Thomas Briggs, aka Sirtom93 is a typical 16 year old Aspie Britfag from Attleborough: Quiet, socially withdrawn, ginger, lover of all things Star Trek, avid user of the forums at Jewgrounds. Thomas also happens to be a recently-failed an hero, who on March 17, 2009, posted a few provocative sentences at the Jew-venile recreation center regarding his impending attempt to go all medieval on his local high school, little-realizing he would end up v& in the ass by the actions of a series of pretentious, similarly-socially withdrawn, Star Trek-loving White Knighters and moralfags on Jewgrounds.
Before it all went to shit, young Thomas was just a normal kid; a fan of harmless church-burning racist murderer Burzum, a furious masturbator, a Communist, and a self-acknowledged pedophile sympathizer who was attracted to manga girls and underage females, including a 13-year-old girl. He apparently got bullied and hated school, but found solace online. He turned up at Newgrounds fan-meets, traveling over 100 miles from Norwich to London so he could hang about with some guys from the internet.
Thomas was also an active member of the Goldeneye 007 fan club, located in the Clubs & Crews section of the NGBBS. Although he was only active from pages 1-9, he managed to turn the club into a hornets nest of pedos in under a week. Some argue that the following accounts are believed to be associated with pedophiles, with number 1 being the most suspected and number 5 being the least suspected.
Shit started at 10:40AM GMT on the internet's favorite place for depressed teenage goths, Newgrounds. Ceremoniously presenting his devious plans to his favorite forum, and inanely chatting for fifteen minutes with his largely apathetic fellow forumgoers, before gaily skipping off to school, Sirtom93 put forth a picture of stunning bravado, the likes of which had nary been seen before. Confident in his ability to haul arse, Tom tooled up in as impressive a manner as a Brit can - i.e., with household objects.
—Sirtom93 initiating his downfall.
Praise be to Satan, thought Thomas as he departed. If a lesser race could do it with two tiny fucking pistols, then goddamn if I can't do it with plastic knives and a half-gallon of gasoline. But before sirtom93 could make his grand departure for the victory lap, the shitstorm had already begun to brew in his quickly-growing thread. He found himself on the receiving end of some verbal rape by last-ditch attention-seeking moralfags, who ordered him to call it all off in order save the planet!!11!. Belligerently confronting those who would question his noble mission, Sirtom93 proceeded to mock posters in the thread with the solemn prediction which would later haunt him:
—sirtom93, the shortsighted almost-an hero.
The Jewgrounds forum, a particularly attractive location for school shooters, has had quite an illustrious history of violent individuals bent on reaching the high score (See: Livecorpse, Jeff Weise), and was quick to respond to the case. One particular moderator by the name of JP Neufield (Rig on Jewgrounds), was busy sipping his Manitoba tea (a sickening conglomeration of Syrup and Yaks' blood) one morning on the frontier of the Canadian wasteland, the tubes of his internets humming quietly in the background, when he happened across our near hero's thread. Upon seeing it, he shat bricks, realizing it was his grand attention-whoring opportunity of the century. Phoning up the police in Norwich, U.K., with a solemn 'EH?,' Neufield solidified his position amongst the ranks of the most epic enemies of the lulz. Another Jewgrounds mod, britfag
DickDeckheadtottie, went so far as to call the principal of Thomas' school, and others.
Tom's life got flipped
Also, he is using Assburgers as an excuse. Fun fun.
Turned Upside Down
- TL;DR version on Rig's userpage
- More recent news story from Nov '10, saying how he is still in a mental hospital 'until deemed safe' and was in touch with another hero.
is part of a series on
|Featured article January 19 & 20, 2016|
Thomas Watt Hamilton