Sega Game Gear

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Lolis actually liek Gaem Gaer, srsly!

The Sega Game Gear was a semi-portable gaming console released in 1991, it was meant to kick Nintendo's Gameboy in the nuts because the Game Gear had color graphics unlike the Gameboy. Fortunately, it did not generate the same amount of success as the Gameboy, mainly because the bateries would drain so fast that you couldn't have enough time to enjoy playing.

Fanboys Unite!!!!1!1[edit]

The Game Gear started life as Sega's attempt to drive Nintendo fanboys away from the Gameboy. Word soon spread that this device which weighed at least 100 pounds could play games. Fanboys rejoiced and proclaimed they were the best. The Game Gear had a back light that could light up the screen unlike the Gameboy, allegedly making it easier to play in sunlight - an ironic concept as most children playing computer consoles from 1990 onwards had no idea what sunlight was. The settings were extremely bleached out colors, blinding white, 99% black person, and off. It also used 72 AA-Batteries which had a life span of 7 minutes. This gave it a power reactor that rivaled nuclear power. Fanboys quickly proclaimed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND" volts.

A Sega Game Gear as God intended - switched off for evar.

However, it didn't sell for four reasons.

  1. 16-year-old girl demography didn't support it.
  2. Sega is the company sponsored by Ann Coulter.
  3. /b/ didn't exist at the time
  4. Shitty games and shitty ports
  5. LOL, Sega


Games Available for the Game Gear[edit]

Just like the PS3, Game Gear has no games. But there are some that managed to move out of the crowd and get noticed. Feel free to add any.

  • Columns - Sega's version of Tetris minus the fun and playability.
  • Sonic the Hedgehog - Poor man's version of the Genesis game, complete shit.
  • Sonic the Hedgehog 2 - More or less the same shit as above, but this can neither be confirmed or denied as no one ever managed to defeat the first boss.
  • Sonic Chaos - More or less the same shit as above.
  • Sonic the Hedgehog: Triple Trouble - More or less the same shit as above.
  • Sonic Drift - Poor man's version of Mario Kart. Had a sequel but it's the same shit.
  • Tails Adventure - Sonic's yellow faggot friend gets his own game. A somewhat decent platformer.
  • The GG Shinobi - A ninja game which rips off Mega Man's concept of destroying bosses (which are other ninjas turned hostage), and having them team up with you. Not as good as Revenge of Shinobi though.
  • Streets of Rage - A watered down version of the Genesis version, which not only gets rid of Adam, but it takes away Axel and Blaze's ability to bash people with the knees.
  • Streets of Rage 2 - A watered down sequel counterpart which only has Axel, Blaze, and Skate. It is notable for featuring a ripoff of the Predator as a midboss.

Teh End[edit]

The Game Gear was mercifully ended by Sega before Game Boy Color even came out, which would have only made the lulz more plentiful. Currently, you can find a used Game Gear for about $5 at a garage sale. Discovery Channel says if you put more than 10 Game Gear systems in the same room, Satan will appear. This is not confirmed, and since noone has seen a Game Gear in at least 100 years, it never will be.

The most significant media mention of the Game Gear since 2002 was in the magazine Electronic Gaming Monthly. Half way through a review the word Game Gear was mentioned. This launched garage sale prices from $4.25 to $4.75, surpassing the Tickle Me Elmo, He-Man action figures, and that stroller I bought in 1982 but only used a few times since my wife divorced me because of her newly found Feminism, and she got custody. At least I got my boat though.

See Also[edit]


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