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Saturday Night Live
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Saturday Night Live is live/living proof that age does not make something better. What once had the occasional kinda funny skit now has devolved into strange people doing stupid things for overly extended sketches.
For instance, let's take someone with an amusing accent who isn't the negroes. While most shows would only dare have this character as an incredibly minor character barely shown at all, SNL thinks the lulz aren't truly drawn out until this character is the central focus of a 10 minute sketch.
Current watchers of present-day SNL often have problems identifying if the skit they are watching is funny with probable cause being mainly general retardation. Essentially, if SNL wasn't live and able to attract Jew it would be exactly the same as an early nineties all-teen sketch show on Nickelodeon. REMEMBAR ROUNDHOUSE??!?
If the skit contains any person who could be summed up as "angry ethnic person", then you are a retard for watching even a second more than it takes to determine it. If the skit contains Tina Fey, then you are gay. (It must be true because it rhymes!) If it has Maya Rudolph, you are double gay and should probably check this checklist to see if you are a danger to society. If you tune in specifically because you wanted to see your favorite actor performing in a hilarious hour and a half of variety comedy, suicide might be for you.
Now in its 35th year (though its roots date back to a local Jew York program called Broadway Open House in the early 1950s and also draws on Chicago's Second City), Saturday Night Live is the third longest-running entertainment program in US television history (after Walker, Texas Ranger and World's Deadliest Police Chases). Tells you something about the American public, doesn't it?.
A Betamax tape exists of the very first broadcast of Saturday Night Live (then called simply Saturday Night), featuring Paula Abdul welcoming viewers with the warning, "This show is going to make you puke." while Chevy Chase snorts an eight-ball out of her ass. So far, she has yet to be proven wrong. Over the years, SNL has shown to be a vital piece of information when it comes to determining how much of a life one actually has. If you have nothing better to do on a Saturday night than watch guys make out or some fag try to defuse a bomb (as his movie bombed), you have no fucking life.
The current cast of SNL contains various unfunny fucks. Since SNL began most of the unfunny fucks in the cast have carried the pained look of dogs eager to please their master. The unfunny fucks anxiously climb over each other with impatient eyes, panting, doing stupid voices and making stupid faces, greedy to take the spotlight and be the star. Their Jew Master, Lorne Michaels, stokes this dog-eat-dog orgy because he loves fapping to the feverish desperation in their pathetically empty eyes. Kate McKinnon is best known for her impression of Hilary Clinton, even though it's the typical SNL presidential election crap. Vanessa Bayer, who plays a porn star and Jacob the Bar Mitzvah Boy. Beck Bennett and Kyle Mooney do sketches that are so lame, they're on the last ten minutes of the show. Cecily Strong is just there to pull in the 18-34 male demographic. Leslie Jones is a female Tracy Morgan. Pete Davidson is the third attempt at making another Adam Sandler. There's also Kenan Thompson, who was on All That on Nickelodeon back in the 90's, as well as the movie Good Burger.
Lorne Michaels has been in charge of SNL since fucking forever. This is because he somehow managed to convince the idiots at NBC that a Canadian was the only one qualified to judge good humor. Of course, since every generation of American says SNL sucks, he's probably not doing that great of a job. On top of that, NBC let him pick Conan O'Brien to replace Johnny Carson because they thought he knew what funny is. That not being enough, SNL has their own movie production studio that basically takes their long running shitty sketches into a box office bombs. This also creates work for such actors as Rob Schneider, who needs to fucking shave that vagina off his face.
SNL Meets the Internet
Lorne Michaels made the first good decision of his life (aside from killing Phil Hartman and producing 30 Rock) by allowing skits and Digital Shorts to be posted on the intertubes. As 4chan has repeatedly proven, every time a tidal wave of shit is unleashed upon the internet, one is bound to find a few pieces of sweet, sweet corn.
The Lonely Island
However, Jew gave a big middle finger to Lorne and live TV in general by creating Digital Shorts that dominated anything SNL has done in the past 20 years. He followed up on his original success with Dick in a Box, Jizz in my Pants, I'm On A Boat (ft. T-Pain), Like A Boss (ft. Seth Rogen), and "Threw It On The Ground". Just like a mildly attractive girl goes clubbing with her fat friend to look better by comparison, Samberg's hack material - a beautiful kernel of genetically-modified Illinois sweet corn in a pile of rotting feces - is suddenly hilarious, even if only because it steals from shit on the internet.
- Dateline with Keith Morrison, featuring Keith Urban - "Do you get some sort of strange delight in all this?" "I do..."
- Dateline with Keith Morrison, featuring Tracy Morgan - "I guess you could say you had yourself a manwich."
- Dateline with Keith Morrison, feat. Steve Buscemi
- Vinny Vedecci interviews Shia Labeouf - "So you were arrested... just for smoking?"
- Vinny Vedecci interviews John Malcovich
- Vinny Vedecci interviews Seth Rogen - "You have a voice... like a MONSTER!"
- Vinny Vedecci interviews Drew Barrymore
- Vinny Vedecci interviews Robert DeNiro
- Saturday Night Live on MySpace pederasty - "What's the best way to make sure that Dateline's not gonna be there?"
- Saturday Night Live's solution to the global financial crisis - "Don't Buy Stuff You Cannot Afford"
- People Getting Punched Right Before Eating - Samberg and physical comedy FTW
- Gay Hitler - "Sprechen zie dick?"
- Butt Pregnancy - It's not unusual to have a baby in your butt!
- Your typical Saturday Night Live skit: Goatse with a side of dry acting
- Annuale - Saturday Night Live on menstruation
- Tressant Supreme - "With natural highlights and just a leeetle bit of crack cocaine!"
- New Cracklin' Oat Flakes: Now with MDMA - "Poundin' at your heart with the Fist of God!"
- Uncle Jemima's Pure Mash Liquor - "Lemme aks you a question - ya like drinkin?"
The Lonely Island
- Iran So Far Away - Andy Samberg serenading Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad: "You can deny the Holocaust all you want - but you can't deny that there's something between us."
- Natalie Portman's Rap (Uncensored Dub) - "I bust in dudes' mouths like Gushers motherfucker!"
- Dick in a Box - "1. Cut a hole in the box. 2. Put your junk in that box. 3. Make her open the box."
- Jizz in my Pants
- I'm On A Boat (ft. T-Pain)
- Like A Boss (ft. Seth Rogen)
Yeah right. Like cockroaches, this show will never go away.
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