Spyware

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Atomic.gif Warning!
Spyware is a POTENT HERBICIDE and should be used with strict moderation under adult supervision ONLY!
See the guy lurking in the corner? He's stealing your computer.

Spyware is the crap that comes bundled with software (or installs when you visit certain websites without knowing what the fuck) that website operators use to collect data about you that they then somehow turn in to money. Often spyware is buggy, uses a lot of RAM, redirects your home page to pr0n, and gives AIDS to your children. Basically, spyware makes your thousand dollar games machine into a useless shitbox. Often the best solution is to turn over your computer to the local 13 year old boy along with $70 (pay him less and he'll get more from spyware companies to install more of the shit) or whatever the asking price is for him to install and run one of the free tools listed below.

There's another type of annoying crap called "Ad-ware". Adware is known for pissing off people with completely useless pop ups, announcing crap that only fucktards and retards are interested in, like PartyPoker or Adultfriendfinder. It is rumored that the person who invented adware and spyware is an Otaku Cuckold who lives with his mom and jacks his dick off to furporn.


Spyware will scare the fuck out of you

Anti-spyware tools[edit]

Ad-Aware is a very powerful program. Its definitions can find adware, spyware, and even AIDS.

Known spywarez[edit]

  • Gator/GAIN: comes with .EXE files
  • WhenUSave: comes with Kazaa, etc
  • eZula: installs itself from various websites
  • Java.exe: Actually this is more of a "portal" for viruses and spyware
  • Microsoft Internet Explorer: Same as above
  • Anti-spyware software.
  • The entire System32 folder. Delete it
  • The entire HKEY_CLASSES_ROOT folder in regedit. Delete that too
  • Autoexec.bat
  • Avgwb.dat
  • Mctskshd.exe
  • Navapsvc.exe
  • Windows ME
  • Windows 10
  • Websites that end in ".info"
  • Notepad
  • /b/
  • Your mom
  • Your face
  • Program Files
  • AIDS: comes with African software such as Ubuntu
  • Phorm: When you sign up for a 12 month broadband contract with British Telecom [1].

Internet Explorer: The Spyware and Adware Sites Paradise[edit]

Internet Explorer, the Microsoft internet navigation software, invented by Bill Gates, is the single best program to use on your computer, if your goal is to fuck it up entirely. It is equipped with thousands of ads, and it will let trillions more enter your computer. Actually, IE makes it easier to screw up your computer; the more up-to-date your IE is, the more screwed up your computer will be. Bill Gates made a dumbass of himself introducing Windows to the public, because it has IE installed, which is why your computer freezes one trillion times per second, and why the so called Blue screen of death appears. Oh yeah, one more thing, when you type passwords and personal information on IE, it will send it to many many other people and big corporations, so in fact, IE is spyware with a very expensive disguise.

It slices, it dices, it even makes Julienne fries! Oh, did I mention that it also saves all your passwords and sends them to big corporations?

Removing spyware (for windows users)[edit]

Click on Start, Run, and type cmd then press enter. If that doesn't create a big black window with grey text in it, type command then press enter. When the big black window comes up, click on it and type:

format c: /u

Believe me, this is this only way to completely remove all spyware.

For users that are not familiar with the command line interface, the free spyware removal tool Windows Optimizer is also available.

If for any weird reason that solution doesn't work, open your computer case and throw away that thing that says "HD" or "Hard Drive". Or donate it for some good trolling.

Removing Spyware (for Mac users)[edit]

Its too late, Steve Jobs already owns your soul you hipster faggot.

See Also[edit]

External Links[edit]

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