San Bernardino Shooting
|Syed Farook & Tashfeen Malik|
|Highscore||Killed 14, injured 17|
|An Hero?||Car chase gunfight|
The San Bernardino Shooting occurred on December 2, 2015 where 14 Americunts were killed and an additional 17 were wounded by a happily married couple at the second-most autistic place in California next to Comic-Con: a retard development center. Early reports state that the couple were raving about blue arms, some type of snackbar, and going fast. The couple were so fast in fact that they managed to get away unscathed in their SUV with 4 wanted stars. SWAT vans executed them after an extended gun fight which involved pipebombs being thrown out of a moving vehicle. Highly credible news agencies like ThinkProgress were quick to point out that the police were looking for white suspects so that snarky liberals can continue promoting their hashtag while they eat gluten free organic vegetable chips. Thankfully this did the victims a favor, as it was the quickest way out of their desert shithole, without the dishonor of an hero.
After the FBI confirmed this was a terror shooting instead of Americunts' daily mass shooting, President Obama spoke from the Oval Office for the third time as president. It was the biggest terrorist attack in America since 9/11, if you ignore all the other violent massacres unrelated to religion.
Syed Rizwan Farook was a Paki born in Chicago, the murder capital of America, where murder is a holiday custom. In 2009 Farook graduated from California State University in San Bernardino with a degree in environmental health (read: biowarfare). But Farook was missing something in his life, and took to Muslim Dating Sites to find the Bonnie to his Clyde. Reports indicate that Syed met his lovely hijabi on an ISIS related camwhore site early last year. After numerous steamy sessions discussing IED fuse insertion and firing loads, the couple fell in terrorist love with each other based on their mutual interest of killing infidels. Malik was born in Pakistan, and recently lived in Saudi Arabia, where she probably made a pilgrimage to "throw stones at the devil" and avoid being trampled to death during the Hajj. Farook went to Saudi Arabia in 2013 for the Hajj, since traveling to Mecca at least once in life is one of the Five Pillars of Islam (which if not for the Wright brothers, would limit sandniggers to the Arabian Peninsula).
Farook told his coworkers he was going to Saudi Arabia to meet his Internet bride. In July 2014, Farook spent over a week there. Then Farook brought Malik into the US on a K-1 visa, which lets terrorists come to America with a Pakistani passport if they want to marry a US citizen. The visa said the terrorist couple had 90 days to get married. In September 2014, Farook applied for a permanent resident green card for Malik, but they had to prove their marriage was legit first. The two had a child whom they named Alhabibi which is an Arabic term for "airplane bomb." Malik was given a conditional green card in July 2015.
Tashfeen Malik (King) is a nom de guerre for a Muslim Jihadist from the annals of Muslim history. It is not a proper name for a woman. She was vetted to enter the US in spite of the fact that she was using an obvious pseudonym. Malik passed criminal background checks and national security background checks by the FBI and DHS, demonstrating that background checks are worth fuck all.
Farook lived in his college town and worked as a food inspector for the San Bernardino County Department of Public Health for five years, trying to find out which Chipotle was giving everyone catastrophic diarrhea (hint: it was all of them). But Chipotle carried pulled pork, which filled Farook with Islamic Rage at such infidelity. Farook angrily shit in their carnitas, causing an E. Coli outbreak, which made Chipotle stop serving shit-filled carnitas in many states. Farook wondered: what better way to sicken filthy American dogs than as a food inspector? At work, sometimes coworkers made fun of Farook's neckbeard, mistakenly thinking Muslims have a sense of humor.
Syed and his dear wife Tashfeen spent many nights in their garage building over a dozen large noisemakers and they bought over 6,000 small ones for the annual office Christmas party, which celebrates the birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. A few days before the party, Farook rented a black all-American Ford Expedition SUV. The couple removed the hard drive from their computer and smashed their new cell phones. Sick of their 6-month-old baby crying all day, the loving couple left the baby with Farook's mom, who lived with them. Grandma Farook spent the day knitting a very special vest for the holidays for baby Farook.
Before entering the Christmas party, Farook's nostrils were stung by the obscene smell of burnt pig flesh. Entering the room, Farook was filled with horror, as the tables in the room were filled with Little Smokies and Pigs in a Blanket and Bacon Wrapped Water Chestnuts as far as the eye could see. A coworker told Farook "Merry Christmas!" and another coworker remarked at how lovely the Christmas tree looked. Another coworker asked if Santa was coming to Farook's house this year. Farook was filled with rage at such insolence. At least one Jew and at least one homosexual were in the building. All the employees were about to have a group photo and Farook furiously left, leaving his jacket behind. "This party is so dead", he thought. He contacted his dear wife Tashfeen and said it was time to bring the noisemakers to the party. Syed and Tashfeen changed into traditional Muslim clothing and returned to the party to liven up the place.
The motive for the shooting is unknown. Farook was a devout Muslim, who liked reading religious books, hanging out in the backyard "doing target pratice with younger sister and friends", regularly worked in his garage, and spent his free time at mosques and memorizing the Quran. It is a mystery. Farook would know by heart the following verse for example:
However, since Amerifat experiences mass shootings on a daily basis, and since the shooter was a government employee, many people were left wondering "Is this one of those regular mass murders in America or is this one of them thar turrrist mass murders? I need to know before I shit my pants." Viewers of Homeland knew what had happened, as the attackers ripped off every plot from the show. Yadda yadda sleeper cell, blah blah assimilate, blah blah activate.
Farook was also not an angry virgin, unless the baby was not his, but then he wouldn't have brought his wife along. It's almost as if she really wanted to come to America for revenge or something. Like a good feminist, she left her baby up for adoption, and that kid will be just fine, like all adopted children. Farook joined the legions of other shitskins who have abandoned their kids. Police were also looking for a third suspect, a baby strapped to a bomb.
Days before the shooting, a Jew and Farook had a heated argument at work about politics and religion. In a huge coincidence, the Jew who had ranted about ISIS to his polite Muslim coworker was killed in the attack. It was later revealed that Farook's wife pledged allegiance to ISIS on Facebook, but ginger Jew Mark Zuckerberg was on "paternity leave" so he didn't notice. ISIS later said, "Sure, we'll take credit for that." Years ago Farook had been in contact with five people fingered as possible terrorists by the FBI, proving that the TSA is really just about groping people and making everyone mad.
Since the honeymooners kind of fumbled their whole messaging, the media will come to their rescue to adequately terrorize the public. However, their message was clear: for the good of humanity, orphans like Baby Farook need to be killed and not adopted.
The Jewish Connection
In 2013, the mass murderer Farook went to Mecca like a good Muslim. Also in 2013, coworker Nicholas "Michael" Thalasinos✡ became a "born again" Messianic Jew, devoting himself to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, and became a Zionist. PROTIP: A Messianic Jew is a Jew who believes Jesus is the Messiah so they can celebrate Christmas religiously, instead of materialistically like a Jew. Thalasinos filled his Facebook✡ page with anti-Islamic rants, talk of "turbanheads", anti-jihadi content, and support for Israel, all under his real name because Facebook is retarded and sees no reason why anonymity is ever useful. Thalasinos loved arguing with Muslims. Do you see where this is going? A dozen years after 9/11 he posted "You can stick your Million Muslim March up your asses." Thalasinos would wear a tie clip with the Star of David✡ so he could easily be identified at a crowded Christmas party. Thalasinos liked talking about politics and religion at work because what's the worst that could happen amirite?
Two weeks before the Christmas party massacre, Farook and Thalasinos got into an argument at work about religion, since the two men were going to singlehandedly solve all the problems in the Middle East. Syed said Israel doesn't belong in the Middle East. Thanks a lot, Germany. Syed said Americans don't understand Muslims and their violent allergies to jokes. Thalasinos said Islam is a violent religion. Thalasinos said Islam is not a religion of peace, but Farook disagreed. Well Farook sure showed him didn't he? Thalasinos said he didn't know how to talk to Farook, and didn't know how to get through to him. For some reason, the stupid Jew thought he could deconvert a stupid Muslim. The Jew thought Islam is a violent religion, then figured Farook could be reasoned with.
The night before the massacre, Thalasinos argued on Facebook with a Ukrainian called "Med Ali Zarouk" who made an "anti-Semitic rant" and threatened to kill him, saying "you will die and never see israel as country believe me never." Thalasinos posted "My new hobby appears to be BLOCKING PAGAN ANTISEMITIC TROGLODYTES so I’m just passing this along to warn others." Hours before being shot to death along with over a dozen other people he worked with, Thalasinos wrote on Facebook that he got a threatening message related to Israel. The Jewish asshole probably didn't even bother to tell anyone at the Christmas party that he got death threats from Muslims the night before. Reportedly, Farook got into an argument with someone at the party before he left in anger. I wonder who.
Naturally, the Jew's wife considers the Jew a martyr. Like Jesus on the cross really. It's unclear if she thinks the 13 other corpses were worth it so her retard husband could argue with Muslims in person and online under his real fucking name.
The wife of Thalasinos thinks Farook could have been radicalized behind-the-scenes. The media has suggested that Malik radicalized Farook with her pussy. Officials did not wonder if Malik and Farook were perhaps radicalized by actually reading the Quran, the holiest scriptures of Islam. However, Thalasinos appears to have been radicalized by Rush Limbaugh. On Facebook under "Education" he put "Studied Conservatism at Limbaugh Institute of Advanced Conservative Studies." Thanks a lot, Rush Limbaugh. Thalasinos was also a big supporter of the right to bear arms.
Who will win the Victim Olympics here? Republicans, gays, or Jews?
In the end, Syed watched as his lovely wife was cucked by 72 virgins. There are rumors that the shooters filmed the entire massacre on GoPro cams mounted to their rifles, however the film's fate will likely reach basement tape status as police deny their existence. Politicians wasted no time in using another tragedy to push their political agenda, with front-runner Hillary insisting that more gun regulations will prevent people from using guns. In San Bernardino it was business as usual, which for the most part is entirely cholos looking hard and standing next to low-riders.
Democrats will yell for gun control. Republicans will rant against immigrants and say this is just another part of the War on Christmas. Fatass Chris Christie called for more surveillance, completely unaware of the Patriot Act, or the NSA, or Edward Snowden, as if TSA naked body scanners or all the surveillance since 9/11 did anything to prevent this (or any of the 350+ mass shootings so far in 2015). Savagery in Murica will continue, since victims of gunshot wounds have never thought about suing bullet manufacturers because they are dead. It's also hard to argue that a bullet that kills things is a "defective product" since it was made to do that.
After the shooting, The Donald said all Moslems should be banned from entering the US. Hillary called that "prejudiced." The Council on American-Islamic Relations said it was unconstitutional and unAmerican, apparently ignorant of US internment camps for Japs during WWII. Trump was criticized by both Democrats and Republicans, but he said "I. Don't. Care." and compared himself to FDR.
The bloody massacre was great for sellers of guns and ammo. Business was booming. Due to a positive feedback loop, more gun sales lead to more shootings lead to more gun sales.
|Kill count:||14/20 (24 Injured)|
|Accuracy:||15/20 45% killrate, not bad|
|Style:||18/20 ISIS honeymoon / GTA: Online, IRL|
|Butthurt:||17/20 People are getting numb to this|
|Bonus:||18/20 Islam 1 2 3|
|Total Score: 82/100 (B-)|
See full ranking
- Pulse Nightclub Massacre - A lone muslim man killed 50 fags. San Bern on Steroids.
- Muslim Dating Sites
- Elliot Rodger - tfw no jihadi gf
- - 12 killed in terrorist attack
- Nerd buys guns for the San Bernadino terrorists,checks himself into a mental hospital the day of the shooting
|Featured article December 4 & 5, 2015|
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