Slipknot

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its an metal band not rock
 

 
 

—An Slipknot fan, who should be an hero as well

Typical behaviour
Affiliated
Joey Jordison also known as "OMG Joey R00Lzz.He's SOO br00+4l.He's the b3st drummer EVAR!!!1!", doing his br00tal face for all the fanboys to fap to
At all concerts and at the studio too,for that matter,most of the members are useless when it comes to making actual music
Slipknot's lead singer, Corey Taylor (Note the "Nightmare Before Christmas" cap hand-knitted by members of Slipknot)
Facebook slipknot fanboy is offended.
Typical Slipknot fan!(Timmy from Whitest Kids U Know?)
Not even God approves of shitcock, i mean slipknot.
Because your band is only as hardcore as its fanbase.
Slipknotcomments.jpg
We have cool masks wich means our music is TOTALLY AWESOME

Slipknot - (aka Slipcock, Slipcunt, Shitknot, Spitsnot, Skiplot, Slopkunt, I'd-Rather-Have-A-Blood-Clot, Slapknut Slaptit, SlapKock, SquidCock.) is a 'real metal' band that is usually listened to by 12 year old boys who want to be "SO COOL AND HARDCORE-DESU!!" . Originating in a mystical land known as "Desu Moines Iowa", Slipknot is a raging mallcore band who are favorites of 16 year old girls, poseur goths, indiefucks, 7-11 cashiers in their early to mid-20's, and other Hot Topic drama whores. Consisting of 237 members (236 members as of 24 May 2010(Rest in Shit)) whose majority were unsuspecting victims randomly abducted off the street, Slipknot is fronted by singer Corey Toad Taylor, drummer Joey "Midget" Jordison, and token fatass Shawn "Clown" Crahan. Their lyrics are typical angst-ridden shit, covering subjects such as RAAAAGGGGGEEE, getting revenge on something long ago, bitching and also swearing. Don't forget about the whole, "We're not in it for the money, so go to Hot-Topic and buy a SlipKnoT bar stool, shot glass, hat, hoodie and T-Shirt, cause we're so not in it for the money!!!elevenone!!"

All of the band members wear distinct masks and boilersuits. A common unfounded rumor is that they wear masks to hide the semen and Santorum stains on their faces. While this could very well be true, it's most likely because they're all so br00t4l. As for the jumpsuits, Slipknot members have never gotten rid of this popular nerdy 70's trend. Or perhaps they still have a fetish for janitors from back at high school.

When not bitching, whining, and cursing in interviews about how "fucking brutal" they are, the band members can be found engaging in homosexual acts such as masturbating each other.

Some fans claim the band sold out with their latest release "Vol. 3: The Subliminal Verses" (their fourth album). This, however, is false: the band became a bunch of sellouts the moment they made the band, because every single kid in the town went to the mall to buy that "br00tal music" lol. In truth, everyone knows that Corey Taylor listens to 'br00t4lz DEAthc0re muzak???'

Fans of Slipknot are called "maggots" (more liek faggots amirite??) because most of them are extremely fat, bad-smelling, slimy and pale-skinned, due to the fact that they never go outside.

Still, they are a million times better than Just as bad as ICP.

The Members of Slipknot[edit]

There are over 9000 members of Shitknot, though they are labeled #0-#8 (proving the band cannot even count up its own number of members), in hopes of making them seem less like Giant Flaming Retards.

Srsly, the band has so much members, they actually need a separate article for a list of their members on Wikipedia.

This list quickly reveals why the members of Shitknot wear masks: they are so embarrassed by their real identities that they must (unsuccessfully) hide their features, for fear of losing all their Fans.

Things that are preferable to listening to Slipknot[edit]

  • Having your eyes ripped out and balls sliced off and having them switched
  • Having a retarded monkey give you a lobotomy
  • Gouging your own eyes out
  • Choking on a razor blade
  • Having your nipples cut off
  • Being castrated
  • Slitting your throat down to your stomach
  • Slowly being mutilated by a dull knife, while enjoying the fresh scent of Zyklon B
  • Herpes
  • In some severe cases listening to My Chemical Romance sorry, GONORRHEA
  • A glass jar breaking in your ass
  • Being Rubber Johnny
  • Eating your own foot
  • Experiencing uncontrollable vomiting and diarrhea
  • Having violent, arm-flailing seizures every time you see someone in a blue shirt
  • Listening to minorities engage in asinine, IQ burning conversation on public transit
  • Listening to someone talk on the phone during a movie.
  • Eating dinner while perusing the Pain series
  • Taking up Scientology No, Nothing is worse than that.
  • Being hit in the face with projectile diarrhea
  • Debugging
  • Being Chris-chan
  • Being DrMusic2
  • Fucking a syphilitic whore
  • Anus burning diarrhea
  • This list is TL;DR, anything is better than listening to Shitcock.

We're not in it for the money[edit]

On Iowa Slipknot released an angsty br00tal pseudo-Satanic song for the little kids who want to piss off their parents called 'The Heretic Anthem' "If you're 555 then I'm 666" Which is considered to be the ultimate FUCK YOU to the record company who asked them to make a radio friendly album. Ironically,immediately succeeding that album were two extremely radio friendly garbage pop albums which accomodate to the record company. LMAO!.

Proof that Slipknot is NOT in it for the money. Protip: Mute your volume if you want to retain your sense of hearing.
08821fa8-1175-4926-ada1-1a0a230fb3aa.jpg

Typical Shitknot lyrics[edit]

Most of the lyrics are about how Corey Taylor always wanted to see a vagina

Slipknot - Duality (parody)


I push my fingers into my ass. It's the only thing, that slowly stops the itch. And it's made of all, the things I have to shit. If I lube it up, I'll push it back inside. If the pain goes on, I'm gonna shit myself!


I have creamed until my balls collapsed I've wanked until my wrist had snapped Now all I do is play with my butt plug I've fapped to Chris, I've been bitch slapped I left behind this little fact I cannot piss while I'm standing up I've gotta scream when I hit the scene Or my fans will all go away But I can't promise you'll enjoy our noise I guess I'll shave my balls with glass My drummer seems to like my ass You're left with me cause no one else eats dick


I push my fingers into my ass! It's the only thing, that slowly stops the itch. And it's made of all, the things I have to shit. If I lube it up, I'll push it back inside. If the pain goes on, I'm gonna shit myself!


Mick and I still wank together and seperate our foreskin from our cock Leave me with all your feces Then I can improve my odour Tell me that I was better than that Anders son-of-a-bitch But I found out the hard way.... BUTT SEX AIN'T WHAT IT SEEMS!

I push my fingers into MY ASSSSSS! It's the only thing, that slowly stops the itch. And it's made of all, the things I have to shit. If I lube it up, I'll push it back inside. If the pain goes on, I'm gonna shit myself!

ALL I GOT, ALL I GOT IS INCEST ALL I GOT, ALL I GOT IS INCEST ALL I GOT, ALL I GOT IS INCEST ALL I GOT...

Slipknot fans on the innuhnets[edit]

The Slipcock fans are mostly frustrated rappers, 16-year-old girls, emos who think DJs are metal, gay men, faggot nerds who think listening to them will make them cooler, and anime lovers (A.K.A. otakus) who think that mega-distorted guitars equal talent and that Joey Jordisson is da best drumma evar. Here's a typical chat session with a fucktard fag- I mean maggot:

Chat session in a metalheads room (notice how every real metalhead faggot shit on slipknot Slaptit)

Slipknotfan666maggotforeva:yo, everyone, what do you think about slipknot?
Helhammer213: Bunch of fucktards who think they're brutal and metal....pfft, losers.
Samael666:lol slipcock? man they FUCKING SUCK DICK!!
necrosisxcannibal: u mean slipkpop rite? they suck... oh man, what kind of retard can actually think they're metal? shit, Corey Taylor voice is laughable.
Georgenecklessfisher15: not again, that crappy band... go listen to atreyu and all of those gaycore crap you love, faggot.
Slipknotfan666maggotforeva: shut the fuck up slipknot is da best band eva heavies band and corey tayla is da best singa in da world, fuck you very much and fo fuck ya fatha, ya matha and ya dog, nigga, everyone is a fucking cock sucker filled with shit, shitheads fuck you and i will fucking rape you everyone the shit out of you, mothafuckas
Helhammer213':whatever...
Slipknotfan666maggotforeva left the room.


Another Shitknot fan[edit]

Some random chatroom, a guy named "xxmaggotxx666xxxtremexx" entered the room.


xxmaggotxx666xxxtremexx:hi
LoGiNeT: hey cock sucker
xxmaggotxx666xxxtremexx:fuck off nigga
Goregrinderguy: hey, you actually like that shitty weeaboo band?
xxmaggotxx666xxxtremexx: you ignorant fool, slipknot are so metal, know ya shit, nigga, they fucking heavy as hell
Goregrinderguy: uh.... right.... but, ever heard of something called METAL?
LoGiNeT: hahahahahahahahahaha good one
Burzum_noble_philosopher: you got owned faggot
xxmaggotxx666xxxtremexx: slipknot is da most meta band eva!
Goregrinderguy: yeah, just like 50 cent and maroon 5
xxmaggotxx666xxxtremexx: death metal sucks, just senseless noise, black metal sucks too, just.. noise! slipknot sings bout rel things, your metal is just noise xD xD xD
Goregrinderguy: well, yeah, real teenager angst ridden things i guess. Seriously, go fucking wait and bleed
xxmaggotxx666xxxtremexx: you all suck xD slipnot rulz fuckers xD they own ya soul xD fucking fuckers go fuck your mom and dad
LordGore&Hammerfall: oh, i think i need a hug, that was so mean and tough....
TheUltimatedudE231222: lmfao
xxmaggotxx666xxxtremexx left the room.

Burger King trolls Slipknot[edit]

Last Thursday, Burger King decided to make fun of Slipknot's shitty music and image by making their own version of a shitty Slipknot song. Clearly pwned and butthurt, Slipknot tried to prove to their fans that they don't need welfare checks to pay for their food, and decided to sue Burger King. Burger King lulzed at them and then pwned them again in court. The song consists of guys in chicken costumes singing about eating chicken fries. The whole song probably took all of a couple minutes to throw together, and it still managed to be 9,001 times better than anything Slipknot ever shat out of their recording studios, srsly.

Reactions of nu metal freaks, otakus, metal maggots and n00bs[edit]

Corey Taylor's everyday shit

"you're so close minded yo, slipknot ARE METAL asshole, take your brutal stuff and shove it, slipknot rulz biatch, they're da heaviest band eva, you bash them for the dj? hello! its the new millennium, djs and rap are a must have metal, you cant even play any kind of instrument, you suck and slipknot owns ya soul, nigga, they're so metal that they can be mixed with animes such as full metal alchemist, Naruto, and inuyasha"

"only straight people like slipknot you dick head. besides, your probably just a fat ass who doesnt move his god damn butt off the couch... or off your dad. and slipknot isnt even death metal genius! there proven to be the number one METAL band in the world dumb ass! and your complaining slipknots too "cocky" or whatever your being a pussy about, Corey Taylor is in another band you douche bag! stone sour BITCH! Again, MAGGOTS VS FAGGOTS!"

this is a reaction of a well known emo/otaku YouTube user, Daniuzumaki metalheads sometimes say "hey, i think seiya is the best" an otaku says "you crazy?! andromeda is da best" "okay okay, youre the otaku, you know what youre talking about, thats ok" but otakus and slipknot fans, unfortunately arent the same case. "slipknot are so goddamn metal" "metal cannot have rap djs or such stupid guitar riffs" "shut up mothafucka, you dont kno anything bout metal, yo, slipknot is da shit, same with mudvayne and korn." For pop culture, slipknot sounds heavy, and real metal sounds just like rhytmless noise, and of course, they're scared and they desperately need buttsecks. Nuff said.


Below is a series of YouTube comments from a Slipknot fan who was trolled. Apparently he knows everything about metal, but doesn't know the difference between a comma and a period. (Note: This is the same YouTube user (TrashMetal25) who has been posted above in one of the images)

"you seriously dont know two shits about metal, or music in general, just stop trying, your fucking pathetic, you have no ear for music whatsoever, probably goes hand in hand with how stupid you are,

if you cant find something its probably cuz your too stupid, its a shit small genre,

they didnt scheme shit, you dont know anything about slipknot, you probably never even listened to them,

how is slipknot not metal, and i delete comments cuz its totally pointless, your not right, im the one that doesnt know metal? well you saying slipknot isnt metal baisically means you know a billion times less about it then i do, stupid shit

trash metal is actually a subgenre to thrash, there is only one band that is all TRASH metal, a band called The Haunted, some metal bands. including slipknot, have songs that are trash metal, its like a thrashy heavy metal, there you go,

you dont find anything about trash metal because then it always gets mixed up and it says did you mean THRASH metal? so it takes a shitload of effort just to find what your looking for, TrashMetal25

fucking gay ass fuck, it is lol, but you obiously dont know enough about music to know that,"


"Oh, shit, he said Fuck, he must mean serious business, guys."


Hey he looks a bit like the AHK ^^^

The Death of Paul Gray[edit]

Paul Gay,a drug addict, arrested for possession of cocaine(seriously!).

Sometime last Thursday, the bassist Paul Dedwick Gray (Moar like Paul DEADwick Gay amirite?) was found dead in a hotel room, in Urbandale, Iowa.

The exact cause of death, initially suspected to be death by horse dick, turned out to be a overdose of morphine and fentanyl, combined with "significant" heart disease. How unimaginative. The timely death of Paul Gay means that butthurt maggots will lash out at any troll who veers his coolface/trollface in their direction(So catch them while they're still griefing).

One down, eight more to go.

See also[edit]

I WILL NOT KILL MY CLASSMATES...
Slipknot is part of a series on
GOTH
[Grow up and quit whiningEmbrace your inner darkness]
I WILL NOT KILL MY CLASSMATES...

Perverts

Don HenrieJerry from Doomsday Refreshment CommitteeJonathon The InhalerLustiferaMichelle BelangerRyle Garamonde

Pussies

Brittany HolechkoDimmuborgiressIckeriss69KurtBatzLarathenMatt CrimminsMissHannahMinxMsUmlautNeil GaimanNeil Gaiman's SandmanNickolausPaulie CalafioreSinnSophie LancasterSuccubbusTrent Reznor

Psychos

GothzillaHouse KheperuJeff WeiseJasmine RichardsonKimveer GillLindsay Kantha SouvannarathMemoryandDreamPink SpiderSephirothslaveSebastian BosseTodd Hoyt

Posers

Dani FilthEx-RayeFesazukichanJack SpicerJetTheeReaperPaganDeathKnightTooDamnFilthyVoodoo devil dollYouZeriara

Places

BasementsColumbineDeadJournalGoth macrosHot TopicRichland Collegiate High SchoolVampire Community Message BoardVampire FreaksVampire PosersVampire Shitty

Pastimes

Aiding the Dark Lord in BattleAngstBeing EdgyCuttingDrugsGuroHalloweenHomosexualityNecrophiliaNot having friendsMurderMy ImmortalPoetryRuby Gloom‎Ruining the InternetSchool ShootingSuicideThe Nightmare Before ChristmasVampirismWhere The Dead Go To Die

Noise

Anal CuntBauhausThe CureDoomsday Refreshment CommitteeDr. SteelEmilie AutumnInsane Clown PosseLinkin ParkNINSlipknotSiouxsie and the BansheesThe Sisters of MercyTool

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