharing the same language, history, and oral traditions, like fapping to pr0n and inserting their cocks in every sentence that comes out of their mouths, with a frequency of approximately once every 2-3 words.
The winrar of the last presidential election was democratic liberal candidate Traian Băsescu. (He was re-elected. He won against Mircea Geaonă by .3%). A shit storm is already on its way from butthurt Geoană fans who claim that the elections were rigged, not that anybody gives a fuck.
Romanians will sell anything that isn't nailed down. The Romanian word for business is bishnitza and no self respecting Romanian business man would ever miss a bribe. Romania is really cold in winter so it's likely they sell a lot of jackets, stolen from the few visiting foreigners who have a spark of interest in this little corner of the world. Romania doesn't have a traditional form of currency, the most common method of payment being weed, rubber boots and pig-vomit. The country's main exports are gypsies and fail. Romania is one of the biggest prostitute exporters for Western European countries, Canada, USA, Israel and Turkey.
[Fun Fact : saying that Romania has an economy is a self-sustained joke]
Dacia is the average Romanian car. Every Romanian starts learning how to drive on one of these. Some can fail. There is a saying in Romanian culture that if you learn to drive a Dacia you learn to drive any existing car. Dacia eventually was bought by Renault. From then Dacia got international. It is now sold all over the EU. Some argue that the Dacia Logan, the first one to be made by Renault, is the best Dacia so far. But Renault failed to understand the needs of one car on Romanian roads. Observe in the pictures.
Romanians feed primarily on sunflower seeds. Scientists believe that the average Romanian would eat seeds non-stop if he/she didn't have to take breaks for sleep and abusing their children. Romanians only drink pălincă and ţuică [pronounced "sewage"].
Don't let this fine dining fool you though. It's well known that the only form of meat Romanians have is what they can scrape from under their toenails. Because of this, seeing meat in a dish will confuse them and they will try to guess the meat so you don't find about their filthy toenail scraping ways. A common phrase used would be "is that beef?", even when it's clearly not.
You should never ever EVAR let a Romanian near your food because they love to sniff it.
Favorite Pass times include:
- Beating the shit out of each other at soccer matches.
- Drinking "ţuică": moonshine so strong that it can melt through titanium.
- Emigrating (mostly to Spain where they pick up strawberries for the rest of their lives) and once inside the foreign land, harassing the natives.
- Throwing doorbells at their women.
- Having sex with underage girls. You will never get escorted to a certain vehicle for such actions in Romania, which proves it is far superior to the USA.
- Throwing garbage everywhere and then complaining about it.
- Almost shoving their face in your plate of food and sniffing it for extended periods of time. Then asking if its beef, when it's clearly fucking chicken.
- Sniffing glue.
- Stealing Transylvania
backfrom Hungary, and trolling about it.
- Massacring Jews and then building statues to honor the Nazis who cleansed the Jewish Menace.
The Average Romanian
The average Romanian is an extremly complicated and intelligent creature. An example of this is the following: A Romanian fucktard ate a bag of cherries without unseeding them, his ass got clogged up with cherry seeds so he shoved a hammer up his ass to try and crush the seeds (srsly). However, the handle of the hammer broke and the hammer head remained in his ass. Apparently, this particular fucktard wanted moar, so he shoved another hammer up his ass to try get the first one out/smash the seeds. However, the monkey learned from its previous mistake and tied a string around the hammer head so he could pull it back out. The string broke and he ended up with two hammer heads in his ass. The fucktard tried for three days to take the hammer heads out himself before visiting a doctor or Romanian Orthodox priest.
It has also learned that it can increase its life expectancy from the Romanian standard of 32 by emigrating to a real country. The typical Romanian (or feral beast amirite?) will whore out its triple breasted mother to some unsuspecting loser in another country. Once there the parasitic worm will latch on to said country to steal benefits and get free education. This usually fails because Romanians are unable to live in a civilised country and will resort to threatening women and throwing doorbells at them, which is a national past-time.
Contrary to popular belief, Vlad Drăcula was not really a bloodthirsty vampire. Most Romanians consider him an national hero but this is also false. In truth, Dracula's only notable trait was his ravenous homosexuality. When he was a mere boy he was sent as tribute to the Turks. While there, he was impaled on a daily basis by the Sultan himself. It is here that the warlord aquired his habit of sticking very large, very sharp and very phallic objects up innocent people's anuses.
He is noted for his connections to the modern British capital, London: One notable descendant of his lives in the Boroughs of Camden, Haringey and Islington, and some more of his descendants live in the Borough of Westminster.
The Emo Menace
While the stupidity of cops, both Romanian and of other nations, is known throught the world, very few foreign cops could produce such large amounts of lulz. It started when a 12 year old girl became an hero and soon the press was alerted to the "dangerous emo cult". As it was expected, instead of listening to common sense, the cops listened to the fear mongerers and engaged serious surveillance equipment to stalk and catch a bunch of emo faggots in the act, after which they were taken away and given to shrinks.
- Ask them about how many times they got owned by the Ottoman Empire.
- Ask them about the king of manele music, Guţă.
- Ask them why is their country called Romania if they're not gypsies (Roma).
- Tell them they have nothing to do with the Roman empire, they're actually Slavs. Also borrowing half their vocabulary from the French is pretty pretentious.
- Say them that even if they were a Roman Nation like France or Italy, they were the most minor Roman Nation
- Become someone in the goverment and steal from them.
- Talk about the "good" roads of their contry
- Remind them they elected two of the most retarded people in Romanian Politics, Vadim Tudor (a anti-Hungarian psycho with territorial demands for Romania from all neighbouring countries) and Elena Băsescu (The daughter of the former corrupt president Basescu who used money from the Ministry of Tourism to pay for her EU parlament campaign; There was a lot of drama over this.)
- Tell them Transylvania never belonged to them, it was always part of Hungary.
- Tell them that Northern Dubruja belongs to Bulgaria
- Ask them whether their sole is actually hairy?
- Say them that Romanian men have the smallest dicks in europe (their average dick size is only 5,0", 12,7 cm)
- Tell them that Hungarian men have the biggest dicks in europe (their average dick size is 6,5 Inches, 16,5 cm), Romanians will be mad about you because many Romanians have an Antipathy against Hungarians
- Say them that the reason because a large number of Romanian women works voluntarily as prostitutes in Western Europe, North America, Israel and Turkey is the pathetic dick size of Romanian men
- Inform them that Romania is the failed state of the EU
- Call them tuica or palinca niggers
- Bula - Last Thursday Romanians voted on who the greatest Romanians of all time is. Bula a fictional character came in at place 59. The word "Bula" is a one letter deformation of the word "Pula" which in Romanian means cock. This proves once and for all that Romanians love deformed cock.
- George Bacovia - Poet that wrote some really morbid crap because he got AIDS from buttsecks with a goat.
- Gigi Becali - Divine King of Romania, beloved by the people and feared by evil homosexual men and atheists.
- Nicolae Ceauşescu - former president of the glorious Socialist Republic of Romania. Died under mysterious circumstances during the Romanian Revolution of 1989.
- Comsha Dan - the W.T. Snacks and cockmongler of Romania
- Alexandra Stan - A Romanian slut dance singer. She can't sing anymore because she was beaten by her manager.
- Mircea Kitsune - transgendered furry otherkin voraphile
- Mihai Eminescu - He is the biggest Romanian pornographer also known for his hardcore sex poems with his girlfriend and a shiny homosexual star that came down to earth to surprise buttsecks him.
- Cristian Tudor Popescu - Angry bald man who comes on talk shows and constantly bitches about how retarded Romanian politicians are
- Puya - A gangsta rapper that went dark side. He now combines hip-hop with manele.
- The Cheeky Girls - You would.
- The Regime - l337 h4x0rz
- Vladuz - famous hacker made eBay his bitch for several years and he posted lots of eBay users' passwords and credit card numbers (both of which eBay does not encrypt in its database). Many lulz were had as eBay used to try to cover him up and would send its lawyers after any media or website that mentioned him. He was eventually v& but got the money in the end.
- Fernando de la Caransebes - The most awsome and possible Eurovision winner. He is a singer and his other talents are watching over 9000 meatspins, trolling in tv shows, and making live shows in trains.
- Mariana Hanks - Lolcow, werejohncandy, snorlax and eternally butthurt about her ED article. Born in Brazhov and adopted by a British couple as a toddler, now lives in New Zealand. Banned from the wiki countless times under many sock puppets, tricked into thinking that Andria Kilgore was a real person when "she" was really a troll in disguise, baaawws on YouTube and Vimeo only to delete her videos hours later, well-documented on the ED forums.
- Codrin Satvri - Most notably known by his youtube username Vee, he is a 30-year old Atheist who went to law school but makes youtube videos making fun of various online articles. Srsly. Involved in the Gamergate controversy. Also a Trump supporter. Pretty Cool Guy.
- Corneliu Zelea Codreanu - Hands down, the best Romanian who ever lived. Started an ultra-christian, anti-jew, nazi organisation famous for its death squads and worshiping death.
Meanwhile in Romania
You'd think that a country would have an official webpage. Romania doesn't because they are not yet aquainted with advanced technology.
- Romanian Tourism
- Country's Closed
112chan - A new Romanian imageboard, most users of all of the Romanian imageboards.now closed
- ChAnon - The last romanian imageboard. Took the place of the now defunct 112chan.
Cocalari.com The cocalari species on exibit...out of business. paracetalol.ro Lulz from Draculand...closed temporarily.
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