Somey

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Somey calls Nathanr a pedo.

Somey is (oops, was) the 4th God-king of Wikipedia Review, following his assassination of the 2nd king Blissyu2 in a bloody coup on the 5th of November 2007. There actually was no 3rd king, as the 3rd was Queen Mistress Selina Kyle, who actually was never really Queen in the first place, but anytime that Blissyu2 wasn't watching she pretended to be queen, only to claim she was only joking. Somey claims that there was no assassination, that it didn't happen, and that he bought it legitimately in a bloodless coup from the rightful Queen, Selina.

Blissyu2 claims that Selina and Somey are the same person. But then, Blissy's a feeelthy wankah, so ignore him.

Somey also claims that Wikipedia Review was never hosted by GoDaddy or Lunarpages, and has explained away the bills that Blissyu2 received by showing photos of kittens and laughing about it. This is apparently good enough explanation for the average Reviewer, who is quite happy to believe a funny photo of a kitten in preference to wading through 200 pages worth of e-mails, the first line of which says "Welcome to GoDaddy! We hope that you are happy with us as hosts of your site at www.wikipediareview.com, Blissyu2". TL;DR = kittens win!

Could be Somey, or could be your mom's buttplug

Somey also explains away screen shots of conversations with hosts by showing photos of kittens and various cutesy stuff. He explains away admitting to hacking Blissyu2's account, plus thousands of pages of people saying Blissyu2 was the owner, including Jimbo Wales, Larry Sanger and SlimVirgin. And he denies universal acceptance by all concerned that, as at November 2007, Blissyu2 was in fact the owner. By simply not addressing it.

Somey likes to not answer things. If he had to answer such tough questions, he would have to lie. Poor Somey doesn't like to have to lie. He prefers kittens. Certain TOW-banned-forever people, like Disillusioned Lackey, are convinced that Somey is not a real person, but an American spy-agency "plant". Imagine a nice ficus tree. Or a giant Venus flytrap sucking your cock.

Nothing to see here, move along[edit]

When not refusing to answer things, Somey was usually ver. busy deleting hundreds of posts that incriminate him in any way or prove that in actual fact he is wrong. Thanks to that, and to Selina's 2012 off-the-Thorazine meltdown, WR's database is completely trashed. The WR blog is completely gone and there is not enough evidence left in there to prove any-foreskin-thing. And pork nuts are good for you, it's a kind of bacon.

Clean up in Aisle 4[edit]

Where the pork nuts come from

In July 2008 Somey got caught with his pants down once again, this time because he was caught spying on his own members, doing the dirty work for Daniel Brandt in spying on Newyorkbrad, the tremendously fat, head-giving head of Wikipedia's Arbitration Committee. This really sucked for Poetlister, who was hoping that he would help to get all of her sock puppets unbanned by showing her fake tits to him.

Once again, when caught spying, Somey simply said:
 
 
"Those screen shots are faked. Jorge is lying."
 

 

Somey subsequently deleted a buttload of stuff, disabled the Wikipedia Review wiki, blog and anti-cabal forum, banned Jorge, and then insisted that really "there was no evidence". So it's either Aspie faggotry, or Somey's really a CIA ass-cancer.

In fact he's definitely a tumor. Since 2004 he's been generating unfunny crap "funny" articles on Uncyclopedia. Not making it up, because it's too fucking stupid to invent.

Da END[edit]

Of course, there comes a point where denying has to end. So Somey confessed, sort of, to it. "There may be some truth to it". But not before it was fluffy kitten time!

Somey proved himself to be "the man" when he launched his own investigation as to (shock, horror) whether Poetlister really was using all of those sock puppets, in August 2008. (And not in September 2007, when ED proved it.) Indeed, it wasn't even because suddenly Poetlister is deleting all of Guy's posts (indeed, Somey still expressed shock that Guy and Poetlister were really the same person), or that after they both quit suddenly Taxwoman returned. The actual reason was because of an anonymous tip off that led to that 2006 help desk post on Wikipedia. Yes, that is Somey in action. Praise be.

There is the holocaust, there is holocaust denial, there are holocaust denial deniers like Alex Linder, there are holocaust denial denier deniers, like founder of Wikipedia Review Igor Alexander, who was accused by SlimVirgin and Grace Note of being Alex Linder, and then there is Somey.

  • Somey denies everything. Why, if Somey doesn't like you, he will deny your very existence. Definitely a passive aggressive sort of Government Spy. Or an Aspie who lives in a cardboard box, filling three wank jars a day. Conspiring to steal all your lulz and raep your dog in the ass.
  • Somey knows how to read people too (so he claims). He knows that with enough fluffy kittens, control of what can be deleted and edited, and convincing people that reading 1 line counts as TL;DR that he can control what people think.
  • Somey has actually been accused of being a Nazi, also by Grace Note.
  • Conti really hates him and has been waging a long-running e-war against him.[1]
Another day on WR

And who gives a ratfuck anyway[edit]

Incidentally, if anyone is interested Somey is a 46 year old living in the Midwest. Claims his real name is powerword "James Somers" and is not actually a CIA plant account engaging in infowar online totally-not-terrorism. Any resemblance to a teenage basement-dwelling California geek is entirely Somey's act.

Since his magic website WR collapsed in 2012 (thanks Selina, you ape-fucking hermaphrodite), Somey has taken to hanging out on cunt-punting TOW whinefest Wikipediocracy, under the name "Midsized Jake". They even made him a "trustee", meaning they've been fooled too. Where he posts TL;DR crap like this:

 
 
In order to function within systemic tolerances as a Wikipedia arbitrator, you can't see cases as having "results." Every case is an ongoing dispute, or a "war" if you prefer, between the forces of good ("of the body") and bad ("not of the body"). If there were "results," that would defeat the whole purpose of endless war. Besides, these people aren't completely stupid. They may behave as if they really believe an ArbCom "decision" represents a verdict or even an end to whatever dispute is being dealt with, just as administrators often act as if a block/ban can actually stop "tendentious editing" by a given individual. But I'm fairly sure that appearance of delusionality is a deliberate and intentional form of morale-boost for the troops, amounting to little more than PR spin.
 

 

If that's not lulzy enough, Somey runs the totally-not-funny Twitter of "Fake Jimbo Wales", where he posts his pathetic imitation jokey tweets of Jimbo. And no one notices or cares.

Links[edit]

Ain't none. Nobody was ever able to prove Somey's real identity. According to this he lives in Omaha and has no life at all. We're only certain of the last part of that.

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