Stephen Paddock

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When a real professional shows all these fucking amateurs how it's done.

Abu Abdul Bar al-Amriki
Session 9 April 1953 - 1 October 2017
Nationality Americunt MiniflagUSA.png
Occupation Music critic
Highscore Killed 58, injured 422
Top 50? 2nd Ed high score gold medal.png (Americas: 1st!!)
Style FPS sniper mode
An Hero? .38 snubnosed mouthwash
Motive(s) Jihad, Las Vegas syndrome

Stephen Craig Paddock (a.k.a. Abu Abdul Bar al-Amriki and Captain Paddock) was a veritable God among men who had a life's worth of experience at the age of 64 as a licensed pilot, gambler, Imam, hunter, and professional geriatric. On October 1, 2017, after 9 months of a rather uneventful year, Stephen said, "Gosh darn it!" and decided to put his mad skillz to the test with one last gamble as he ordered the degenerate youth of Las Vegas to get the fuck off his lawn in style.

Stephen, a literal die-hard fan of country music, smashed open the windows in his suite in the Mandalay Bay Resort and Casino and rained lead on a crowd of 22,000 stupid posers attending the Route 91 Harvest, a so-called "country music" festival that Stephen believed was brutally raping the genre he loved so dearly.

With 10 points in agility and perception, this Courier of Death delivered swift justice to the New Vegas strip as he racked up a whopping 58 kills and 422 injuries (all under 12 minutes!!) before being interrupted and finally turning the gun on himself. Stevie committed the deadliest mass shooting by a lone gunman (or any gunmen for that matter) in US history; his super effective technique, the Mandalay Bay Spray and Pray, is hailed by critics as the "best thing to happen in Vegas since The Hangover."

The Mission[edit]

Where the night's event took place.

This fine gentleman of the ripe age of 64 had gone to Sin City to drink and gamble away his problems as usual. Like any other decent Las Vegas individual, Stephen checked into the 32nd floor of the Mandalay Bay with 20 suitcases full of weapons and ammunition without security noticing him. The house took him in due to his gambling addiction; little did they know that he would exact revenge for taking every penny.

Upon hearing the first notes of Jason Aldean's crap tunes coming from outside, Stephen's plan immediately formulated, prompting him to smash open two windows, retrieve one of the dozens of rifles he happened to bring with him, take aim, and launch metal hail onto the unsuspecting ear-rapists congregated below.

Volley after volley, magazine after magazine, Stephen cut down large swathes of the enemy formation, making him feel that much better about himself. Soon the pigs located this musical maestro and were about to rush in to get his autograph, but as usual they were too slow because he did their job for them. When he completed his mission, Stephen Paddock let out one last joyful tear as he shed himself from his mortal coil and ascended to the great casino in the sky.

Assault Plan[edit]

Get rekt n00bz.
Game over, Stephen. Gamble In Peace.
"Tired lol. Gonna take an nap."


Step 1 - Invest in real estate and become rich Checkmark 2.gif
Step 2 - Learn your gun rights and laws even though you're about to murder dozens Checkmark 2.gif
Step 3 - Buy a small army's worth of guns with your money Checkmark 2.gif
Step 4 - Get ammo and cameras and shit Checkmark 2.gif
Step 5 - Rent out a room in a tower (optional: luxury hotel) Checkmark 2.gif
Step 6 - Wait for massive gathering of people Checkmark 2.gif
Step 7 - UNLEASH HELLFIRE UPON THE SHEEPLE (optional: suicide after) Checkmark 2.gif
Step 8 - Ignite further shitstorm via political meltdown Checkmark 2.gif
Step 9 - ????

Guns. Lots of guns.[edit]

Choose Your Weapon
About missing Pics
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]


Class Setup
Item Accessories/Bonus
  • Primary: A fuckload of guns + 6,000 rounds of ammo
  • Two dozen ARs and Sniper Rifles (both 5.56 and .308) for constant pwnage. Fine selection of Daniel Defense, Colt, Ruger, ArmaLite, SIG-Sauer, LWRC, FNH, Noveske, Christensen, POF, and LMT rifles.
  • Thrown: Money
Money - Defacements - 13.jpg
  • Cash purchases of weapons and $100,000 parting gift for his Pinoy girlfriend.
  • Perk 1: Ghost Pro
ATS Ghost Pro.png
  • Invisible against Las Vegas Metropolitan Police, ATF, and Room Service.
  • Perk 2: Sleight of Hand Pro
Perk sleight of hand 256 pr.png
  • Removes reloading time for all weapons. Just pick another one of 23 different guns and continue firing!
  • Perk 3: Double Tap
Call of duty double tap.png
  • Increases rate of fire by 33%, courtesy of bump stock.
  • Spell: Zionism
Israel flag.gif
  • Double damage against Arabs, Americans, Germans, and Country Music Fans.


A proud feminist wonders why The Donald didn't call for the death penalty for a dead man.
A great mind at work.
Hall of fame.

It has been posited that one mistake Stephen made in his execution of the attack was that he did not leave behind any written manifesto or parting message, although some argue that this cliffhanger only adds an extra factor of lulz. The reactions from the old media and politicians, much like every other mass shooting, was the same. Paddock's profile didn't meet the typical loner or mental illness stereotype of a murderer, but they did find out that his father, Benjamin Paddock, was a bank robber on the FBI's "Top Ten Most Wanted Fugitives" and was reportedly "psychopathic" and "suicidal." TOW wanted to delete the separate article on Paddock and wanted it to be a part of the shooting article itself, even though he is clearly notable due to beating the American high score by a long mile. A lot of people pulled the race card and said that since he's white, police or the news wouldn't label him as a terrorist due to not being a raghead. But his motive, whether it was religious, political, or musical, is still unknown.

Out of panic (as if that's not a surprise already), everybody started spreading false ass information. People confused Paddock with the ex-husband of the girlfriend he was with at the time, noting the fact that he was a Democrat who liked Rachel Maddow and was anti-Trump.

As usual, a butthurt Hillary Twitter loudmouth named Greg Morelli weighed in on the situation thusly:

Soon as I heard it was country music, I felt relief. White people shooting white people isn't terror... it's community outreach. #LasVegas


Greg Morelli, 5:28 AM - 2 Oct 2017

Morelli owned Max's Deli in Highland Park along with his father and brother until some busybodies improved the deli's Facebook page by adding photoshopped images of Morelli fapping over the victims. Turns out that Greg had only recently displayed his butthurt over Hillary's stunning loss with a jaunty cartoon of Nazi bagels and a depiction of an alt-right matzo ball which enraged the community enough that the local Max Weisenthal center agreed to help with damage control by hosting a frank discussion of the behavior, at which an unrepentant Greg behaved like an ass. After the Vegas tweet, the Center had this to say of Greg Morelli:

The Simon Wiesenthal Center is outraged by Max's Deli's disgusting Tweet and will have nothing to do with them in the future.


October 3 at 10:55am

Without the cover of the Wiesenthal Center, and with their Yelp accumulating a mountain of complaints, the family allegedly fired him.

Critics' Review[edit]

Graded Score
Kill count: 58/20 Deadliest OAP since Derrick Bird
Accuracy: 4/20 Thought he could accurately aim from the top of a hotel
Style: 20/20 Smuggling in 23 rifles and putting them to good use
Butthurt: 20/20 Reignited gun control debate and white privilege
Bonus: 20/20 An Hero + Deadliest mass shooting in modern US history
Total Score: 122/100 (S+)
The House Always Wins
Thank you, Stephen, for proving that a terrible kill-to-injury ratio is irrelevant when you have godly firepower

See full ranking

Wanted Level

National Guard


Breivheart and Ol' Stevie are proof that they really do...
Paddock unshaven
  1. Stevie Wonder Makes the Guns Thunder
  2. Paddy The Sniper Daddy
  3. Click-Clack Paddywack
  4. Havok with Paddock
  5. "Swift like a Haddock" Paddock
  6. Daddy Paddy Wacker
  7. Stephen "bolted from the" Paddock
  8. Stephen 'sLays in Vegas' Paddock
  9. Stephen "You're Gonna be grievin'" Paddock
  10. steven "I've Fucking had it" Paddock
  11. Stephen lvl 32 Warddock
  12. Steve "You Can't Leave" Paddock
  13. Stephen "Stop you Breathin'" Paddock
  14. Stephen "Guns Unsheathin'" Paddock
  15. Lord Paddock from Havok
  16. Lvl 32 Boss Battle
  17. Mandalay Bay Security Pentester
  18. Stephen "Bushmaster" Paddock
  19. Mr. 586
  20. The 4 Minute Decimator
  21. Mr. M240
  22. Stephen "Oxygen Depletin" Paddock
  23. Stephen "Give me a fucking reason" Paddock
  24. Stephen The Heathen
  25. Stephen The Smoking Gun
  26. Stephen "Sending Yanks to St.Peter from 300 Meters" Paddock
  27. Stephen "Take Your Life with an Asian Wife" Paddock

Family Members[edit]

Yeah, him, with the weird eyes and pedo desktop
  • Eric Paddock - Steve's twin brother. The 1%. A fucking freeloader who retired just to leech off his brother's success while eating 1000$ COMPED sushi everyday. He also thinks only poor people works at taco bell (inb4 the butthurt of every poor niggers and the 99%).
  • Patrick Paddock - who?
  • Benjamin Hoskins Paddock - The Father. A fucking bank robber and a con man. He is also on the top ten FBI most wanted list who escape jails after jails like he was the protagonist of Shawshank's Redemption. Died and gave birth to 4 little jack off with one of them being Steven, chosen of the dark gods. The rest are either a pedophile, a freeloader sushi enthusiast and a nobody.
  • Mom Paddock - Steve made her wealthy.
  • Peggy Paddock - Stephen's EX-wife. Two divorced for more than 27 years ago after a six-year marriage and had no childrens. Currently living in Cerritos, California.


[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

Stephen's Legacy of Lulz About missing Pics
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]


Live action
From balcony
Spray & Pray
RT Coverage

Epilogue: Borderline Bar & Grill College Country Night![edit]

On November 7, 2018, a year after Paddock gave his honest musical opinion upon country music fans, another fine gentlemanIan David Long (who lived with his mom, lol)—walked into a country bar and took another 12 lives. One of those killed was a Navy veteran who survived Paddock's wrath in Las Vegas. Many other attendees had also survived the massacre, leading many to question how these lucky few managed to beat the house odds. In response to this mass shooting, a petition was launched to prohibit the playing of country music indefinitely.

See Also[edit]

  • Omar Mateen & Cho Seung Hui - defeated former US champions
  • Nikolas Cruz - random faggot who tried to recreate Stephen's feat 4 months later at his school; failed considerably
  • Brenton Tarrant - 2019 Aussie contender who (unsuccessfully, but nearly) challenged Stephen's highscore
  • Mass Shooting - the overused IRL dead meme that Stevie revived and took to a whole new level
  • Gun Control - prepare for the great debate to be reignited with no positive outcome
  • Donald Trump - Republican president during the occurrence of the mass shooting, and thus personally responsible (if you're libtard)
  • Bernie Sanders - Democratic senator during the occurrence of the mass shooting, and thus personally responsible (if you're conservadick)
  • 9/11

External Links[edit]

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