RUST

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Rust is a multiplayer anarcho-capitalist simulation game released by Facepunch Studios through Steam in 2013, which is the same game developer that shit out the infamous Garry's Mod. The game is heavily inspired by Ron Paul's homoerotic fantasy of a world teeming with nude men; a utopia, free of niggers and any semblance of a federal government.

Gameplay[edit]

Rust's gameplay centers around hitting trees with a rock and staring at other men's penises; or the alternative: staring at trees and hitting other men's penises with a rock. The character initially spawns with nothing but a rock, a torch, two band-aids, and a laughably small chode. This rock is used to gather wood, food, cloth, ore, human flesh, and other raw resources necessary in the crafting of more advanced tools such as pickaxes, clothes, and fully-automatic assault rifles; which, are all items that Garry Newman thought would provide a realistic primitive caveman experience.

Food[edit]

Pigs don't just taste like chicken...

Seeming as how there aren't any black people on Rust island, there's a massive surplus of chicken in the world; so much so, that even bears, pigs, and deer drop chicken breasts when you hunt them. Also, did you know that eating chicken can reduce and even halt the effects of radiation poisoning? It's a shame the people of Fukushima or Chernobyl didn't realize this. Garry Newman's commitment to a realistic survival experience shines again.

Shelter[edit]

A typical base in Rust

When the player establishes their survival on the island, they will find it necessary to build a base in order to settle in and hoard all their hardfought loot inside storage crates. Bases can be as simple as a wooden shack or as sophisticated as a metal tower. Other players are able to hatchet down wooden doors or use explosive charges to break down the metal ones, so building a strong base is really just postponing the inevitable loss of absolutely everything the player has spent their entire lack-of-a-social-life working for.

Crafting[edit]

The initial crafting menu is rather bare, but as the player progresses and explores the island, they will find hidden crates containing research kits and blueprints that will allow them to expand their crafting menus. On occasion, these crates are dropped from the sky by large cargo planes (another commonplace invention used by primitive man). Another way to find these research materials is to ruthlessly slaughter irradiated mutant animals and take the blueprints from their anal cavities.

Navigation[edit]

One thing the player will note right off the bat is that there is no in-game map or navigation system, so it's totally incumbent upon the player to spend an unreasonable amount of time just familiarizing themselves with the island's landmarks (which all look the same) so they can haphazardly find their way back to their base.

Survival[edit]

Rust's environment presents a number of elemental challenges and threats to the player, such as drowning, hypothermia, wild animals, starvation, radiation exposure, and AIDS-afflicted penises; however, the biggest threat doesn't come from the environment itself, but from the other players instead. Throughout the course of the game, the player will realize that hitting large stones and piles of wood is incredibly boring, so they'll resort to murdering other players in order to steal their shit rather than wasting time and energy on the excessive grinding system Rust has in place.

Only the gayest survive...


Development[edit]

Garry Newman, the lead designer of the game, stated that he was too lazy to come up with an original game concept, so he simply stole the game mechanics, concept, and environment from games such as DayZ, Minecraft, and S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl.

Reception[edit]

In response to allegations of racism regarding Rust's lack of ethnic minority characters, Garry Newman stated that he will be releasing an update with black in-game characters that can be bought and sold as slaves. These slave characters can be utilized to grind resources for the benefit and enjoyment of their white counterparts.

Gallery[edit]

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

See also[edit]

External Links[edit]

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