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Sience Fiction (sci-fi, scifi) is the fiction genre of choice for geeks, nerds, and basement dwellers and a close cousin of the fantasy genre. It has been helping grown men keep their virginity since Robert A. Heinlein wrote Rocketship Galileo. Scyfy comes in many forms of old media and vidya games. Not to be confused with people who think that science is fiction. If you are watching after midnight on a monday morning for $3, it may be a double-feature picture-show by RKO. Especially when surrounded by men in corsets and heavy makeup.
Science Fiction revolves around technoporn and softcore aliensex. It will usually:
- take place in outer space.
- have a "save the world" kind of plot, in space.
- accept furries.
- take place in a futuristic society.
- involve another planet.
- talk about large cylindrical objects, set vertically or in space.
- have a desirable female in a supporting role, occasionally without antennae.
- require large amounts of crossover merchandising, in the case of a TV or movie.
- involve neato weapons.
- require no sexual standards of it's characters.
- sell more DVDs than movie tickets.
- have a dedicated internet forum.
As well as the choice topic of 15% of blogs, vlogs and chatrooms, it is the theme of 2% of porn-sites and the dedication of a whopping 78% of fan-sites -second only to animu by 4%. Most scifi porn covers those aspects of sex that can't be addressed by a cheap costume. The world has not been the same since the Borg could put their metal tentacles deep in an anthropomoric lizard.
It has a noble history with fanfiction; the first fanfic was a fetish piece about a promising young officer who liked pointy ears. It was written in five minutes after the first airing of The Menagerie in 1966 and read aloud to a stunned coffee shop audience at the very next open-mic night. Little did anyone realize how the cancer would grow, or what was laid in store for the day the internets would make this abomination unstoppable.
When Star Trek temporarily went off the air, the dedicated got together to trade poor-quality bootlegs. Later they took over convention centers to expound upon their piracy. This has become an annual event in most American cities. There is testimony from these formative years, foreshadowing the future of cosplay and indeed, conventions as a whole:
—the only woman in attendance at the Houston Convention, 1970
Since then scifi has very much become to America what animu is to Japan: a target of obession and creative outlet for underemployed middle-aged white men, white 13 year old boys, fat white women and college students (already white) whose parents failed to do their job. Sit in on a local "Feminist Science Fiction" class here and see what I mean. Unlike Otaku, however, American jailbait has not jumped on the scifi wagon, so you'll probably never get a good panty shot of a helpless-12 year old Centauri waif in tattered rags. DAMNIT!!
Science Fiction's Unforeseen Consequences
When L. Ron Hubbard got made a fool by (relatively) more talented writers, like the guy who did Buck Rogers in the 25th Century AD, he figured out that his writing wouldn't suffice to sell books. Looking for easier prey, he rewrote his cock and bull scifi novels into a cock and bull psychology story and got this guy Volney Mathison to build a cheap, flakey, portable lie-detector out of a few resistors, switches, lights, a sweeping needle and a pair of surface elctrodes (the cheap fuck wouldn't even spring for a couple used tubes). He then went around curing people of their sadness and teaching them the mysteries of the universe. The Church of Scientology became very popular among celebrities, because most of them aren't really in touch with Earth to begin with.
The E-Meter Mk. VII cost $4650 in 2005. Since then the CoS has upped it's security, and noone is really sure how much it is to upgrade to a Mk. VIII model, what your Mk. V trade-in is worth or the minimum down payment to get a 13% interest rate. The How to Use Dianetics Complete Kit (2 books, 2 DVD films and 5 CDs worth of lectures) goes for $75 from Dianetics.Com Pretty steep for scifi, considering that Serenity, Firefly -the complete series and Dr Horrible's Sing-Along Blog (6 dvds total) goes for $46 on Amazon and are both more believable and more entertaining. The only advantage Dianetics holds over more legitimate scifi is a crack team of copyright lawyers. It's true they have Kirstie Alley, Katie holmes and Sharon Stone, all of whom are hotter, richer and more famous than any scifi actress but the former got fat and the other two wised up.
Scientology is proof of one of these not-so-far-fetched visions of the future:
- everyone will catch on to what sensible people have known for years.
- time travel is impossible, since no one came back to kill L-Ron.
- scientologists control the time machines. Surely they already believe this.
- scientology is the dominant religion of the future and humans are fuckwits, which goes exactly against an idea that scifi fans adhere to; that humans are an intelligent race capable of improving and governing themselves without a higher power. If you're a long time user on ED, you already know the limitless capacity for ignorance and gullibility that humans possess and have concluded from it that Scientology will be the dominant religion of the future, since you don't have to think or adhere to any pesky rules, all you need is a little money and a blood oath of loyalty to the collective.
"Notable" Science Fiction
- Star Trek
- Star Wars
- Doctor Who
- Mass Effect
Science Fiction is part of a series on
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