|This article is REAL TALK. You know what I'm sayin? |
Like if you don't believe me, that's bullshit...just ask SKWEEZY.
|WTF?||Just about the most dope fly vlog you ever seen.|
|Key people||SKWEEZY, his grandmother, his dad, his agent, and the mysterious roommate.|
|Industry||Wanna buy a tight "Fast and the Furious" exhaust system?|
|Description||YO THIS IS ABOUT MY LYFE|
|Website||Twitter and YouTube.|
—Famous first lines.
Once in a lifetime, you will run into a video blog that utterly confounds the laws of taste, quality, appeal, and humor. The vlog that you have found is so excellent you find yourself in a conundrum; arguing with yourself trying to decide if you want to keep the golden thing all yours or if you want to share it with all of your internet friends. SKWEEZY’s video blog is exactly one of those vlogs. But don’t worry, Encyclopedia Dramatica isn’t niggardly about such things…Encyclopedia Dramatica wants you to meet SKWEEZY.
<video type="youtube" id="pvNRH6OoDPk" width="200" height="200" desc="It all began here, when SKWEEZY's pops bounced him out of the house." frame="true" position="right"/>
While skimming the internet, people find new and interesting things to see and share all the time. Most places are no more than shoddy, fly-by-night memes that will attempt to sell you something, give you advice, or document some idiots life in an un-entertaining fashion. Sometimes you will hate what you see and rage like a retarded baboon at the lunacy that some of these vloggers exude out onto the internet like poop being compressed out of a rotten and distended asshole. Other times, you will be amused or impressed by what you see and you will add that vlog to your list of favorites so that you can check up on them from time to time. SKWEEZY's vlog transcends all such internet foolishness.
SKWEEZY (aka Skweezy Jibb, ChAinHanGlOw69) is a young white male who lives in Inglewood, California and his vlog not only offers his own brand of internet insight, but it also offers social commentary on an epic scale that very few vloggers achieve. He opines on everything from women, cars, car parts, and partying, or he can slow things down and chat seriously about such things as the tragic death of Michael Jackson or racism. His vlog is often sad or alternately joyous, it all just depends upon what subject SKWEEZY happens to be talking about that day…but the best part is that SKWEEZY isn’t trying to sell you anything (aside from his awesome exhaust system which you can't afford) with his blog, he’s just trying to keep it real.
SKWEEZY SKWEEZY come please me with the eggbeater! Also, the best damn ghost story you are ever gonna here...TRUE FUCKIN STORY, MAN.
Who can argue with such brilliance? SKWEEZY’s car is dope, his crib is fly, and his beard is shaved. He always scores with the ladies and his camera never seems to work right, but who cares? He’s just living the dream and keeping everything tight.
On the internet time line, when we first meet SKWEEZY, he is unemployed, stating that he had lost his job 3 weeks prior to his first video update. Since then, SKWEEZY applied for a job at Denny’s restaurant, but was unable to gain employment there due to a vast conflict of personality with the manager on duty attempting to hire him. It is not known if SKWEEZY is employed at this time, but he is trying to sell his sick “Fast and Furious” exhaust system on eBay, so at least he has that going for him.
—SKWEEZY explains his living arrangements.
In an unfortunate episode, SKWEEZY mentioned some of his grandmother’s sexual habits causing her to lose her composure and ask him to leave her apartment. SKWEEZY was forced to live in his excellent car for a short time, causing the car to be transformed into an excellent crib as well.
—SKWEEZY’s new apartment is kickin.
He then went on to find a very nice place in Inglewood, where he sleeps on an inflatable mattress and drinks his bottled water. The apartment, costing him two hundred and fifty dollars per month, is spacious, well lit, and has an astoundingly large amount of toilet paper within it as SKWEEZY has to shit a lot…no lie. Outside of his new place, the neighborhood is quite nice. It is full of blue skies, palm trees, friendly neighbors, and “right fuckin there…is the Pacific.”
The Pimpest Car in the Hood
<video type="youtube" id="1wAoB1mTMSg" width="200" height="200" desc="SKWEEZY discusses his car, his home, and his hero grandmother." frame="true" position="right"/> SKWEEZY owns and drives a 1992 primer white and gray colored Honda Accord EX which he has tricked out to include a huge Fast and Furious exhaust system, white condition-indicating dials on his dashboard, and aerodynamically designed special seatbelts that will not inhibit the car’s performance when he wishes to cruise with his windows open. The car also sports an Accord R-Type rear deck lid application that further extends the car’s pimpness.
Since his back seat is full of his belongings, he has to utilize the front seat when he wishes to have sex with all the “fly ladies” he runs into. This might seemingly be considered a problem, but is inconsequential to SKWEEZY and his ladies, and has since been amended by his leasing of his dope apartment.
—A sorry SKWEEZY apologizes to his grandmother.
SKWEEZY’s grandmother is his hero. This is why it hurt him so much when she discovered that he had revealed personal things from her past on his video blog and summarily kicked him out of her home. SKWEEZY is unaware of how she was able to view his video clips but he suspects that somebody ratted him out somehow. He has since attempted to recall and apologize for some of his more colorful exclamations, but with no new evidence concerning this drama, it is not known if there has been a reconciliation.
—SKWEEZY explains his grandmother.
What is known is that SKWEEZY’s grandmother lives in a small apartment where she quietly watches her television. SKWEEZY, often embarrassed by her, will cover her up with a blanket and explain to his guests that the blanket covers a large number of little puppies that he is caring for. His grandmother also has a checkered past. She has been known to entertain sailors (presumably from the Navy) who often enjoyed her sexual advances numerous times and in many exotic ways.
As you would expect, SKWEEZY has an overabundance of women who want to "get with him." He literally has to fend off hordes of women while driving down the street. Some of his many escapades with women include a bumble-bee costume wearing girl who has an unfortunate accident with an eggbeater on SKWEEZYWEEN, a MILF who gets her vagina gelatin stuck in SKWEEZY's beard, and a bevy of other chicks who he runs into while he is attempting to film about his Honda Accord. One might think that all these women might be enough for any man...but they would be wrong if they were talking about SKWEEZY. When he isn't splitting open chicks on his air mattress, he is often found at the Platinum Club, buying drinks and doing PCP with baboons.
SKWEEZY, in a very serious tone, takes on the menace of racism.
—SKWEEY aint havin that shit.
SKWEEZY is often very outspoken on the subject of racism. In his pimped-out world, there is no time, nor room for hate on wiggers. If you practice hate upon wiggers, he has just one way of dealing with you: He’ll beat your ass. Don’t believe it? Well, he has a surprise for you: He’s 7’1” and his biceps are huge. He even has “Hate Punch” tattooed across his knuckles, letting fools know just how he feels about racist remarks concerning his heritage. And if you still don’t believe all of that, you should see what he can do to a couple of beaners…or a pillow.
—Another sucker, taken hook, line and sinker.
As with all great genius, SKWEEZY is often opposed by internet dolts who just don't seem to understand. Click here to read a bunch of the retarded reactions to his video clips.
I want to favorite this guy 78 times.
—Sage advice from SKWEEZY
Here is an internet exclusive ONLY for Encyclopedia Dramatica users and readers...SKWEEZY has done a video interview just for ED. Within, he expounds upon girls, drinks, cars, his family, and everything else we could think to ask. Without further ado...enjoy...
Below you will find the questions that Encyclopedia Dramatica put to this internet phenomena...which SKWEEZY answered in order...read along for the lulz:
1. First off, how are you doing? How is your pending court case involving the retarded child, the alcohol, and the PCP? Did you get new dishes?
2. How is the new place?
3. Can you give us a bit of background? You live in Inglewood, but where did you grow up? How is your father? Have you spoken to your father since moving out? Where did you work when you were fired before moving into your grandmother's house?
4. We are all saddened and disappointed by the disagreement you had with your grandmother, have you since made up? If you haven't reconciled with her, do you have anything you would like to say to her?
5. You obviously have incredible luck with the ladies, can you give any of our readers some advice or some tips on technique?
6. Do you have any favorite lubes you prefer and where do you purchase these lubes? Any favorite flavors?
7. Is there a difference between bitches and hoes? Which do you prefer?
8. Any plans on growing the beard back? Have you run into any MILFs recently?
9. What is the best kind of lozenge to use when dealing with pussy gelatin sickness?
10. Walk us through an average night at the Platinum Club.
11. How is the Honda Accord doing?
12. Have you sold your exhaust system yet? If not, is there an eBay page where people can view and perhaps purchase that precision piece of automotive equipment?
13. How excited are you about the upcoming Fast and Furious V movie that is in the works?
14. You are outspoken concerning racism, what message do you wish to convey to Encyclopedia Dramatica readers concerning your views?
15. How are you copping with Michael Jackson’s death thus far, you were obviously distraught, but since then have you found any relief? Are you planning on singing more in the future?
16. If so, is there perhaps a recording career in your future?
17. What are you currently listening to? Do you have any music that you wish to recommend?
18. You have talked about and briefly shown that you have a roommate on your video log, what's the story with that guy?
19. Do you have any advice concerning dealing with police officers? Do you have any outstanding warrants that need to be cleared up prior to your trial over the retarded child?
20. If you go to jail, will you attempt to update your video log there?
21. Lastly, is there anything you wish to specifically tell Encyclopedia Dramatica? anything for the readers and fans?
- Lady's be sure to follow him...unless you have vagina gelatin.
- email@example.com Contact Email in case you wish to purchase his Fast and Furious exhaust system.
SKWEEZY is part of a series on YouTube.