Spellcheck

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Spellcheck doing its thing.

Spellcheck is one of many gifts from God given to the illiterate masses. The Spellcheck can make one look like an aristocratic fuck, while in reality the individual in question (i.e., YOU) is just another 13 year old boy– you know, the kind they sell on the streets in Russia.

If one fails to use a spellchecking program on teh intarwebz, the grammar nazis will rightfully and remorselessly tear your pitiful post to shreds. This can result in you being banished from the internets due to the lulz created, and, in severe cases, self hurt.

How Spellcheck Works[edit]

Without spellcheck, dinosaurs went instinct
This notepad user doesn't need spellcheck
Without spellcheck, human beings are basically useless.
Don't miss out on that extra 10%

Okay, so let's say you're writing an article about James A. Garfield, our fantastic, friendly fat fuck of a president from at least 100 presidents ago. You might, for whatever reason, want to use the adjective "Garfieldian." (Remember! An adjective is a word that describes another word!)

Since word processing programmers are generally too busy enjoying the finer things in life, the dictionary they include with their program is typically a cuntpaste job from some lesser source of words.

Needless to say, they have no idea what the fuck "Garfieldian" means, except being a fat orange tabby with a lasagna fetish.

So, you finally finish your 30-page dissertation on our finest president ever and you're ready to check it for errors. Oops! Looks like Word 97 doesn't know what "Garfieldian" means. It will sometimes give you a list of other words to choose from, such as "Garden" or "Golf." But not this time. There is absolutely nothing under the Word 97 sun that rhymes with "Garfieldian." So you click ignore and the spellcheck moves on to other creative word combos you've managed to create.

But after that's over, that red squiggly "oops you fucked up!" line appears under "Garfieldian" again. Guess it's not being ignored anymore. So you right click on it, and it tells you again that there are no words it could possibly be. You say to yourself, to hell with that!, and just delete the word. But then a green squiggly line appears, which means you can't write in some ancient form of Engrish that Word 97 found to be most appropriate for modern-day AOL users.

And now you're just frustrated. It's four in the morning, your mom is eating all your cookies, and you've just been kicked from bantown for being a prick. It's time to call it a day. So you print out your shit, shove it in your trendy Hot Topic messenger bag and go to sleep.

Warning: Spellcheck is not internets savvy

Of course, you wake up at three in the afternoon the next day and you missed your lecture. Your humorless professor will never take a late paper because his LiveJournal was trolled by people like you and now he has an axe to grind. Now you get to drop out of school and become a sexless, pasty-faced basement dweller because you stayed up too late fucking around with spellcheck and made-up words like "Garfieldian." I hope you're fucking happy.

See Also[edit]

External links[edit]

Spellcheck is part of a series on Language & Communication
Languages and DialectsGrammar, Punctuation, Spelling, Style, and UsageRhetorical StrategiesPoetryThe Politics of Language and CommunicationMediaVisual Rhetoric
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Featured article July 3, 2006
Preceded by
Illemonati
Spellcheck Succeeded by
Dungeons & Dragons