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The current monarch of Romania
Typical Romanian gypo A type of romanian "Cocalar" Male.
Romanian supermodel in national costume.

Flag ro.gif Romania is the Mexico of Europe. It has over 3 million gypsies (Srsly). The gypsies call themselves romanies because this way they get a lot of money from Hungary - Romania's most trusted neighbour (srsly), and because of that, the Romanians hate the gypsies very nice. In fact they would ban them if they could. But they can't because they are busy emigrating to Spain and Italy.

Romanians descend from two great men, the Roman emperor Trajan (who had nothing to do with the Romanian people of today and is therefore a pretty cool guy) and the glorious ancestor of the epic beard man, Decebalus. Romania is considered by most experts to be the Earth's epicenter of all known epic fail. Because that's their favorite pastime. Romanians are a proud and tenacious people, best known for refining the nigrish act of stealing to an art form. Romania is also well known for its high rate of fetus pwnage.

All Romanians are either gypsies or self-hating closet gypsies who blame all their problems in life on one another instead of owning up to their lazy indolence, lack of effort, and general fucktardery. It's easier for them to simply not try, give up, avoid any level of personal responsibility and to point their fingers at someone else while proceeding to stomp up and down with flustered indignation and hypocritical, self-reflective racial slurs.

Romanian History[edit]

A typical Romanian village.
A typical Romanian landscape.

Romanians moar liek Romaniacs Amirite?) have a very rich and interesting history, most of it involving one invading empire or another plowing them in the ass. This piece of information is not at all surprising, considering that the Romanian nation was born as a result of Roman pwnage inflicted upon the Dacians. Once upon a time they actually would have came close to defeating the Ottoman Empire if they weren't so busy fighting each other over which sunflower seeds brand are best used for anal penetration.

Among the most notable nations that have trolled Romania, craving their huge, hairy cocks, are: the Celts, the Persians, the Macedonians, the "Scythians", the Roman Empire, the Goths, the Turks, the Austro-Hungarian Empire, the Nazis, the Soviet Union and the Tatar hordes. And now Europe!

Romania in it's glory days

It is a little known fact that during World War II, Romania was actually one of the bitches of the Axis powers, and was responsible for the Iasi Pogrom, the deadliest pogrom during World War 2, proof that Romanians would sooner kill Jews than fix their shit economy, which isn't really that surprising. The Soviet Union, using its superior military technology, eventually liberated the Romanian people from the evil Nazis and gave King Michael the banhammer. It is generally accepted among scientists that some argue that the Ruskies overstayed their welcome.

In 1989, Ronald Reagan, who often bragged about his Romanian ancestry, finally had enough of Soviet republican president Gorbachev's spot on his forehead, swooped down from the heavens and pwned the USSR using his secret weapon. With this help, Romanians openly JFK'ed their own leader, Nicolae Ceaușescu. The Romanians were very grateful and have been mongling Lady Liberty's star-spangled cock ever since.

It is known that the first Romanian spawned when sperm of Zeus spattered down upon the dogcrap filled game trails of Valachya, but he couldn't endure the silence alone, and so he abused the gypsy multiplication jutsu to populate the place, planting sunflower seeds for further chillaxin upon rapeage of amputees, a common practice among the working class of Romania. It is known that at least 100 years ago the Roman Empire ninjaraped Dacia, formerly known as The United Gypsy Tents Of Romania.

The history has given Romania the chance of revenge and the Boot-Shape-Village was the biggest PWN EVAH. The general of this massive revolution was Nicolae Romulus Mailat, former President and sheep-raper. The new national anthem starts now with "I think gypos is a pretty cool guy. eh stabs ya'all and doesn't afraid of anything."

Once entered into the UE, the massive Romanian workforce spread like Ebola, afflicting their neighbors with their special brand of work ethic, which includes fundamental tenets of rape, incest, eproctophilia, pedophilia, necrophilia, begging and, most importantly, blaming everyone but themselves when problems arise.

It has been proven in recent years that Romanians and Hungarians are brothers, sharing the same language, history, and oral traditions, like fapping to pr0n and inserting their smeggy, miniscule cocks in every sentence that comes out of their mouths, with a frequency of approximately once every 2-3 words.

Vlad Ţepeş[edit]

Where Freddy Mercury got the inspiration for his moustache from.

Contrary to popular belief, Vlad Drăcula was not really a bloodthirsty vampire. Most Romanians consider him an national hero but this is also false. In truth, Dracula's only notable trait was his ravenous homosexuality. When he was a mere boy he was sent as tribute to the Turks. While there, he was impaled on a daily basis by the Sultan himself. It is here that the warlord aquired his habit of sticking very large, very sharp and very phallic objects up innocent peoples' anuses.

He is noted for his connections to the British capital, London: One notable descendant of his lives in the Boroughs of Camden, Haringey and Islington, and some more of his descendants live in the Borough of Westminster.

Vlad was decapitated by the Turks as a trophy, and his head was sent to Constantinople (now Istanbul) preserved in honey. After, the head was displayed on a stake as proof that he was dead.


—Bonfinius (Antonio Bonfini) and a Turkish chronicler, Wikipedia

Romanian Politics[edit]

The real reason why Romanians are angry at Hungarians.

The winrar of the last presidential election was democratic liberal candidate Traian Băsescu. (He was re-elected. He won against Mircea Geaonă by .3%). A shit storm is already on its way from butthurt Geoană fans who claim that the elections were rigged, not that anybody gives a fuck.

2014 Presidential Elections

Romanian Economy[edit]

Romanians will sell anything that isn't nailed down. The Romanian word for business is bishnitza and no self respecting Romanian business man would ever turn down a bribe. Romania is really cold in winter so it's likely they sell a lot of jackets, stolen from the few visiting foreigners who have a spark of interest in this little corner of the world. Romania doesn't have a traditional form of currency, the most common methods of payment being weed, rubber boots, goat semen, and pig-vomit. The country's main exports are gypsies and fail. Romania is one of the biggest prostitute exporters for Western European countries, Canada, USA, Israel and Turkey.

[Fun Fact : saying that Romania has an economy is a self-sustaining joke.]

Dacia is the average Romanian car. Every Romanian starts learning how to drive on one of these. Some can fail. There is a saying in Romanian culture that if you learn to drive a Dacia you learn to drive any existing car. Dacia eventually was bought by Renault. Since then, Dacia went international. It is now sold all over the EU. Some argue that the Dacia Logan, the first one to be made by Renault, is the best Dacia so far. But Renault failed to understand the needs of one car on Romanian roads. Observe in the pictures.

Romanian Cuisine[edit]

Every Romanian's favorite food.

Romanians feed primarily on sunflower seeds. Scientists believe that the average Romanian would eat seeds non-stop if he/she didn't have to take breaks for sleep and abusing their children. Romanians only drink pălincă and ţuică [pronounced "sewage"].

Don't let this fine dining fool you though. It's well known that the only form of meat Romanians have is what they can scrape from under their toenails or out of tire tread. Because of this, seeing meat in a dish will confuse them and they will try to guess the meat so you don't find about their filthy ways. A common phrase used would be "is that beef?", even when it's clearly not.

You should never ever EVAR let a Romanian near your food because they love to sniff it.

Romanian Culture[edit]

An average Romanian citizen, relaxing the traditional way.

Favorite pastimes include:

  • Beating the shit out of each other at soccer matches.
  • Drinking "ţuică": moonshine so strong that it can dissolve titanium.
  • Emigrating (mostly to Spain where they pick up strawberries for the rest of their lives) and once inside the foreign land, harassing and robbing the natives.
  • Throwing doorbells at their women.
  • Having sex with underage girls. You will never get escorted to a certain vehicle for such actions in Romania, which proves it is far superior to the USA.
  • Throwing garbage everywhere and then complaining about it.
  • Almost shoving their face into your plate of food and sniffing it for extended periods of time; then asking if it's beef, when it's clearly fucking chicken.
  • Sniffing glue.
  • Stealing Transylvania back from Hungary, and trolling about it.
  • Massacring Jews and then building statues to honor the Nazis who cleansed the Jewish Menace.

The Average Romanian[edit]

The average Romanian is an extremely complicated and intelligent creature. An example of this is the following: A Romanian fucktard ate a bag of cherries without unseeding them, his ass got clogged up with cherry seeds so he shoved a hammer up his ass to try and crush the seeds (srsly). However, the handle of the hammer broke and the hammer head remained in his ass. Apparently, this particular fucktard wanted moar, so he shoved another hammer up his ass to try get the first one out/smash the seeds. However, the cunt learned from its previous mistake and tied a string around the hammer head so he could pull it back out. The string broke and he ended up with two hammer heads in his ass. The fucktard tried for three days to take the hammer heads out himself before visiting a doctor or Romanian Orthodox priest.

It has also learned that it can increase its life expectancy from the Romanian average of 32 by emigrating to a real country. The typical Romanian (or feral beast amirite?) will whore out its triple breasted mother to some unsuspecting loser in another country. Once there, the parasitic worm will latch onto said country to steal benefits and get free education. This usually fails because Romanians are unable to live in a civilised country and will resort to threatening women and throwing doorbells at them, which is a national past-time.

Romanian Military Special Ops secret training methods

The Emo Menace[edit]

While the stupidity of cops, both Romanian and of other nations, is known throught the world, very few foreign cops could produce such large amounts of lulz. It started when a 12 year old girl became an hero and soon the press was alerted to the "dangerous emo cult". As it was expected, instead of listening to common sense, the cops listened to the fear mongerers and engaged serious surveillance equipment to stalk and catch a bunch of emo faggots in the act, after which they were taken away and given to shrinks.

Typical Romanian commercial about emo.

Trolling Romanians[edit]

Only asians have smaller cocks than Romanians.

Although Romanians are dumb, here are a few ways to make friends with them:

  • Ask them about how many times they got owned by the Ottoman Empire.
  • Ask them about the king of manele music, Guţă.
  • Ask them why is their country called Romania if they're not gypsies (Roma).
  • Tell them they have nothing to do with the Roman empire, they're actually Slavs. Also borrowing half their vocabulary from the French is pretty pretentious.
  • Say them that even if they were a Roman Nation like France or Italy, they would be the most minor Roman Nation.
  • Become someone in the goverment and steal from them.
  • Talk about the "good" roads of their country.
  • Remind them they elected two of the most retarded people in Romanian Politics, Vadim Tudor (a anti-Hungarian psycho with territorial demands for Romania from all neighbouring countries) and Elena Băsescu (The daughter of the former corrupt president Basescu who used money from the Ministry of Tourism to pay for her EU parlament campaign; there was a lot of drama over this.)
  • Tell them Transylvania never belonged to them, it was always part of Hungary.
  • Tell them that Northern Dubruja belongs to Bulgaria
  • Ask them whether their sole is actually hairy?
  • Say them that Romanian men have the smallest dicks in Europe (their average dick size is only 5,0", 12,7 cm)
  • Tell them that Hungarian men have the biggest dicks in Europe (their average dick size is 6,5 Inches, 16,5 cm), Romanians will be mad at you because many Romanians have an antipathy against Hungarians.
  • Tell them that the reason a large number of Romanian women work voluntarily as prostitutes in Western Europe, North America, Israel and Turkey is the pathetic dick size of Romanian men.
  • Inform them that Romania is the failed state of the EU.
  • Call them Tuica Niggers.

Famous Romanians[edit]

Peace frum Rumænia. Flag ro.gif


[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

Meanwhile in Romania[edit]

See Also[edit]

External Links[edit]

You'd think that a country would have an official webpage. Romania doesn't because they are not yet aquainted with advanced technology.

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