Russell Greer

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Russell Godfrey Greer is notable for being the thirstiest ding in Utah. Your typical nice guy, Russell feels that women should be treated as his personal property (this is unsurprising as Russell is 27 years old and has never been with a woman whose time he didn't have to pay for) and that, as a desperate manchild he is entitled to fuck hot bitches go on "dates" and, hey, "if it leads to more then awesome". Yeah, 'ol Russ is about as subtle as a fart in an elevator after someone asks, "Do you smell popcorn?".

But this train(able) wreck doesn't end here, not by a long shot. You see when Russell doesn't get what he wants he starts autistically screeching like a howler monkey, flipping over virtual tables to try and trap hot young celebrities underneath. At night, the "discrimination" lolsuits come. Like a litigious rendition of Eminem's "Stan" this retard loves playing space lawyer, has zero filter, endless amounts of objectified obsession and enough invisible dignity to cause cringe cramps in even the most stalwart of dramacrats.

I Hash A Dishabilooty[edit]

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Russell was rightly punished by God with a rare physical deformity that makes him look like Beaker the muppet on top of being inflicted with severe social retardation, because God has a fun sense of humor like that. No, but seriously, his mom was probably a drunkard or there wasn't enough chlorine in his end of the gene pool or maybe she just couldn't quite figure out how to operate a clothes hanger. Well, what the fuck ever, regardless of how he wound up as the punchline to nature's cruel joke, Russell isn't one to let his gerbil looking genetics get in the way of his righteous love quest!

In fact, Russell routinely attempts to monetize his physical deformities in the guise of playing the "disability card" which he uses to constantly excuse his bad social behavior, to demand special treatment and to wallow in self-entitlement whilst shitting his pants with unwarranted self-importance. He's the kind of retard who runs in the Special Olympics and thinks he should be considered God's gift to sports because he managed a mediocre title in the "factory seconds" division of humanity's evolution.

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Trying Too Hard[edit]

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Like most male mental aberrants of the "awkward ass-face" variety, Russell has a seriously skewed perception of women and relationships that's best described as "The Gentleman Sandnigger". This approach treats women like fragile objects, property to be obtained and controlled, but being really nice and sweet about it. Sort of like a sentient Care Bear plushie that turns out to be the reincarnation of Ted Bundy or a severely retarded, physically impotent version of Elliot Rodger. Basically harmless for the most part, but severely fucked in the head any way you want to look at them.

In Russell's case this manifests in the form of trying to impress pop idols and pole dancers by wearing fancy suits, dumping money on them and then acting all confused and flustered when they don't want to come home with him like a lost puppy in need of an owner that looks like his face got in a fight with a tackle box.

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I'll Sue![edit]

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Russell flunked his way through college and wound up with a participation pity degree in legal errand running, eventually landing unpaid positions as "house tard" and "retard quota" in order to facilitate public relations appearances at a couple lesser known law firms. Russell of course deluded himself into believing he was on his way to becoming a really real lawyer, however things eventually fell all apart and he wound up working at Costco unloading boxes... in the back... where customers don't ever have to interact with him.

Interacting with Russell is not something you ever want to do, especially if you're female. Why? Because if you don't humor his overly cringe ridden sexual advances... he'll sue you. Not just you, he'll sue EVERYTHING! Your parents, your pets, your random acquaintances, that guy you once gave a stick of gum to, hell he's probably going to sue you just for reading this article!

This freakish abomination has sued so many people just in the past year there's not even room enough to list them all in this article! So we'll stick to his "celebrity lolsuits" for the sake of brevity.

Farrah Abraham[edit]

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One of his first celebrity lolsuits came in the cringe crashing aftermath of his attempt to "win a date" from a social media contest that Farrah Abraham put on. His original video entry to Farrah's contest was submitted in September of 2014, which he then posted on her Twitter feed...

Unfortunately whatever flunkie intern she had running her celebrity Twitter account at the time foolishly 'liked' that video, which was like throwing a grease fire on Greer's gassed up ego, which then encouraged him to make another disturbing date demanding video...

At that point her PR department started to wisen up and realized egging on and encouraging the mentally emaciated wasn't such a stellar judgement on their part and simply started ignoring Russell completely. By that point though Russtard was all in, his head was so far up Farrah's ass he could have given her a free colonoscopy and so when she foolishly refused to go on the date with him he immediately started threatening to sue her for disability discrimination.

America's Got Talent[edit]

His vendetta against Farrah was briefly interrupted in December 2014 when he planned to go on America's Got Talent and win with the following act (he was to narrate the PowerPoint presentation whilst sat at a piano before breaking out into a dance)...

Of course, he never made it past the first audition (obviously), so he then tried to sue the production company for, you guessed it, disability discrimination! Starting to see a pattern?

Heidi Klum[edit]

At this point he briefly turned his attention back to Farrah, before dropping his lolsuit a few days before it was meant to be heard in court, stating he had more important things to concern himself with, like making this pitch to Heidi Klum...

Needless to say she didn't respond, so once again he threatened to sue for disability discrimination.

Russell's retard routine should be more than obvious at this point. It follows the general progression of...

  • 1. Randomly fixate on a famous/wealthy person.
  • 2. Produce some mediocre media dedicated in some way to them.
  • 3. Insert lots and LOTS of "magical thinking", disconnected comparisons, and other NPD shit.
  • 4. Realize they're not paying any attention to him.
  • 5. Play the "Disability Card" and try and garner pity points.
  • 6. Fuck everything up by lashing out when he isn't getting what he wants while threatening to sue for discrimination.
  • 7. Rinse and repeat.
  • 8. ???
  • 9. NO PROFIT?!?!

Ariana Grande[edit]

An actual reason for his lawsuit was she didn't compliment his suit.

At one point Fish Face went to an Ariana Grande concert where he paid a whole bunch of money for a "special backstage meet and greet", but apparently Russell didn't quite grasp what the word "special" meant and went to the concert dressed up in a suit like he was going to his high school prom, along with flowers and homemade arts and crafts to try and win over Ariana.

Russtard was of course laughed at and treated like he was rockin out an extra chromosome at the concert, but at the time he was too naive and clueless to realize what a fool he made of himself. After the concert he pined on about how it was one of the best nights of his life and how he was so excited about getting his picture taken with Ariana with other assorted delusions of grandeur, believing he had really wooed her with his "nice guy" charms.

Once he realized of course that the arts and crafts kiddy crap he gave her wasn't leading to a magical music contract and once he saw her other pictures with fans he suddenly started on a downward spiral of loathing and litigation towards the starlet.

First it was disability shaming, then assault by security, then her not complimenting his suit, then came accusations that her eyes were closed because she couldn't stand to look at him, then it was she doesn't care about anybody because she didn't fuck him right then and there, then the story was about how he had to hold himself back from using his beefy "perfect 10" body to destroy little Ariana and how awesome he was for showing so much restraint for not chimping out and then the latest twist being how he could have single handedly stopped the bombing at her concert if only he had sued her sooner, because reasons. Pretty soon he'll be saying he's the best for not setting off a bomb of his own even though she obviously deserves it for ignoring him and not becoming his boyfriend.

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All his crazy thoughts are completely justified of course and you're just being rude and intolerant towards trainables if you say otherwise!

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This saga is of course filled with derpy delusions and shit that never actually happened, as Russell has continually attempted to over exaggerate every miniscule moment hoping he will somehow impress upon his obsession and somehow scare her into submission, because that's just the way creepy fucktards like Russell roll. Hence the reason he posted several dozen lolsuit threats and summons threats before he ever actually even got around to doing it. And then even after he did it he has relentlessly regurgitated retarded renditions of this whole, "I don't want to sue you, but I have to sue you to save you from yourself and make you realize how important I am!"

It's some pretty twisted shit boy lemme tell ya...

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Like all of Russell's lolsuits he of course has a litany of completely unreasonable, largely nonsensical "demands" that read like they were written by a horny retarded manchild with zero self-restraint. Which of course his crazy brain quantifies as being perfectly acceptable, to the point where he honestly cannot even begin to fathom why she would not give him an apology for doing nothing wrong while bending over backwards to become his personal simpering sex slave sweetheart.

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Of course Dribbles also has EVIDENCE! He's not just making blind accusations here, he actually has really real totally tangible PROOF tha-no, no he really doesn't actually. Most of his "evidence" is basically just him being a sexually frustrated downsy dipshit flailing about with random finger pointing in an overly desperate attempt at trying to garner attention from important people.

We hope it's not going to be a literal smoking gun.
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As stated before, Russell's underlying intentions are primarily rooted in attention seeking and when he starts to suspect that whatever he's doing isn't getting him the attention he craves he suddenly switches gears and tries a new spin. At one point this came in the form of suddenly trying to pass his idiocy off as a "jus trollin guv, honest I wuz" and in turn attempted to reach out to Breitbart of all places, hoping they would do a story on him and his tilting at celebrity windmills. As usual, he was ignored, because nobody wants anything to do with a basket case who drools all over himself.

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Russell's NPD gives him a nasty habit of trying to make everything all about him, no matter how disconnected or unrelated it might be, Russell will find a way to paint himself into the picture, often in especially cringe ridden ways. Probably the worst came in the wake of the bombing that occurred at one of Aria's concerts in the UK. Russell was quick to jump right on the event with some choice single-player dick licking as he wistfully imagined himself as the potential hero figure who could have single handedly stopped the attacks if only he had sued Aria quicker... because reasons.

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And of course, like all his attention seeking suits (both literal and legal), there's plenty of pining for news coverage, which often comes in the form of harassing the shit out of all the local affiliate stations; to the point where they have to keep their fuckin doors locked and only let people in by appointment. This led to at least one rather hysterical instance in which Russell stood outside with his fugly face all creeped the fuck up into the window as he screamed for autistic attention.

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Taylor Swift Gave Me PTSD[edit]

It didn't take long of course for Pervy Stroke-Face to become distracted by his next victim "celebrity crush"... Taylor Swift. Which started with him trying to raise some money via crowd funding campaigns to have a shitty song he wrote professionally produced for her...

Which, not surprisingly, failed to raise any money (at all) and he was forced to go back to saving up his allowance to pay for the song production himself.

Eventually he saved up enough money to have some third rate production company churn out a slightly less shitty version of his ham handed hack job, which he sent to Taylor with the following video...

Taylor of course still refused to pay him any attention, which sent him off into a screeching tard-rage tantrum, eventually culminating in him filing numerous lolsuits, largely citing discrimination. Apparently in Retard Land having a disability means that every person on the planet MUST give you attention and bend over backwards to cater to your every whim or else the moon courts will try you for dishoobilootee discrimunashons and take all your money away, you selfish, retard ignoring, jerk-face!

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As you probably expected, this didn't end well for poor retarded Russell...

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You can see the progression as his NPD kicks into high gear and puts him right on the rebound, even after getting rightly booted up the ass by a judge. Which brings us to Taylor Swift LOLsuit Part 2: Electric Boogaloo, where in Russell doubles down like a faggot in a fat ass, this time declaring that he'll sue her in FEDERAL court! For...

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Never give up! About missing Pics
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EVIDENCES! Don't let that gaping maw fool you, Russell isn't about run retarded right on into another judicial pole! This time he's got ALL the evidences!

If it amuses the court... About missing Pics
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Somewhere downs the retard road though Russell realized he wasn't getting the attention he wanted with his grandiose claims of revenge litigation, at which point he started making demands! Like an infuriated man-child threatening to hold his breath if he doesn't get his way, Russell started harassing local news stations, autistically ooking at them for attention and demanding that they be present when he wanders around aimlessly and confused at the courthouse. As you've already guessed, that, too, did not go over well for our hero, Sonic The SpEd Hog...

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As we've covered before, Russell is about as transparent as freshly cleaned glass and as such clearly gives himself and his true intentions away at every inopportune time. In this sordid saga things became crystal clear when Russell was suddenly made aware of the fact that Taylor was, in fact, NOT a "boyfriend free girl" and had, in fact, been dating a super cute disgusting pig guy for much of the time he was furiously attempting to woo her with his minimum wage wiles and creative crayon coloring!

Russell was NOT a happy camper! He immediately started screaming obscenities at an empty name tag, furiously labeling her as a "piece of crap" that "just doesn't learn" (the hilariously irony sailing right on over his malformed head), he went on to randomly lash out at her like an angry virgin that just got friend zoned by the prom queen, leaving absolutely no question as to what was going through his pervy mind the entire time he was stalking "wooing" her.

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Ariana Grande Update - 8/2/2017[edit]

The "smoking gun" Russell mentioned in a prior post, it's the blurry back left quarter of a nondescript bald head who allegedly assaulted him! Game over, Ari!
Other evidence used against Russ was this initial post he made about his experience, which he never even attempted to delete/hide.

The much anticipated lawcow event of the year finally came to an epic conclusion, with Russell losing of course, but beyond the obvious the devilish delight is in the demonstrable details and that's what we strive to bring you here on ED. Early on there was worry that Russ might have had a rare moment of lucidity and wouldn't show up at all, but it turned out that he had simply set his alarm for the wrong time. No, you didn't misread that, Russell was late to his own court case because he didn't bother to double-check when the case was actually scheduled for. He actually gave this as an excuse to the judge and offered to show him his phone with the incorrect time set, as if that would somehow make his epic stupidity any less profound!

Right off the bat Russ got a lecture from the judge about threatening posts he had made on social media, with the judge telling him that he could be arrested and found in contempt of court.

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He tried his best to explain that "there will be blood" is the title of a movie and he was totally being sarcastic. He was then confronted about the threats he made to kick the defense attorney's ass and he said he couldn't recall making that post. The judge then told him that if he had to spend ten minutes looking for the post that Rusty was going to spend ten minutes in the courthouse jail cell. Spergface quickly corrected himself and said he only recalled two posts where he had used the word "ass". The defense attorney, Greg Skordas, then provided a copy of the post where Russell said he was going to "Knock the lawyer on his ass with my evidence." which the judge then entered into evidence. Russ got a bit flustered at that point and said something about it not being literal and the judge sort of dropped it at that point.

The gist of that exchange was essentially a classic psychological test largely used on children and the mentally deficient to determine if they have some semblance of remorse/regret/guilt over their actions by using harsh/intimidating language along with threats of punishment. If the subject responds in fear it means they understand that their actions could have negative consequences and that they aren't a complete and total sociopath/ding. If the subject is withdrawn, lacks emotional response and is completely apathetic to the threats of punishment then it indicates that they don't fully comprehend the shit that they're in, are likely sociopathic and not mentally competent enough to even represent themselves in court.

The case was ultimately dismissed on lack of cause of action, subject matter jurisdiction and personal jurisdiction matters. The judge was very patient and gave Russhole plenty of opportunities to explain the merits of the case for each of those issues. Because he couldn't it was determined that the lolsuit was filed in bad faith and without merit, much to Rusty's drooling objections that he had indeed filed the lolsuit in good faith. The judge then had to explain to him that it was a legal term and that it doesn't matter if he felt it was in good faith or not (facts over feelings).

The judge and defense attorney then brought up his other lawsuits as evidence/facts, specifically the time when he sued Taylor Swift and said he would drop the lawsuit if she went on a date with him. Essentially establishing a pattern of insincerity and deceptive pretense.

Most of the time was spent with the judge trying to get Russell to explain what his cause of action supposedly was with the retard just reiterating his same sob story like a broken record. The judge had to repeatedly remind him that he wasn't interested in evidence at that time, just the cause of action, but for some reason Russell couldn't quite grasp the difference between the two (despite having a degree as a paralegal).

Ultimately the judge dismissed the case with prejudice and fined Russell fifteen hundred bucks in fees to cover Aria's attorney and he solemnly nodded along in defeat as the judge explained the fine to him. After the case ended he stood outside the courtroom for about a minute, either expecting a reporter or someone important to come talk to him, or he was thinking about going postal but then decided against it when he realized the bailiff was within ten feet and watching him like a hawk, just itching for an opportunity to taze the rage-tard.

The very first thing Russ did of course after losing was to immediately disable his FB account, which he frequently does out of narcissistic need to try and control people's conversations about him... that and he needed time to try and cover up all his blatant bullshit...

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"Nice Guy" Russell: Creepy Stalker Edition[edit]

His current selection of potential victims on FaceBook.

Ladies, let's get this out of the way right now, if you are in any way beautiful or attractive by present social standards, you are REQUIRED to subjugate yourselves as the personal playthings of the mentally retarded. To even suggest otherwise is to shame and discriminate against "nice guys" like Russell who are entitled to your bodies because God rolled dice with their DNA and lost (badly).

This is the world Russell lives in. This is his mentality, his perception, his belief...

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In Russell World the deficiently-abled are to be revered as special class citizens whose rights and wants automatically usurp those of anyone else in society. In short, the needs of the mentally crippled outweigh the needs of the normal... and right now Russell NEEDS your body. Molesting and raping you against your will is necessary to relieve Russell of his raging VTSD or Virginal Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Russell's self-serving, unwarranted self-important self-entitlement isn't actually unique and is in fact an ever growing problem in our society as a whole. It is the result of parents knowing their child is disabled and making sure every last living thing is aware of it 24/7. Constantly shoehorning their dysfunctional depravity into every single circumstance imaginable, treating their child like a pet cause rather than a person.

Those like Russell are taught that their disability isn't something to compensate for and contend with, to push themselves harder so they can match the same standards everyone else lives by, but rather something to celebrate as a "get out of any problem free" card to be cashed in whenever life isn't giving them whatever they want.

If his adoptive parents have a Facebook timeline it's likely filled with flashbacks to when they first found out their surrogate sperg was going to arrive disabled and downsy, jerking off the situation and milking it for pity points and praising pats for being so brave and strong. Wow, so inspirational! Saving the world, one adopted reject at a time!

In all fairness, Russell likely would have turned out a much better person if he had been dumped off into an underfunded orphanage for failed abortions.

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"Nice Guy" Russell: Violent Rage Tard Edition[edit]

He sure does hope nothing bad happens to them...

On a number of occasions Russell has attempted to summon his retard strength as a means of attempting to appear edgy, unpredictable and "serious business", however his flabby physique and indignant impotence make him come off looking more like the incredible Bulk than the angry Hulk. Despite being as obviously weak physically as he is mentally Russell does put on a good show, often involving a mix of murderous ideations and wishful revenge upon those that didn't take the effort to humor his half-witted need to be the center of all attention.

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The defining taint of Russell's personal brand of butt flustered, crybully cringe comes as a result of the self-victimizing delusions rampant within his Narcissistic Personality Disorder. This "magical thinking" allows Russ to create an infinite assortment of ridiculously incongruent comparisons, often attempting to equate the most harmless and benign of circumstances with the most unimaginable pain and suffering.

These disgustingly depraved associations of course make Russell come off as being a heinously vile sociopath at worst, at best a literal man-child who can't think beyond his own self-serving circumstances who thinks his own personal toddler level wants are more important and pressing than any other problem presently in existence.

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"Nice Guy" Russell: Super Rare Narcissist Edition[edit]

Why else would Taylor Swift not want to date a 5 foot 2 inch manlet with an ill fitting suit and a megalomania disorder? Discrimination!!!!

Russell was probably told his whole life that he was more special and important than all the other kids. He was most likely sheltered, coddled, and catered to by the kind of parents that cranked out a batch in their bitch britches any time their special little mongoloid was excluded or ignored and it's probably where he picked up the habit of creating constant delusions of grandeur to suit his raging victim complex.

Another theory on why he's constantly high on himself is that it's a result of his heavy breathing halitosis; his lack of lip control making him unable to contain the constant waft of foul air formed from his continually drying saliva secreting from his gaping maw.

Despite being largely talentless, desperately reaching for the attention of important people, working a minimum wage job and being completely incapable of ever kissing or making out with another human being... ever, Russell believes himself to be God's perfect gift to hot women everywhere. He'll settle for no less than absolute physical perfection, despite the fact that he, himself, is about as physically perfect as a pit-bull with mange and a missing leg.

Russ is basically the little retard who cried discrimination. He's an object lesson in a lack of humility and habitual hubris. The proverbial spokes-retard for Narcissists Anonymous. When he's not engaged in solo-style pud sucking self-gratification he's running around making ineptly inappropriate inferences, convoluted comparisons and disconnected delusions between his exploding ego and the world at large. Whether it's comparing his assumed slights to people blown up by bombs, or his delusions regarding disabled children channeling away his coveted encounters with celebrities, Russell is in a never ending race through life to make everything all about him.

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The Classic Signs Of NPD[edit]

Not surprisingly Russell constantly and continually shows every sign of Narcissistic Personality Disorder there is. Not only does he have every single hallmark of the psychiatric disorder there are dozens upon dozens of clear cut examples in which these behaviors aren't just noticeable but practically screaming off the page. Presented here is just a small sampling of instances in which Russell has acted as the poster personality for NPD. He isn't simply an example, he is, quite literally, the very fucking definition of the disorder:

  • Two Faced (disparages and attacks friends/family behind their backs)
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  • Blames Lack Of Success And Failures On Others
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  • Irresponsible (filing frivolous lolsuits)
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  • Lives In A Fantasy World
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  • Is Addicted To Fantasy Oriented Behavior
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  • Lies, Distorts Facts And Changes Events To Suit Their Own Agenda (creates sock accounts to 'like' his own posts)
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  • Cuts Off Emotionally If They're Not Getting Something They Want
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  • Lacks Sympathy For Others, Only Thinks Of Themselves
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  • Only Identifies With Beautiful Or Important People
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  • Controlling
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  • Provokes People And Then Blames Them For The Fight
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  • Can't Admit Their Own Flaws Or Mistakes (projects them onto others)
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  • Arrogant
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  • Entitled
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  • Envious Of Others Attention Or Success
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Revising And Reimagining Reality[edit]

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One of the main cores of NPD is what's called "magical thinking", where in the nutball will start revising and rewriting their perception of reality in their head, almost like playing "the telephone game" but solitaire style. It's not simply that they're making up shit that never happened, because, to them, it actually did happen. It's a sort of self-reinforced delusional thinking that ever escalates their ego.

With Russell this often manifests visibly in the form of post editing. This is why when you go through any of his stuff on FaceBook you always need to check the "edit history" so you can see how this delusional progression plays out. In a recent example Russell apparently had a bit of a family intervention regarding his insane activities, that's driven him to make several 'I'm turning a new leaf!' style posts, where in he makes the claim that he's had some amazing bit of self-reflection and introspective thinking that only a genius like him could come up with!

However, if you look at the edit history you can easily discover that his new 'change of heart' had nothing to do with is own volition at all, but rather is a result of his family freaking out over all this shit and telling him that he needs to knock it off.

Instances like this have happened before, where he gets an intervention beat down and claims he's going to start acting normally, but for Russell working really hard to appear "normal" exhausts him and he'll revert back to who he really is eventually. He'll come back with some ego tripping tripe along the lines of, 'I don't care what people think. I have to be honest because so-and-so hurt me' and then the whole crazy parade will start up once again.

A leopard can't change its spots. Or more accurately, this man-dwarf can't change his zombie face.

Assorted Examples[edit]

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Russell's Got Talent[edit]


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An example of Russell's "epic" writing.

On occasion Rat Mouth has attempted to put his delirious thoughts down on paper, picturing himself as an aspiring writer he's churned out a total of two self-published "books", which we have to put into quotations here because they aren't so much books as they are a random collection of meandering screed shoveled together into a shit pile. Which he then plastered onto Amazon to be picked up by his doting adoptive mother, possibly his fellow adopted sister and quite likely also purchased by several of Russell's sock personalities he created to give himself high-fives.

He once posted a screenshot of his royalties to date, which was like $4 and some change. Like many things Russ has posted he was at first really proud and elated by this lack of accomplishment, until he got smacked across his idiot face real hard with every other person on his "friends" list laughing at him. At which point he very quickly took it down and then pretended it never happened.

The first "book" he wrote covered his totally amazing delusions regarding his imagined attempts at legalizing prostitution in the Mormon capital of the world, which basically amounted to little more than Russ drooling on about how retards like him can't lose their virginity unless they're able to pay someone to purge them of their pent up pussy privation. Just a fair warning, it goes into disgusting and disturbing detail of his first only (paid) sexual experience. You won't ever forget it, and NOT in a good way.

The second "book" he wrote is about his lolsuit against Taylor Swift, which essentially amounts to a dozen or so pages of virgin rage in written form, in which he compares Taylor to Nazis and fantasizes about her physically assaulting him with her complete and total lack of fucks given (both literal and figurative). The cover consists of a picture of Taylor he took without permission slathered up with a gaudy Comic Sans looking font with a title that reads like a proud toddler who managed to keep from messing themselves. Taylor wow, Russ is a thirsty BIG BOY now!

He also once compiled what he called a "comic book" that he created for Ariana Grande, which was basically just a Power Point presentation with a default stock comic theme in which he went on about wanting to woo Aria with his babbling bullshit and star in his upcoming imaginary screen play involving terrorists at an amusement park in which she defuses a "biological bomb" that's going to destroy the amusement park... and Hollywood also... because "reasons". One assumes the "biological bomb" is in reference to Russell's rotting crotch space which needs "defused" or else he'll continue to tard-rage all over Hollywood with his Disneyland inspired revenge lolsuits, bringing about its total destruction.

Seriously, you can't make this shit up...

If a biography were ever written about Russell it would go something like:

Guy is born with face so ugly even his own mother couldn't love him. Gets adopted by a living landwhale who racks up rejects uglier than she is; to ensure they'll be loving and grateful. Gets used as a retarded accessory throughout his childhood, in turn inflicting him with fuckhead syndrome. He now stocks shelves at Costco and sexually harasses hookers on Twitter. Once tried to sue... everybody, because he's stupid and it's all their fault. Once got fired from a job at a gym in Salt Lake City for following a female coworker into the ladies locker room. Once got slapped with a restraining order for stalking a stripper. The end.


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When your face looks like a bag of smashed assholes and you're a bit downsy I guess all you can do is dance your cares away, which is what Russell frequently retards on back to. Partly as an attempted distraction and partly to get attention, he frequently starts gyrating about in some sordid smashup between stemming and twerking that resembles something similar to an orthostatic seizure.

He's also been known to do the Downsy Dance during school presentations to try and distract attention away from the fact that he's a gawd damn dumbass. The results are pretty mixed, in one particular case his efforts earned him a solid C, which makes you wonder how bad of a grade he would have gotten without providing some semblance of monkey-man dancing entertainment.


Russell fancies himself as something of a song writer and lyricist, however his actual attempts at making songs sound more like he's incoherently banging on the keyboard and his lyrics are as forgettable as the melody, which sounds like something he bitched off an oldies easy listening radio station. His efforts could best be described as Pop Elevator Music. Occasionally Russell has flushed good money down the poo pond and commissioned random lesser known talents to try and turn his corny crap into salable manure. This comes off as like spraying Febreeze in a bathroom during a diarrhea downpour... smells like a fragrant shitrus poo-pourri.

Not surprisingly every last one of his songs is about his thirsty ass wanting poon or imaginary poon wanting his thirsty ass. In one such song, "Safari Ride", which is apparently based on his favorite Disney Land ride, he tells the imaginary story of a woman who was dating a thug black guy who then hooks up with a "nice guy" like Russ. Also, yes, it's pretty much as racist as it sounds:

Russell only likes the darkies if they're female and interested in becoming his personal sex bitch. On a number of occasions he's expressed nothing but contempt for black males, usually painting them up as thugs or bad boys ruining his "nice guy" chances. Whether he's genuinely racist or simply doesn't like additional competition, or some combination thereof, it's hard to say for certain. Given his level of autistic unawareness though he probably doesn't even comprehend or register how half the shit that comes out of his mouth can be easily construed as racist, bigoted or otherwise socially unacceptable. If clueless ignorance was candy Russell would be on his diabetic death bed gasping for another helping.

Russell's Dating Tips[edit]

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Things That Resemble Russell[edit]

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See Also[edit]

External Links[edit]

Featured article July 31 & August 1, 2017
Preceded by
Cultural Appropriation
Russell Greer Succeeded by
Seth Rich