Shay

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Shay was a mentally retarded, bed-shitting 500lb tub of lard who stirred up a lot of drama on the internet by being fat, smelly, ugly, (and eventually dead). Not much is known about Shay, except that it was yet was another victim of chronic obesity which eventually led to its death and the burning of the body. The story involved a LiveJournal user by the name of Lj-favicon.png Shiroioji, who harbored this thing in his house for the longest time until he eventually did the right thing. As you read this article, you'll learn about the life of Shay and its experiences.

Would you let this thing near you?

The Early Years[edit]

Shay and Shiroioji met 100 years ago on the interwebs, through a gay/lesbian parenting community she had been very active in. She mostly wrote about raising her son, Shane, as a single lesbian. They talked online actively, until they both acquired cell phones. Often times, while Shay and Shiroioji were on the phone, Shay's son, Shane, would chat with Shiroioji on the computer.

Shay was soon kicked out of her house by her evil grandmother, rumored to be this_is_warmth. She, in the typical fatass style, went from place to place staying with friends, generally being a disgusting burden on everyone. But this did not last long, and she soon asked Shiroioji to stay at his place, and get her bearings. He agreed, thinking he would get some.

Shay: the Friend, the Roommate, the Smell[edit]

Upon moving in with Shiroioji, the house started to smell like "dirt and rotting vegtables". This was supposedly due to a hormonal imbalance, "which would mean that she had a bum full of shit that couldn't be wiped". After Shiroioji got in trouble with his landlord he arranged for her to stay with one of his friends, and she would have a job to pay rent. Sounds like a fair arrangement, amirite?

Well, she soon got in trouble with the new landlords as well due to the stink, causing drama in the complex, and being an overall fat burdensome animal.

This is what sparked a chain of events.

The Beginning of the End[edit]

Shiroioji received an e-mail from Shay saying that she was going to "do what she had to do", and then an e-mail from her son, saying she was going to hurt herself, so he called 911. Upon arriving to her house, they found she had downed a bottle of Valerian root, and arrested her, although nobody could figure out how they got handcuffs around her basketball wrists. Later, Shiroioji called her father.

Tl;dr, her father is actually her step father, and she has no son. Shane was just Shay pretending to be a boy. None of the friends she's ever stayed with have met him. The reason for this is because he died soon after birth, being too small. Her body was so gluttonous that it actually denied the boy nutrients in the womb. As Shiroioji wrote, she "took the fun out of dysfunction".

SO, back to the real reason we're here. She left Statik's place a mess. So, Shay being Shiroioji's friend first, he went to help.

Basically, it went like this: menstrual blood, shit stains EVERYWHERE, one duffel bag full of food trash and more shit, another duffel bag containing two 2-litre bottles of urine and assorted waste. The bed sheets were stuck together with diarrhea dried between them. Apparently she has slept in this for several days. If a professional cleaning crew was called to make a budget, it would have probably amounted to at least $9,001.

Home Jenkem Factory[edit]

The new found drug Jenkem prompted officials to research Shay from the evidence of bottles filled with collected Jenkem. It turns out that Shay forced herself to have diarrhea so she could mass produce Jenkem. She would then go to the middle school nearest her and sell the Jenkem for $10 dollars a dose. The police caught on but it was too late...

 
 
hay shay how is ur new home i bet every1 there thinks ur the shit
 

 

—parodyofanangel

Death[edit]

NEVAR FORGET!!!

Shortly afterwords, Shay shit the bed, figuratively this time. She was found dead on the floor near a multitude of candy wrappers. She died from diabetic overdrive or some shit, which is Latin for eating yourself to death because you're a damn fatass. No one was sorry. They decided to burn her body like they would any dead mule, but the fire lasted so long from burning off the fats that the apartment complex caught fire (damn, amirite?).

See Also[edit]

External Links[edit]

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Featured article February 25, 2007
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