Squirrelking

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An artist's rendition of Jake Snake (left).

Squirrelking is a legendary fanfiction writer at FanFiction.Net. Along with Peter Chimaera, Squirrelking is one of the novelists who made fanfiction writing an art. Perhaps most known for the Halflife: Fulllife Consequences and Metal Gear Solid: Fight of Metal Gears series (the latter of which has yet to be concluded from its nail-biting cliffhanger), Squirrelking is renowned for his abilities to take from existing universes, and add new characters who bear relation to the original characters we love dearly.

Despite Squirrelking saying he has "only been speaking english for not that long", his words speak to readers in a way Shakespeare could never convey.

LONG OVERDUE PAGE UPDATE: FullLife Consequences has reached its climactic conclusion!

A Critical Analysis of the Works of Squirrelking[edit]

Halflife: Fullife Consequences[edit]

Squirrelking's legendary works begin with Half Life: Full-life Consequences, which is arguably his most famous work. This is the piece to first introduce us to John Freeman, who is Gordon Freeman's brother. In a stark contrast to his brother, we open with John Freeman in an office, typing on a computer, showing that John lives a far simpler life than his brother. However, when John receives an e-mail from his brother that says that aliens and monsters are attacking his place, John is quick to rise to the occasion and face the titular "Fulllife Consequences".

Squirrelking's unusual descriptions of the countryside are amongst the most eclectic seen in fiction (the countryside 'are nice', according to John Freeman's observations) and it also evokes a beautiful surreality when Squirrelking reveals that the sun and the birds are almost down from the top of the sky. It is also mentioned that the pants are dead in Ravenholm - called 'Ravenholdm' in SquirrelKing's fascinating break from canon - once again demonstrating that SquirrelKing will consider even the pants in his bleak epic.

A small but colorful cast of characters, such as the headcrab officer and the zombie goasts, and an appearance by Gordon Freeman himself, as well as a surprise twist at the end where Squirrelking takes from many video games and shows that what we think is the final fight is never the true finale, and leaves us desiring to see John Freeman get revenge on the evil boss.

Halflife:FullLife Consequences 2:WhatHasTobeDone[edit]

Squirrelking immediately follows up with a sequel to Halflife: Fulllife Consequences. The sequel, despite being far lesser known, is far more heartrending than its predecessor. Though Squirrelking himself simply describes the story with a short sentence, stating "John Freeman has to kill evil next boss and live up to fulllife consequences", we see more of John Freeman's character, and how the surprise twist ending of the first story has taken its toll on John Freeman. The readers can truly feel John's emotions when he swears revenge on the next boss, stating "I WILL KILL THE BOSS AND GORDON FREEMAN WILL BE HAPPY SOUL!"

We also view that John Freeman is a very serious person, refusing to call his brother anything but his full name. His mother's e-mail seems to imply that she, too, calls both her sons by their first and last name, implying that John and Gordon grew up in a very strict household. This seems to be Squirrelking cleverly explaining the reason for Gordon's constant silence (other than when around John), giving us a new way to think of the character we are already familiar with. It is interesting, however, to note, that despite John's serious stature, he attempts to make friends with the zombie goasts he meets, trying to avoid killing them and instead offering them the chance to move to the countrysides and be friends of John Freeman. However, the zombie goasts, despite being undead, are killed by John Freeman, showing the futility of trying to avoid death.

Thanks to the power of the internet, John Freeman discovers the weakness of the next boss, and his longtime rival is finally destroyed by a rocket launcher, because that was his weakness. Once again, the story ends on a cliffhanger, more shocking and heartrending than the first. The cliffhanger truly leaves us wondering what will happen next--with John Freeman's motives being to avenge his dead brother, what effect will his brother's zombification and subsequent seeking of vengeance against John have upon him? Truly, this is a cliffhanger for the ages.

Halflife:FullLife Consequences: Hero Beggining[edit]

This story is an abrupt change of pace form the previous story, not picking up with the frightening cliffhanger of Gordon Freeman's resurrection, but with a vivid description of the state into which the world has plummeted. Cleverly hidden in the description, it is implied that the world was "dark and scarry" even before the arrival of the monstrous Combines, at which point it degenerated even further. We are given a brief description of the invaders that places us in the same shoes as the unfortunate citizens of this alternate Earth, with woefully little information outside of the Combines' terrifying appearance.

Then we are introduced to our new hero Henry Freeman, a character just as different from our prior protagonists as this world is from the previous settings, prompting readers to wonder whether or not this is even the same universe as the preceding stories. Henry Freeman lives in a Combine-held city with his mother, and is quickly shown to be one of the most questioning of their authority. After witnessing a group of Combines (depicted in the film adaptation as Civil Protection officers) brutally beating a helpless girl, Henry Freeman asks yet again why the Combines are so brutal, with his mother's only reply being that they are evil Combines who hate humens.

Henry Freeman attempts to save the girl by demanding that the Combines cease their attack, but this proves a disaster as they aim their lazer guns at Henry Freeman's head. Henry's mother begs for her son's life in a touching monologue, but the brutal Combines gun her down with frightening glee. Dying in her son's arms, she pleads for Henry Freeman to run, but Henry Freeman responds instead by grabbing a nearby wepon and killing the Combines.

However, instead of being forced into hiding, the assembled humens show their overwhelming support for Henry Freeman, as his response to their cruelty gave them hop and enough courage to fight back. Henry Freeman rallies the assembled humens and leads a charge on the Combine tower, the terrifying scale described as big like the sky once the humens had armed themselves with lazer guns and rocks.

But hop quickly turns to horror as the advance grinds to a half before the sudden intervention of a Combine counterattack, their collective demand of where the humens think they are going echoing the thousand-fold demon known as Legion of biblical lore. With an emboldening answer that they are here to send the Combines back to science and outter space, Henry Freeman leads the charge into seemingly certain death.

Even with the use of a conveniently placed gravity gun to hurl Striders and make Combine infantry squish, the humen resistance is being outlasted by the Combine's might. The vivid battle places us at the forefront of the fighting, humen citizens losing limbs to explosions and Combines being hurled into the air only to die from the subsequent fall forcing our mind's eye to see the carnage of the fight. Even the apparent leader of the Combine, the mysterious Dark Man, makes an appearance, if only to inform the humens that they should prepair to die.

But just as all hop seems lost yet again, a brite light came in teh sky as a portal "opend in the sky and a guy came out." Readers rejoice and are shunted the edge of their seats as a the story concludes with a single line of dialogue:

"'Combines leave my son alone' John Freeman said."

Halflife:FullLife Consequences: Free Man[edit]

Picking up with the triumphant return of the formerly missing John Freeman with the longest addition to the story yet, John leaps from the portal to Henry Freeman's side, both factions frozen following the new arrival. Henry Freeman tearfully tells his father that mom has dead, and even the stoic John Freeman spends a moment in mourning before demanding confirmation of guilt from the Combines. His answer comes from the gloating Dark Man, who freely and gleefully admits to his Combine soldiers having killed Henry Freeman's mother and John Freeman's wife. With an emotionally charged monologue of his love for his wife (like sun raise), he declares that the Dark Man will suffar for his crimes.

In a startling show of his new, god-like abilities, John Freeman, "jumpd in to sky with kicks and hit dark man and the dark mans mask ript off and John Freeman seed ugly Combine face but it looked like humen tooo." While the Dark Man scrumbled back to his Combine allies, John Freeman orders his son to take the remaining humen fighters out of the city and to safety, intent on destroying the Combine threat and banishing them to the mysterious Forrest of Time. But the assembled humens refuse, expressing their will to fight beside him, as does Henry Freeman, who tells his father that humens have to fight for freedome.

Despite acknowledging that Henry Freeman and the people are right, and that they will need to be able to claim this victory for themselves rather than relying on his god-like powers, John Freeman still fears for their lives. His reflection is interrupted when he saw Combines start to run like monsters to humens and Henry Freeman and saw Henry Freeman and humens run like brave to Combines. With the battle inevitable, John Freeman drops his reliable wepon and, in a statement that made millions of readers shiver, says, "I have to kill fast and bullets too slow."

John Freeman's newfound powers allow him to tear through the Combine ranks effortlessly with nothing but his bear hands, while Henry Freeman and the humens return fire with conventional weapons. With the odds tilted against them, the Combines fall back to the tower, where the Dark Man has pressed the button that makes the tower glow and smoke, before he makes the most dramatic revelation yet:

The Dark Man is none other than a resurrected Gordon Freeman! His declaration that John Freeman "prepair to die" at the end of What has Tobe done being echoed in Hero Beggining by the Dark Man shows evidence that Squirrelking hinted at the revelation to his readers even during the seemingly unrelated interlude during Hero Begging.

During the unseen events between What has Tobe done and Free Man, a zombified Gordon Freeman is found by Combines who put science in [him] and made [him] live and strong and big. John Freeman attempts to appeal to his brother's suppressed humanity, only for Gordon Freeman to reveal his own superhuman powers as he teleportaled alongside John Freeman to lash out with his crowbar.

As the two brothers are locked in mortal combat, Henry Freeman sees amidst the gunfight that the tower has only begun to smoke and glow more, and realizes that unless the button is pressed, it will explod! Taking horrendous losses in the process, the humens charge the button, trying to deactivate the self-destruct sequence. Sadly, the losses were for naught, and John Freeman realizes they will never reach the button in time. Knowing what he must do, he kicked Gordon Freeman in teh part of the face that was like Combines, causing the science flew off Gordon Freemans face and landed and blowed up in a boom.

Freed of Combine control, but without the science that kept him alive, Gordon Freeman begs his brother's forgiveness for the trouble he caused before asking him to make sure humens and Henry Freeman make it out of the city. With that touching and selfless final request, Gordon Freeman dies for the second and final time, a hero until the end. John Freeman orders the humens to flee the city, successfully this time, and fights his way up the tower to stall for time.

At this point, the film adaptation takes some time to show much more of the combat itself, visually awe-inspiring, but some argue detracting from the importance of John Freeman's sacrifice. Returning to the novel, John Freeman's superhuman endurance is strained as he is struck by rockets and masheen guns, and even stabed with an unseen Combine's nife. But even with this much damage, John Freeman continues fighting until the tower detonates, consuming him and the Combines with it.

After an unspecified period of time, it's revealed that humenkind has entered a period of prosperity following the removal of the Combines, with Henry Freeman elected president of the new government and a new city build with a statue at its center John Freeman, an emotionally moving memorial whose inscription is the last line of the FullLife Consequences franchise:

"John Freeman Saver of Humens."

Metal Gear Solid: Fight of Metal Gears[edit]

JAKE SNAKE BEHIND YOU!

Metal Gear Solid: Fight of Metal Gears contends with Halflife: Fulllife Consequences for Squirrelking's most renowned work. It is a popular piece among the populace of 4chan's /v/, in specific. This fanfiction introduces us to Jake Snake, the son of Solid Snake. The story opens telling the readers that shockingly, Solid Snake was old and died before, and his kid Jake Snake had to do things now for the world. Jake Snake grew up with Solid Snake and helped him beat metal gears but now Solid Snake was not there anymore and only Jake Snake was.

After the introduction, we view a flashback to an emotional conversation between Jake Snake and Solid Snake, in which Solid Snake tells Jake his fate will, like his own, forever be to "do what needs to be done". Soon after Solid Snake's death, Jake Snake is immediately thrust into his role of needing to do things for the world, as an old friend of Solid Snake's, Otacon, calls him up to inform him that Metal Gears are fighting in Out Heaven. Jake Snake decides to step up to the plate and emotionally tells Otacon, "Otacon you were Solid Snakes friend and i want you to be my friend so i will fight metal gears too". This is a testament to the strong character of Jake Snake.

Along the way Jake Snake is shown to be different from his father, perhaps due to his youth. He prefers cigars over cigarets and tries to reason with his enemies rather than outright killing them. However, he does indeed "do what needs to be done" and isn't afraid to kill, even at his young age.

The story ends with Jake Snake fighting Metal Gears, and interestingly shooting "something special" at them. What this special something is, though, will have to wait for the sequel.

Metal Gear Solid: Fight of Metal Gears 2[edit]

Oh, it's the sequel already. Well, for the record, the special thing Jake Snake shot at the Metal Gears was "a nuke that kills only metal gears but not Jake Snake". Not surprisingly, the nuke killed the metal gears but not Jake Snake, although the radiation did render him sterile.

After wrapping up the suspense of the slight cliffhanger, we continue to view Jake Snake's journey through Out Heaven. He comes into a conflict with a Boss Metal Gear, who taunts Jake Snake for his youth, and perceived inability to kill. However, Jake Snake proves he is "NOT SMALL CHILD" and shoots the Boss Metal Gear with a fire gun. This, his swift defeat of 10 bad guys, and his following conversation with Otacon shows that Jake Snake is becoming disturbingly like his violent father.

The story ends with us meeting an old enemy of Solid Snake's, as Squirrelking had promised--Revolver Ocelot comes back to fight Jake Snake. He taunts his young opponent, and we discover the cause of Solid Snake's death--Ocelot had killed him, saying he "did it slow and he was hurting a lot". This prompts Jake Snake to attack him. Once more, parallels are drawn between Jake Snake and Solid Snake, as Jake must now don an eyepatch due to his encounter with Ocelot.

Once again, Squirrelking boldly ends with a cliffhanger, in which Jake Snake looks around and coffs and is dying almost.

Halo: Halos in Space[edit]

Squirrelking makes a bold change from his writing formula--the protagonist in Halo: Halos in Space is not related to the main character of Halo--in stark contrast, he is far different. We are introduced to Joe Chief, who was in space and had wepons and was a army guy but he wasnt a robot liek Master Chief so he didnt fly.

Joe Chief is shown to be able to act quick under pressure, quickly being able to take out aliens by shooting them in teh legs. He cooly states, "Aliens we are human people and you are aliens but we dont need to kill things like us" before pushing aliens into space. These aliens are easily defeated, but soon the Flood comes, and every thing got wet and messy and lightningy becaus water hit teh space tv and all the things and made sparks. Joe Chief is shown to be very caring for his fellow soldiers, making sure they come in ship. After everyone gets on, Joe Chief had to fly fast and go a round tings liek alien ships and things. Then out of no where BOOM happend and the back of the espcape ship fell open n one of the army guys fell out and explodd in space then another one closed it and said "NOOOOO HE WAS MY BROTHER!" and then got tired and slept.

Just when things seem to be looking grim for Joe Chief and the few survivors with him, Joe Chief declares "no we win" to himself. Why? We'll have to find out in the next installment.

FFVII: Story of Rain Strife[edit]

Rain Strife with the token black guy.

FFVII: Story of Rain Strife is a short interlude written to keep suspense for the sequel to Halo: Halos in Space. In it we are introduced to the younger brother of Cloud Strife, Rain Strife, who lived in Strifetown. Rain Strife was too young to join Cloud during the events of Final Fantasy VII, so he often was pracktising so he could one day do it like Cloud Strife. Squirrelking seems to incorrectly think that Cloud gets it on, but he's too much of a faggot for sex with the three hot women he is surrounded by.

Anyway, comets rain down upon Strifetown and Midgar, and all around the people are crying for a hero like Cloud Strife. Rain decides to live up to his family name and face full life consequenc--err, fight Sephiroth. Rain helps people if they are hurting, and then goes off to travel over the lands and hills and ground and water and wanted to stop Sephiroth to make him stop hurting people in Strifetown and all other towns in Fantasyworld. He is shown to be very strong, as despite not having members to help yet when he gets into a fight, Rain Strife fights enemies on his own. Rain is also shown to be a good dancer.

Rain builds a deep hatred of Sephiroth once he discovers Sephiroth came to another town. He meets BarretNOT BARRET, who is addressed only as "balck guy with gun on hands" to show Rain's racist side. Barret joins Rain's side, and the two fight more bad guys.

The story ends with something bad happening. Oh shit.

Halo: Halos in Space 2: Aliens attack[edit]

This story is significantly longer than the average work of Squirrelking. The story was written over a year after its predecessor, and during this time Squirrelking has shown he has mastered the art of the paragraph.

To be honest, the story is pretty tl;dr. But the basic gist of it is that "Aliens shoot Joe Chief but Joe Chief is shooting back!". Once again, a cliffhanger. The doors were closed almost so Joe Chief ran fast and jumped to try to get under the door, but...

Cinematic adaptations of the author's work[edit]

While a large variety of cinematic auteurs have attempted to transfer Squirrelking's genius onto the silver screen, very few of them have had anywhere near a tenth the talent Squirrelking has in his pinky finger, and thus the majority of them flop miserably. Perhaps the most successful adaptation has been the following series of blockbuster computer-animated flicks, based on Squirrelking's epic tale Half Life: FullLife Consequences:

Half-Life: Full Life Consequences
Half-Life: Full Life Consequences 2: What Has Tobe Done
Half-Life: Hero Beggining
A more well-known adaptation of Half-Life: Hero Beggining
Half-Life: Full Life Consequences: Free Man
A shorter edition of Half-Life: Full Life Consequences: Free Man
Metal Gear Solid: Fight of Metal Gears
Another adaptation.
Halo: Halos in Space

Gallery[edit]

Summary[edit]

Squirrelking is an author ahead of his time.

See Also[edit]

External Links[edit]

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Featured article August 26 & 27 2017
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