Stephen Hawking

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Jump to: navigation, search
Not even Internet Disease can help this
Facebookers comment on Stephen.
They see me rollin'...they hatin'...
I bet he also uses Wikipedia
Dr Hawking's Cameo in Doctor Who.
Moarknow.png
Did You Know: Stephen Hawking passed away after a Windows 10 update. He was 76. Goodnight sweet prince.



   
 
You fatassed Americans should put down the 3.14. Unfortunately, if you did, your fat stuffed brains would be filled with thoughts of 22/7. Fuck Pi day.
 

 
 

—Stephen Hawking

Stephen Hawking 8 January 1942 - 14 March 2018 is the world's most famous cybernetically augmented pedophile that's into the dark meat because he's always talking about black holes. He is a theoretical physicist and Computer Science XVII graduate with an unfortunate disorder that makes him talk like an old Mac. He's a lot like a modern-day Galileo, if you happened to leave Galileo in the microwave for too long. Coincidentally, Hawking was born exactly 300 years after the death of Galileo. The comparisons end there however, as Galileo was able to wipe his own ass. Stephen Hawking is the only known retard to have contributed to society by writing a book that noone wants to read. Often when you explain to bleeding heart liberals that all retards and cripples should be left by the side of a mountain to die a la Spartan times they bring up the fact that Stephen Hawking is all up in their shit and he's awesome. Even though nobody knows what that robot voice is talking about. They miss the point though, [-] as Stephen Hawking was born on a wheelchair[/-] He was only diagnosed at 21. So it's still totally right to dispose of retards born that way. It is proven that Hawking is the biggest player ever and gets more pussy than all porn stars combined. He supposedly has the hardest wood ever.

God hates Steven...[edit]

Professor Hawking contracted Motorneurone disease after a disastrous attempt to divide by zero, using a Speak n Spell machine. Some say that he actually succeeded, and in that instant, all the secrets of the universe were revealed to him in a blinding light. Steven's body could no longer cope with all that information, and chose to shut itself down, in order to save energy for his precious brain. This is how he became the terrifying cyborg monster he is today.

...so does his wife.[edit]

A while back, the window licking genius was taken to hospital with unexplained injuries, including a broken wrist, gashes to the face and a cut lip (meth addict?). His nurse claimed that is was the doing of his second wife. In any case this proves 2 things, a) that the boy knows how to party, and 2) that if Steven can get pussy (at least twice), then so can YOU!

. . .So Does ✡Israel✡[edit]

In May 2013, after accepting an invitation to speak at Israel’s President’s Conference Hawking later rescinded and declared that he would not participate in any cultural or academic exchanges with Israel citing that he supports the Terrorist movement of BDS.

The irony of Hawking's Jew hate is that his computer, robot voice communication system runs on a chip designed in Israel. This is proof that lay-persons like actors and scientists should stay the fuck out of politics because no matter how qualified they like to think they are, all they do is succeed in making themselves look like idiots.

To paraphrase Einstein:


   
 
A high IQ is no guarantee for success when dealing with idiots
 

 
 

He is British[edit]

Stephen, as it is actually spelled, is British. He is a fine example of the British education system, however, Americans being American will no doubt claim that Stephen is one of them. Once his immediate family are dead and all the media have forgotten about him, they shall slowly start publishing fraudulent text books claiming he was of American heritage.

Really sick?[edit]

It has been speculated that Prof. Hawking is just lazy, and enjoys having his ass wiped by a nurse. He is the smartest guy in the world after all, and who can blame him?

New Theories[edit]

On Sunday, April 25th, 2010, the world's smartest man said one of the stupidest things possible. Professor Hawking stated that aliens may very well exist, but that we should avoid them at all costs so they don't sell us into slavery.

   
 
If aliens visit us, the outcome would be much as when Columbus landed in America, which didn't turn out well for the Native Americans.
 

 
 

—Stephen Hawking


Stephen Hawking Fancies Himself A Philosophizer[edit]

Thinking that he was cool enough to out Emo Nietzsche when he said "G-D is dead, (Gott ist tot)" in his classic work "Also sprach Zarathustra" Hawking thought that he could one up him by going full Emo Cutter Girl and saying that there has never been a god.

In a 2011 interview with the Guardian, Stephen Hawking said, "G-D is a fairy tale created for the stupid that want to believe in a life after death because they are afraid to die. The brain is like a computer. When it breaks, it breaks. There are no angels coming to take broken computers to heaven."

Some have suggested that Stephen Hawking was trying to out Edgelord his 2010 book The Grand Design with his 2011 interview when he said there in no need for a creator or god to explain the universe. Life, the Universe and Everything would have always happened because the laws of physics allow for them to happen.

Religious leaders like ✡Chief Rabbi Lord Sacks✡ accused Hawking of doing what has been done for over a thousand years by Scientists in that they try to distance themselves from the idea of a creator to cover up the fact that the sciences originated as a religious philosophy to either catalogue and map G-D's creations or try to understand the mind of G-D and realize how HE might have created the universe.


The Jews and their lies. Nevar forget.

Hawking Sex Tape[edit]

yup, the boy sure lieks to party.

True Romance[edit]

Finally, it can be told.

Hawking Smooth Talk[edit]

That's how he gets more pussy than you evar will.

Contributions[edit]

Gallery[edit]



   
 
Stephen's Theme Song
 

 
 

See also[edit]

Atom small.png
Atom small.png

Stephen Hawking is part of a series on

SCIENCE!

[FizzlePop]

Stephen Hawking
is part of a series on
Churchill Bulldog.jpg
The British
Our Rich Cultural Heritage [-+]
The United Kingdom [-+]


This article is a crappy stub. You can help by completely re-writing it. Be sure to make it longer, girthier, and more pleasurable.