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From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Steven Universe is a very anime-inspired cartoon, which shouldn't be acceptable for a Western kids show since all anime is invariably pornographic. Like Adventure Time, Steven Universe has no actual over-arcing storyline, only the illusion of one.
Cartoon Network realized that since they were airing Johnny Test and never-ending Teen Titans Go! reruns two-thirds of the day (The other one-third going to Adult Swim), they REALLY needed something new, ANYTHING new. Rebecca Sugar caught onto the fact that CN now had two brain cells to rub together and suggested a fantasy 2DEEP4U show that attempted to trick otakus into thinking that Western cartoons are any match for anime.
"Gems" are an alien race of sentient gemstones ruled by "The Diamond Authority". Their civilization is as technologically advanced as the average sci-fi federation but as morally advanced as the Nazis. Here are some useful factoids:
- Quartz and Quartz varieties come from Earth and are supposed to badass but Amethyst was in the ground too long.
- Gems generate an external body to interact with the world.
- When this body is damaged enough it "poofs" out of existence and has to regenerate from within the Gem.
- This body can physically change at will (with limits of course).
- Gems can fuse.
- You can fuse the literal Gems together against their will to create a sin against life itself and become the literal worst person ever.
- Gems are seemingly immortal; they will never fucking die. However, if a Gem smashed into shards those shards lose sapience and can only form body parts.
- They have such a rigid caste system that would make India blush and wet itself.
- Despite having an intergalactic society thousands of years old, the Gems cannot grasp the concept of sustainable development and thus breed like rabbits, spread around the universe as a plague, and deplete natural resources so that subsequent Gems "born" on older worlds are handicapped and have to use prosthetics.
A long ago the Gems tried to colonize the Earth. A band of lesbian SJW ecoterrorists called the "Crystal Gems" objected, however. They saved the planet, but Homeworld put a giant philosopher's stone in the Earth's core, so they had to save it again; and Homeworld also played Lavender Town to the planet, corrupting all exposed Gems into monsters, so the Crystal Gems spend all their time capturing them.
In the recent past a solo musician named "Greg Universe" decided to perform songs at a venue in Beach City only to learn that no one listens to his music anymore, except for the aforementioned Rose Quartz. After some shit happened, Steven Universe was born.
Rose Quartz died giving birth to him, and she knew ahead of time that this would happen but continued the pregnancy anyway - probably because Steven's half-human half-alien properties were part of her master plan.
- The "Monster of the Week" Arc + Lapis. (Season 1A)
- The CGs and Steven fight a series of Corrupted Gems while occasionally having fee-fees.
- Garnet and Amethyst fuse into Sugilite and break a communication hub for hurting television. This become relevant later.
- Steven releases a Lapis Lazuli from a mirror and she takes the ocean, then gives it back and flies off to Homeworld while leaving absolutely no catastrophic damage to the ecosystem.
- The "World-building" (Season 1B, 1 - 43)
- The fee-fees get more frequent.
- Steven and Connie fuse into Herm-Aphrodite and some pedo named Kevin hits on them until they unfuse.
- Garnet reveals that she can see the future.
- Ronaldo tries to murder Lars onscreen and everyone's okay with it because they're both douchebags.
- The Peridot Arc (Season 1, 44 - 52)
- An Era-2 Peridot is assigned to check on the cluster buried within the Earth's core before it hatches, but the CGs keep interfering. First she tries to fix the Galaxy warp and go there directly but gets paranoid because of a fucking sticker and leaves, then she tries to use the Prime Kindergarten but the CGs destroy its power source. She then brings the Lapis from earlier and a literally perfect Jasper with her on a space-ship to get the job done but guess what.
- The CGs fuck it all up.
- Peridot takes an escape pod to
Canadaa field conveniently close to Beach City.
- Jasper fuses with Lapis into a Malachite but Lapis betrays Jasper and drags their fusion into the sea, allegedly forever.
- More "World-building" (Season 2, 1 - 10)
- Filler up until episode 6 where the plot develops.
- Less fee-fees than in the first worldbuilding arc.
- Connie starts taking sword-fighting lessons from Pearl.
- Gem Shard Amaglamates are found.
- The "Week of Sardonyx" (Season 2, 11 - 15)
- Peridot fixes the communication hub Sugilite broke earlier and tries to send for rescue with it. Garnet and Pearl fuse into Sardonyx to break it again.
- Pearl gets thirsty and repeatedly fixes the hub in secret so she can fuse with Garnet again and again.
- Garnet eventually finds out and disowns Pearl.
- The CGs start their hunt for Peridot and Garnet's salt and Pearl's thirst for forgiveness keeps getting in the way.
- Garnet and Pearl make up at the end and take Peridot's leg.
- Peridot's Redemption/The Cluster Arc (Season 2, 18 - Season 3, 5)
- Peridot is caught and becomes a midget.
- Peridot discloses to the CGs the cluster in the Earth.
- Peridot and the CGs make a truce to build a drill so they can get to the cluster and destroy it.
- Peridot starts being racist to Pearl.
- The CGs go to the moon to find out exactly where the Cluster is. (Russia is literally gone.)
- Peridot steals a connection to the Diamond Communication Line to try to get Yellow Diamond to spare the Earth, she refuses and Peridot calls her a clod, creating a meme face.
- Malachite resurfaces so the CGs go and fuck her up.
- Steven and Peridot take the drill and disable the cluster by having it bubble itself.
- Bazzzillionare Greg (Season 3, 10 - 18)
- Greg's old Jewager, Marty, sells his song for $10,000,000, making Greg rich.
- Greg, Steven and Pearl go to a luxury hotel in Empire City so Greg and Pearl can finally sort their shit out.
- Greg buy a car.
- Kevin shows up to be a dick so Steven and Connie use Greg's car to race him despite neither of them knowing how to drive.
- Greg rents a boat and takes Steven and Lapis out to sea. Jasper comes back, gets cucked, and Lapis punches a hole in the boat to launch Jasper into next week.
- The Jasper Arc (Season 3, 18 - 25)
- Jasper comes back and proposes to Lapis but gets cucked, and clocked into next week. Literally.
- Jasper decides "fuck trying to get back to homeworld, imma build my own army" and captures corrupted Quartz soldiers.
- Jasper destroys Amethyst's form and self-worth.
- Jasper uses the kindergarten she was made in as a make-shift jail for her "troops".
- Steven and Amethyst fuse into a grape boy and have Jasper free all but one her prisoners by accident. Jasper rapes a dog and gets AIDS.
- Jasper becomes corrupted and bubbled, with no hope of ever being redeemed.
- Bismuth intrudes the arc, but is also poofed and bubbled with no hope of ever being redeemed, because she's too violent for a kid's show.
- Filler (Season 4, 1 - 10)
- More filler.
- More filler.
- More filler.
- Except for that episode with the demon butterflies.
- Oh and Pearl somehow manages to get even gayer.
- Greg's cousin shows up and more filler happens.
- The Human Zoo (Season 4, 11 - 15)
- Steven starts accidentally ESPing with Blue Diamond. His dreams are of Pink Diamond's Palanquin and he cries involuntarily.
- Steven tries asking the Gems questions for once but they dodge the answers in the most retarded ways possible.
- Greg and Steven go to Korea to find the Palanquin and Blue Diamond.
- BD kidnaps Greg and puts him in a "human zoo".
- The zoo people are inbred.
- Filler Again (Season 4, 16 - 21)
- Holy SHIT this season has so much filler!
- Nobody on Reddit likes any of these episodes.
- Kidnapping (Season 4, 22 - present)
- Lars is gay.
- Steven meets a cute loli gem named Aquamarine who's looking for my daddy and then proptly flies away.
- Steven and Connie find Aquamarine, only to discover that she and her slave Topaz have kidnapped all of the missing people and put them inside Topaz.
- Aquamarine is revealed to be a psycho bitch and kidnaps Connie.
- The CG are wrecked by Aquamarine and Topaz while Steven gets kidnapped.
- All the humans are put on a ship to homeworld piloted by Aquamarine, but Steven splits up Topaz and frees his friends.
- Everyone jumps off the ship, and Steven convinces Aquamarine to let his friends go because he is his mom, but Lars is gay and is still on the ship to homeworld.
- Steven DeMayo - The main character. As the bastard son of Rose Quartz, he has inherited all of her powers; such as healing literally anything ever, creating life, possessing people, and others. If you pose a threat to the planet's existence, Steven will still see you as capable of changing; but if you hit on him, you're worse than Hitler. Has PTSD.
- Greg DeMayo - Steven's dad. He's an ex-solo-musician with cat hair and the poster child for how to fail at life but still get the best girl. Seriously though he met Rose because she's the only person who liked his music. Now Greg runs a Car Wash and lives in a van, so Steven lives with the Gems.
- Connie - Steven's obligatory love interest. Connie's mom is a doctor and her dad is a cop who works for multiple beaches in multiple cities so she isn't in the same place for long, meaning she can't make friends. Because she has no friends she spend most of her time reading books and looking at boats. This probably means she knows about Onion's status as Satan. [Insert Un-funny Lolicon joke here.] Now is a edgy sword fighter thanks to Pearl's brainwashing.
- Rose Quartz - Steven's mom who had to become an hero to give birth to him. Apparently, she can find beauty in anything (even this show's fandom), has magical healing tears, the power to create minions from plant matter, and she used to plant magic moss bent on devouring everything because she doesn't give a fuck. She's a girl imbued with white attire, pink hair extensions and magical powers linked to a Gem who had tried to 'heal' the spirits of the corrupted Gems and forsaken her physical form because reasons. The definition of a Mary Sue. She's later discovered to be a fucking murderer.
- Pearl - She is a smart-ass who thinks she's
superiorinferior to anything surrounding her. Has an unquenchable thirst for Rose Quartz. She watches Steven in his sleep. Since she can't sex it up with Rose anymore, she'll settle for the next best thing: Garnet. Now falls for a Tumblr style hyper-dyke Rose lookalike. Also gets the most attention in the show and the crew. Her weapon is a Spiral-tipped spear.
- Amethyst - A Gem that was grown on Earth by evil Gems. FAs on Tumblr can NEVER get enough of her because, like a disturbingly high number of characters in this show, she's FA-worthy. Constantly stuffing her fat face (even though apparently Gems don't need food, or drink, or sleep, or air). Used her shapeshifting power to turn into her fursona, "The Purple Puma" and wreck people behind Pearl and Garnet's backs. You learn later in the series that she is Jasper's bitch and has shown to be worthless as hell. Her weapon is a spiked whip.
- Garnet - The Leader of the Crystal Gems since Rose died. She is secretly a fusion of two lesbians (lesbians exist in kids' shows now). Her powers include seeing into the future, swimming in lava, and a diva voice. The Gem Homeworld is full of Dixie Confederate Republican Gems that didn't like Garnet being Garnet, so she joined Rose Quartz's army to fight for Earth so she could be free to be a black hole of faggotry. The french dub of the show censored Garnet's gayness spawning a sewer flood of hate. Now just centers around and talks about fusions. Her weapon is a pair of gauntlets.
- Ruby and Sapphire - Dwarf lesbians that make up Garnet. A hot-headed red one with fire powers and a cool-headed blue one with ice powers. Completely Original. Can't last five seconds apart from each other and annoying as hell. They are the real reason why people started to watch the show and Rebecca likes to milk them whenever she can.
- Lapis Lazuli - A waterbender. The Crystal Gems trapped her in a mirror for 5750 years until Steven broke her free. She flew to her homeworld in space to find that if you give a civilization 5750 years they tend to advance. She fused with Jasper so she could use her water-powers to trap herself and Jasper at the bottom of the ocean forever. Fans want to fuck her because tumblr fags think they relate to her 'abused' past. Thus, making her the most overrated and second to boot meme'd SU character and all that cringy shit. Now has little to no personality(the little she had in the first place) other than act emo and cracks unfunny jokes, and sits with Peridot in the barn, doing nothing.
- Peridot - A racist who uses prosthetics and jerks off to The Diamond Authority. She used to be a baddie but now she's a goodie because of Steven's selective character redemption powers. As an "Era-2" peridot, she's a shitty millennial whose only power as a Gem to be magneto. Now sits around the barn with Lapis doing nothing and is only shown when the crew feel like having her and Lapis for something pointless.
- Jasper - A roid-rager who Peridot dragged her with to Earth, is Lapis' abusive girlfriend and thinks Steven is Rose Quartz. She fused with Lapis after being jelly that Garnet is infinitely better than her in every way (even though she thinks fusion is for pussies) but Lapis dragged their fused body into the ocean. After separating from Lapis, Jasper became obsessed with fusing with her again, but was thrown back into the ocean. She later created an army of corrupted Gems, but fuse-raped one of them and got AIDS.
- Bismuth - The blacksmith that made all the Crystal Gems' weapons. She treated the war like an actual war and got bubbled for it. Upon her chimp out in her debut, the fans started demonizing Fructose for having a "black-coded" character be loud and aggressive, and also for stating that murder is wrong. Steven refused to shatter other Gems, and this made Bismuth turn apeshit against Steven, attempting to shatter him. Dead
- White Diamond - Best girl.
- Yellow Diamond - Gem-Hitler. She wants to destroy the earth because killed her baby sister. She is such a boss that even the crewniverse fangirls over her VA.
- Blue Diamond - A Sith Lord who refuses to accept the fact the Pink is dead, also a massive emo.
- Pink Diamond - Worst Diamond. Only had one planet to her name before Rose Quartz fucking killed her.
- Opal - Whenever Pearl and Amethyst aren't arguing for no reason, they can perform fusion to "form Opal": a four-armed giant woman; the Gems claim that they only fuse when they have no choice but hardly ever do it when they need to and when they do it it's hardly ever when they need to.
Fun Fact: Originally they were going to pose her arms to form a swastika as a Hindu reference but were forced to scrap it because culturally ignorant Jews and Social Justice Warriors would have been offended and that can't ever happen. Her weapon is a bow.
- Sugilite - Whenever a mission can only be completed with brute force and lots of it, Garnet and Amethyst will fuse to form Sugilite. In exchange for that power the three succumb to roid rage. Is voiced by Nicki Minaj.
Obviously the SJ-Wankers were appalled by how obviously racist her character is, which surprised us all since SJWs typically jerk off to and worship the Steven Universe characters. Sugilite's weapon is a flail.
- Alexandrite - A fusion of all three of the CGs. Is unstable as its has three separate personalities of each of the gems. Has a hidden second mouth. Is OP as not only can it use the gem's weapons, but weapons used by their other fusions.
- Sardonyx - A fusion of Garnet and Pearl. A gap-toothed cricket who apparently works at a casino. Pearl lies to Garnet so they keep having to fuse into her, because she enjoys how it feels, causing Garnet to get butthurt and ignore her for several episodes until Pearl basically admits to being a worthless cunt who can't do shit on her own. Her weapon is a giant hammer.
- Malachite - The Lapis-Jasper fusion that dragged its horrid form to the bottom of the sea to save the C-Gems, getting kinky with each other with whatever shit they find down there to pass the time. It ultimately got its shit wrecked by Alexandrite.
- Stevonnie - The accidental shota/loli fusion of Steven and Connie who frequently suffers from hallucinations brought on by Steven's own mental instability, initially thought to be Connie's fighting 'skills' being overwhelmed by her edgy 14-year-old mind, being the downward spiral moment of the series if it had any upping points. Have zero personality of her own. The Crewiverse likes to make people of Beach City(even Garnet) wet for her when every she appears, even though she's a fusion of 2 kids.
- Smoky Quartz - A fusion of Steven and Amethyst. A ripoff of sardonyx. This fruit is such a shit waifu that 4chan straight up gave up on fapping to every Gem in this show. Immediately, Tumblrites started drawing the most disgustingly obese incarnations of him that could exist, doubling the demand in Clorox bleach.
His weapon's a yo-yo. No jokes, he flings a giant yo-yo at his enemies to attack.
The show's fandom frequently proves itself to be the worst fandom ever conceived. That's right. Worse than the fandoms of My Little Pony, The Powerpuff Girls, Sonic the Hedgehog, The Simpsons, Family Guy, Star Wars, Star Trek, and Five Nights at Freddy's combined. The main reason this fandom is such a shit-heap is because of the creators themselves as they were the ones who decided to saturate the show with SJW toxins. Because of those toxins, the show attracted enough Social Justice Wankers for them to comprise the majority of the entire fandom. These degenerates praise the show for shit nobody cares about such as the Gems having no gender, Stevonnie using they/them pronouns and minorities (lots and lots of minorities).
The first thing you'll notice is the plethora of "Fat acceptance activists" who act as fanart police. If you draw any of the fatass characters skinny, you'll be shat on and permanently labelled as a fat-shaming scumbag. If you draw any of the black characters or Garnet with lighter skin, you'll be relentlessly titled a racist. If you draw a Jewish character with a small nose instead of a stereotypical giant sniffer, you're STILL somehow called a Nazi. They also think that certain ships are at a level of cancer that's higher than that of regular ships, and will label you anything from a homophobe to a pedophile depending on what ship you're offending them with. These shitheads are so bad that they even ran a storyboard artist of the show (Lauren Zuke) off of Twitter for it and drove one of the show's many artfags, zamii070, to attempt suicide. I shit you fucking not.
Not even the Crewniverse is safe from their bullshit. When Sugilite debuted, these cancerous fanatics somehow got it in their heads that, even though not a single Gem is black, Sugilite's roid-rage in contrast with Pearl's façade of sanity was a metaphor for white supremacy and chased one of the staff off of tumblr.
These two events only constitute an incredibly small fraction of this fandom's ever-expanding history of making absolute fuckwits out of themselves. In the show, there's a place called the "Keystone Motel". It just so happens that this place exists IRL also; so fans wrote fake reviews recalling Ruby and Sapphire's antics without it once crossing their minds that most people who are going to read these aren't autistic manchildren who'd get the joke or that the reviews could fuck up such a small business.
When Steven Universe's 100-episode special came out, they started crying again, saying that the Crystal Gem "Bismuth" is a racist stereotype and promoting actual MURDER.
Abuse victims of the fandom
- zamii070.tumblr (Failed an hero)
- The Undertale fandom (Latched onto it like cancer)
- The Overwatch fandom (Latched onto it like cancer)
- tyrant-rex.tumblr (failed an hero)
- floredoodler.tumblr (JK, flore just wanted to exploit the bandwagon for attention)
The only fandom that managed to victimize this one was the Undertale fandom, as it was cancerous enough to claim that "Stronger than You" was a plagiarism of their shitty Undertale parody.
- Steven could kill you in a fight.
- It's been confirmed that Crystal Gems have no sex.
- Healing a corrupted Gem is impossible.
- Greg still lives in a van.
- Jasper won't be redeemed. If you honestly think she will, you're a fucking idiot.
- The Gems arrived somewhere in ~4000.BC and proceeded to massively fuck with history, with some of the shenanigans including:
- Earth's continents being all fucked up and distorted. (the important ones are fine tho.
- Christianity and Islam apparently not existing (but Judaism exists and it can be safely assumed that the Jews, being greedy wealth-loving fucks, worship gems as gods).
- WW2 didn't happen, no lolocaust either (at least that was unchanged).
- Canada's flag being green and white.
- Rose Quartz did it for the lulz.
- Steven is a gigantic furfag, and according to shippers he will have sex with his lion at some point.
- X is Yellow Diamond.
- Connie dies.
- Fire Salts will eventually become a black market cooking ingredient.
- Bleedman will eventually incorporate this show into his shitty comics. He's already made fanart. He may even make Rose Quartz responsible for the American Civil War.
- This show does not in fact have le DEEPEST LORE.
Trolling the fandom
- Draw Pearl with tits; the bigger the better.
- Draw Garnet not as the niggiest nigger.
- Draw Amethyst, Sadie, or Rose as skinny bitches.
- Draw Steven (or his dad) skinny, for even more lulz.
- Suggest that Lars is not a tranny.
- Claim that the Gems only care about Steven because Rose is dead.
- Declare that Pearl didn't have a crush on Rose.
- Bonus points for saying that they're in a parent/child relationship.
- Mistake the Gems for chicks.
- Declare that Ruby's a dude.
- Point out that Steven Universe is just a ripoff of Adventure Time.
- Say that the show is for SJWs and tumblrtards.
- Say Stevonnie doesn't go by they/them terms
- Make sure to use either he/him or she/her terms
Attack the Light
In April 2015, a group of childish manlets working for "Grumpyface Studios" thought it was a good idea to develop a Steven Universe RPG for iOS and Android mobiles to add to their collection of other brilliant games based on Cartoon Network shows. "Attack the Light" was conceived as a result of Tumblrfags whining and sobbing because their favorite fat autistic 14-year-old hero didn't have his own video game. The fags wasting their lives at Grumpyface Studios saw this and immediately took the chance to spoil every fantard with a trailer of their game at FAGfest 2014.
The game costs $3.00 on the App Store, and plays like the most generic RPG in history, utilizing the touch screen to literally do everything in-game allowing all of the pathetic losers who play it to swipe their filthy, salty fingers over the touch screen repeatedly until the screen looks like vomit. Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl play the offensive positions, while Steven supports them by forcing Diabeetus down their throats such as Cookie Cats, Bagel Sandwiches, and Rose's Tears. Player's HP is referred to as "harmony" in this game, and if a Gem loses all of their "harmony" then they are forced to emoquit in their gemstone until the battle is over. Battle sequences are tedious, boring, and repetitive, and consist of a ridiculously small variety of enemies, known as "Light Monsters". The attack methods during boss battles are blatantly obvious as well, and sometimes Steven will literally force the Crystal Gems to fuse into Alexandrite when the boss won't fuck off. Oh, and there's now a "Diamond Mode" for all the MLG Swagfags out there who want a "challenge".
In summary, this game fucking sucks. Look at how boring the gameplay is...
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- Adventure Time
- Cartoon Network
- Clarence - The retarded sister show to Steven Universe.
- Ed, Edd n Eddy - Another overrated Cartoon Network cartoon.
- Gravity Falls - The oddpocalyptic cousin show to Steven Universe.
- Samurai Jack - The complete opposite of Steven Universe.
- Feminist - The only clowns who watch this garbage.
- Gen Zed
- Homestuck - Where half of SU's fandom came from apparently.
- My Little Pony
- Neo-Kosmos - A Homestuck rip-off made by a staff member of the show with its leftover tumblr-bait.
- Puella Magi Madoka Magica - What inspired Steven Universe.
- Uncle Grandpa - Did a crossover with Steven Universe.
- Undertale - The game equivalent of this show in terms of tumblr popularity.
- TV Tropes article
- Typical Steven Universe fan fiction
- The Keystone Motel. Feel free to ruin their business on the altar of a joke based on an episode of this show that references it.
- ED-worthy SU comics
is part of animated shows, a series on
Not to be confused with Animu
Cartoon Network & Adult Swim
Fox & Warner Bros
Steven Universe is part of a series on
Visit the Anime Portal for complete coverage.
Steven Universe is part of a series on
Visit the Media Portal for complete coverage.
Steven Universe is part of a series on
Visit the Social Justice Portal for complete coverage.
|Featured article August 14th & 15th, 2014|
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