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Sailor Moon is a classic anime, meaning that it features schoolgirls, rape, and enormous fire spouting penises destroying Tokyo that is popular amoung pedophiles in Japan and America and used by them to condition young girls because it tells the tale of a 22 year old college student making a 13 year old girl in junior high school his girl friend. The first of a series, it revolves around the legend of a "superfiend" that attempts to unite the three realms (Human, Beast, and Demon.)
Director/Screenwriter Hidicki Takayama brought many important modern Japanese cultural memes and motivations to this film, namely schoolgirls, rape, age inapropriate relationships and enormous fire spouting penises destroying Tokyo. Thus, it is no surprise that the series was a worldwide hit, especially with young girls and fags. Gurl power!
There are five seasons; each new season features a new group of nut job villains who suck at their jobs. As the show progresses it gets stranger and stranger but still manages to deliver the odd pantyshot every second episode. By the end of the series, three shemales come in to help save the day, because everyone knows shemales pwn.
- Tsukino Usagi (Sailor Moon): The cry-baby blonde whore whose always desperate for Tuxedo Kamen's cock, which she is destined to be impregnated by to spawn Chibi Usa. In early episodes, she used her gold-plated metal tiara as a Frisbee to gruesomely decapitate monsters. Since this was too violent for a kids show, she was later given various types of magic wands that served no purpose other than masturbatory devices.
- Chiba Mamoru (Tuxedo Kamen): The bishounen in a tuxedo. Always there to save Moon and friends but never sticks around to fulfill their lustful desires. Likely a homosexual (like half of the male cast) who is disappointed they're not real sailors. More disturbingly, he's attracted to a middle schooler despite being in college. His deadly rose attack can instantly level ten city blocks and has completely destroyed Tokyo in numerous episodes. The show would end a lot sooner if Tuxedo Mask would just show up in the beginning, say his speech about love and shit and then destroy Neo-Tokyo with a single $4 rose he bought at some gas station, but no such luck.
The most popular character among desperate fanboys who point to her own research which proved that she has the tightest pussy in the universe. Her attack is the weakest since it only creates thick fog that results in multiple traffic accidents but her strength was demonstrated when she survived a 24hr chess match while fully frozen, without losing a limb to frostbite.
- Hino Rei (Sailor Mars): The priestess and according to my Big Book Of Anime Cliches because she's the token bitch of the group, she's also the spoiled rotten, rich girl that believes she is better than everyone. Aside from bitch slapping Usagi and dating her boyfriend, whom she really did have first, she likes to throw her used tampons at monsters, which she at times also sets on fire. Her school uniform has the shortest skirt and thus proves she is a slut. When she's not being a whore she's practicing witchcraft to rebel against her parents and the Catholic School they send her to proving
that she is in fact a white person and not an azn. Often gets shipped in lesbian fanfiction with Sailor Venus because of a pseudointellectual girl that did a google search consiting of the words Mars and Venus and discovered that in Roman Mythology Mars and Venus, or Aries and Aphrodite in Greek Mythology, were only capable of fucking like a Mexican couple consumned with the idea of making an anchor baby when they were put in a story together.
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She can kick your ass, drink you under the table and will even make you a sammich. For those of us here at ED, she's the Sailor Scout that reminds us most of our MOM.
Sailor Jupiter is the drama queen who's always looking for a guy, only to be disappointed that he reminds her of someone with which she's already had sex. In one episode, she stated that her breasts are bigger than the planet Jupiter itself. This has been recently verified by NASA scientists as fact and Carl Sagan wanabee Neil DeGrasse Tyson wants to privately confirm the results. The only thing Sailor Jupiter contributes to the plotline is that she wears green clothing, balancing out the other costumes color-wise and being the group bike. Before she became one of the scouts Jupiter was drinking, smoking, fighting and fucking. She was a real Kentucky girl as evidenced by the indentation on the back of her head for putting your beer while you get her from behind. After joining, she got realy boring and that's why everyone treats her as if she were Tim Drake and couldn't care less about her. Despite all the toughness and feminine pride they portray her as having, she can find the kitchen, knows how to make sammiches, can cook a steak without burning it and will even give a guy the occasional Blow job while he drinks a beer and plays Call of Duty online.
Loved by fanboys and called a whore by the fangirls of the show because she is the only scout who skips the underwear half of her costume or is in love with the sensation she gets from flossing her ass-crack.
Seriously, this is one of the best examples of autistic basement dwellers with too much time on their hands because what sane person with plans for living a normal life and not being known as that guy who kids are wisely told to not take candy from would investigate this.
There are websites dedicated to this and fantards upload upskirt shots of Sailor Jupiter noting the episode number and time to chronicle this obsession.
Some fans theorize that she is a half-breed Americunt/Japanese military brat or is a 100% Americunt Military Brat Weeaboo that goes to a Japanese School because she's so much taller than the rest of the scouts and because she has two things the rest don't, that being tits.
The other blonde whore and best friend of Usagi because Astrology says they have to be for the reason that their personalities are so similar. The ironic Sailor Scout because she is supposed to represent love and all the fun stuff that comes with it but has never had a boyfriend or did that awkward 15 minutes in the back seat of a car where 2 minutes is spent trying to get inside her without cumming, getting 9 or 10 strokes and the other 12 minutes compromising staring at the ashtray over the divider before you can come up with a subject for what will feel like the weirdest conversation in your life. (For most of you, I've just explained what it's like to lose your virginity. Now go out. Live the dream.)
Despite being blonde and English, (Or what some people who claim to read the Manga in the original Japanese say), she engages in the traditional activities of Japanese schoolgirls: such as selling her used panties to old men online, selling videos of her waxing her bikini region to old men online and where she teases her cat-guardian Artemis by prancing around in her underwear or getting him to do the occasional milk body shot (see: bestiality). Her "Love Me" chain attack is crucial in making monsters routinely rape her instead of innocent bystanders. She was to first Scout to appear showing that Japan will copy anything if it was done first by an American. Out of all the Scouts she is known for making some of the most hilarious one liners that allude to masturbation or lesbianism in the manga such as making the comment to a boy in her class that when her ear itches, she knows to stick her finger in and scratch it.
She is consistently rated as the Dumbest Sailor Scout, beating Usagi by a huge margin because, to this date, she has never gotten herself a Lawyer and sued for residuals from all the Sailor V media, such as video games and manga, that use her likeness.
- Chibi Usa (Sailor Chibi Moon): The annoying fucktard and obligatory loli. During one season of the series, she maintained a healthy and romantic relationship with a horse. During another season we discover that, fucking-gasp, she is actually Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Masks' child from teh future! This was established BEFORE the pink Electra is magically changed into an evil sex-crazed adult for a few episodes, during which she took Tuxedo Mask captive and repeatedly tried to rape him. Since incest and pedophilia are some of the main angles of the show, fans were ready to forgive and only angry with the whole plot angle because they aged her.
- Meiou Setsuna (Sailor Pluto): She didn't get much screen time due to critics denouncing her appearance as "too old" and thus causing many otakus to lose their erections whenever she was on screen. Her control of time is often blamed for reruns and those annoying review episodes. She was kicked out of the Sailor Moon Club and started making guest appearances on Power Rangers to pay the bills. Has fallen into massive depression after finding out that Pluto is no longer a planet, last seen at all-you-can-eat buffets, claiming that she's "Working on regaining her previous title", suffice it to say, she has lost her mind. Some fans, now, like to ship her with Neil Degrasse Tyson because of an episode of Robot Chicken.
- Tenoh Haruka (Sailor Uranus): Her earthquake attack made her the subject of CIA investigation following the collapse of the Twin Towers. However, her surveillance only resulted in the creation of much lesbian porn that was subsequently sold online to help Bush finance the Iraqi War.
- Kaioh Michiru (Sailor Neptune): The dyke's girlfriend, art school drop-out and fan of watersports. She is a wanted war-criminal due to the numerous tsunami caused by her attacks. She is blamed for destroying Sri Lanka and is now working underground as a loli artist. Her power is "the sea", apparently ignorant of the fact that Sailor Mercury had the idea first. Favorite Scout of Chris Chan because he is convinced he looks like her in his current tranny phase and this is why he dies his hair that shade of Baby-Barf Green.
- Tomoe Hotaru (Sailor Saturn): The almost-loli goth who had a secret crush on true-loli Chibi Usa. Her weapon is a giant can opener with which she frequently uses to cut herself. There was also an entire season devoted to her deciding that she was far too emo to be in the world and thus tried to destroy it. Luckily for us, the government converted her to being a Mormon and she was able to stop thinking for herself.
- Kou Seiya (Sailor Star Fighter): One of the three shemales. She is in constant pursuit of Usagi's vagina, even though she herself is a 16 year old girl who can magically turn into a 13 year old boy. She/he/it was playing American-style football in one episode where, following the game, she went into the locker room and got gang-banged by big sweaty azns who think they're white. Her attack is called Star Serious Laser, a combination of the 2 meme's IMMA CHARGIN MAH LAZAR and Why so serious?
- Kou Taiki (Sailor Star Maker): Taiki is the one who wears the pants in the group. He, err, she is always seen giving it to Yaten deep in the anus. Taiki also arguably has the gayest attack in the series. Her devastating "Star Gentle Uterus" attack sends out bubbles filled with aborted fetuses at her victims. China is currently studying the attack to help with population control.
- Kou Yaten (Sailor Star Healer): The bitch of the group. Often seen getting ass-raped by Taiki, Yaten is as gay as they come. She gathers all the kinetic energy collected from the anal reaming and releases it in an attack called "Star Sensitive Inferno" that, while looks cool enough, does shit damage to enemies. A totally useless character who gets overall about 30 minutes of screen time throughout the series.
- Princess Kakuyu: Some sort of princess who appeared in the last season. Along with the Starlights, she was relatively useless, and was murdered by Galaxia, who slit her throat, ripped out her eyeballs, chopped off her nose, cut open her stomach, removed the intestines with her hands, decapitated her head, and cut through her legs. Galaxia later used Kakuyu's severed body parts in a soup that she fed to her friend.
- Sailor Megtune: sonichu's bitch
- Queen Beryl: Queen of the Negaverse. The major villain of the first season. Notable for her army of dead souls and her extremely long hair as well as her long fingernails. Beryl tried to destroy Sailor Moon, she failed however, and went into seclusion.
- Jadeite: Some huge sexist pig that was destroyed when Beryl placed him in the Arctic Sea, where he was later raped by a polar bear and killed.
- Nephrite: Wanted to get up Mercury's ass but failed to do so so he thought it was wiser to move onto girls with issues like cleptomania. Killed by Queen Beryl but resurfaced as a normal human. He also stalked Usagi's lesbian partner Naru and was about to get laid until Zoisite v& him after becoming inspired by the tree rape scene in the original Evil Dead movie. Might be part Vulcan because he has green blood.
- Zoisite: The token fag of the group since he's involved in a sexual relationship with Kunzite. They have sex frequently, almost every episode. Surprises people who can actually make it to his introduction in the series because he has an attack gayer than Tuxedo Mask's rose, Cherry Blossoms. Unfortunately the asswipes who provided the English dub decided to turn Zoisite into a girl with no tits which really didn't change anything because Kunzite was still pushing his face into the pillow when they were having sex. Was killed trying to get into the club Hercules, but was recently seen alive, starring in a huge slaught of Gay Pornography.
- Kunzite: He made Zoisite his uke and had hawtgaymansex every time they could until Queen Beryl Deus Ex Machinaed Tuxedo Mask evil and Kunzite quickly fell into place as his bottom bitch. Kunzite was turned into a zombie by Beryl but was then converted into a normal human. His attempts to destroy the Sailor Scouts were so laughable that any idiot could see through them. The asswipes who provided the English dub changed his original name of Kunzite to Malachite because they felt Kunzite sounded too much like cunt. I wish I wasn't making this up.
- The DD Girls: Somehow Beryl ended up deciding that the best way to solve things was to fight 5 on 5. So she created the DD Girls, who all malfunctioned and exploded when Mercury hax'd into their l33tspaces.
The Death Busters
- Professor Tomoe: A known pedophile, Tomoe's daughter is Hotaru, AKA Super Emo Depressed Bitch of Darkness. He takes pleasure in being seduced by his servants, and is aroused by his own wicked laughter.
- Kaorinite: The Crimson haired bitch, Kaorinite is always there when your man needs his pies baked, his dinner made, and his house cleaned. Kaorinite was killed, then resurrected. She attacks using black magic and even her own hair. She tries to get the best out of the Professor to please him, but he completely ignores her. She slit her wrists and moved to Canada, where she assumed the alias "Sailor Kaori."
- Eudial: The first of the Witches Five and also the other mistress of the flame that is not Sailor Mars, Eudial is a horrible driver and is an avid snail hater. She fired things up with her transformer big ass machine gun flame buster contraption, which she nicknamed "Fire Buster".
- Mimette: Mimette took over as the second of the Witches Five. Mimette is a huge stalker, and has a crush on every male pop idol in exsistance. Once considered defecting to the Sailor team, but went into hiding after it was revealed she was a lesbian. She was recently seen trying to bomb the house of Paula Abdul.
- Telulu: The third of the Witches Five, Telulu was the mistress of plant-life, and had wild plant orgies with her plants. She became aroused by the color green, and made her home in a greenhouse. Almost attempting to tentacle rape Usagi, she was beheaded by Poison Ivy after Ivy thought she was trying to copy off of her.
- Viluy: Also known as Byruit. Viluy was a smart uber l33t space time geek who tried to use computers to take over the world, but was later defeated by Sailor Mercury during a super huge robot anime meca battle.
- Cyprin: She's the only member of the Witches 5 who has an evil counterpart. Her name is Petrol. They used their super huge magic sticks to try to defeat the Senshi but were tricked into firing their own weapons at each other killing them.
- Mistress Nine: Mistress Nine is actually a super version of Hotaru. She is known for having massively large boobs.
- Sailor Galaxia: Galaxia used to be a sailor scout, that is, until she got possessed by an evil power, which thus made the plotline even more damn confusing. She is a ruthless villain, possibly the biggest evil bitch in the entire series, and also the world record holder of killing the most heroes, as well as her subordinates. This list includes all Sailor Scouts, The Outer Senshi, Chibi Usa, Chibi Chibi, Kakuryu, The Starlights, and Tuxedo Mask.
- Sailor Iron Mouse: The stupidest of the group, Iron Mouse fails at everything, including proper use of a condom as well as failing to find out the identity of Sailor Moon. This of course, led to her downfall, and just when it was thought Galaxia killed her, she simply removed her male sex organs. She can currently be found preforming as Cinderella at Disney World. She also owned a TARDIS!
- Sailor Aluminum Siren: The only member who knew what Sailor Moon's identity was. Slightly brain dead, she shared a love for foods, as well as a romantic love for her sex partner Sailor Lead Crow. Killed by Galaxia, but her soul split into two parts, one went into the soul of Rachel Ray, and the other went into the soul of Paula Deen.
- Sailor Lead Crow: Possibly Hispanic or Pacific Islander, Lead Crow was in a lesbian relationship with Aluminum Siren. After Siren died, Crow went into a deep depression. Forced to work with Sailor Tin Nyanko, she formed a trap, but Nyanko sabotaged it. Crow fell into a black hole which transported her to Oz. She now works in Munchkinland as a tour guide/mail-woman.
- Sailor Tin Nyanko: Did you know she was voiced by Pikachu? Nyanko was the most annoying of the group. This hyperactive cat bitch was a fan of bestiality. Worked with Lead Crow but caused her supposed death. Sailor Moon used her power to make half of Nyanko pure. However, Nyanko's vagina exploded shortly thereafter, and she died. Galaxia then used her corpse as a rug.
- Action: 10, Tokyo getting destroyed all over the damn place (but somehow in the end everyone totally forgets about it).
- Lulz: 10, until you realize that these guys are serious.
- Furry Gayness: 0, everyone is a demon in disguise so it's otherkin city.
- Homosexuality: 10, it's basically soft-core lesbian porn for children.
- An Heroism: 0, they sucked so bad at life none of them were ever able to successfully end it for themselves.
If you though having Executive Producers and Network Censors cut out all the plot holes and character development from the anime were as bad as the series weeaboo followers, in 1993, Rocky Solotoff, president and founder of Toon Maker Inc. had hoped to capitalize on the success of Saban Entertainment's Power Rangers by creating an American live-action/western-animated version of Sailor Moon. Solotoff wrote, directed, and produced a pilot episode of his version of Sailor Moon for a company called Renaissance-Atlantic, who helped Saban procure Super Sentai from Toei Animation to create the Power Rangers.
Since that day, Solotoff's version of Sailor Moon, which to this day, has not been exhibited publicly because it was shit. Unfortunately, some poor soul had the strength to bootleg part of it and posted on the Internet years later.
Sailor Moon Crystal
If you have ever just found yourself just sitting there watching Sailor Moon and started thinking that it's just way too long with all the filler plots and wanted an overly fast paced, half assed, poorly written reboot story that ignores the majority of the characters. Then, while your first wish was being granted, you wished that its art style would be so rushed and so triangular that college professors would use the character designs to teach trigometric functions to their first year students.
Before realizing or lamenting over how you wasted the first 2 wishes, you just threw away the third to have Toei Animation license the English language version to the Suicide enducing voices from Viz Media.
Sailor Moon Crystal was pretty much produced using this same exact scenario.
The Sailor Moon Crystal Reboot was produced to commemerate 20 years of people like Chris-Chan jerking their dicks to a 13-year-old Japanese girl that appears suspiciously American with blonde hair, flat chest, poor grades, no discipline and an Eating disorder to keep her mass exactly under 47.5 kilos because like most American Wimmins, Usagi has discovered that you don't need to deny yourself something when you're just going to throw it up later.
When the first episode of Crystal was released in 2014, on Sailor Moon's official Birthday of June 30th, Sailor Moon's 33rd birthday was celebrated so that E-Beggers like Doopie DoOver wouldn't feel so guilty about drawing a 13-year-old-girl getting raped.
It does have one, or at least we've been told it does.
The main purpose of the Crystal reboot is to cannonize the relationships of the scouts. The show's main purpose is to name their boyfriends because as Sailor Moon is with Tuxedo Mask and The Four Heavenly Kings or Queen Beryl's brainwashed bitches were subordinates of Tuxedo Mask, they were, at one time, all hooking up because Soap Opera Rules say that they should.
There's no need to get mad. If you're into the idea of over muscled and gay Sailor Scouts going at it like Cambodian whores trying to get the attention of a rich, Americunt tourist then have no fears because their sexualities have never been outright stated.
So if you're fond of producing Sailor Venus and Sailor Mars Rule 34, to sell online, that has them fortuitously getting together to fuck their nights and days away like they were Charlie Sheen with a couple kilos of coke and a whorehouse on speed-dial, Please! Draw the fuck away and kindly add links below, just remember to say that they're from Crystal because all the Inner Scouts are 16.
Without getting into plot, here are the pairings:
- Sailor Mercury and Zoicite
- Sailor Mars and Jadeite
- Sailor Jupiter and Nephyrite
- Sailor Venus and Kunzite
Sailor Moon Fans generate Perversity
In a nutshell
- Usagi Kou
- Eclipse Usagi might say she walked into a door but the real reason for the black-eye was she got in the way of Mamoru, the Tv and Monday Night Football. A Syzygy for triple word score.
- Sailor Moon hentai
- Sailor Moon is a troll?
- It's a trap
- Sailor Moon's number one fan
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- A parody
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