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RuneScape

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Andrew Gower creator of RuneScape. Dat nose.

RuneScape, better known as RunEscape, Ruinedscape to the Oldfags, and EOCscape by the nostalgiafags is a Browser MMORPG made by Jagex that is hands-down one of the SHITTIEST Java games to exist. Not only does it boast a fucking hueg amounts of lag even if play on Sega CD graphics and an amazing musical score that would make Beethoven himself cry in agony, but you have to spend $5.95+dollars USD $5.95 $7.95+ dollars USD $7.95 a month to use the extra features such as catching faeries with a net and playing hide and seek with penguins.

The game used to be the largest breeding ground of scammers, hackers, Macroers, aspie-addled 13 year old boys, basement dwelling fatties and dutch people, but now it's also filled with prepubescent boys and a bunch of cocksuckers who support Jagex in their attempt to rid their game of cheaters.

Jagex, like all Jewish corporations, are masters of the sacred art of marketing, as RuneScape has also proven to be addictive, more so than virgin pussy to an African with AIDS. Jagex relies on the feeling of self accomplishment that the beta male players feel as they level up - that feeling acts as warp energy in the world of Runescape - it channels its way though the many basements of the world to Jagex HQ. The free gold of virgin addiction gives them a feeling so good it comes second only the taste of pussy

Features

Typical account name
Typical in-game event.
Friendly Forum mod taking time out from their busy schedule to contribute to the community.
An average day on the forums.
  • Building relationships with other players whilst they masturbate at their computer and arrange to meet you alone in a deserted alleyway IRL.
  • Epic and adrenaline-rushing gameplay which consists in spending countless hours a day leveling up a particular skill such as farming, fishing or woodcutting for a chance at one of the fabled '99 skill capes' so you can show everyone online that you did.
  • Rampant GP inflation that makes the Great Depression look like a good economy, making High Alchemy (a magic spell which turns shit into gold) about as useful as your virgin pencil dick.
  • All caps is disallowed and your sentences are forced to capitalise at the beginning of a sentence, proving that Jagex are Grammar Nazis. However, capitalizing the first letter of each word isn't. Have fun with that.
  • The ability to Phish naive children's accounts and sell them on Ebay.
  • Top quality graphics that are unrivaled by other games
  • A chat filter that will censor almost everything you say unless you turn it off altogether; but you still can't say the fun stuff like "Hitler ftw" or give website addresses.
  • A nice, friendly online community of 13 year old boys, who often dress up as 16-year-old girls to attract small children into their private clan chats to cybersext with them.
  • The ability to build and own a virtual house where you can throw mad 'house parties'. Invite all your e-friends, and pretend you are actually that cool IRL to host a party.
  • Laughing at free players, because they can't go 10 minutes without seeing "You need to be a member to use this".
  • Reporting anyone and everyone for anything at all with the goal to become a player moderator. PLAYER MODS FUCK YEAH!
  • If someone has a lower level than you, he's a noob. If someone has a higher level than you, he has no life.
  • Spending the first five hours in a tutorial, for those who consider it more convenient than having a small pop-up tell you what to do as you play the game.
  • Hanging around at the Grand Exchange where underagefags pretend to engage in sexual activities with each other in one big AIDS infested clusterfuck.
  • Voice acted quests.
  • And finally, #1 rank on the RS Hiscores. Do I hear you ask what happened to Zezima? He quit years ago because the concept of change is scary and vanished into the bowels of obscurity, wasting most of his life on FunOrb and eventually disappeared off the face of the Earth altogether. RS nerds had been fighting with each other for years to get #1 on the hiscores and showing everyone online that they did. The one who rose to the top was some faggot named Suomi, who had clearly been infected with GOTIS by accepting billions of GP in donations to get 200million exp in every skill without botting. He then presumably quit as he changed his name to Quit for LoL for a bit, but nobody really gives a fuck.

Types of RuneScape Players

Much like players of any other popular MMORPG, Runsecape players have a severe addiction to the game due to the fact that Runescape is available just about anywhere and is $5 a go. Runescape addicts advance further and further down an angry downward death spiral, eventually doing ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING to get their fix including burglary, prostitution, mugging and endlessly begging their parents to let them use their PayPal account for just one more month of runescape membership. The Scapehead will end up not sleeping whatsoever and substituting on instant ramen for breakfast, lunch and dinner while playing Runescape. The addiction usually ends when the Scapehead's parents decide to ban their failed abortion from the computer and send him to one of those fly-ass rehab places in Cali to eventually become a productive member of society.

Noobs / Newfags

Typical player interaction

Every MMO has noobs. Everyone starts off as one, and RuneScape is no exception.

Noobs are incredibly gullible, naive, and will obey any orders you give them about 95% of the time; therefore, they are the biggest lol-cows in the game. When they're not busy sucking your cock, killing chickens or mining Copper and Tin because they think Smithing will be of any real use, they will be begging for RuneScape gold because they are too stupid or lazy, or both, to make their own. To combat this, Jagex have implemented many updates to make it easier for newfags to make pixel gold.


Average Players / Moderatefags

The next stage after newfaggotry and populate most of RuneScape; Moderatefags generally have mid to high levelled armour and weapons which is cheap - and shit - by Profag standards. Most of their skills, with the exception of combat which will be at around level 60-70, are around level 40 to 50 with a few skills which they've not even bothered with. The 'moderatefags' of RuneScape tend to be a considerable deal smarter than newfags, and are usually frantically trying to raise their skills so they can digivolve to the next level.


Pros / Profags

The true no-lifers of the game. Pros are always level at least level 180, have above 2000 Total level, have the best armour in the game, have fuck-loads of RuneScape golds, have extremely high skills, and are the biggest cocksuckers (of either Jagex, or players who hate Jagex) in the game. All the noobs and moderatefags in the game look up to profags and aspire to be one. Pros almost never talk in-game unless they're skilling in a bank or have a RuneScape girlfriend, but occasionally will utter a sentence to prevent noobs and moderatefags from reporting them to Jagex for macroing, a common pastime in RuneScape. Most of the lulzy behaviour in the game comes from a profag, and are often a basement dwellers IRL.

Profags will make threads on the forums claiming to be an Oldfag and then make a Great Wall of China about how great RuneScape was back in 2006 and how it now sucks due to the EoC, despite having a membership subscription of over two years.


Veterans / Oldfags

Easily the worst kind of player in the game. To classify as an oldfag, you must have been playing the game since 2001-2003, back when RuneScape was in its Web 0.25 stages, now known to the rest of the player-base as "RuneScape Classic". Oldfags have been around to see every drama-generating event that has ever occurred on RuneScape... or at least their account has. Contrary to popular opinion, oldfags are not necessarily pros and could still be classed as noobs or moderatefags.

Just like Profags, almost all oldfags think that being on the game longer makes their opinion the word of law on RuneScape, and will generally make threads reminiscing about the good old days then bitch about the way RuneScape is nowadays, because RS back in the good old days was any better. They tend to complain after every update claiming that adding a feature which doesn't cause Carpal Tunnel Syndrome or Repetitive Strain Injury is "making the game too easy".

Typical RuneScape Scams

Once upon a time, RuneScape was one of the easiest games to scam gullible simpletons for all their pixelated worth. But then, beginning sometime in 2007, Jagex went on a berserk rampage and practically eliminated scamming from the game with a series of updates and changes that were supposed to 'save' it. Most of these don't work now, but as you can imagine when they did, many lulz were had.

  • Jagex blocks your password - An old classic. Player A would scream out "HOLY SHIT!! JAGEX BLOCKS YOUR PASSWORD LOOK!!!! ***********." Dumb fucks would generally fall for this and proceed to type their password in the chat log for everyone to see, and would later be Phished after they logged off. Ironically, Jagex eventually DID make it so that your password would be blocked.
  • Jagex Impersonator - One of the few scams that still holds up today, but only works on newfags. Player A pretends to be a member of Jagex and goes around the game looking for suckers. Once one is found, Player A privately messages them saying "Oh hi. I'm a Jagex Mod. Tell me your password and I can give you free items." Only idiots fall for this, as most players know Jagex mods have gold crowns next to their names, to show they're better than you and can fuck you up the arse if given the chance.
  • Teleporting Scam - Player A would offer to teleport a noob to a location of interest (eg. Falador, Varrock etc) but instead would teleport the noob to a PvP zone known as the Wilderness, where a group of Player A's 'friends' were waiting to fuck him up the arse.
  • Item Swapping - Only the most fucktarded of fucktards fall for this. Basically, Player A would trade with Player B and offer some valuable pixel shit. Player B would then offer an insane amount of money. Player A would then decline the trade and say 'Oh shit sorry I accidentally misclicked' and then trade again. This time he would offer something much less valuable that looks similar to the original item. Player B accepts, Player A logs off and then 5 minutes later Player B realizes what a fucking tard-munch he is and hopefully kills himself.
  • Fishing - A really strong player around the 100's would hire a noob, around level 50 for a really small amount of money and lure him into the wilderness so the 100 level player would kill the 50 and take all his shit. The noob would leave happily with his extremely small amount of gold, the 100 level player would take his new shit, and the 50 level player would become an hero.

Customer Support

Typical account status after playing for 34 minutes.

Of all the things that make RuneScape fail, their Customer Support team has to be number one. Jagex have a special system for banning whereby they wipe nigger shit all over your account (also known as 'black marks'). These black marks build up as you break rules. Because of this absolute failure of a customer support you will get b& once you reach 60 out of 10 of these black marks.

Assuming you get fucked by the banhammer, you can usually appeal your case. Don't bother trying to write a sincere and apologetic appeal though, as your shit will get handled by an automated Mysterybot-esque machine that is worse than Hitler. You will most definitely receive an automated reply within a minute of submitting your appeal, that 99.9% of the time rejects it. Instead, troll the fuck out of them. Fit in as many swear words as possible and tell them you fucked their respective mothers. Pretend to have bad english, say you're dying of cancer and threaten to sue them if they deny your appeal.

Alternatively, you can create as many accounts as possible and get them all banned, then exploit the machine and hopefully it will overload with brain semen.

Skills

Woodcutting, the most popular skill on RuneScape. Watch how your character pathetically misses the tree and still somehow manages to attain wood.

Like all MMO's, RuneScape features a wide variety of exciting and innovative skillsets;

  • Attack: The higher it is, the better weapons you can use, better "Attack" abilities you can use and more accurate your attacks are. Apparently a sword that physically stabs a Turoth square in the head can deal no damage whatsoever, but the next exact same stab can deal a critical hit and mortally wound it.
  • Strength: Determines how hard you hit with melee attacks, the higher the better. Higher Strength levels give access to better Halberds and higher-levelled "Strength" abilities.
  • Defensce: How often you take damage when an enemy tries to shove its dildo up your sphincter. The higher your Defensce level, the better the armour you can wear of all Combat styles and access to more "Defensce" abilities.
  • Constitution: Aka Constipation, formerly Hitpoints. The higher the level, the more health your opponent has to chip through before you die, and the more you can heal when eating higher quality food.
  • Prayer: Bury bones ripped straight from a monster's carcass to achieve enlightenment. To achieve enlightenment faster, buy thousands of Frost Dragon bones off the Grand Exchange and offer said Bones on a Player-owned House altar or worship the Ectofuntus with them.
  • Magic: Used only for Teleports, High Alchemy and the Ice Barrage spell; because without abilities there's no other way to attack more than 3 enemies at once on a regular basis even though the whole world is Multicombat now. The higher your Magic level, the more Magic abilities you can spam to save Runes, the more accurate your magic attacks are and the higher your base Magic defence, which stacks with Defence; essentially the mage equivalent of Attack and Defence put together.
  • Ranged: Your skill with a bow, crossbow, darts, knives, javelins; basically anything you can throw or fire into an enemy's skull. The higher your Ranged skill, the more Ranged abilities you can spam to save arrows, the better weapons you can use, the more damage your shots do and more accurate your shots are; similarly to Magic, it's essentially the Ranged equivalent of Attack and Strength put together.
  • Runecrafting: Make your own Air/Water/Earth/Fire/Body/Mind/Chaos/Death/Blood/Cosmic/Astral/Law/Nature/Armadyl (but not Soul) runes from Rune or Pure Essence mined by Rune Essence bots. Make Elemental combination runes (Dust, Lava, Mist, Mud, Smoke, Steam) by taking an opposing Talisman to the altar of the combination rune you want to make which gets used up and only has 50% chance of successfully making them regardless of RuneCrafting level; and when you see how cheap combination runes are compared to the price of Talismans, this gives no incentive to make them. A completely useless skill as you have the option of buying each Rune type in bulk anyway. This skill was so boring and unnecessarily time-consuming to train that Jagex added RuneSpan, a non-profit powerlevelling activity, to make it much faster but still fucking boring to train.
  • Construction: How adept your character is at building shit and is trained almost exclusively in your Player-owned House. A mostly useless skill because nobody can even enter your house unless you're in it. The only reason you'd want to train Construction is so you can have an Altar to train Prayer on, a Costume Room to store certain outfits for those who just can't let go, a Portal room because you can't be fucked to walk to Canifis from the Ectofuntus via Ectophial, and a Menagerie because nobody likes having pets hogging up their bank space. Or pets in general.
  • Dungeoneering (See below): Explore a castle named Daemonheim (lit. "Demon Halls") with Dungeoneering-specific armour, weapons and equipment which is meant to be the "Grand master" of all the skills in the game but you can just blast through every floor with combat alone. Many refer to it as a minigame, because it kinda is. Finishing a floor gives exp, while finishing the entire floor with no deaths gives more exp. Clearing all the floors you can and then starting again from the beginning gives even more exp through the use of a "prestige" feature for some reason. Higher levels grant access to deeper floors and "resource dungeons" which are mostly empty, useless or out of the way, but with points earned from doing the activity you can buy Chaotic weapons - the current 1337 weapons of choice - and other various equipment like Hebicide to burn off useless herbs some monsters drop and gain Herblore exp instead. BRILLIANT!
  • Herblore: Grow or steal Herbs from an NPCs' bloody carcass, which you then clean with your bare hands without water. Once that's done, you drop the herb into a vial of water and add a 'second ingredient' to instantly make a potion. Your full vial of water becomes a potion which is 3/4 full. For free Herblore experience, go on a killing rampage on monsters that drop herbs frequently with Herbicide in your inventory.
  • Thieving: Pick someone's pockets for phr33 st00f, or steal the entire contents of a market stall while only taking one item without the nearby NPCs noticing anything's missing only for it to respawn instantly and repeat ad infinitum. If you get caught, there are no negative repercussions whatsoever besides the minor nuisance of any nearby Guards wanting your balls on their mantlepiece. When pickpocketing, getting caught results in your character getting punched in the face for minor damage and being "stunned" for 9001 years.
  • Fletching: This exciting skill allows you to stand in the same spot for hours on end, clicking on some logs and crafting all the logs in your inventory with a knife to make thousands upon thousands of unstrung bows ready to be sold or High Alched. Exciting stuff!
  • Slayer: Kill millions upon millions of low to mid level enemies to suddenly realize how to effectively kill higher level monsters with unique drops, and to suddenly gain the ability to use certain Slayer equipment as if it was physically humanly impossible 200xp ago. The ultimate goal of Slayer is to kill Abyssal Demons for a whip, which is now cheap as mud. Earn points to buy the ability to make Slayer-specific equipment. Breathtaking!
  • Smithing: Make shit to use in Combat. Arguably one of the most outdated and most useless skills in the game as you need ridiculously high Smithing levels to make low-to-mid grade shit by modern standards which sells for - at most - 25k. By the time you reach 99 to make a Rune Platebody, you've likely gotten the money to buy the best armour in the game. Or a life, whichever happens first.
  • Fishing: Fish for fish using fishing equipment. Sit for hours on end while watch your fishing line catch 10 fish in less than a minute, you stab sharks in the neck with a harpoon, trap lobsters in a lobster cage or fish using the old fashioned method - using your fingers as bait.
  • Cooking: Cook fish and unnecessary shit, like cakes, mushroom and onion potatoes and rabbit sandwiches. A higher cooking level has less chance of burning the fucker to smithereens. Can also cook shit on a range or an open-log fire.
  • Firemaking: Literally lighting logs to make a fire and nothing else. The only practical use for them is to burn more logs or cook raw fish over it. Constantly clicking on the Tinderbox to make 28 fires in a row was a pain in the arse, not to mention everyone had to litter the floor with zillions of open-log fires just to train it, so Jagiggyflux added "Bonfires" which saved your fucking wrists to train it, but didn't make the skill any more useful.
  • Woodcutting: Like mining, you swing a piece of metal on a stick to attain wood which can be fletched or chucked onto a bonfire. Higher levels let you cut faster, cut higher-grade trees and use better hatchets.
  • Farming: Plant seeds at various locations and wait forever for them to grow. They may succumb to disease for no reason and die, resulting in EXP WASTE. Throw some horse shit, er... compost/supercompost on the plot before planting the seeds to reduce the chance of disease, but they'll all die anyway.
  • Summoning: Summon creatures from another dimension to do your bidding for about half an hour before disappearing. Ironically most of the experience comes from making the pouches and not the summoning itself, which begs the question why this skill isn't instead called "pouch-making".
  • Divination: Yet another gathering and manufacturing skill to give the autistic 13 year old Runescape player a sense of accomplishment and support their autism. Involves clicking on a wisp until your inventory is full, and then press on a hole and convert them to experience. The Jewish company Jagex introduced this skill to corrupt our youth into straying away from Christianity and start believing in Runescape gods, knowing that they actually would due to their autism. This skill literally fills no function in the game, except to the shitty lore they've created to steal more money from their users.

Summoning

Sometime in mid-late 2007, Jagex leaked an image which immediately caused the systems to crash, as the forums were filled with crystal balls and wild predictions of what it would lead to. Later that year, Jagex teased a major update slated for release at the end of 2007 or start of 2008. It turned out to be an incredibly gay-sounding skill known as Summoning.

Those who had quit after Judgement Day soon wished they hadn't because this epically cool update meant you could own a pet dog! That's right motherfuckers, you can now own a pet dog in RuneScape! Not only that, but you can also summon a turnip, a pile of shit, the devil, a Wartortle, the fabled Bunyip and a Wolpertinger. Pretty cool huh?

Summoning was timed to be released several weeks after Judgment Day in order to appease the once flourishing fanbase of RuneScape. This, however could not bring back those who had quit, because despite all the things you could summon, there was a severe lack of Battletoads. The closest semblance of a Battletoad was a Barker Toad.

Dungeoneering

Yet again the faggots at Jagex wanted to release another failed skill; however, this time they were going to make even more players crap their pants. On Saturday 23 January of 2010 Fagex made both free to play and member players levitate while a red mist surrounded them; after that animation, they received a message reading You feel a strange power unleash itself upon you.

Just like summoning, everyone started making speculations about this like Jagex releasing a new skill or a new quest. At the end, they gave the stupid excuse that this power came from the place you train the new skill called Dungeoneering, however it is obvious that They did it for the lulz since they could have told them without making them float in the goddamn air, lulz were had for sure anyway.

Dungeoneering is supposed to be a new grandmaster skill where you explore a dungeon with a team or all by yourself, fight monsters, get keys to open doors, use your 1337 skills to solve shitty puzzles, and fight the final boss of the dungeon. Said boss will be easy as fuck and can be buttfucked by just spamming a few abilities at it, making the bad man go away.

Divination

The players of Runescape needed a new skill to give them that warm fuzzy feeling of accomplishment, since they had trained all their skills to the maximum experience points that Jagex has set, which is 200M which would take a normal person over 20 years to achieve. Jagex being worried all the players would start playing Club Penguin again, they made a skill in two weeks and released it. It only took 9 days until someone achieved level 99 in Divination.

Why you shouldn't play RuneScape

What happens to Jagex admins when you don't play RuneScape.
Runescape has a great community.

LOL RUNESCAPE AN HERO.png

  • The chat will not allow ALL CAPS. If you try, It Comes Out Like This, Which Makes It Seem Like You Are More Of A Total Fucking Retard Than Someone Using All Caps.
  • You can't type sentences longer than 5 words without having to press Enter because the chat box isn't big enough.
  • Pixels the size of your ass.
  • Has caused people to go an hero in the past.
  • You're contributing to WTC Mk.II. Truth.
  • Your account will most likely be hacked at least 5 days after creation.
  • At least once a year, a riot will break out in Falador square when Jagex implements a new 'revolutionary' update to the game. Most of them will be butthurt 12 year old faggots and/or Oldfags who don't like change.
  • Majority of players are 13 year old boys playing on Female accounts, alternate accounts, bots, newfags, elitists, cockmonglers or scammers.
  • Playing and being over 13 will make you become an e-social outcast.
  • The Chinese will raep the in-game economy so hard Zimbabwe Economics won't work.
  • If you play RS, everyone you know will automatically think that you're are a faggot. Unless they play as well, then you're all faggots.
  • A ping feature that pretty much defeats the whole purpose of levelling up. Someone with a mining level of 41 can easily get ore faster than someone with a mining level of 85 at a mining spot, because their ping is lower. Another fatal flaw amongst the countless Jagex fuck-ups.
  • A ping feature on the "lobby" which is supposed to tell you how quickly you can connect to a certain server. However, most of them come up with fuck all and it updates once every 5,000 years.
  • At least once a year they release a new set of armour and weapons even more powerful than the last, making the grind you did completely pointless(as if it wasn't before.) See: Drygore weapons compared to Chaotic weapons

Party Hats and Other Rare Items

Similar to the 'epic' armour available in WoW, RuneScape has its fair share of worthless pixelated hogwash that noobs wish they could have, such as... A PAPER HAT!! Show off to all your friends how fucking cool you are by wearing a pixelated paper hat that came out of a christmas cracker! In real life, this would cost somewhere between 5-10 cents, but in RuneScape it costs upwards of $3,000,000,000 coins!! FUCK ME. Can't afford a party hat? Never fear, you can always buy a Santa Hat. Don't believe in Santa? Why not try an easter egg, or a Halloween mask instead? Still not convinced? We'll throw in a pumpkin too! Still not satisfied? FINE THEN, FUCK YOU!!!11!1.

Thousands of players jizz in their pants whenever they see a cooldude walking down the road with his Party hats and other rare and valuable items. Immediately players will zerg rush said cooldude and beg money off of him. Other rare items include Dragon armour, Barrows armour and Godswords (that's right, you actually get to use the sword of GOD).

Capes of Achievement

In another attempt to appease their players, Jagex released the Capes of Accomplishment (also known as Skill Capes, 99 Capes, Achievement Capes and ' I Just Wasted 6 Months Grinding Up A Skill So I Can Show Off My Pixelated Cape To My friends So That We Can All Circlejerk Each Other' Capes) which exist to signify that a particular player has absolutely no life, no girlfriend, no friends and no dick. To get these capes you have to max out a skill. When a player wears a skill cape, he will immediately be attacked by a pack of rabid noobs screaming 'EMOTE PLOX!!!!' (each cape comes with a retarded emoticon). Skill capes also cause players to suffer from high levels of USI. In 2010 due to the extreme amount botting by people who have lifes, these capes are now owned by 95% of the people who are not gold farmers.

Party Hat Glitch

Sometime in November 2003, a hax0r by the name of Sixfeetunder used a program to successfully duplicate party hats. This sent the game's economy into its own Great Depression, as he began lending party hats to people that could not repay him back.

Incidentally, other faggots caught on and Sixfeetunder began sending copies of the program to other hackers and completely fucked the game up, manifesting party hats tenfold. Soon even your average noob had a party hat. Realizing the program was a success, people began using it for other shit (like duplicating materials such as ores and dildos). This fucked up the economy even more, as prices for every imaginary pixelated item began fluctuating wildly. Jagex, because they are the worst gaming developers ever, did not know how this 'glitch' worked or how to fix it, and it went on for several days as the game spiralled into chaos.

However, they are most certainly the cleverest trolls and liars in the history of the internet. Jagex responded to the 'glitch' by offering free 'lifetime membership' for anyone who could explain to them how the program and glitch worked. One of the people using the program, Dylock, thought he could get away with it and get free lifetime membership, and messaged Jagex telling them about the program, how it worked, and a list of players who were using it (not including himself). Jagex then permanently banned his account and all others involved and fixed the glitch over the proceeding days, and of course, the free lifetime membership was denied.

6th June 2006: The Falador Massacre

An event that players refer to as the "Falador Massacre".

Following the release of Player-Owned-Houses which you upgrade by training the Construction skill, the typical RuneScape nerds raced to see who would get 99 first. The first person to do this was some faggot with the name Cursed You. He held a party in his house to celebrate, where a fuckload of people turned up. Knowing there were too many, he kicked everyone out of the house. The glitch occurred whereby some lucky faggot, who was fighting in the house's boxing ring at the time of getting kicked, retained the ability to hurt players outside of PvP zones. This lol-troll who went by the name of Durial321 then proceeded to enter a crowded server and approached the wonderful city of Falador, where he then began to fuck bitches up by chasing and killing noobs around with his whip, and in doing so attained God status amongst players.

Several mods caught onto this, but instead of banning him they yelled at everybody to get away from him. There is only one known video of this instance, but unfortunately the faggot who recorded it put some shitty Nightwish music in the video before he uploaded it.

The rampage continued for over an hour, looting such valuable shit as a Green party hat (which is only expensive because dumb niggers who play this game can't afford green dye and paper). Finally, after a good deal of trolling, Jagex got their heads out of their asses and banned him. Epic lulz were had. And thus ended the legacy of Durial321.

10th December 2007: Judgement Day - The removal of Wilderness and Free trade

On this day, all hell broke loose. Every time Jagex updates the game, a little message in the corner appears saying an update will happen in 9 minutes, with a timer counting down. On this particular night, every player was excited in anticipation of the annual Christmas event. When they were logged off and read the front page, they realized it was something much more sinister - Jagex had removed trading, Player killing and decided to give free players more bank space. Yay!

Following this, the RS forums were flooded with the fist of fury as the players of RS went fucking crazy. The forums 404'd because there was just too many people posting. A lot of players rage quit the game that day, and there were even a few threatening to commit suicide on the forums. Riots erupted in-game and butthurt was found in every orifice on the game map. Massive protests were being held in the major cities of RuneScape and a few of the servers even crashed. Major lulz were had that day.

Jagex claimed this was all to stop macroers and scammers, but in reality, Andrew Gower is Trolldin and was just doing it for the lulz. Later on Jagex felt troll's remorse and decided to make some slight changes to these updates, whilst still getting rid of trading and player killing. Soon half of the player base had quit RS, and presumably half of those committed suicide. Victory! Clever and witty players began calling the game 'RuinedScape'

Eventually things calmed down.

July 2008: High Resolution Graphics

More wood-cutting, awesome.

Jagex released RuneScape in 'HD'. Now instead of viewing RS in SNES quality graphics you can now view them in N64 quality graphics, major development in the graphical department of video games. Not only that, but they made it into full-screen as well, so now your entire computer screen can be filled with fail. Along with HD came exciting new character models featuring humungous heads and smoother animations.

Seriously, these graphics are fucking awesome. They shit all over Crysis, Killzone 2, Assassin's Creed, Guild Wars, Metal Gear Solid 4, Soul Calibur 4, Wikipedia, Mass Effect, Gears of War, GTA 4 and any other game you could possibly think of!

All sarcasm aside, there were actually players who were too poor to afford a computer decent enough to run this 'HD', and they immediately began unleashing their fury on the RuneScape forums (as players usually do). Jagex, as well as all the normal players who could afford a PC that was made after 1998 proceeded to ignore these faggots, and presumably they all left the game. Prunescape gayers listen to this while failing hard to beat a gay-ass monster that was probably taken from a unsucessful game.

21st December 2010: The return of Free Trade and Wilderness

Following the shitstorm which was Judgement day, Jagex announced they would have a vote to decide the future of the Wilderness and Free trade. This caused a massive amount of shit being thrown onto the forums, and riots of no-lifers running around in pink skirts. Jagex is probably only doing this for the lulz, since they're only aiming for another world record. They made the shit mistake of the only option on the vote being 'Yes', and you could practically enter anyone's username, even if they didn't want to vote. They announced a referendum and supposedly 95% of the player-base wanted it back, and it was done.

Now Goldfarming Bots are back in full force, and everyone wonders why.

25th October 2011: Bot Nuke Day

Fagex put a countdown timer on their main page without warning, so rumors abounded and Fagex boasted about the coming Apocalypse for all bot-kind. After decades of research and finally finishing CSIII the programers at Fagex figured out how to encrypt the game to prevent players form botting. This encryption, codenamed ClusterFlutter would cure all the ills of every legit player. Dumbfuck botters, fearing the end, decided to suicide bot, leaving on their bot accounts for multiple days in a row, playing directly into Fagex's hands. After the bombs fell, the survivors crawled out of their vaults to find the blasted hell-scape that awaited them, which looked exactly like before. There was hope, because after 24 hours of withdrawal, several botting sites had working alpha software up and running. It was business as usual and nothing was learned.


Some time in march 2012, Squeal of Fortune

Anyone reading this article can tell that Fagex is by far one of the most successful trolls to date. But Jagex decided to take the trolling to the next level and anger their playerbase even more by making a gambling feature, and aiming it at children for maximum drama. This feature was called the Squeal of Fortune, a roulette wheel that rewards random items upon "spinning" it. This caused a shit storm for many reasons.

1. It was aimed at kids, and being the moral fags that the runescape community is, They bitched and moaned about "Getting kids addicted to gambling" this was intended by fagex.

2. You can buy "spins" on the wheel and get random Items for it. Despite the fact that over 9000% of the worlds games have some kind of monetization and purchase of in game benefits with real world money, The conservetards on runescape thought It was against "the spirit of the game" and that "it wasn't fair" But in reality everyone knew that It was just them being butthurt because food stamps wouldn't buy spins.

3. ???

4. PROFIT


Though many MASSIVE lulz were had and much anger was generated, Jagex still managed to fuck things up.

20th November 2012: The Evolution of Combat

Protesters. Notice the large amount of giant black assholes.

Jamfluddywart released an update which would completely overhaul the Combat System by making Ranged and Magic on par with Melee and making the Combat Triangle the sole focus of the game again, introducing Dual-wielding for all Combat styles, making all weapon types have have some sort of use while introducing various armours and weapons, abilities which can be spammed for ULTIMATE POWER and increasing the maximum level from 138 to 200 while taking Prayer and Summoning out of the Combat level equation.

It is estimated that around 50 people killed themselves on that day.

This was released as a BETA to certain select members who'd give constructive feedback before it was made live, and it was released just 6 months after it was announced. That, and the concept of "Mashing buttons to kill shit" rather than "Click and wait for the thing to die", as well as an Action bar which apparently makes the game easier, caused a humungous shitstorm of rage and trolling all over the forums of RunEscape for 6 long months. But, as usual, most people who spammed up the RSOF with shit threads making their opinions known that they were against the update got over it two weeks after it was release and got used to the new system. But the butthurt continued on Jagex's Fagbook page and every new video on their Jewtube channel, officially making the community nothing more than a clusterfuck of whiners, fanboys and circlejerkers who will instantly shoot down any notion that the EoC isn't as bad as they make it out to be, by swarming around the offending party like flies.

15th February 2013: 2007scape

Half a year went by since EoC's release and the butthurt from hardcore fanboys, 12 year olds and oldfags reminiscing on the "good old days" just wouldn't fucking end. Jagex finally caved in to "popular demand" and found the only fully backed up "old" copy of RuneScape from August 2007, then put up a poll asking if anybody gave a shit whether or not they hosted it on the website like they did with RSC. More complaints were spewed from the bowels of the RSOF because the backup wasn't from 2006 like people had been asking, like it makes a fucking difference.

Typical '07 players will try to convince you that more players play 2007scape than the main game, but this traffic tracker proves otherwise. Good luck trying to get any hardcore nostalgiafags to listen though as providing them with this information will only make them deny it harder and continue to claim that most of the players on the Live game are bots, while neglecting to mention that 07scape is also littered with them.

3rd July 2013: Vorago update

An example of the average thread made during the Vorago catastrophe. Notice the unsuccessful mating call of the Rollback gorilla. Truely horrifying.

Since the release of the potentially instakilling faggot known as the Kalphite King (a rather uninspired male counterpart of the Kalphite Queen) which Jagiggyflux claimed was impossible to solo proved just too easy for the hardcore leet players who still claimed the game was too easy. In response, Fagex decided to go one further and made a boss whose methods of attack changes every week on Wednesdays and has to be defeated with an item it drops in every phase during the fight. After release however, Vorago was so powerful that he had the ability to destroy time and space and crash any server he performed a certain attack in, booting everyone off of it. This was later patched, but a week later the servers were still unstable and reguarly had widespread disconnections across the board, which naturally caused a vast array of butthurt and shitstorms on the forums because players continually insisted on bossing and spamming the forums with threads filled with tears of anguish when they died and lost their st00f. Some even tried to arrange a good old fashioned riot but nobody gave a fuck enough to bother. It truely was a cancer to behold.

September 25 2013: Bonds

So Jahgekz finally ass raped the bots, but they recently found out after ten years of running the game that between 40- 50% of the active player base bought in-game money for real world money[citation needed] instead of staying at home for the entirety their childhood and early adult life to get recognition and Money on a game. So Jagex sat around for roughly five minutes and thought up the idea of bonds. Bonds are a tradable members item that can freely gifted or traded for any other tradable in-game item. As a result, players would be able to pay for their game memberships with money from the game, and gold farmers would theoretically have no customers. The bonds update would also include a gold-sink designed to help the in-game economy recover from extreme inflation. The forums blew up with outrage that Jagex had the audacity to act like a company and attain profits at the expense of others, there was controversy over the issue as players thought that it was not "fair" to bring more forms of real world trading into the game.

Ways to Player Kill IRL

The suicide note.

Maarten aka maarten16020, was an emo fourteen year old boy who decided to become an hero after his RuneScape account was hacked by one of his IRL friends. Maarten's friend reportedly hacked into his RuneScape account and stole 11 million RuneScape gold from him causing Maarten to fall into depression. He posted a poorly written suicide note on his clan's thread (Ironically, his clan was called HoF-Heros of the Future) to tell them that he was sick of life and say goodbye to all his e-pals before hanging himself. Since he became an hero just about every runefag on the planet visits his youtube channel daily to masturbate over him.

Also, yes, it's true. Just playing this game makes you want to KILL yourself. So did the RuneScape player, "FatWrecked".

Runescape is serious business

A sandnigger who goes by the name Humza Bajwa decided to rob 4.7 billion Runescape gold coins by robbing two university students at gunpoint with a soft air-gun in 2012. As we all know, sandniggers have the IQ of a snail, which resulted in Humza getting arrested and is facing to do 15 years of jail time for second-degree robbery and grand larceny.

The mastermind Humza Bajwa who managed to steal $3300 and potentially 15 years of buttrape


How To Troll RuneScape Players

RuneScape players are extremely easy to troll. You can achieve lulz in the following ways:

  1. Tell a Pro that your main is stronger and richer than theirs.
  2. On the forums, start asking for more features for free players. This will result in a massive debate between members and free players.
  3. When a high level calls you a noob, tell them you reported.
  4. Tell the pros how their jewgold and expensive gear are worthless in real life.
  5. State that RS is now WoWScape
  6. On YouTube, find a video showing the game back in 2007 and tell them it's a private server.
  7. Start a Partyhat scam, have them bid, and log off when you've received enough cash. Lulz and confusion will ensue. BONUS Be sure to have your friend (if you have any) YouTube it.
  8. Accuse a random player of "botting"; 9 times out of 10, lulz will ensue as they panic and plead their case that they are not botting. Stand firm, and tell them they are reported for botting. Use only on newfags, as the "pros" will be too busy botting to notice you.
  9. Ask for free stuff.
  10. If you're low level, follow a high level player and shout "FREE MONEY PL0X" or just follow him and say nothing for 10 years.
  11. If you're high level, follow poor noobs and ask for money. Some of those noobs will say "gtfo ur high level". This is more effective if you wear high leveled and overpriced gear.
  12. If you're member, troll RuneScape couples, they're almost always found having sex in farming patches.
  13. Start a debate on the Forums about the Free trade and Wilderness.
  14. On the forums, start a debate about either; Members Versus Free-to-play, religion, politics, suggesting rideable horses, suggesting a penis monster, or bitch and complain about the last update, even if you haven't tried the feature out yourself.
  15. Call someone a "Nostalgiafag" on a thread about "Bringing back RuneScape Classic". Butthurt Jagex mods will accuse you of homophobia.
  16. Say you love the Squeal of Fortune, buy spins everyday and you got your first 99 using nothing but exp lamps.
  17. Turn your account female via sex change and go to a Free-to-play world and ask for a cyber bf, make sure you have a slutty username like "ilovefeet69", "lolitalove", or "bicowgirl34"


Gallery of Failscape

Help him get his sword back

See Also

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RuneScape is part of a series on MMORPGs. [Gratz!Ding!]
Forerunners:

AngbandDiabloDungeons & DragonsFATALRagnarokRogueWarhammer 40,000

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Blizzard EntertainmentJagexSony Online Entertainment

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RuneScape is part of a series on Dying Alone

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