Sir Isaac Newton

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Aspergerbenice.gif This person has Assburgers Syndrome,
so you can't say anything bad! :-(


Be aware of that, you insensitive fuck.

Sir Isaac Newton was a British nobleman who legislated the Laws of Physics with an iron fist. Most people think that he developed mathematical formulae to explain physics that already existed, but this is not true. He invented modern physics as we know them. Also, it is a known fact that Newton Invented Apples, as well as oranges.

Into the trash he goes.

Isaac Newton's Physics[edit]

Isaac Newton re-wrote the laws of physics written by Boxxy at least 100 years ago so he could explain them. Her laws of physics were a DOS application written in C. Isaac Newton realized that DOS was too unstable and bugged to run physics software for the entire world, so he re-wrote the programs for Linux, improving them along the way.

However, the transition was not as smooth as expected. Although the Laws of Physics were now more predictable, ran smoother, used less system resources, were immune to hacking and viruses, and never crashed, it was incompatible with old concepts such as Leonardo da Vinci's flying machines and magic. It also removed the Gravity Gun. In sheer irony, poor Isaac Newton's creation took away the power he used to create it. HAHA PWNED.

He most recently made a game with all of his God-Like knowledge of physics and coded in 'lua' into what he calls the "Source Engine". If you have not heard of Half-Life 2 or any of his other masterpieces, you can go die. He said that the progressive metal band Fates Warning had a huge influence on the production of Half-Life 2. In an interview with EGM magazine, Newton stated, "After I invented differential calculus, I got really bored and invented time travel with a clothes pin and some pocket change. I ended up traveling from the 1600's or whatever to 1986, where I discovered this badass band called Fates Warning. I smoked a lot of hash and listened to their records, then I thought to myself, 'What if we were only half-alive? And what if it happened twice?' So I got really baked and traveled forward in time and made Half-Life 2. Also, I am God."

More recently, as Newton's Laws of Physics were open source, they were replaced with edits from leet physics h4xx0rz like Einstein, Planck and Hawking. These 31337 d00dz were totally obsessed with small things. To whit, proving that they indeed DID have sexual organs. No! Really, we just like physics. It doesn't make us strange. We're still men. Aren't we?
Recently, they have been quite successful. Stephen Hawking has grandchildren, but it's best not to think about that.

See also[edit]

External links[edit]


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