Steven Slater

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Steven Slater, American hero.
According to Wikipedia, this was classified as a plane crash.
The proper technique for exiting a plane.

Steven Slater is was a gay flight attendant for JetBlue that made national headlines when he unleashed his gay fury on the passengers of Flight 1052 for incendiary remarks and slurs. After his plane landed, Slater claimed he was trying to restore order when an argument had flared up over some baggage in the overhead compartment. Then, some dumb bitch got in a scuffle that resulted in said baggage falling on Slater's head, injuring him.

Or so he claimed...

Ensuing Hilarity[edit]

It was obvious from the get-go that somebody was lying: It was either the dumbfuck valley-girl passengers or the crazy faggot that handled all the alcohol on the aircraft.

Slater's Account[edit]

After the incident described above, Slater said he got on the plane's PA system and gave a righteous speech, laced with righteous profanities, concluding with: "I've been in this business 20 years. And that's it, I'm done." Following the tantrum, Slater pushed the big red button to deploy the plane's evacuation slide, used it to escape from the plane to the runway, and ran off. It took 25 minutes for the police to even be contacted because police radios don't work in JetBlue terminals.

The rest of the world said:[edit]

   
 
Slater told the passengers to "go fuck yourselves", grabbed two Blue Moon beers, and deployed the escape chute, slid down and then drove home from his car that was parked at the airport.
 

 
 

—Witnesses

Yep. Basically, nobody corroborated Slater's story. The passengers claimed Slater's actions were for the most part unprovoked, when in reality they were all too butthurt by the prospect of their own mortality to appreciate the lulziness of the situation. Investigators later decided that Steven Slater suffered from alcoholism and other mental-health issues, and was in fact drunk during the time of the altercation; but for what reason, we'll likely never know.

In Theory[edit]

  1. Your job is to keep order on a highly sophisticated and expensive piece of machinery.
  2. Become clinically depressed.
  3. Get drunk.
  4.  ????
  5. Be hailed as the working man's hero.

In Practice[edit]

For the brief period that Slater was in the national spotlight, he was in fact hailed as a martyr by the American working class - despite his story being a complete fabrication from the mind of a drunken asshole. He was even offered a TV show.

However, the true nature of what happened became clear, right after everybody celebrated what he did - and he was swiftly kicked in the balls. Slater was arrested (he actually made it home before the police caught him) and charged with criminal mischief, reckless endangerment, criminal trespass, and silly shenanigans, and was forced to pay JetBlue $10,000 in reparations.


TL;DR Explanation[edit]

Legend[edit]

To his credit, Slater's status as a folk hero has been unmatched in recent history.

Fun Facts[edit]

Gallery[edit]

GO FUCK YOURSELF, BWAAAAH About missing Pics
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See Also[edit]

External Links[edit]

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