SAN FRAN CISCO IS THE THIRD MOST FABULOUS CITY ON THE PLANET,(Boise, Idaho comes in second and Salt Lake City, Utah is the first.)
San Francisco is a city famous for the Golden Gate Bridge, its long history of supporting gay culture, and for being the epicenter of California's homosexual escapades. Its expensive, full of yuppies, tech geeks, fags, dykes, Azn's (mostly Chinese and Filipinos), goths, crackheads, street performers, and worst of all, "artists" who consider themselves to be a second Picasso due to their sup3r 3p1c spray paint skills. Also, Burning Man started here, as if that were anything to be proud of. San Francisco has also supplied the entire world with LSD since 1966. It has been scientifically proven that every single resident of San Francisco is an unreliable flake.
San Francisco is home to the Golden Gate Bridge, the world's favorite place to become an hero. It is red; it's not fucking gold. To cross it in a car you must pay a $5 toll. However, it has been shown repeatedly that two persons driving with a large dog sitting upright in the back seat can cross for free by saying "carpool" to the toll booth attendant. San Franciscans get pissed off when they hear anyone call it "Frisco". Do with that what you will.
The Bay Area
See also: Adam's Block
San Francisco is usually somewhat over-extended to include the entire San Francisco Gay Area, which encompasses at least three distinct areas:
- San Francisco Proper: The city of San Francisco was once culturally and artistically amazing, but now it's so fucking expensive that artists and musicians can't afford to live there anymore. Therefore, don't expect to see any good local bands. Because of the insanely expensive real estate, the only Black people who live in San Francisco are everywhere but Haights and live in projects or faggots or live in Sunset. All other Black people live across the bridge in Oakland, especially the broke ass ones. So the majority of the population is wealthy yuppies, Azn's, and gays who are either yuppies or Azn. The city is also full of hipsters, but the ones in SF are especially annoying because they think since the city is supposed to be artistic they must be too. Overall though, San Francisco is cultured and a nice place to hang out, if you like hanging out at Starbucks.
- The South Bay: Roughly extending from Redwood City down to San Jose, the South Bay is a cultural wasteland and a large suburb known as Silicon Valley. Many large tech and computer companies such as Apple, IBM, Cisco, Google, Yahoo!, etc are headquartered there. The area used to be considered a nice place to live. However, this concentration of industries directly responsible for originating and establishing internet technology has since deformed the local society to the point that just about Every cultural aberration spawned by the internet has either been originated there or at least provided a major focus of that subculture. During the 1980s the area became the weeaboo capital of the US. Today, their major conventions are still held here along with those of other equally disgraceful internet outgrowths such as the furfag meta-orgy known as Further Confusion. Other effects on the local society have proved devastating beyond the scope of mere faggotry alone. Due to the consequent massive influx of illegal Azn's, the area now resembles Hong Kong. The city of Cupertino for example, now has a public high school that is 100% Azn. Aside from the $2,000,000 you'll pay for a home, there's nothing to distinguish any of the South Bay from the suburbs of any other major city that's been invaded by Azn's. With similar influxes of unwashed job-stealers streaming from India into nearby Santa Clara the streets have begun to resemble those of Calcutta. Note that this area also includes what is sometimes referred to as the Peninsula, to some people, to others the Peninsula is a separate region. The Peninsula is most of San Mateo County. It extends roughly down to the area below Palo Alto.
- The East Bay: Oakland and the surrounding area is much like San Francisco proper, except more ghetto, cheaper, and a lot more murder. Oakland is where all the Blacks in the Bay Area live, and is also the birthplace of wiggers, The Black Panthers and Tupac Shakur. In East Oakland, you can see black people killing each other on a nightly basis. Berkeley, which is right next door, is famous for being home to all the bitter liberals that have been pissed off since Nixon was elected. Further north, in Richmond, you can experience the same joys as East Oakland, but instead of on a nightly basis, it's on an hourly basis. While Oakland is sometimes jealous of San Francisco, the East Bay has a surprising amount of arts, culture, and fun - if you consider graffiti, Hip-Hop, and murder to be art, culture, and white people and asians trying to be niggers fun. Also, the East Bay has a great view of beautiful San Francisco, while San Francisco has a view of Oakland. Also also, Beast in Pig Latin is East Bay, so it must be cool. Berkeley is also stationed there, Its where all the white people and successful Blacks live. Known for being Drugatropolis and having the worst Occupy Movement ever. Its there and nobody gives a flying fuck. The East Bay is also home to local pedophile Phil Garrido, who lives in Antioch and is currently facing 29 charges including kidnapping a loli for the sole purpose of raping her and bearing children.
- Fisherman's Wharf: The northern waterfront area of San Francisco from Ghirardelli Square or Van Ness Street, ass pirates descend from ships and rape young boys like Catholic priests. The villagers live in constant fear of the local pirate population. The intro video of ABC's Full House features Fisherman's Wharf, with scenes of Bob Faget.
- The North Bay: Also known as Marin County, the richest per-capita county in America, or "utter shit". The North Bay is the only part of the Bay Area with no BART, primarily because they care more about property values and keeping out "undesirable influences" than the integrity of the community, but mainly its because there is absolutely nothing or nobody to do or talk to over there. So why would anybody want to commute? Its the shunned part of the bay. Its infested with batshit crazy serial killers. The people who live in Marin are either ex-hippies with a lot of money (usually from real estate) who want to fuck over black people and Aznswithout having to deal with them, their entitled children, or (most recently) successful members of Generation X who are only seen in public pregnant, with a stroller, and a latte from Starbucks. Unless you're willing to put down $30 for a 75 minute folk show starting at 6:30, there's nothing to do within the county limits but crystal meth, weed or psychosis. Every teenager who grew up in Marin wants to move to Europe.
- The Coastside: To the south of San Francisco proper, even below South San Francisco, lies Pacifica. The coastside extends from there all the way down to an interesting hybrid hippie/hickville called Half Moon Bay. Don't be fooled though: the city of Half Moon Bay and all the little minor towns to the north of it are unbearably dull and the only decent thing to ever come from there was a fuckload of meth. Pacifica, which has a closer proximity to the actual city, is poorer, smellier, and has more hicks. Actually, most KKK meetings, which are held regularly in Millbrae, have more blacks than Half Moon Bay does.
- South San Francisco: The Industrial City.
- The Clubs: San Fransisco is notorious for the amount of titty-bars, and strip clubs that could be seen by just driving a couple city blocks. Most of them being ran by Jews, attract many a thousand. In certain areas of "the city", such as the Castro District, California's asshole, as /b/ is the internet's asshole, there can be found many gay bars. These are usually peaceful, but make great targets for terrorism, or a public display of hatred.
The Demographics of San Francisco are 30% White 30% Asian and 40% Gay
Apart from that, one of San Francisco's main political exercises is to draft ballot measures aimed at rounding up the enormous multitudes of filthy "homeless" beggars and shipping them off to work camps in Arizona. Unfortunately, "homeless advocacy" groups guilt-trip and blackmail proponents into watering these measures down to such an extent that even if the measure passes, nothing whatsoever actually happens to the bums and derelicts who continue to spend their days sprawled face-up across the Market Street sidewalk, diseased hands extended to passers-by, and their nights digging crack rocks out of sidewalk cracks and then taking a shit in someone's doorway.
In 2007 San Francisco's Mayoral election included morons named Chicken, Wolf, Grasshopper, and "Captain Democracy", as well as a nudist who wants to make Golden Gate Park clothing optional, a couch-surfing clown busker, and the owner of San Francisco's largest sex club.
Ok so you find yourself stuck in this hell hole of a city, but you wanna make the most of it by spending most of the time super fucking high. Here's some amazing tips for you on where you can find the dankest shit.
- Haight St. is where all the whitest of the white kids go to score the CHOICE sticks and stems. Just ask some park kid (aka some rich kid who is pissed off at mom and dad and decided to live on the "hard streets" of the Haight/Ashbury) for some weed, preferably over on Hippie Hill, and you might score some of the ass-end of his baggie.
- For opiates and crack, head over to the Tenderloin (Turk and Leavenworth is your best bet). Here you can get oxys, hydros, dones, fentanyl, and the tried-and-true black tar opes... just wait for someone to walk past who happens to be saying stuff like "oxys hydros chiva". However, be sure to dress down, like with a t-shirt and baseball cap. If you walk in with a fancy hat and dress pants, the most you'll get is someone asking you to walk their stuff while they take your $60 and they'll never come back.
- Cocaine can be found in the Mission, maybe between 16th and 24th. Just hit up any bar after 9pm. Grams go for about $80.
San Francisco may be full of hipsters and tech fucks, but at least some people here know how to have a good time. Of course don't ask how you found out about this. In fact, I really don't know anything about where to find shit, I got this information from someone who isn't me.
Locals travel through a hippie-based system called MUNI.
—Anonymous on N Judah.
Typical march held to congratulate MUNI on how efficient it is.
16th Street: Bart Terror
It was a typical San Francisco day in 2013; skyrocketing costs of living, accelerating societal degeneration, thousands of pounds of homeless feces on the streets, and hordes of techno-yuppies flocking to the city. In the Bart station on 16th street, a 24 year old man named Yeiner Perez (Yeiner Alberto Perez Garizabalo) went on a rampage. However, unlike many who choose to commit mass murder, he fought back against society by running around naked doing advanced acrobatic maneuvers and harassing random passerby. Unfortunately, all good things come to an end. Like the middle class, Yeiner was soon arrested, imprisoned and drained of his resources. However, we at ED will preserve his glory for as long as there is lulz to be documented.
- August Ragone
- Brad Fitzpatrick
- Michael Savage
- Epic Beard Man
- Kenneth Eng
- Tfo - A former ED admin on .com.
- Gay hanky code
- Shut Up, Little Man!
- San Francisco North
- Adam's Block
16th Street: Bart Terror Articles
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