|Key people||Chaos, Tourneyfags and some other admins that no one cares about.|
|Motto||BAN FUCKING EVERYTHING|
|Industry||Pokémon battling and strategies|
|Products||Battles and tournaments hosted by Basement-dwelling nerds|
This article contains information about how Tourneyfags fail at Pokémon. Viewer discretion is advised.
Smogon University is an online competitive Pokémon community that that was created in the year 2004 and is the most widely-accepted competitive website for online battlers everywhere. This website is lurking with basement-dwelling Pokéfans that are desperate for battles and are very lonely and they overcome this by contacting other Smogonites and engaging in battles. Most of the competitive Pokémon players on this site are too stupid to realize that a battle that is almost entirely luck-based and can never be even remotely considered competitive and all of them use "legit" hacks.
Be noted that the word Smogon is a double meaning; The word means "Koffing" in German. Since Koffing is a poisonous Pokémon that pollutes its surroundings, it means that the community ADMITS Itself as a toxic, all-polluting community, which is what they exactly are. The word "Smog" represents a type of air pollutant that makes visibility extremely difficult, meaning that they are so desperate in winning that they cannot see anything around them. If the name does not imply to you what this community is about, you need to Lurk Moar.
- 1 How it all started
- 2 Rules
- 3 Smogon's most hated Pokémon
- 4 Pokémon likely to get banhammered from Smogon
- 5 Play styles
- 6 Smogon-faggotry spreads to YouTube
- 7 Salamence Uber drama
- 8 XY: Smogon officially proves themselves to be crybabies
- 9 Anything Goes
- 10 How to win every Anything Goes battle
- 11 Smogonites and Socializing
- 12 Firebot Development Lab
- 13 The Smogpedoing
- 14 How to Troll Smogonfags
- 15 Famous Smogonites
- 16 See also
- 17 External links
How it all started
A long time ago, there was this bored and lonely Pokéfan known as Chaos who decided to create a new IRC channel, which he named Smogon, which is the German name for Koffing. After a while, the chat rooms full of lifeless Smogonfags grew large in size and became a website in which Pokémon are placed in categories known as Tiers. While people believe that Smogon is a friendly and Fair and Balanced Pokémon battling community, it is nothing more than a mantrain of whiny, bitching tourneyfags who impose unnecessary restrictions, bans all your favourite items and Pokémon and requires you to breed you Pokémon and EV-train them. Though ironically, most Smogonfags use hacks rather than raising Pokemon on their own. Despite all these retarded rules, Pokéfags actually buy this shit and go along with it, as if they were obsessed Twitards joining the Twilight bandwagon.
The Battle System
The Evasion Clause (in which Minimize and Double Team are banned), Freeze Clause (in which two Pokémon are not allowed to be frozen), Sleep Clause (in which only one Pokémon can be asleep at a time), Species Clause (two Pokémon of the same species are not allowed), Loser Clause (you lose automatically) and Self KO Clause (If a tie happens as a result of moves like Explosion, Destiny Bond, etc. the user of that move loses) are thoroughly enforced in all Pokémon battles. Pokémon in the Uber tier (including Garchomp and Wobbuffet) are all banned and you cannot use Drizzle with Swift Swim, Sandstorm with Sand Veil and Hail with Snow Cloak.
To make things short:
The Tier System
The Smogon tier system is a categorized list that classifies Pokémon by how often they are used in online battles. However, the tier system is biased and complete bullshit since many Pokémon that have caused bawww and butthurt among Smogonites were put in the Uber tier. Some higher-ups are where they are because they have the best porn.
- AG (Anything Goes): Only exists so Mega Rayquaza has a place to be since its power level was apparently too high even for Ubers. Thus Rayquaza was B&'d and is currently dying alone in its very own tier. All AG teams are made up of either six Mega Rayquazas, six Klefkis, six Latios and Latias' equipped with Soul Dew or a FEAR Rattata.
- 4th Gen Über: Most of these Pokémon have very high power levels, but some of these (Garchomp and Salamence) were put here since many Smogonfags kept whining that they were getting pwned by Dragons which apparently are so broken for the OU Metagame despite being checked by Weavile.
- 6th Gen Über: More or less the same shit as 4th gen Ubers. Salamence and Garchomp are no longer Uber in this Gen but are replaced by two other shitty Pokémon like Greninja and Aegislash that can be easily dealt with by anyone that actually knows how to play the game.
- OU (Overused): Most Pokémon on these tier are Pokemon on steroids (For example: Dragonite, Talonflame, Landorus, Bisharp and Ferrothorn) and are placed here because they have very high stats and are frequently used in almost every fucking battle. The only tier Smogonfags play here.
- BL (Borderline): For Pokémon that have made too many UU Pokémon their bitches but suck too much ass to be placed in OU, so they are placed in this tier. Staraptor, Volcarona, Crawdaunt, Victini and Klefki can be found here. There are also sub-tiers named BL2, BL3 and BL4, but no one gives two fucks about them.
- UU (Underused): Decent Pokémon (For example: Infernape, Arcanine, Ambipom, Espeon and Raikou) which most people are too idiotic to use.
- RU (Rarelyused): The tier that most Smogonfags often forget about cause it's NU but filled with Pokémon that would, in a way, dominate NU. Pokémon like Houndoom, Claydol, Spiritomb and Pangoro can be found in this tier. Mega Sceptile, Rhyperior, Registeel and Reuniclus are used in every fucking RU match.
- NU (Never used): Nobody bothers using these Pokémon at all. Many have potential, but they suffer from inferior stats, movepools and are very vulnerable to most attacks. Pokéymanz like Jynx, Articuno, Electrode, Marowak, Lilligant and Miltank can be found in this tier.
- PU: Pokémon in this tier were formerly in NU but were so horrible that Smogon had to make a new tier just to give Pokémon such as Simisage, Kingler, Meowstic and Arbok a fighting chance.
- LC (Little Cup): And somehow they are battling with non-evolution Pokémon too! In here, all of the Pokémon are fixed to Level 5 and you cannot use stuff that cannot evolve because otherwise people will bring in level 5 Aerodactyls or Klefkis to ruin your day. For example, you can use Mudkip, Koffing, Slowpoke and Smugleaf, but for all of the worst reasons, Mudkip is out of the tier! AND you cannot use Dragon Rage or Sonicboom because they do a fixed 40 or 20 damage that apparently can OHKO the opposing Pokémon regardless of situation.
Additionally, Berry Juice used to be banned here because it apparently makes Pokémon impossible to kill as they just heal themselves if you cannot OHKO them, but in order to counter Eviolite which somehow they did not manage to ban, they unbanned it. So in all of their attempts to "balance" the whole thing, they fucked up by making stuff even more impossible to kill! This entire tier shows that Smogonfags have no taste, and anyone who plays here is nothing short of a furry pedophile.
—Typical Smogonfag butthurt over an Aegislash, because the Metagame is SO important.
—Smogonite in denial about not having the game in their way, for the sake of their "Metagame".
Smogon's most hated Pokémon
These Pokemon are either banned everywhere except for random battles, "Ubers", and Anything Goes or are OU with heavily restricted move and ability lists. Why? Because Smogon doesn't like to think and can't do anything other than the following strategy:
- Make an entire team with each mon only specializing in one attack type (Physical or special, typically Physical).
- Give every Pokémon a life orb or choice band/scarf.
- Use Substitute (using life orb) or baton pass a substitute (using choice whatever)
- Boost a "strong" Pokémon till it's at 4x, then rape the entire team.
- If the opponent brings out something that can kill it before it's done boosting, switch.
- Lather, rinse repeat.
As you can tell, this is extremely predictable and has all the creativity of an assembly line. Baton Pass is restricted to one mon and only a single stat can be passed because Smogon players can't think of any other strategy other than "Boost-boost-baton pass-rape". Almost every OU team looks the same because they only use one strategy ever because that strategy is all anyone ever needs because it's perfect.
Smogonites always use "OP" Pokémon and call them broken whenever they lose to anything that isn't one of their "OP Pokemon because they don't like to think in a strategy game and are min-maxing munchkins. This ban process proves how hypocritical Smogon itself and its Smogonites are.
Garchomp comes with the ability "Rough Skin". Using physical attacks on this Pokémon will injure the attacker for 1/8th it's total HP. Strap on a rocky helmet and attacking the Garchomp hurts even more. If the attacker also has a life orb (very likely) the attacker will be losing 1/4 of their max health from just hitting the Garchomp. From there the Garchomp will hit the attacker back and hurt them even more. It's almost like nobody has heard of special attacks or that a ground/dragon pokemon is so weak to ice that it isn't even funny. Oh well, just ban it to Uber. COME AT ME BRAH!
Ok, Smogonfag here; I'm gonna tell you the actual ban reason. Garchomp was banned in DPP era, when it simply didn't have Rough Skin. The reason of the ban is Sand Veil coupled with the permament sand from Tyranitar or Hippowdon. On top of that, Garchomp's solid stats allowed to make a good use of Sand Veil under sand.
It's a super fast frog that mostly just spams entry hazards like spikes and stealth rock. Due to the ability Protean it's element shifts to match the element of whatever attack it just used. Being super fast makes it very frail. Also almost every Smogon player uses attacks in this order: Stealth Rock (Ground), Spikes (Ground), Toxic Spikes (Poison) and some stupid water attack like Aqua Jet. The elemental shift happens after Greninja attacks and, due to speed, it's likely to attack first.
Anyone with half a brain knows to blast it with water, ice, or grass because it's weak to all of the above while in "ground" form. It's also not like there aren't abilities that cause entry hazards to simply bounce back on to the opponent's side or moves that can stop opponents from using non-attack moves rendering Greninja basically useless. People still cried foul over having to change their strategy and actually predict the opponent's moves leading to Greninja being banned.
Klefki, AKA Greninja: Episode II
It's Greninja, only now it's element never changes. It is always weak to fire and ground (Ok, unless it wastes a move slot on Magnet Rise, then it's just fire). Did I mention it has a special ability called Prankster where it's non-attack moves always go first? Naturally people pitched a bitchfest and now hate the pathetically weak Pokemon that can barely attack and just spams field altering moves or toxic. It's legal only in OU or higher.
The irony is that there are many other Pokémon with the same ability, mostly Ghost types which can't even be hit by normal or fighting moves. Somehow all of these prankster ghosts aren't ban-worthy but people whine over Klefki and Greninja.
Despite his Therian form getting over four times more usage than his incarnate form, Smogon decided to ban him since he apparently makes a good mixed attacker, which is balanced by the fact that Landorus can only learn one flying type attack besides hidden power flying, being the shitty HM move Fly. He also crumples like a leaf if any ice comes near him and is weak to water: one of the most common elements in the game. Regardless, Smogonites declared that he was "broken". Which to them, whatever Pokémon gives them trouble and banned his ass despite the fact everyone carries Ice Beam on their team and his non-ground moves can't able to OHKO anything unless that Pokémon is frail or weak or takes super effective damage.
New no megas on OU tier
Smogon decided to make a new OU with no megas tier where the already small, boring and predictable as fuck tier has become even smaller and much more boring and predictable. This tier is unnecessary as megas can be dealt with by anyone with a functioning brain. This newly made tier further proves that Smogonites prefer to ban/make bullshit tier lists for shit than to simply git gud.
Wobbuffet is in the same tier as Mega Rayquaza. This Pokemon was banned for being powerful enough to kill a four times attack mon with boosted defences in a single blow! Your speed will never save you from Wobbuffet. Priority will not save you from Wobbuffet. Your Abilities will not save you from Wobbuffet. Switching out is not an option with Wobbuffet. Did I mention that Wobbuffet can't actually attack? It was the first non-legendary Pokemon to be banned in Generation III, while the second one was Wynaut, its baby form.
Wobbuffet throws a monkey wrench into the plans because it can not attack: it simply takes the blow and returns double the damage dealt to it. Typically this would just mean "lol- switch!" except that it has a special ability called Shadow Tag that makes it so Pokémon can't switch out. They can only sit there and attack! A wise Wobbuffet player uses Wobbuffet as a "revenge killer" to destroy the strongest mon the opponent has. Typically a revenge Wobbuffet has a focus band so it can not be one hit killed, period. Even if they try to use Knock Off to remove the band and kill the Wobbuffet, the band activates instead of being removed because of the high damage dealt. As Wobbuffet always moves second it's impossible to outrun it even with priority moves. Whatever faces Wobbuffet will die. Period.
Because Wobbuffet forces people to actually think and not just try to rape an entire team with a single Pokémon it is basically banned.
Nonetheless, it is useless in Doubles because of the fact that the opponent can simply ignore Wobbuffet and proceed to stomp its partner.
Smogonfags actually cared to ban that useless parrot not because of its godly stats (its highest stat is not even a three-digit number), but because of the move Chatter, as it allows players to record any sound they desire (from Hitler's speech to "OMAE WA MOU SHINDEIRU") or just outright tell people to go fuck themselves and drink bleach.
Pokémon likely to get banhammered from Smogon
Every weekend, Smogon make a big deal and a big ass post about them suspect testing a Pokémon. Of course YOU have the power to choose if that Pokemon gets banned or not if it weren't for the fact that one vote hardly makes a difference from like 72 other virgins and the fact that you must be high up on their showdown ladder which only World of Warcraft basement dwellers have the time to achieve and give a shit about. These Pokémon are likely gonna be suspect tested and have their reputation tarnished.
Mega Metagross: Despite the fact he was suspect tested not too long ago and ironically DID NOT GET BANNED (which the chances of a Pokémon to be suspect tested by Smogon and not get banned is lower then winning the lottery) while Landorus-I did. It gives Mega Metagross one less reason to run Ice Punch since none of its other moves can OHKO the Landorus while he, in return, kills the mega with Earthquake. With Landorus-I's ban, it's only a matter of time before Smogon retest Mega Metagross and ban it for real this time.
Mega Altaria: Similar to Landorus-I. An amazing mixed attacker but due to the fact that it has to mega evolve, can't hold an item, is slow and it's dragon typing doesn't do it much favours. However, Mega Altaria gets the benefit of Dragon Dance and a better special movepool than Landorus did. It's possible it'll get the boot according to a typical Smogonite's saying "If I can't beat it, I'll just ban it!"
Mega Slowbro: A Pokémon with 180 Defense and it's mediocre base 80 Sp. Def. being made up for with Amnesia, Calm Mind and Shell Armour, hence making it nearly impossible to launch a Lucky Punch on this pink bastard. Add to the fact that it gets Scald, Toxic, Rest and Slack Off. Maybe it will get banned, maybe not. But knowing Smogon, they will suspect test it and get it banned.
Landorus Therian: Giving the fact that his incarnate form was banned, this thing is always high ranked on the OU usage list (Hell, even back in Gen V he was in the top fifteen) and it trades off some of his special attack, speed and gets a more opposing physical attackers ability instead of a power boost ability like his incarnate form for more attack. It's possible this thing could get suspect tested sooner or later. Besides, it's barely slower then his incarnate form and he makes a good scarfer, Stealth Rock lead and double dancer. Also add the fact that over 75% suspect voters voted Landorus to be banished to jail.
Talonflame: Somewhat unlikely to get suspect tested. But then again if they would go as far as to ban Aegislash. Talonflame is possible. A portion of Smogonites wanted this thing banned since the beginning of XY. Has the ability Gale Wings so it always goes first when using its suicide signature move, Brave Bird and the self-healing Roost. However with Stealth Rock weakness and Raikou and Hippowdon somehow being OU, which is ironic since neither of them were OU in Gen V, it's unlikely. But the fact that the bird is banned from Smogon monotypes, anything is possible with these faggots dictating the rules. Thankfully Gamefreak decided to nerf Gale Wings to that the ability would only work when the user is in full health, so the Smogonites can't whine anymore. Thank you Gamefreak!
Thundurus Incarnate: Very unlikely to get suspect tested. Probably won't happen until the end of gen 6 or not at all. Though Thundurus Incarnate was banned from early Gen V, he's completely free to run amok Gen VI, as he's one of the fastest and strongest nasty plotters in the metagame. He has access to prority Thunder Wave, Taunt, Substitute and sports above average special attack, speed, immunity to paralysis and ground based moves while having a diverse movepool. He can, at times, completely annihilate the opponent's team all by his lonesome, which is enough to get him banned by a tryhard Smogonite.
Incineroar: Basically the John Cena of Pokemon, which can't learn more than four moves and always shrug off even the super effective hits. He's a tanky support with the access to Fake Out, STAB Knock Off and Intimidate. Give him Assault Vest, put 255 EVs into HP and make sure to stay the fuck away from enemy entry hazards and Toxic.
Some more common strategies are:
- Hyper offensive: AKA, HO. The most overused yet effective strategy. It involves spamming all the strongest Pokéman and using the strongest attacks with some offensive and speed boosts for good measure, just like how the game was meant to be played. The sole reason why swagplay is banned is so this strategy can prevail without getting raped by a Klefki.
- Stall: Teams that are too lazy to actually attack the opponent, they spam entry hazards such as Stealth Rock and spikes, and troll with statuses like burn and poison. Most matches are won with this strategy not because it's effective, but because it takes at least 100 years before anything happens so the opponent gets bored and ragequits.
- Setup: The most ancient and effective of strategies, simply find a Pokémon on your opponent's team that can't do shit to you, then start using moves like Swords Dance or Dragon Dance until you get over 9000 speed and attack. Very unsatisfying to use since successfully setting up usually makes the opponent forfeit. The simplest way to deal with a setup team is Ditto with Choice Scarf, so let your opponent boost everything to over 9000 if you have one and turn his own sweeper against him for the lulz.
- Baton Pass: An ascended setup, involves using the move Baton Pass to set up and pass on the resulting status changes to the next Pokémon you send out. Smogon banhammered the shit out of Baton Pass after a virgin figured out how to do a perfect, uncounterable Baton Pass chain. You can now only use one Baton Pass Pokémon due to a new clause.
- Trick Room: Pokémon with high defenses and offenses tend to be slow as fuck, but if Trick Room is used, the slowest Pokémon will move first for five turns, this means that your mom will be speeding around like fucking Sonic. Used only by the thickest neckbeards.
- Endeavor: This move allows baby Pokemons at level 1 to defeat level 100 legendaries if used correctly. "OMG HIS LEVEL 1 ARON DEFEATED MY ENTIRE TEAM OF LEGENDARIES, HE'S SO PRO OMGOMGOMG!!!!111"
Smogon-faggotry spreads to YouTube
Shortly after the release of Pokémon Diamond and Pearl, many Smogonfags flocked to JewTube in order to request and exchange friend codes with other online battlers thanks to the new Wi-Fi first featured in the games. They also post their recorded battles online and use the message system to talk to each other and to ask for the time they would battle. The majority of online Pokétards favor the Smogon rules and allow these tourneyfags to suppress them and to step on them, plus the tourneyfags will bawww and whine and threaten to send nuclear missiles from their mother's BASEMENT OF DOOM to your house if you don't follow Smogon rules or if you summon Uber-tiered Pokémon.
Brainman sports a huge boner whenever popular online battlers on YouTube like Marriland, Gigatitan, shofu, TheKillerNacho, TyranitarTube and many others mention his website. It's fap material. However, amidst all the faggotry, there have been some fairly lulzy incidents related to Smogonfags on Jewtube.
Weeaboo attention whore grill gamer who made a ton of 12-year-olds and nostalgiafags shit their pants when she made a list of the most overrated Pokemon and put Charizard at the top. People had a lot of trouble facing the fact that their favourite dwagon is actually shit (at least until XY) and flamed the comments section with their retardation. Tamashii suffered severe Troll's Remorse and butthurt of her own, so she disabled the comments on that video.
There was also another minor incident involving her when she made a video about a drinking game she'd come up with, failing to take into account that most of her audience were underage boys, who can't get past the parental filter on their parent's computer, have to settle for jerking off over YouTubers like her, and obese manchildren, while rational thinking people complained that she was being a bad influence or some shit.
Lastly, she really hates the colour pink and Lopunny. So make sure you bully her with those two if given the chance to meet her.
Furfag YouTuber who is somehow effortlessly able to troll all Smogonfags with his shit opinions, sub-par battling skills and clickbait video titles. It is unclear if he's a troll or actually as retarded as he seems. Perhaps the latter.
Salamence Uber drama
Last Thursday, the admins in charge of Smogon decided that they were tired of getting assraped by Salamence in every OU match they attend, and decided to place Salamence from OU to Uber. After this decision, many Smogonfags bawwwwwed and killed themselves after hearing about the decision. However, nobody actually gives a shit since Salamence has low defenses and can easily be pwnt by Pokémon with ice type moves. Of course, in hindsight this seems so trivial, as later on the tourneyfags would have their world turned upside down...
XY: Smogon officially proves themselves to be crybabies
Note about the title: Smogon has always been a group of crybabies.
The date is October 12, 2013. Pokémon X and Pokémon Y are released onto the world. Within them contains a feature with power so awesome that Smogonfags could not possibly comprehend it: Mega Evolution.
You see, five Pokémon in particular would rise up to strike fear into the over-worked hearts of the Smogon hambeasts:
- Kangaskhan, an obscure MILF from the first games who reminds them that their parents should have had an abortion.
- Gengar, the glorious purple rapeface who reminds Smogonfags of getting bullied in middle school.
- Mawile, a waifu that Smogon runs away from because they can't handle the loli.
- Blaziken, a chicken that reminds Smogon that if they exercised each time they felt the urge to screaming at about pixels and numbers, they would be the largest bodybuilders in the world.
- Lucario, because half of Smogonites are furries.
We have yet to identify why exactly these particular five currently make Smogon shit itself. Our current guess is that these five exist to mock the very existence of Smogonites and, because of their genius design, 99% of the time succeed to shut down the brains of Smogonites on contact. Others theorize that it might be because Smogon really does suck at Pokémon. Some argue that both are true.
Fast forward a few months and Smogon started to see that there are other powerful Pokémon besides Garchomp. One day, the Smogonites had had enough of the tyranny of the fag five. The Smogonites, rather than adapt, play around and utilize the changes of Gen VI like the good folks who actually played the games, decided to cry foul. Smogon prepared the suspect tests (the final trial before the Smogon bans something and then goes back to being "good" at their own comfortable version of Pokémon) and eventually the fag five were banished to Ubers, the realm of awesome Pokemon like Mewtwo and Lugia. However, Smogon was not prepared for what would happen next...
Luckily, we have a script of it!
And so, thanks to the high council of circlejerks who felt that they not preparing for the opponent's team and relying on strategy was anyone's fault but their own, considered Mega Gengar to be too good for Ubers. Such is the eventual fate of all members of the fag five, to stand in front of the firing squad before being banned from the Smogon metagame entirely.
News of this would later outrage several members of the Pokémon community, leaving the Smogon asskissers to viciously try to defend their autistic preferences for playing their self-proclaimed "balanced" meta for making this an issue anyway.
What's also hilarious is the fact Smogonites (and all Tourneyfags for that matter) never realize they're a minority in the fanbase. Some argue competitive battling is a huge deal when really, Game Freak doesn't give a fuck about Smogon and aim to please the casual audience in the fanbase, like us. Don't even bother trying to convince Tourneyfags that because they'll deny it and try to defend their Community. Their only argument is "Don't play by it if you don't like it." because they simply cannot accept they take a casual game too seriously with unnecessary rules to have an excuse to call themselves "good" at a game.
Ah, Mewtwo, the most bitchin' Pokémon of all time. It's Frieza turned into an ultra cat, and everyone likes cats! X and Y, however, gave Smogon anxiety when Mega Mewtwo was announced, turning our purple friend into a ravenous beast more powerful than its version of God. Game Freak had done it, it had stuck its middle finger towards Smogon in the most open way possible.
Smogon, however, pressured its five users that make original teams to try to counter this threat, and the results were endless waves of Darkrai in online battles. Mission accomplished? Far from it! Somebody needed to take these piss-babies down a peg!
Then, being the expected Jews that they always are, Game Freak remade Ruby and Sapphire, completely destroying the Pokémon canon (seriously) and introduced Mega Rayquaza, AKA Mewtwotwo: Electric Boogaloo.
Seriously, what the fuck would you call that? Mewtutu? Mewfour?
Smogon decided that Mega Rayquaza was enough, and enough is enough. When enough is enough, bans are appropriate. When enough bans are appropriated, then enough has been enough bans. Except there could not be any more bans, so enough was not enough. For you see, Rayquaza was already an Uber, which as a reminder means the ultra special tier that only 10-year-olds (AKA the target audience) use. Smogon, in a desperate bid to cater to the power creep, decided to create a new format called Anything Goes, forming Ubers into a tier so that they can start banning things from it too!
Despite the tier being called Anything Goes, they still have a rule in the tier called the Endless Battle Clause, making it not truly "Anything Goes". With the fact that in Wi-Fi battles, all battles have a time limit of one hour, therefore making it impossible to make a battle endless. Even so, the only way to make an "Endless Battle" would be by having a Pokemon hold a Leppa berry with the moves Recycle, Heal Pulse and any move that heals your health. Though Slowbro and Slowking are pretty much the only Pokémon that can make a battle endless by being able to prevent a Pokémon to escape by using block, you have be one shitty ass battler to let yourself end up in an endless Pokémon battle in the first place.
How to win every Anything Goes battle
- Bring a Numel carrying the Evolite and the Own Tempo ability, as there is a 99% chance you'll be fighting a team of Klefkis.
- Put in 0 Atk. EVs and IVs so Foul Play won't do jack shit to you while also putting a Modest nature.
- Give said Numel Flamethrower, Rest and any moves that deal super effective damage to Klefki. Throw in Ember for the lulz. Hey, it does work in a way.
- Use Mega Rayquaza against everything else.
- Watch your opponent ragequit from the strategies mentioned above.
Smogonites and Socializing
Socializing and getting a life are not something Smogonites are very good at. Wasting their lives playing a shitty video game. Last Thursday, some slut named MootyPwns uploaded a video with two clients that she had a threeway with last night going through Nintendo World with the desperate guys acting all nerdy and geeky like what the average Smogonite (virgin) normally does. Talking with gay accents, they spouted stupid shit like, "We have Terrakion. It's the best Pokémon in OU!" and "We got Drillbur. *stutters* It's evolution got Banned!" Dozens of families were staring at these two thinking that they had autism.
A classic example of this was a piece written by Bystander (innocent) entitled The reason Smogonites exist in the /vp/ - Pokémon Forums. It went something like this:
This is the best (Albeit a bit crude) attempt to peacefully troll Smogonites, especially if it's against their God. They will hate you forever, but it's all good for us.
Firebot Development Lab is the humorous section where all the douchebags go to hang out. It is considered the funny section of the website. However this is a lie. In reality, it is a massive circlejerk full of fucktards who suck at Pokémon, yet were retarded enough to join the site anyway.
Firebot is full of elitist douchebags who will scare away new posters who are actually funny because they are scared of outsiders. This fear comes from the fact that they are all basement dwellers who hate reality. They refuse to accept anybody who they don't already know. Your posting quality does not matter there; as long as they already know you, or you are a mod (They love to suck up to mods), you will be accepted. If you aren't, they will mercilessly torture you until you ragequit.
There is a slim chance you will be accepted as long as you needlessly berate every good poster you see and encourage the bad ones. They are very easy to troll and the easiest way to troll them is simply to post. Other ways are mentioning Serebii.net, calling them unfunny or spamming 4chan memes. This will result in epic lulz.
In 2015, at least two mods had to be B& for their paedoing. One of which was Goddess Briyella, a basement dwelling neckbeard trying to masquerade as a female. The other was Haunter, a 30-year-old virgin living in his mother's basement wasting his adulthood playing Pokémon and showing off that he's one of the big bosses on Smogon. They both got their asses banned for literally sexually harassing underage girls. Then again, you know you're a sick fuck if your in your thirties and still playing Pokémon to this degree. Will there be more mods there being banned? Only time will tell... But the answer's yes.
How to Troll Smogonfags
- Use an Uber Pokémon in battle.
- Use luck items or moves in battles.
- Break all the Smogon rules.
- Put all their Pokémon to sleep.
- Use Substitute + Perish Song Mega Gengar.
- Use Minimize Chansey or Blissey.
- Scratch that, use any evasion move at all.
- Attempt to make a battle go endless.
- Use Pokésav to generate your Pokémon with maxed out stats in every stat.
- Say "GARCHOMP SHOULDNT B UBOOR LOL, IT DIES TO ONE ICE ATTACK U BUNCH OF SCRUBS!"
- Have any fun at all.
- Use Charizard and beat them all. Smogonfags hate Charizard because all the 12-year-old kids use it. Beating them with it will cause unbelievable rage as they thought it was impossible for them to be beat by such a "lowly" Pokémon. This Rate-my-team just put them into a firey, tl;dr rant.
- Use Wobbuffet.
- Use Bidoof. Yes, a fucking Bidoof. If you're lucky enough to get a double boost on your evasion via Moody, this fat beaver can actually sweep 1v6 safely and your opponent will most likely ragequit.
- Kill all their Pokémans with a level 1 Aron.
- Have Togekiss flinchax with paralysis.
- Alternatively, use Swagplay (Swagger + Foul Play) Klefki.
- Spam the shit out of the Smogon forums.
- Crapflood the Smogon IRC channels.
- Tell them that Japanese players play with and against their so called "illegal" movesets all the time and either win or lose and take their results like men; while American players whine whenever they lose and discuss almost on a daily basic whether or not Water Gun should be allowed or not, or if Mud Slap (a move with fucking 20 damage points) is broken or not.
- Remind them that they're just man-children who consider themselves "pro players" of a watered-down version of a children's RPG.
- Use Rayquaza. You don't even need to Mega Evolve him. Just throw him out and watch them quit instantly.
- BONUS ANTI-TROLLING TROLL: Each time Smogon bans something within their metagame (every weekend), copypaste a list from /vp/ of ways to handle the "broken" strategy. Smogonfags, rather face the truth that there are people who *gasp* play the game better than them, simply cry about what's defeating the three copypasta teams that the hivemind uses.
- Use an Aegislash, as Smogon banned it because of the large amounts of butthurt surrounding it, with claims such as it being "broken."
- Use Mega Gengar and claim it isn't even broken.
- Petition to get something unbanned that is clearly broken.
- Tell them that they are nothing more than a glorified kangaroo court who thinks that they can dictate people how to play the game.
- Asperger's Syndrome: What all the Smogonites suffer from.
- Basement Dweller
- Nerd rage
- Shit nobody cares about
- The Official Smogon page.
- Smogon’s mortal enemy and rival website.: More user-friendly than Smogon.
- Another of Smogon’s enemies.: Founded and owned by obese whiteboy Marriland.
- The final enemy of Smogon.
- HOLY SHIT, THEY FOUND THIS OUT!
- A regionals battler lists of three things that noobs do in Pokemon. Smogon fails so much at Pokemon that they made the first two points into ban philosophy.
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