A Concerned Mother is any man, woman, or other waste of existence, that complains to websites, writers, book publishers, television networks, city councils, or other parents under the guise of being concerned about their children, despite knowing deep down that letting a child learn responsibility is an important part of his or her growth. Scientific studies show that concerned mothers are actually mothers only 26% of the time; the other 74% spent being either conservatives or triggered SJWs who get angry at things their children might lol at that they haven't even had the chance to inspect first (if not are incapable of understanding altogether), and are the one reason for just about everything imported from other countries getting censored, which is why you'll never see tentacle rape pronz in English.
Often, these mothers are simply unwilling to accept the obvious fact that their precious gift of life could ever be perfectly capable of hearing expletives without becoming traumatized or viewing sexual material despite the fact that they more than likely started sneaking into their father's porn collection at the age of 7. It is also safe to assume that many of these individuals have not deluded themselves to such a point, but rather are intentionally trying to deprive their offspring of the more enjoyable things in life that they will never again get to fully appreciate or experience because they were too ignorant to get an abortion in the first place.
Concerned mothers usually believe they have an inconceivable level of maturity, which is exhibited by their effort of sending out numerous letters of complaints (which are handwritten whenever possible, likely because they are too stupid to internet). These letters of grievance are actually normally very well thought-out and organized, despite the obvious fact that they are simply depicting an elaborate load of bullshit. It has further been proven that every concerned mother is a Jew due to such actions, regardless of their actual race, national origin, or religious preference.
Children Of Concerned Mothers
Due to their own sense of self-confidence generated through their often unsuccessful efforts, concerned mothers are often ignorant to the fact that their actions will greatly increase the chance that their children may grow up suffering ridicule. If this is not their parent's fault directly, it will be due to the lack of life knowledge that has been forced upon them, or an adverse effect encountered while trying too hard to defy mommy dearest.
Yes, in fact despite what they apparently stand for, they never actually inspire their kids to do well in life. Their children typically try to gain back the reputations that they have been deprived of and partake in any social activity that their mother may disapprove of. This includes becoming drug addicts, making the wrong type of friends, and participating in sexual activites. Many often just give up on life early and spend the remainder of their days at home under mommy's watchful eye, randomly browsing 4chan in between video game playing sessions. Those fitting the latter category also tend to fall far too easily for trollbait with less than desirable results, after which their first instinct is to cry to mom, who in turn will hammer the troll e-mails requesting personal information to discuss punishments with their mom or halfassed insults for hurting their special snowflake. Such an event will commonly result in the child shooting up his school and killing himself because he knows he can never return to that one chat room to discuss Twilight and roleplay as Stephenie Meyer's characters like Bella and Edward as he will get pwnt again to an even greater extent. Contrary to popular belief, a skilled troll will not feel bad if he has adhered to the code. If the troll feels remorse, then it probably wasn't an actual trolling. Undoubtedly, it was a civil conversation that the troll in question had pleasantly corrected the victim on his spelling or grammatical mistake, to ensure that future generations will not continue to epic fail in such a manner. This will still cause the concerned mother and the overprotected child to feel butthurt.
Ultimately, concerned mothers make these complaints not due to authentic concern for their children's well-being; rather, to avoid the fact their lives are unstimulating and meaningless, and are no longer as rewarding as they were when they were an idealistic college student.
For reference, this is usually how a conversation goes down prior to a concerned mother's letter.
Their Crazy Antics
Concerned mothers are well recognized on internet forums, letters to someone, weblogs, or on the newz. They usually write about how disturbed they are about modern day or something they witnessed, and usually expect someone completely unrelated to fix it or do something about it. For example:
Some parents are over-paranoid when it comes to their kids doing everyday normal things that every other kid does but the unfortunate one is stuck with a parent who is over-protective. For example:
The paranoia can worsen as the child grows older and starts doing things that an overly concerned mother thinks are too dangerous such as:
- Hanging out with friends and talking about girls. (their friends are dangerous and will tempt them with drugs and/or unhealthy snacks!)
- Eating non-mashed foods.
- Having interracial conversations or talking with foreigners. (black person are dangerous!!!!!)
- Going to school without parental supervision. (Holy shit, he's WALKING to school today? Well, better make funeral reservations.)
- Going through puberty. (Is that...a HAIR! I need to have that plucked off your precious ballsac at ONCE!!!)
- Learning about Evolution.
- Eating bread with the crust. (Every mother's worst nightmare)
- Watching another news source besides Fox News
- Going outside for more than 5-7 seconds. (Strangers may pass by and say hello to them–holy FUCK!)
- Potty training. (They'll turn into a SEXUAL DEVIANT!!11!1!!11one!!!!1)
- Wearing the color black. (They'll summon the devil!)
- Wearing eyeliner. (You'll poke your eye out!)
- Saying those curse words they so obviously learned from not watching Fox News. (You'll swallow the soap I wash your mouth out with!1)
- Not wanting to wake up early on a Weekend to go to Church after having to wake up at three o'clock AM every day all week to go to a place that sucks anyway with no motivation to begin with. (See School)
- Dropping grades due to the intense pressure from everyone in the known universe to get the best grades evar, graduate high school, and go join the army so they can die young.
- Having sex before they are 60.
- Playing video games as/more violent than Tetris, because everyone knows that those little cubes coming down secretly want to rape each other.
- Everything, ever.
- Communicating with the opposite sex. Or the same sex–you never know, they might go gay!
- Talking to anyone with a opinion differing from their mother's.
- No profit.
- Money; I don't want you secretly buying stuff without me knowing. It could be something like porn or guns or violent games.
- You must bathe or shower wearing clothes.
- You can never be naked or see any forms of nudity.
- You must pee sitting down, I can't have you seeing or touching a penis even if it's your own. Saying penis in your mother's house counts as well.
- You can only watch G rated programs. Though you can't watch the Teletubbies as they are gay.
- When watching TV, at commercial break you must mute the tv and look away until your program is back on. I don't want you seeing an inappropriate commercial. Hey, just be grateful that I even let you watch TV.
- No talking or looking at darkies. They look like poo and that is too inappropriate for my child to see.
- No pets! They might try and rape you.
- No talking to girls with tits more then 1 centimeter! You might turn into a sexual predator!
- Reading and/or enjoying Concerned Mother or any other Encyclopedia Dramatica article.
- Not liking the candidate your mother likes. (Communist!)
- Eating anything that's not organic. (This is true, look up Propylene Glycol)
Also, concerned mothers' paranoia is a leading cause of anti-lulz and emo kids. But most sheltered kids will find their way to a computer and spend their time writing in angst against the ideals of a concerned mother.
Concerned mother fails at failing.
- BitingBeaver - The logical conclusion to these pathetic fucknuts.
- Sarah Palin
- Jack Thompson
- Hillary Clinton
- Your Mom
- Your Dad
- Basement Dweller
- Pop Parenting
is part of a series on
[Go Live One]