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Seasonal Affective Disorder

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Why me? Why am I so cursed?

Seasonal Affective Disorder, often abbreviated as W.A.H., is a made up disease. Sufferers of this terrible affliction like to think that they're in some way out of the ordinary and deserve special attention, when in fact the only thing wrong with them is a severe case of USI.

W.A.H. is related to fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome, in that they're all imaginary diseases used by crybabies to avoid responsibility. Basement dwellers are immune to W.A.H. as basements are impervious to the vagaries of weather.


Symptoms and Treatment

Do you prefer summer to winter? Congratulations! You are diseased. You deserve special attention. Seasonal Affective Disorder is said to be caused by a lack of Vitamin D, which the sun is used to make within the body. This is an utterly false claim, as the internet proves. If a lack of sunlight made you depressed, the internet would be full of sullen, hateful people displaying a lack of motivation and energy. Happily, S.A.D. is complete shit, because that internet would suck ass.

It is doubtful that many practitioners actually believe S.A.D. exists, because the primary treatment is the “take-this-and-shut-the-fuck-up” SSRI's, which fix S.A.D. as well as they do depression and other fake diseases. The medication does not treat a paucity of sunlight, as the lack of a Prozac pipeline to Alaska proves, but it does tend to keep housewives from mouthing off and aspiring to be other than sandwich-making sex workers, as God intended.

An Objective Comparison of SAD and Closeted Homosexuality

The symptoms of S.A.D. include craving of carbohydrates, decreased sex drive, and withdraw from spouse. Closet faggots spend their time avoiding having sex with their wives to pack fudge into their various orifices. Both are prone to suicide. S.A.D. sufferers avoid venturing into the sun, and homos in denial spend all of their time in dark alleys or strange basements. Both will starve themselves due to poor self image, and lose large amounts of weight. Ergo, all S.A.D. sufferers are closeted faggots and should an hero ASAP.

Apparently, inducing blindness is a cure for feeling sad during winter.

Cure

Turn on the lights. Seriously, this "disease" can be cured by walking over to the wall and flicking the switch. Some sufferers claim that they need special light bulbs to feel better, but they are just trying to scam their insurance into buying them special light bulbs that cost a shit ton of money. Most healthcare providers are falling for it, because these light bulbs are covered as treatment for S.A.D. If you file to get one and it works for you, try to get a bouncy house next. It's bound to make you happier than fancy lightbulbs. And assuming it's not semen encrusted like everything else you own, it will last longer, too.

Known Sufferers

Every human being that's ever lived, ever. But don't let that stop you from making a youtube channel that chronicles your struggle. Why not call in sick for work and tell your boss that you wish it was sunnier outside?

Gallery

See Also

[Case ClosedOpen Up to Us]
Seasonal Affective Disorder is part of a series on Psychology
Antisocial personality disorder Hannibal Lector.jpg Mental illness & Disorders

AcrotomophiliaAddictionAgoraphobiaAlcoholismAlexis Pilkington SyndromeAlzheimer'sAnorexiaAntisocial personality disorderAnthropophobiaAnxietyADDADHDAsperger's SyndromeAutismBimboficationBipolarBorderline personality disorderBug ChasingBulimiaDeep thinkerDepressionDick ImpalementDown's SyndromeDyslexiaEating disorderFactitious disorderFake SchizophreniaFauxlimiaFeminismGender dysphoriaGirl on the Internet SyndromeHeterophobiaHero ComplexHFAHistrionic Personality DisorderHutchence's SyndromeHyperbolimiaInadequacyInconsistent personality disorderInsanityLiberal Butthurt SyndromeLow Self-esteem'Missing White Woman' SyndromeMultiple personality disorderNapoleon ComplexNarcissistic personality disorderNeurotypicalObsessive Compulsive DisorderParanoiaParanoid personality disorderPeter Pan SyndromePost-Traumatic Stress DisorderPsychopathyRetardationSchizophreniaSeasonal Affective DisorderSelf-diagnosisSelf InjurySexsomniaSickfuckerySociopathySocial anxiety disorderSpecial Snowflake SyndromeTrolling Induced Transsexuality SyndromeTulpaUnrealistic expectationsVictim complex

Fetishes:

AcrotomophiliaAquaphiliaArborphiliaAudiophiliaAutogynephiliaBalloon FetishBestialityCarmen Electra complexCross DressingDollfiliaEmetophiliaEmosexualityEproctophiliaFatty Fetish (Female Fat Admirer) • FetishismFoot FetishFurniture PornFurrismGoo girlGuroHeterophiliaHomophiliaInflation FetishJapanophiliaJungle FeverLesbian pedophiliaLotion PlayMacrophiliaMaiesiophiliaMechanophiliaMpregNecrophiliaObjectophiliaOedipial ComplexParaphiliaPedophiliaPlushophiliaPregnant LoliPregnophiliaQuicksand FetishRangerphiliaSpectrophiliaStatuephiliaTrichophiliaVoraphiliaWet and Messy FetishismWetlookXenophiliaYellow feverZoophilia

E-Psychosis:

Chronic Troll SyndromeDeletionismE-goE-PsychiatristE-PsychiatryETDHivemindI-DosingI have a 140 IQIRC DiseaseImaginary girlfriendInternet Disease & Internet Disease ChartInternet poverty delusionsInternet RehabInternet troll personality disorderMega ultra super geniusNerdy Fandom Gateway TheorySex by associationLulz-BlindnessWikipedia's Greatest Hits Diseases

Experiments:

ask.fmBrainwashingHypnosisMilgram ExperimentScientologyStanford Prison ExperimentThe Hivemind Corollary

Sites:

Above Top SecretB/Bodies Under SiegeCYOCChatrouletteDefense Industries OrganizationDeekerFoolQuest.comInkBunnyNeuticles.comPsyke.orgWarpMyMind.com

See also:

American Psychiatric AssociationAngerASMRChild abuseConscienceDreamDSMEnlightenmentIntelligenceLobotomyPsychiatristySerial KillersTake the meat bridgeThe Law of ConformityTrigger Warning

Featured article November 6 & November 7, 2013
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Seasonal Affective Disorder Succeeded by
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