SigurdHosenfeld

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Oh lawdy - the full stop means he's serious business.
David Bowie called, he said you're a faggot.
He's her boyfriend! There's nothing weird about that! He's got over 900,000 pageviews!!!

Sigurd Hosenfeld (also known as HosenFAILED, Peachsnogger, and Peachfucker Peachmongler), is a Danish TARTlet who enjoys pretending he's a different, more talented artist and has a raging hard-on for Nintendo's very own Princess Peach, a vapid pixelated blond who can't seem to stop getting kidnapped and raped by a mutant spiky turtle. That, and people see fit to lavish him with praise and fanart for this, ensuring his place as a "Popular Ass" on deviantART.

Modus Operandi[edit]

Sigurd proudly proclaims on his deviantART page (and any other chance he gets) that he is "Princess Peach's Lover", and has replaced the lardass, hairy and smelly Italian plumber who rescues the dumb bimbo's ass all the time with himself as her love interest in every single pic he uploads to deviantART. It's also the subject of every single art trade he participates in and every single piece of art he commissions. If he isn't asking someone to draw a picture of himself with a video game character, other TARTlets (some who are better artists than he is) also willingly draw fanart of him and Peach making out or getting married, for free, not seeming to realize the obvious batshit crazy that he is in love with a VIDEO GAME CHARACTER.

An example of his pure and innocent art to match his pure and innocent love for Peach.

Of course, this is probably completely normal and socially acceptable behavior to most TARTlets. Just look at sephirothslave and Snapesnogger.

Sigurd has never uploaded a single photo of himself to deviantART, instead opting to always draw himself as a tall, waifish, blond supah Aryan man. We can only assume this is because he is in fact ugly irl, yet his behavior most of the time is deceptively normal, which means he's probably a dangerous psycho. Luckily though, his powers of TARTlet manipulation don't go beyond getting people to draw him fucking a video game character.

When he's not drawing his Mary Sue self raping Peach, he's drawing almost every other female Nintendo character in the nude like the sex-crazed Nintendo maniac that he is. This is why he doesn't draw Nintendo characters like black person Kong, Wario, and Meta Knight, to name a few. On occasion, he'll also draw himself raping anime characters as he also happens to be a weeaboo, as if that wasn't obvious already.

Not surprisingly, Sigurd was a forum admin at a place called Peach Paradise, where other otaku who like Princess Peach a little too much fully accept his status as Princess Peach's self-proclaimed boyfriend. He even lists being her boyfriend as one of his occupations on his profile there, and proclaims himself her lover in his forum signature.

As unbearable as his fanboy obsession might be, we can actually be thankful for it as this means that out of the love he has for a fictional character, he will never have offspring. He can only dream.

Art[edit]

Sigurd's self-insert Mary Sue and Peach. One can assume that it must be really cold in the Mushroom Kingdom, as he always draws her with rock-hard nipples.

Despite claiming to have a "pure love" for the princess whose only claim to fame is getting kidnapped and raped and being able to float (possibly because she's so damn air-headed), he most commonly draws her with big, noticeable, rock hard nipples poking through her dress and in many suspicious looking poses. This must mean he has porn (and he does) somewhere on the internets, and moar MUST be found for great justice.

He also does commissions for other losers who are in love with video game characters and want themselves drawn as young, unblemished metrosexuals.

Most TARTlets seem to assume that Sigurd just does shiny Peach fanart, and somehow manage to turn a blind eye to the fact that more than half of his deviantART gallery is full of drawings of himself as Peach's boyfriend, which only proves the fact that he needs to get a real life.

Website[edit]

Ever since God pwned the abomination that was Peach Paradise and it keeled over and died, Sigurd was in desperate need of a haven for his Peach faggotry, and so he made his own. It includes things such as all of the same lala-kun ripoff art you've seen before, plus creepy extras like a biography of Princess Peach:

 
 
Love is another very complicated and sensitive area for the Princess, both for being received and given to others. Peach often discusses her personal feelings towards Mario through conversations with others, albeit in an implied manner, but appears reluctant to reveal them to him personally. Unfortunately, this has left the relationship's development completely stagnant, as neither party shows any signs of making a first move. It has also opened the window for speculation, especially considering the frequency of others in the Marioverse developing or possessing some form of affection or crush towards her.
 

 

—Peachsnogger, reading way too far into children's video games.

Quotes[edit]

 
 
Obviously being the game that I was expecting for so long, not to mention that my girlfriend (Peach) is the main character my opinion is expected to be a bit biased.
 

 

—Peachsnogger, on Super Princess Peach the game where Peach gets her powers from her raging mood swings. Typical woman.

 
 
My Princess Peach collection currently has 91 different items, from plushies and figures to soda cans and shampoo bottles.
 

 

—Peachmongler, [1]

 
 
Capslock: ACTIVATED

OH GOD, THAT IS THE BEST THING EVER!!1

*faints*.
 


 

—Peachfucker

 
 
However, since I joined dA some girls (and even a couple of guys) admitted to have a crush on me. And one of these times things turned very stressfull.
 

 

Galleries[edit]

Peachsnogger Lulz[edit]

Wall of Shame[edit]

Sigurd is well known in sick fuck circles for his hentai of Nintendo characters (especially Peach, of course). Even though geeks who like to fap to Peach and Daisy's tits worship the ground he walks on, his hentai is elusive and doesn't appear to be stowed away in a gallery anywhere. Luckily, anonymous can always count on Google and forums full of perverts.

Inexplicable Fanart[edit]

A collection of fan art commissioned of far superior artists than Sigurd. This is stuff he has PAID people to draw:

Sigurd's Unique Art Style[edit]

Use this guide provided by Anonymous to tell Sigurd's fanwank from the Mystery Jap's.

Once upon a time Sigurd looked at his artwork and thought "This is some fugly shit", so he decided to improve his drawing style. This "improvement" consisted of finding a more talented but less known artist, stealing his art-style, and then his identity. The artist in question was someone called "**" from a Japanese Oekaki board. Their artwork can be found here. Sigurd fans have been known to cause mild drama whenever anyone makes the distinction between the Jap's art and Sigurd's, as Sigurd would have the world believe that he and the Jap are one and the same.

Hate Art[edit]

Got moar hate art? Submit for great justice!

Reaction to this article[edit]

OH SHI-

Not as planned.

You can help by coordinating a multiple person interaction with this tartlet and call Peach a slut or bimbo as he doesn't take kindly to people speaking poorly of his imaginary girlfriend. Alternatively, you can just tell him he's a shitty artist or how pathetic he is to be jerking it to some old Jap's doodles. Be advised that on dA he will report you instantly and block you from commenting. He also lurks the chans in search of people talking about him (mostly the hentai and various Rule 34 boards), and prides himself in the fact that there have never been any real lulz coming from his butthurt. There's even a very good chance that he's been editing this article! He’s so confident, he’s gone as far as to give up his anonymity to respond in threads talking about him. He secretly hates other fanboys as obsessed as him and feels his love for Peach is threatened, but likes to pretend he's a gentleman and would never be caught admitting it.

See Also[edit]

External Links[edit]

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Featured article October 8, 2009
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