Shin Megami Tensei
Shin Megami Tensei (Weebspeak: 真・女神転生; Literally: True Goddess Metempsychosis) is a shitty turn-based JRPG that was originally released in Japan on October 30, 1992, for the Super Famicom and has since been ported to the Sega CD, PlayStation, Game Boy Advance and various other obscure platforms. The game wasn't officially released in American until March 18, 2014, when it was finally given an official translation for the goddamn iPhone of all things.
Shin Megami Tensei takes place in Tokyo, Japan, and follows a blank slate protagonist and several of his BFFs as a bunch of crazy shit happens. The plot begins with Stephen Hawking creating a computer program that can summon demons, but then quickly spirals out of control as the demons begin to infest Japan and form two competing cults that are torn between following Lucifer and Yahweh. Naturally, this situation quickly devolves even more as Thor decides to do what America should have done 50 years ago and launches a fucking nuke directly into Tokyo in order to make God proud.
Despite featuring gameplay and a UI that were basically stolen from Wizardry, Shin Megami Tensei is actually the sequel to a series of Famicom RPGs called Megami Tensei, which were themselves loosely based on a series of books called Digital Devil Story by a Jap faggot named Aya Nishitani. The game can essentially be summed up as Pokemon for teenage Satanists.
- You. You're a useless cunt who can't use magick, but you do have the ability to summon demons and store them in your faggot-ass Yu-Gi-Oh! bracelet.
- woman character who learns a lot of magick. She dies halfway through the game but eventually gets better. She's essentially the game's neutral character and doesn't give a fuck who you're aligned with.
- Law Hero
- BFF who's a boring cunt. He's a goody two shoes who follows God and eventually becomes the Pope. You'll have to kill him if you aren't aligned with the Lawfags.
- Chaos Hero
- BFF who's an edgy faggot. He's a wannabe school shooter who follows Lucifer and eventually becomes Ninja Spiderman. You'll have to kill him if you aren't aligned with the Chaosfags.
- doge that you can fuse with demons to transform into motherfucking Cerberus.
- Stephen Hawking. He created the aptly named Demon Summoning Program for your COMP which can be used to summon demons. As a result, he is directly responsible for all of the shit that happens in this complete abortion of a game.
- Ambassador Thorman
- The American ambassador to Japan who just so happens to be Thor. He's convinced that two nukes weren't enough and wants to impress Yahweh by nuking Japan again.
- Louis Cyphre
- Lucifer. Get it?
- An orange motherfucker who's one of Yahweh's Arch Angels. One of the two possible final bosses.
- Asura Lord
- A chaos-aligned red motherfucker who's the other possible final boss.
- penis who serves as the mascot to the SMT series. Screw you, Jack Frost!
Magic & Skills
Much like Phantasy Star II and other shitty RPGs, Shin Megami Tensei tries to be unique by giving all of the game's spells nonsensical names.
- Agi and Agilao are fire spells that hit a single enemy.
- Maragi and Maragion are fire spells that hit all enemies.
- Bufu and Bufula are ice spells that hit a single enemy and can inflict the freeze status.
- Mabufu and Mabufula are ice spells that hit all enemies and can inflict the freeze status.
- Zio and Zionga are lightning spells that hit a single enemy and can inflict the shock status.
- Mazio and Mazionga are lightning spells that hit all enemies and can inflict the shock status.
- Zan and Zanma are force spells that hit a single enemy.
- Mazan, Mazanma and Rimdora are force spells that hit all enemies.
- Megido and Megidolaon are almighty spells that hit all enemies.
- Dia, Diarama and Diarahan restore one ally's HP.
- Media and Mediarahan restore all allies' HP.
- Recarm has the potential to revive a dead ally.
- Samarecarm revives a dead ally.
- Recarmdra fully heals the entire party but causes the caster to commit suicide.
- Posumudi cures the poison status from a single ally.
- Paraladi cures the paralysis status from a single ally.
- Petradi cures the petrification status from a single ally.
- Patra cures minor status effects from a single ally.
- Penpatra cures minor status effects from all allies.
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