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Science

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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Science is a way of explaining IRL shit. Science ranges from basic beginnings, Biotic and Abiotic, to explaining complex compilations of atoms to make molecules, which makes a material, and when those materials are combined, they make the pornography you fap to. Some things can never be explained by science, but that won't stop them motherfuckers from lyin' about it and getting you pissed.

History

The first science was invented by some transvestite cunt called Isaac Newton. Since apparently he was the first person in human history to wonder why the fuck things happen, he created this shit called gravity and for some reason the dumb fucks actually still believe him to this day. Despite the fact that Newton copyrighted gravity, over 9000 years later Albert Jewstein was born and he immediately started creating bullshit theories that the retards called "scientists" actually believe. He discovered that light was real and this pissed Hitler off so him and his army of illiterate cunts chased Albert Jewstein out of Germany. Albert went to the united nations of American land of all places and it was here he fabricated the most obscenely bullshit theories ever heard of including the theory of Gaytivity. After Jewstein was assassinated by John F Kennedy, the smartest science to ever live called Stephen Hawking discovered Jewstein's papers and freaked out when reading them, causing him to become paralyzed. Jewstein then went on to win 150 Noble peace prizes even though he did absolutely nothing.

Scientific Method

These are the following guidelines of the scientific method as proceeded:

  • Learn ridiculously obscure, advanced, and abstracts words.
  • Learn needlessly complex math: especially statistics.
  • Write a TL;DR essay with aforementioned wording and math, which no one bothers to read except a guy who gets payed to do it.
  • ...Success and profit! Your professional life is now just as sensational as your sex life.
  • Never stop trying.


The Real Scientific Method

  • Get PhD
  • Get political and attach yourself to flavor of the month causes being thrown around by SJWs and libtards.
  • Pick one, say Global Warming, Second Hand Smoke or how video games are turning Americans into retarded, Assburger style, fat autistic basement dwelling, child molesting fucks that sympathize with the US military and its expansionist policies. Remember, the more popular the better.
  • Fake results, better yet, cherry pick results and publish paper with the intention of backing up some crazy libtard's pseudo-scientific claims. Remember, only trolls and asshole Republicans require that scientific ideas be scrutinised under all conditions. If someone points out a weakness in your evedience or can proove that your results aren't consistant, simply call them a troll that refuses to accept scientific evidence or is employed by big business.
  • All profit baby. Start making appointments for speaking engagements charging $15,000 an appearance. If you can climb to the level of Neil Degrasse Tyson and can get some retarded, joke of a producer like Seth McFarlane to back your stupidity and cast you in a Tv show that rips off a much better one from the past like Carl Sagan's Cosmos, you can make $100,000 an apparence spouting stupidity that can easily be refuted with a simple Google search like, "Helicopters fall like a brick when they run out of gas."]]
  • For Max Profit always remember to insult and troll religion by calling it a hillbilly invention of ignorance to explain the unknown despite science inventing things out of the blue like "Dark Matter" for no reason other than to balance an equation because if it were to remain unbalanced, then it could be argued that out current model of Physics is wrong. Since Einstein there haven't been any major works or new ideas. The majority of the work being done is balancing the equations when contradictions appear in the current model. In otherwords, no matter what, always approach Science like a Spanish Priest during the Inquisition would approach Catholicism.

Branches of Science

Natural Science

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This is science done using only the purest natural ingredients. All ingredients must conform to rigorous standards developed and enforced by the Royal Institute of Natural Organic Science. Many scientists who practice natural science are hippies.

Some scientists like Richard Dawkins have tried to use natural science to try and get rid of religion after being raped by God when he was a kiddie. Sadly, when Atheists use science, stupid shit happens. Natural scientists such as Richard Dawkins are no lifers who sit on YouTube all day long criticizing religion. When their lazy asses has finally left their computers, they spend their time self-righteously mocking theology while not knowing what the fuck they are talking about. At least 100 years ago their sinfulness incurred God's wrath, which made God unleashed a great flooding that pwned everyone except Abraham and his favorite sex buddies (his wife, his children, and tons of tons of animals). Stalin, Hitler and Pol Pot has since then carried on the Lord's tradition of mass murdering the worshipers of Lolcifer, and are now getting rewarded in heaven. (If you don't understand the irony of this entry, you are hereby ordealed by all that is decent to STFU about things you don't know jack shit about.)

Computer Science

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Moar info: Computer Science.

Nerd shit that allows even the most idiotic of niggers become elite hackers.

Physics

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Moar info: Physics.

Physics is a branch of science that deals with the study of origami and knot-tying. Physicists shit on every other belief system that requires you to believe in something that can't be seen. Ironically, they often resort to the same pedantry: using such dubious ideas as "dark matter", "dark energy", "strings", and "gravity" to try to create a universe that doesn't collapse back in on itself in the first five minutes of the film. However, quantum theory seems to be more accepted as the years plod on. Quantum theory, developed by a Jew believed to be an Asspie, and further elaborated on by a cripple, is especially designed to be as unintelligible and complicated as possible, so that the peons may not learn the secrets of their university graduate overlords. A basic explanation of Quantum Theory is the Shroedinger's Cat example. A cat, locked in a box, may die, but you won't know until you look. Until then the cat is in a state of "quantum flux", I.E the cat is both alive AND dead, simultaneously. Of course, any scientist can tell you, that is not dead which can eternal lie, and with strange eons even death may die. This means Quantum Theory may or may not be right.

OF course, of all the shitty ideas, religion seems to be able to work freely in conjunction with the most sound "theory". Using Quantum Theory, you can easily say that all religions can be proven and all atheists suck cocks.

Genetic Engineering

Genetic Engineering is an exciting renewed field created by Nazis due to the sad fact that liberals weren't nearly as afraid of the unspeakable machine-god known as "Science" as they ought to be and the fact nerd scientists like the rationalization that if they make a copy of themselves and have sex with it, that it's masterbation and not faggotry. The primary output of Genetic Engineering is "Frankenfood" which keeps niggers from starving to death, thus keeping the hideous cancer known as humanity on blessed Mother Earth and the same scientists whining that the over population of the Earth and their consumerism is the leading cause of Global Warming. Many furfags hope that genetic engineering will rid them of their basement-dwelling, fat, cancer-ridden bodies and restore them to their true form, but anybody with an I.Q. of 25 or above knows that this is about as likely as building a thetan-powered car.

Additional tools are being developed, like nanotechnology, to improve genetic engineering, and there is hope that one day it will finally cure the tragic disease known as faggotry.

Nuclear Physics

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Nuclear Physics, also invented by the Nazis, as a way of furthering their total eradication of gypsies, lessers, and the greedy. They never finished their research before the communists burned Berlin to the ground. The Americunts were butthurt over having everyone else do all the actual work, so with all their massive reserves of jew gold, and needing a new way of raping the fuck out of everyone else for not srsly acknowledging that the US did all the work, told all the captured Nazi scientists they could work for the US for a six-figure salary and having everyone else 'forget' about their war crimes, or spend the next fifty years taking it in the ass. With the Nazimericans building the A-bomb, the Russians wanted in on the action and with similarly employed Nazi scientists began building their own nukes. This led to the Americunts pointing all their missiles at those communist money-worshiping rapists, and the Russians pointing all their missiles at those capitalist christfag fat fucks, even though if it weren't for the Russians we'd all be speaking German and making a morning prayer to Zombie Cyborg Hitler. So can't we all just get along?

Social Science

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Moar info: Sociology.

Social science, otherwise known as bullshit science, pseudo-science, wannabe science, pretend science, etc, etc is largely for intellectual deficients who couldn't cut it in real science fields who then retarded back to the only quasi-alternative form available. The field covers a wide variety of bullshit artistry, from psychology, sociology, criminology to newer fields like gender studies and African studies and the like.

Social science, at its core, doesn't fucking work because it's normally based on situations and perceptions that have a near infinite number of possible and potential variable, variables... meaning the variables which make up a particular model aren't simply based on an endless slew of variables, but the variables themselves ARE variable.

It's essentially a form of the God Paradox... that is, can God create a stone so heavy that even he cannot lift it? The answer is yes, he can... but then he can simply turn around and make himself even stronger because a God wouldn't have any limits.

In effect, almost every form of social science is bullshit because it doesn't take into account ITSELF and how the very nature of the field changes and alters the known variables. For example if you find a particular pattern of behavior in people... but then turn around and point out that pattern of behavior, make people aware of it, then that awareness in turn alters the nature of the pattern of behavior itself.

This often manifests in the form of attempting to replicate decade old studies and experiments and winding up with completely skewed results, partly because society is always in flux, with social norms changing as easily as the wind, but also because most everyone in the repeated experiment is already aware of the original experiments to some degree and knows exactly what's going on. The very knowledge of the field essentially destroys any possible scientific controls.

This would be like a scientist discovering a new element and the minute they run around telling everyone about the new element, the element itself would change its composition and become something else entirely.

Adding to this clusterfuck is the fact that the majority of those who go into social sciences do so out of personal bias, meaning if you ask most psychology students why they got into the field they'll immediate start droning on about some dumbfuck life-changing experience they've had, like a family member being diagnosed with something, or discovering some twisted fetish of theirs or being "almost raped", etc. This over personalization of the field creates an inherent bias in almost every sociology student, where they're looking for confirmation and assured/shared belief rather than looking for answers to unfamiliar questions. To them the question already has an answer, they just need to find a way to explain it in a way that makes them sound smart.

Educational Videos


Scientific Debate

Fuck science 444444

The science of us trolls

Epic chemistry teacher

When a physics teacher knows his stuff

Science did WTC

What scientists look at all day

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NOTE: This is what scientists look at all day.


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See Also

External Links


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