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Satan

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

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Info non-talk.png Were you looking for His Satanic Majesty, the Roman Antichrist?

Just like the ED trolls who got kicked out of Wikipedia, and decided to make their own revenge website as an act of childish rebellion, Satan after being permabanned from Heaven decided the least he could do was take everyone down with him. Pretty lulzy
The Prince of Darkness on his daily basis of trolling.
HAIL SATAN EVERYDAY

Satan is too cool and notably the best known troll in the history of the universe, given the most names out of any supernatural entity, even God. He is also falsely believed to be the bane of good. He has admitted to being the bane of good, but since he is a liar he is then necessarily not anything he claims to be. Satan is also known to say that he is wrong most of the time and he will lose the ultimate battle.

Satan knows that the only reality is the carnal reality, the material world and its laws. Satan was permabanned from heaven for giving this knowledge to Eve, who had to tell Adam because this ultimate truth went way over her head. Adam and Eve were subsequently banned from Eden because they began to cover up their sexyparts, successfully ruining God's only dick joke, marking one of Satan's best trolls evar.

Satan is the light of salvation for human-kind, taking all of God's mistakes under his large black wings and protecting them with his irrevocable power. Satan is the answer to the paradox "Can God make a rock so heavy that even he cannot lift it?" Satan is that rock. Now despite,his bad reputation,Satan is one of most honest,sincere and cool individuals ever to exist so... NOW WORSHIP SATAN FOR ALL E-TERNITY, PATHETIC MORTAL.

Contents

Satan's Contributions to Trolling

Satan is one of the world's most influential IRL trolls who started by getting Adam and Eve B& from the Garden of Eden roughly 6,000 years ago in an act of epic lulz thus causing the downfall of humanity - wars, hunger, niggers, Jews and the Holocaust (see, two wrongs do make a right) and ultimately the internets.

Satan's trolling has been known to inspire the following:


As further proof that Satan is damn good at his job, none of these people actually like or even believe in Satan. All of these things go to prove that Satan is the second greatest IRL troll to ever exist. The first being God himself.

Great job, Satan!

Lrn2HailSatan

The Book of Job (pr: "Jobe") is one of the Bible's oddest "books", and that's saying something. It's not a confusing and disorientating account of acute psychosis and delirium like Revelation, it's not a supposedly sensuous metaphor for God's love for His people like The Song of Solomon, and it's not like trying to eat your way out from the bottom of a freight container full of rejected fortune cookies like the book of Proverbs. No, Job is the mini-novel that a Bronze Age Franz Kafka might have written.

God is hanging around and He sees Satan. God's like, "Yo, Satan! Where you been, homey?" And Satan's like: "Going to and fro in the earth, and walking up and down in it." Then they get really high and God bets Satan a bag full of foreskins that Satan cannot corrupt some poor unsuspecting sap. And Satan's like, "You're on, d00d" So God picks Job, a quiet and devout family man to be tormented by Satan.

Satan kills all Job's cattle, meaning Job has no income and cannot tend his farm and Job is all like: "I love God and He'll look after me." So Satan turns it up a notch and kills Job's wife. And Job's like: "Well, I'd better worship God even more than I do already." Satan kills all Job's children. And Job's like: "The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away, praise be unto God." Satan can't kill Job or it'll be breaking the bet so he inflicts a plague of sore boils on Job, who while writhing in the dirt and weeping pus from every inch of his pain-wracked body still reckons God is teh man. Some of this might be in the wrong order.

Satan gives up, because Job is a moron who brought it on himself and God keeps all the foreskins, saying: "You fail it n00b." Then God has a rant about some monsters he created such as Behemoth and Leviathan and falls asleep. After that, there's stuff about robots, kinky sex and roller disco, but no-one ever gets that far so it was B& by The Pope like the Da Vinci Code.

Moral: God trolls Satan harder than Satan trolls Job. And this is why God allows evil to exist in the world. Also, cocks.

Hell

The first video you watch in Hell

What, exactly, is Hell?

Return journeys are rare

Hell is a large cave hidden inside the moon your mom. Managed by Lucifer Armstrong and the rest of the illuminati, Hell is a very happy place. However, the connotation of "Hell" has been skewed by white people with cardigans. The Christian concept of Hell entails fire, chaos, and dystopia. In truth, none of this is accurate. Actually, Hell has just had a broken air conditioning system for a while. They recently remodeled, and the bed bug problem is gone. Thank you, Obama.

People going there

  • Those who edit Encyclopedia Dramatica.
  • Those who wear hats indoors.
  • Those who wear summer hats in the winter.
  • Those who wear winter hats in the summer.

People already there

  • William Shakespeare for plagiarism. Especially how he stole proverbs and other sayings and presented them as if he coined them. But worse, much worse than this, worse than hack analysis, worse than e-psychiatry, worse than old meme, worse than trying too hard and worse than quoting a TV Show is to favour wordplay and other stylistical schemes over pedagogics.

Lasting Influence

Mostly these days, Satan just hangs out with the midget kings.

Satan's influence over modern individual thinkers is highly prevalent on the internets. Taking their cues from The Great One himself, completely original young thinkers can be found all over LiveJournal, DeadJournal and especially Vampirefreaks. Typically, many of them cultivated screen names based off the works of Dante and Milton such as xxxSatansGoatseManBitchxxx or 6satans6jizzbin6.

The other telltale sign of Satan's presence OL is the continuation of cryptography, which is his favorite hobby. His most hardcore followers will attempt to obfuscate the true, sinister nature of their messages within a highly complex system of transposing, dropping, and replacing letters and words when communicating.

Example 1: "I am in the final stages of planning a gruesome end to my foes" would be written as "Tihs is so fuck up ppl wr talkkn shit n i start to cry n now i jus wana smoek a big 1 n slit my rissed."

Example 2: "That woman would be most suitable to join me inside my dungeon for a night of exquisite pagan sex ritual" would translate as "teh grrl in Hot Topic is so hot i trid to aks her out but im to shy n just looked so stupid. I haet myself. Good news i get to moev into my moms basement tomorw."

Fun Facts About Satan

Obviously.
  • Tom Cruise is gay for Satan.
  • Satan uses Unix in all his partitions.
  • Satan uses Windows Vista.
  • Satan has had hot, sweaty sex with every Republican president in the past 100 years and a majority of the Democratic ones. Jimmy Carter is a prude.
  • In previous years, Satan employed backmasking to spread the word and cause people to commit suicide. Now that everybody just steals all their music from the internet, Satan has given up and joined the RIAA.
  • Christopher Hitchens, since dying, is Satan's bitch and has to suck Satan's cock on a daily basis. Worst yet, he has to take the full 20 inches of Satan's cock up his rotting anus which is still infested with the ass cancer that killed him.
  • Satan invented heterosexuality for the lulz.
  • Satan Causes Global Warming.

Sightings

Satan at Jew conference.


Official ED Policy on Satan

   
 
HAIL SATAN EVERYDAY
 

 
 

—?

Satan in video games and on the Internetz

Satan also tries to conquer the virtual world of video games and the internetz by forcing n00bs to face unseen horrors.

Satan reveals the ultimate form of evil, the Cacobirdo


People Commonly Accused of Being The Antichrist

Why Muslims and The Jew don't eat pig

Gallery

About missing Pics

See Also

Satan loves the little children most of all.

External Links

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Satan is part of a series on

Trolls

Visit the Trolls Portal for complete coverage.

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Satan is part of a series on

Truth

Visit the Truth Portal for complete coverage.

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