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Steven Universe

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In 2013, Rebecca Sugar abandoned Adventure Time to pander to the immense cesspit of basement-dwelling feminazis plaguing Tumblr with the anime ripoff that is Steven Universe.

Steven Universe is a very anime-inspired cartoon, which shouldn't be acceptable for a Western kids show since all anime is invariably pornographic. Like Adventure Time, Steven Universe has no actual over-arcing storyline, only the illusion of one.

Cartoon Network realized that since they were airing Johnny Test and never-ending Teen Titans Go! reruns two-thirds of the day (The other one-third going to Adult Swim), they REALLY needed something new, ANYTHING new. Rebecca Sugar caught onto the fact that CN now had two brain cells to rub together and suggested a fantasy 2DEEP4U show that attempted to trick otakus into thinking that Western cartoons are any match for anime.

For all its attempts at being anime no-one ever brings up the obvious. With all his training and running around the universe fighting evil, Steven has yet to lose a pound and remains a fat minded retard that obsesses about food. In Kenichi: The Mightiest Disciple, the main character Kenichi actually puts on muscle through the anime. If this were the lazy work of Steven Universe, Kenichi would have remained a skinny bitch in every episode. It's called character growth. Quit trying to sell a world to fatties where fatties are capable of walking up more than 2 stairs without having to take a candy break.


"Gems" are an alien race of sentient gemstones ruled by "The Diamond Authority". Their civilization is as technologically advanced as the average sci-fi federation but as morally advanced as the Nazis. Here are some useful factoids:

  • Gems are made in human shape holes in cliff walls named "Kindergarten".
  • Quartz and Quartz varieties come from Earth and are supposed to be badass, but Amethyst was in the ground too long.
  • Pearls are slaves to serve their diamond(s).
  • Gems generate an external body to interact with the world.
    • When this body is damaged enough it "poofs" out of existence and has to regenerate from within the Gem.
    • This body can physically change at will (with limits of course).
  • Gems can fuse by doing a fusion dance(totally not stolen from some anime show or anything).
    • Fusions used to just be use for battles(and showing off) when needed, now they added that fusion are different types of relationships(despite gems not knowing what the fuck love is in the first place)
    • Rebecca said that fusions are their own person. However, she fucks this up by making some fusion(s)(Stevonnie and Malachite) just acting as one or the other gem(s) personalities.
    • You can fuse the literal Gems together against their will to create a sin against life itself and become the literal worst person ever.
    • Homeworld gems can only fuse within their own diamond circle and gem type. Cross fusion is a big no no and will be smashed if you do so.
  • Gems are seemingly immortal; they will never fucking die. However, if a Gem smashed into shards those shards lose sapience and can only form body parts.
  • Homeworld have such a rigid caste system that would make India blush and wet itself.
  • Despite having an intergalactic society thousands of years old, the Gems cannot grasp the concept of sustainable development and thus breed like rabbits, spread around the universe as a plague, and deplete natural resources so that subsequent Gems "born" on older worlds are handicapped and have to use prosthetics or is shattered.

The story[edit]

Gem mating ritual.

A long ago, alien like gems from Homeworld tried (mostly Pink Diamond) to colonize the Earth. A band of lesbian SJW ecoterrorists called the "Crystal Gems" objected, however. Rose "shattered" Pink Diamond and they "saved" the planet from the diamonds, but Homeworld put a giant philosopher's stone in the Earth's core, so they had to save it again; and the Diamonds also played Lavender Town fired a power beam to the planet, corrupting all exposed Gems into monsters, so the Crystal Gems spend all their time capturing them.

In the recent past a solo musician named "Greg Universe" decided to perform songs at a venue in Beach City only to learn that no one listens to his music anymore, except for the aforementioned Rose Quartz. After some shit happened, Steven Universe was born.

Rose Quartz died giving birth to him, and she knew ahead of time that this would happen but continued the pregnancy anyway - probably because Steven's half-human half-alien properties were part of her master plan. She also left all the shit she done to him to fix for her.


A little boy goes on adventures with a bunch of hot girls(mostly ripping off the anime "Tenchi Miyu" with the whole boy live with alien chicks at home and in space).

Current Year[edit]

*cough* *cough* Cringe *cough*
He went full macintosh. You never go full macintosh.
The Triple-K ranger.
  • The "Monster of the Week" Arc + Lapis. (Season 1A)
    • The CGs and Steven fight a series of Corrupted Gems while occasionally having fee-fees.
    • Garnet and Amethyst fuse into Sugilite and break a communication hub for hurting television. This become relevant later.
    • Steven releases a Lapis Lazuli from a mirror and she takes the ocean, then gives it back and flies off to Homeworld while leaving absolutely no catastrophic damage to the ecosystem.
  • The "World-building" (Season 1B, 1 - 43)
    • Filler
    • The fee-fees get more frequent.
    • Steven and Connie fuse into a 18+ Herm-Aphrodite like body with everyone (even Garnet because she gets a hard on for love type fusions) getting wet for her and some pedo named Kevin hits on them until they unfuse.
    • Garnet reveals that she can see the future.
    • Ronaldo tries to murder Lars onscreen and everyone's okay with it because they're both douchebags.
  • The Peridot Arc (Season 1, 44 - 52)
    • An Era-2 Peridot is assigned to check on the cluster buried within the Earth's core before it hatches, but the CGs keep interfering. First she tries to fix the Galaxy warp and go there directly but gets paranoid because of a fucking sticker and leaves, then she tries to use the Prime Kindergarten but the CGs destroy its power source. She then brings the Lapis from earlier and a literally perfect Jasper with her on a space-ship to get the job done but guess what.
    • The CGs fuck it all up. Garnet reveals that she is a fusion of two "lesbian" gems named Ruby and Sapphire and sings how she's made of "love" while kicking Jasper's ass.
    • Peridot takes an escape pod to Canada a field conveniently close to Beach City.
    • Jasper fuses with Lapis into a Malachite but Lapis betrays Jasper and drags their fusion into the sea, allegedly forever.
  • More "World-building" (Season 2, 1 - 10)
    • Filler up until episode 6 where the plot develops.
    • Less fee-fees than in the first worldbuilding arc.
    • Connie starts taking sword-fighting lessons from Pearl.
    • Gem Shard Amaglamates are found. Garnet has a panic attack and almost defuse seeing the "dead" forced fuse gems. Ruby side then bitches to Sapphire side about this is how Homeworld see fusion.
    • The gems "try" to find malachite and Peridot(more so Peridot).
    • Steven in his dream is "teleported" inside malachite's mind where Lapis and Jasper are fighting each other for controller of malachite.
  • The "Week of Sardonyx" (Season 2, 11 - 15)
    • Peridot fixes the communication hub Sugilite broke earlier and tries to send for rescue with it. Garnet and Pearl fuse into Sardonyx to break it again.
    • Pearl gets thirsty and repeatedly fixes the hub in secret so she can fuse with Garnet again and again.
    • Garnet eventually finds out and disowns Pearl.
    • The CGs start their hunt for Peridot and Garnet's salt and Pearl's thirst for forgiveness keeps getting in the way.
    • Garnet and Pearl make up at the end and take Peridot's leg.
  • Peridot's Redemption/The Cluster Arc (Season 2, 18 - Season 3, 5)
    • Peridot is caught and becomes a midget.
    • Peridot discloses to the CGs the cluster in the Earth.
    • Peridot and the CGs make a truce to build a drill so they can get to the cluster and destroy it.
    • Peridot starts being racist to Pearl, as well as, getting on Garnet's and Amethyst's nerves.
    • Garnet reveals how Ruby and Sapphire felt in "love" at first sight and first fuse into "Cotton Candy" Garnet.
    • The CGs go to the moon to find out exactly where the Cluster is. (Russia is literally gone.)
    • Peridot steals a connection to the Diamond Communication Line to try to get Yellow Diamond to spare the Earth, she refuses and Peridot calls her a clod, creating a meme face.
    • Malachite resurfaces so the CGs go and fuck her up. Malachite defuses.
    • Steven and Peridot take the drill and disable the cluster by having it bubble itself.
  • Bazzzillionare Greg (Season 3, 10 - 18)
    • Greg's old Jewager, Marty, sells his song for $10,000,000, making Greg rich.
    • Greg, Steven and Pearl go to a luxury hotel in Empire City so Greg and Pearl can finally sort their shit out.
    • Greg buys a car.
    • Kevin shows up to be a dick so Steven and Connie fuse into Stevonnie and use Greg's car to race him despite neither of them knowing how to drive.
    • Greg rents a boat and takes Steven and Lapis out to sea. Jasper comes back, gets cucked, and Lapis punches a hole in the boat to launch Jasper into next week.
  • The Jasper Arc (Season 3, 18 - 25)
    • Jasper comes back and proposes to Lapis but gets cucked, and clocked into next week. Literally.
    • Jasper decides "fuck trying to get back to homeworld, imma build my own army" and captures corrupted Quartz soldiers to get back at "Rose".
    • Jasper destroys Amethyst's form and self-worth.
    • Jasper uses the kindergarten she was made in as a make-shift jail for her "troops".
    • Steven and Amethyst fuse into a grape boy and have Jasper free all but one her prisoners by accident. Jasper rapes a dog and gets AIDS.
    • Jasper becomes corrupted and bubbled, with no hope of ever being redeemed.
    • Bismuth intrudes the arc, but is also poofed and bubbled with no hope of ever being redeemed, because she's too violent for a kid's show.
  • Filler (Season 4, 1 - 10)
    • Filler.
    • More filler.
    • More filler.
    • More filler.
    • Except for that episode with the demon butterflies and that annoying song.
    • Oh and Pearl somehow manages to get even gayer.
    • Greg's cousin shows up and more filler happens.
  • The Human Zoo (Season 4, 11 - 15)
    • Steven starts accidentally ESPing with Blue Diamond. His dreams are of Pink Diamond's Palanquin and he cries involuntarily.
    • Steven tries asking the Gems questions for once but they dodge the answers in the most retarded ways possible.
    • Greg and Steven go to Korea to find the Palanquin and Blue Diamond.
    • BD kidnaps Greg and puts him in a "human zoo".
    • Steven and the gems use the Rubies'ship to find and get Greg back.
    • They find and land on Pink Diamond's spaceship, where YD and BD are also there, and try to blend in but failed hard at it. Steven is taken to the zoo.
    • The zoo people are inbred.
    • BD being a emo crybaby as she misses Pink Diamond and YD getting tried of BD shit.
    • Amethyst meets the other Earth made Amethysts who are call themselves "The Famethysts" and are treated like shit by Holly Blue Agate(due to being made on Earth).
    • Steven and Greg escape the zoo with the Crystal gems and the gems "defeat" Holly Blue with a threat.
  • Filler Again (Season 4, 16 - 21)
    • Holy SHIT this season has so much filler!
    • Nobody on Reddit likes any of these episodes.
  • Kidnapping (Season 4, 22 - 25)
    • Lars is gay.
    • Steven meets a cute loli gem named Aquamarine who's looking for my daddy and then proptly flies away.
    • Steven and Connie find Aquamarine, only to discover that she and her slave fusion Topaz have kidnapped all of the missing people and put them inside Topaz.
    • Aquamarine is revealed to be a psycho bitch and kidnaps Connie.
    • The CG are wrecked by Aquamarine and Topaz while Steven gets kidnapped.
    • All the humans are put on a ship to homeworld piloted by Aquamarine, but Steven splits up Topaz and frees his friends.
    • Everyone jumps off the ship, and Steven convinces Aquamarine to let his friends go because he is his mom, but Lars is gay and is still on the ship to homeworld.
  • Homeworld (Season 5, 1 - 4)
    • Aquamarine gloats for an unnecessary amount of time.
    • Steven and Lars argue for like 5 minutes and promptly make up. Topaz has a gigantic emotional breakdown over how sweet Steven and Lars are and tries to get them to an escape pod but is caught by a flying blue dwarf.
    • Topaz beats the shit out of Aquamarine until she remembers that Aquamarine is basically gym nobility.
    • Steven and Lars are separated.
    • Steven goes to court and is defended by a Zircon who is voiced by Princess Carolyn. Blue Diamond cries a lot.
    • Half of this episode is basically Amy Sedaris talking to herself, resulting in it being better than pretty much every other episode.
    • Zircon goes bananas and comes up with the most sensible theory about Pink Diamond's death on the show yet. She is promptly poofed by Yellow Diamond for actually being the first person to make sense of the case in 5,000 years.
    • Blue and Yellow Diamond argue, and Steven escapes with Lars.
    • They end up being sheltered by "off-colors", basically gems with disabilities. None of them have any personality and that important. Filler dialogue ensues.
    • Lars dies and is brought back to life.
    • Lars becomes Steven's familiar; Steven can use Lars's hair portal to travel to Lion's mane back on Earth.
    • Steven does so and abandons Lars on Homeworld, who will most likely be sacrificed by the off colors in their bimonthly ritual.
    • We have no idea what happened to Zircon.(A crew cast said that they're "ok" for now. aka never going to be seen again)
  • Even more filler with some stuff (Season 5, 5-10)
    • Steven tries to help Mayor Dewey with his re-electon against the pizza family grandma. At the end, Dewey ragequits and gives grandma the free win.
    • Connie gets mad at Steven for not "fighting together" aka fusing with her; Steven, being a dick and forgetting about Lars on homeworld, says that everything is fine. Connie then leaves, taking Lion with her.
    • Greg and the gems take Steven on vacation and try to tell him gem plot stuff. Steven however, only whines about why Connie won't answer back to him.
    • Lapis, fearing that the diamonds will catch her ass again, pussies out and leaves.
    • She gets mad at Peridot for not wanting to come with her and takes the barn with Peridot's stuff with her.
    • Peridot moves back in the bathroom at the gems' house, acting emo that Lapis left. Steven and Amethyst try to cheer her up by taking her to the dead Kindergarten to plant flowers.
    • Sadie, missing Lars, quits her job at the donuts shop and, with Steven, forms a band (complete with a terrible written song).
    • Kevin invites Steven and Connie to his party just so they can fuse for him to show off. Connie starts talking to Steven again just so he can stfu about her.
  • Stranded (season 5, 11-12)
    • Steven and Connie happens to get to Lars and the off-colors, who Lars(off-screen) happened to become a leader and weeb anime captain of the off losers and they stole a spaceship from Emerald (voiced by a "Non-Binary" drag queen who won on Rupaul's drag race and is a fan of the show)
    • Lars sees a video of the band Sadie is in and gets mad at her for having a good time without him while under attack.
    • Steven and Connie fuse into Baitvonnie for no reason and to try to shoot down Emerald but gets shoot down and crashed onto a unknown planet.
    • Baitvonnie(who has "beard hairs" to please the Tumblr crowd) tries to survive on the unknown planet
    • Out of nowhere, she dreams of being Pink Diamond, who's revealed to be a midget annoying brat with a cheap looking diamond gem, whining to a Connie's mom/Yellow Diamond mix, wanting stuff. YD then tells her to grow the fuck up then PD gets mad and punches a mirror wall.
    • Baitvonnie then wakes up and just so happens to be camping in front of YD's old communication hub and call Lars to come get her.
  • Diamond lore clickbait with mostly fillers. Arc 1 (season 5, 13-16)
    • Lars and the offs are still in space.
    • Steven brings Garnet(rather than to bring someone helpful like Peridot) with him to meet the off-losers. Garnet gets wet at seeing them which made them uncomfortable as fuck.
    • Garnet tells them about the "real" Rose Quartz and its the same shit that the show already touched on(only adding what Pink Diamond may have acted) for the billion time.
    • The corrupted "song" is not really a song but nothing but a power beam that the diamonds fire from their hands.
    • The show hinted that Pink Diamond may be alive(because of fucking course and would throw the whole "murder mystery plot" out the fucking window).
    • The rest of this "arc" is nothing but boring beach city filler like always.


Steven Jewniverse.png

  • Steven DeMayo - The main character. As the bastard son of Rose Quartz, he has inherited all of her powers(which he can just magical be "pro" at using without really learning how to use them); such as healing literally anything ever, creating life, possessing people, bring people back from the fucking dead, and others. If you pose a threat to the planet's existence, Steven will still see you as capable of changing; but if you hit on him, you're worse than Hitler. Has PTSD and an inferiority complex caused by the fact that he thinks everyone is expecting him to be just like his dead mom. Now acts like a moralfag, liberal selfish piece of shit.
  • Greg DeMayo - Steven's dad. He's an ex-solo-musician with cat hair and the poster child for how to fail at life but still get the best girl. Seriously though he met Rose because she's the only person who liked his music. Now Greg runs a Car Wash and lives in a van, so Steven lives with the Gems. Is now a millionaire and spends half of the money to fix shit the gems cause.
  • Connie - Steven's obligatory love interest. Connie's mom is a doctor and her dad is a cop who works for multiple beaches in multiple cities so she isn't in the same place for long, meaning she can't make friends. Because she has no friends she spend most of her time reading books and looking at boats. This probably means she knows about Onion's status as Satan. [Insert Un-funny Lolicon joke here.] Now is a edgy sword fighter thanks to Pearl's brainwashing "protect and died for "Rose" at all times" sword training and only really there to fuse with Steven.

  • Pearl - She is a smart-ass who thinks she's superior inferior to anything surrounding her. Has an unquenchable thirst for Rose Quartz(even though Rose didn't really love her and only freed her and used her to fight against homeworld). She watches Steven in his sleep. She also brainwashed Connie in her sword fighting training to died for Steven in battle like Pearl would "died" for Rose. Since she can't sex it up with Rose anymore, she'll settle for the next best thing: Garnet. Now falls for a Tumblr style hyper-dyke Rose lookalike(confirmed by the crew podcast that the dyke lookalike is not coming back and was only a one time thing. lol). Also gets the most attention in the show, the fans(since they can "relate" to her) and the crew(mostly from Rebecca. You can almost call Pearl Rebecca's self-insert). Her weapon is a Spiral-tipped spear.
  • Amethyst - A Gem that was grown on Earth by evil Gems. FAs on Tumblr can NEVER get enough of her because, like a disturbingly high number of characters in this show, she's FA-worthy. Constantly stuffing her fat face (even though apparently Gems don't need food, or drink, or sleep, or air). Used her shapeshifting power to turn into her fursona, "The Purple Puma" and wreck people behind Pearl and Garnet's backs. You learn later in the series that she is Jasper's bitch and has shown to be worthless as hell(as keeps getting her ass kicked in battles then throw bitch fits about it). Her weapon is a spiked whip. She also has an inferiority complex because she's a "defective" Gem: While Quartz soldiers are supposed to look like ripped bulldykes (see Jasper), Amethyst is only half the size, fat, and came out of the ground too long and missed the war because of it.
  • Garnet - The Leader of the Crystal Gems since Rose died. She is secretly a fusion of two lesbians (lesbians exist in kids' shows now). Her powers include seeing into the future(which she barely uses when its comes for the more important things), swimming in lava, and a diva voice(who no one ever heard of and can't voice act for shit). The Gem Homeworld is full of Dixie Confederate Republican Gems that didn't like Garnet being Garnet, so she joined Rose Quartz's army to fight for Earth so she could be free to be a black hole of faggotry. The french dub of the show censored Garnet's gayness spawning a sewer flood of hate. Now just a cardboard cutout of her old self and just centers around nothing but fusions(she gets wet for love type fusions like whenever she sees Stevonnie) and goes on and on about being made of "love". Her weapon is a pair of gauntlets.
  • Ruby and Sapphire - One dimensional Dwarf lesbians that make up Garnet. A hot-headed red one with fire powers and a cool-headed blue one with ice powers. Completely Original. Very co-dependent as they can't last five seconds apart from each other and annoying as hell(the fandom see this as a "healthy love relationship") mainly from Ruby taking fusion so fucking seriously. The real reason why people started to watching and heavily praising the show and Rebecca likes to milk them whenever she can, like making a fucking book off that "The Answers" episode.
  • Lapis Lazuli - A waterbender. The Crystal Gems trapped her in a mirror for 5750 years until Steven broke her free. She flew to her homeworld in space to find that if you give a civilization 5750 years they tend to advance. She fused with Jasper so she could use her water-powers to trap herself and Jasper at the bottom of the ocean forever. Fans want to fuck her because tumblr fags think they relate to her 'abused' past. Thus, making her the most overrated and second to boot meme'd SU character and all that cringy shit. Now has little to no personality(the little she had in the first place) other than act emo and cracks unfunny PTSD jokes, and used to sits with Peridot in the barn, doing nothing. Last Thursday she sperged out at the idea of being caught by the Diamonds and took the barn into space to escape.
  • Peridot - A racist who uses prosthetics and jerks off to The Diamond Authority. She used to be a baddie but now she's a goodie because of Steven's selective character redemption powers. As an "Era-2" peridot, she's a shitty millennial whose only power as a Gem is to be magneto. She likes aliens(even though, she is one) and haves a tablet. Used to sit around the barn with Lapis doing nothing and is only shown when the crew feel like having her and Lapis for something pointless. Currently living in Steven's bathroom being emo after Lapis left with the barn. Is pretty much Zim from "Invader Zim" copy in the show. The crew pretty much only use Peridot now as they're oh so funny "meme" character like making a real life twitter page she runs and shipping bait. Turns out she doesn't care about fusions(but then again, can you really trust the crew with their shit not too sure lore writing).
  • Jasper - A roid-rager who Peridot dragged her with to Earth, is Lapis' abusive "girlfriend" and thinks Steven is Rose Quartz. She fused with Lapis after being jelly that Garnet is infinitely better than her in every way (even though she thinks fusion is for pussies) but Lapis dragged their fused body into the ocean. After separating from Lapis, Jasper became obsessed with fusing with her again, but was thrown back into the ocean. She later created an army of corrupted Gems, but fuse-raped one of them and got AIDS. Got rekt and poofed by Peridot and now is bubbled and won't be seen until the crew use her for another half-assed shitty redemption "arc".
  • Bismuth - The blacksmith that made all the Crystal Gems' weapons. She treated the war like an actual war and got bubbled for it. Upon her chimp out in her debut, the fans started demonizing Fructose for having a "black-coded" character be loud and aggressive, and also for stating that murder is wrong. Steven refused to shatter other Gems, and this made Bismuth turn apeshit against Steven, attempting to shatter him. Dead. Tumblr SU-criticals love to bring up and defend Bismuth to no end as she did nothing "wrong" and that the Crew are "racist" to rebubble her again(when it was just bad writing) and will chimp out if you say other wise.

The Great Diamond Authority[edit]

  • White Diamond - Best girl. Five seasons in and the crew still haven't mention or revealed her at all.
  • Yellow Diamond - Gem-Hitler. She wants to destroy the earth because killed her baby sister. Is the closest of acting like a villain in the show for now(before Rebecca makes all the diamonds just "misunderstood" pussies). She is such a boss that even the crewniverse fangirls over her VA. Can shoot lightning like beam that can poof gems and use to have a long neck. Like most characters in this show, barely shows up and does anything.
  • Blue Diamond - A Sith Lord who refuses to accept the fact the Pink is dead, also a massive emo. Was supposed to be some metaphor for big bad "homophobic" before Rebecca went back on her word and made her a crybaby and redesign her with a ugly hair hoop and droopy eyes. Her power is just make other gems and people cry with her emo bawww blue aura. Speaks so softly it's almost impossible to understand anything she says.
  • Pink Diamond - Worst Diamond. Only had one planet to her name before Rose Quartz fucking killed her. Now is the center of a shitty and forgotten "plot" of who really killed her. Turns out she was a small, annoying, bratty child with a cheap looking diamond gem. Looks like a Pearl OC, continuing to show off the crew oh so great character designing.


  • Opal - Whenever Pearl and Amethyst aren't arguing for no reason, they can perform fusion to "form Opal": a four-armed giant woman; the Gems claim that they only fuse when they have no choice but hardly ever do it when they need to and when they do it, it's hardly ever when they need to. Barely had any lines of dialogue other then singing "Giant Women" and is somehow stable dispite how much Pearl and Amethyst throw bitch fits at each other all the time.

Fun Fact: Originally they were going to pose her arms to form a swastika as a Hindu reference but were forced to scrap it because culturally ignorant Jews and Social Justice Warriors would have been offended and that can't ever happen. Her weapon is a bow.

Obviously the SJ-Wankers were appalled by how obviously racist her character is, which surprised us all since SJWs typically jerk off to and worship the Steven Universe characters. Sugilite's weapon is a flail.

  • Alexandrite - A fusion of all three of the CGs. Is unstable as it has all three separate personalities of each of the gems. Rather than to show it off for the first time in a battle, it is first shown (get this) for a fucking dinner meet with Connie and her parents because Steven is a fucking moron thinking it can impress her parents with his giant "mom". Has a hidden second mouth. Has no weapon of its own as not only can it use the CG's weapons, but weapons used by their other fusions and can also breathe fire.
  • Sardonyx - A fusion of Garnet and Pearl. A gap-toothed cricket who acts like a magician and talk show host, also likes to boast about how perfect and elegant she is. Pearl lies to Garnet so they keep having to fuse into her, because she enjoys how it feels, causing Garnet to get butthurt and ignore her for several episodes until Pearl basically admits to being a worthless cunt who can't do shit on her own. Her weapon is a giant hammer.
  • Malachite - The Lapis-Jasper fusion that dragged its horrid form to the bottom of the sea to save Steven, getting kinky with each other with whatever shit they find down there to pass the time. Was only there for a poor written metaphor for abusive relationship and was barely a threat as the show made them out to be. It ultimately got its shit wrecked by Alexandrite and now defused.

It "weapon" is just Jasper's helmet and Lapis' water (with some ice) powers.

  • Stevonnie - The creepy, accidental shota/loli fusion of Steven and Connie. Is a shitty metaphor for "puberty" and frequently suffers from hallucinations brought on by Steven's own mental instability, initially thought to be Connie's fighting 'skills' being overwhelmed by her edgy 12-year-old mind, being the downward spiral moment of the series if it had any upping points. Have zero personality of her own and has "beard hairs" now to pander to Tumblr even more. The Crewiverse likes to make people of Beach City (even Garnet) wet for her whenever she appears, even though she's a fusion of 2 kids. To make her even more fap bait material for sick fucks, Rebecca and her pedo fetish loving boyfriend in a podcast confirmed that baitvonnie is 26 when again, forgetting that she is 2 kids in a young teen like body. Proves that Rebecca can't remember her own shitty writing.(Then again, Rebecca drew Ed, Edd, and Eddy child porn. Look it up).

Her weapon is just Rose's sword and shield.

  • Rainbow Quartz - The 80's workout fusion of Rose and Pearl. Was only form due to how butthurt Pearl was to Greg taking Rose away from her and wanted to show him up. Only shows up for a minute to dance for Greg then death drop, Rupaul's drag race style, defused. Some whine that RQ is too skinny and not fat enough for their "taste". Irony, RQ was made a few days before the news that gay faggots are allowed to get married in the US.
  • Smoky Quartz - A ugly as fuck fusion of Steven and Amethyst. Looks like it came straight from Tumblr itself. This fruit is such a shit waifu that 4chan straight up gave up on fapping to every Gem in this show. Immediately, Tumblrites started drawing the most disgustingly obese incarnations of him that could exist, doubling the demand in Clorox bleach. He also has self-esteem issues(because of course in this show, the crew loves to overuse self-esteem issues and anxiety as traits for most of their characters) because he is not as good as the other fusions.

His weapon's a yo-yo. No jokes, he flings a giant yo-yo at his enemies to attack.


If you can't tell he is an antagonist.

  • Lars Barriga - An edgy as fuck kid who shops at Hot Topic and works at the local donut store. Eventually sets aside his differences with Steven and becomes his friend. Gets killed in an explosion and is brought back to life to Steven's tears, and now has a magic pocket dimension inside his head. Now is a try hard weeaboo "space" captain and leader of the off-losers(Rebecca planned for Lars to die and be pink and space captain from the very start of the show. Really shows why this show writing is trash).
  • Sadie Miller - A short little fat girl who is Lars' coworker at Big Donut. Constantly tries to rape Lars despite the fact that he's clearly not interested in her, and then gets butthurt because of it. Once deliberately trapped herself, Lars, and Steven on a desert island for the sole purpose of trying to make him love her. She quit her job at the Big Donut and now is a lead "singer" of a band that she can't sing for shit.
  • Onion - Annoying character who shows up whenever something randem needs to happen. Onion is a small albino kid who never talks and acts like a fucking sociopath for no reason.


See: Steven Universe/Episode Guide

The fandom[edit]

Steven Universe was a Mistake.png

The show's fandom frequently proves itself to be the worst fandom ever conceived. That's right. Worse than the fandoms of My Little Pony, The Powerpuff Girls, Sonic the Hedgehog, The Simpsons, Family Guy, Star Wars, Star Trek, Five Nights at Freddy's & DC's combined. The main reason this fandom is such a shit-heap is because of the creators themselves(being made up of hipster LGBT SJWs) as they were the ones who decided to saturate the show with SJW toxins. Because of those toxins, the show attracted enough Social Justice Wankers for them to comprise the majority of the entire fandom. These degenerates praise the show for shit nobody cares about such as the Gems having no gender(Rebecca later breaks this concept by making all the gems female anyways. lol), Stevonnie and Smokey Q. using they/them pronouns, lesbian pairings, over 9000 anime references that only old weeaboo fags will remember, crew wasting money on celebrity voices on characters (like fusions and some gems like Bismuth and YD)that they then can't afford to bring back because X cost too much, so deep;fucked up "morals and lessons"(that characters don't learn later on), and minorities (lots and lots of minorities).

The fanbase also cannot for the life of them take any meanie negative critiques of their "safe space" show well. They take any shit that the crew throws at them and they run with that as hard truth(even though, Rebecca and her crew don't know their own fucking lore writing and are easily butthurt by anything). The moment you say that the show has shitty writing, lazy art, etc; they're ready to jump you for attacking they're "perfect" SJW cartoon and say the show is for kids but a bunch of the fanbase and watchers(as no kid unless forced wants to watch this boring shit) are made up of teens and adults. They're the type that think the slow shitty "plot" will get "better" down the road and love the boring nothing is happening town fillers.

The Biscourse.png

The first thing you'll notice is the plethora of "Fat acceptance activists" who act as fanart police. If you draw any of the fatass characters skinny, you'll be shat on and permanently labelled as a fat-shaming scumbag. If you draw any of the black characters or Garnet with lighter skin, you'll be relentlessly titled a racist. If you draw a Jewish character with a small nose instead of a stereotypical giant sniffer, you're STILL somehow called a Nazi. They also think that certain ships are at a level of cancer that's higher than that of regular ships, and will label you anything from a homophobe to a pedophile depending on what ship you're offending them with. These shitheads are so bad that they even ran a storyboard artist of the show (Lauren Zuke, who later turns out that she acts like a tumblfag herself and used the show to "cope" by bring her shitty fanfic mess into the show) off of Twitter and later ragequit her Tumblr for it and drove one of the show's many artfags, zamii070, to attempt suicide. I shit you fucking not.[1]

Not even the Crewniverse is safe from their bullshit. When Sugilite debuted, these cancerous fanatics somehow got it in their heads that, even though not a single Gem is black, Sugilite's roid-rage in contrast with Pearl's façade of sanity was a metaphor for white supremacy and chased one of the staff off of tumblr. They even chased a writer off Tumblr just because (get this) a line that Pearl said about "she likes pie".

These two events only constitute an incredibly small fraction of this fandom's ever-expanding history of making absolute fuckwits out of themselves. In the show, there's a place called the "Keystone Motel". It just so happens that this place exists IRL also; so fans wrote fake reviews recalling Ruby and Sapphire's antics without it once crossing their minds that most people who are going to read these aren't autistic manchildren who'd get the joke or that the reviews could fuck up such a small business.

When Steven Universe's 100-episode special came out, they started crying again, saying that the Crystal Gem "Bismuth" is a racist stereotype and promoting actual MURDER.

When a Make a Wish Foundation kid got to watch the "Wanted" special early and spoiled the special and a few other things that The Crew gave the ok to do. Some known SU clickbaiter(who lives for SU leaks and stolen theories from Tumblr for easy views) youtuber named AwestruckVox, sperged out on Twitter, making fun of of the kid's cancer for "spoiling" the special when again, The Crew GAVE them the ok to spoiled it. He later damage control by removing the tweets and gave a half-assed, excuse filled "apology"( just doing it to keep his YouTube popularity) to the kid.

Tumblr SU criticals[edit]

Tired that they're favorite "progressive" show is not doing enough and turned to shit, they started a tag (due to how butthurt the fandom are when pointing out how shit the show really is) and pointed out everything wrong with the show. While 0.1% make good points about the important stuff like: bad writing, lazy/terrible character design and development, art, main plot, etc.

The other 99% however, are SJWs who BAWWWWWW about shit no one cares about or not a big deal. For examples: the whole lapidot vs amedot shipping(both pairings sucks anyways), poorly done gay couples(but see Ruby and Sapphire's heavily co-dependent "relationship" fine in their books), BISMUTH DID NOTHING WRONG, have a hate boner for "white-coded" Pearl and Lapis, minorities culture(s) not shown,"POC" gems treated "unfairly", racist Uncle Andy(lol talk about totally missing the point of his character),"Ableism"(the big one being Connie's eyes being healed that she doesn't need glasses anymore and the off-colors), wanting Connie to be a lesbian to make her character "better" because making everyone gay makes everything "better", etc.

They often make shitty rewrites and shitty redesigns of gems where they add too much detail(forgetting the keep things simple for animation rule), bright eye bleeding or boring color palettes and take already bad canon gem(s) designs and give them the good old SJW art treatment because "MUH PROGRESSIVE AND REPRESENTATION"(like making skinny gems(like Lapis and Rainbow Q.)fat or chubby, redesigning Sugilite to not be a monster "angry black woman", taking "white-coded" gems and making them "POC",etc.

Tumblr SU criticals are quick to call the crew racist for the littlest things. Such as: When the Human Zoo episode dropped, they went nuts and claimed that the crew are racist for adding such a thing(even though it was done (poorly) for shock value and not like shows have done human zoo themes before). They LOVE to defend Bismuth and her actions to no end(is bought up like 80% of their posts) and will chimp out if you say other wise. Again called the crew racist for rebubbling her at the end for wanting to do the "right thing" because murder is A-OK against dictator diamonds. When concept art of Amethyst, a really muscle bulldyker gem, and a unused black looking "gem" named Concrete showed in a art book, SU crits sperged how really racist and "transphobic" the crew are for adding those to the art book; To the point that the crew removed the arts from future printing of the books. Lars turning pink and erasing his Filipino race and bowing down to Steven for saving him. The list goes on.

When you called them out on their whining bullshit and reaching with the facts or that the "topic" is not that deep, in typical tumblr fashion, they'll call you everything under the sun or derail the post with stupid shit saying how wrong you are and or post pictures of animals.

Abuse victims of the fandom[edit]

  • zamii070.tumblr (Failed an hero)
  • The Undertale fandom (Latched onto it like cancer)
  • The Overwatch fandom (Latched onto it like cancer)
  • tyrant-rex.tumblr (failed an hero)
  • floredoodler.tumblr (JK, flore just wanted to exploit the bandwagon for attention)

The only fandom that managed to victimize this one was the Undertale fandom, as it was cancerous enough to claim that "Stronger than You" was a plagiarism of their shitty Undertale parody.

Miscellaneous information[edit]


  • Steven could kill you in a fight.
  • Despite all his training and the exercise that comes with it Steven, for some reason, is still a fat assed bag of shit.
  • It's been confirmed that Crystal Gems have no sex despite being obviously female, most of them being such obvious lesbians and having sexual desires (Like how Rose somehow "fucked" Greg and made a "womb" to "birth" Steven).
    • Tumblr snowflakes condemn people who don't know this and think that the Gems are all chicks as dirty cis male Nazi hetero homophobes that need to be lynched for not caring enough about the show's trivia.
    • Don't you EVER ask for "male" gems as the crew and fanbase will tell you to fuck off and go watch those "male shows" and or that Steven is the only male "gem" you'll get(despite Steven is half gem).
    • Rebecca ended up making all the gems (even the buff looking gems that could pass as male) female anyways. So much for "gender-less" gems.
  • Healing a corrupted Gem is impossible.
  • Greg still lives in a van.
  • Jasper won't be redeemed. If you honestly think she will, you're a fucking idiot. DISREGARD THAT, SUCROSE SAID IT WILL PROBABLY HAPPEN.
  • The Gems arrived somewhere in ~4000.BC and proceeded to massively fuck with history, with some of the shenanigans including:
    • Earth's continents being all fucked up and distorted due to "The Cluster". (the important ones are fine tho).
    • Christianity and Islam apparently not existing (but Judaism exists and it can be safely assumed that the Jews, being greedy wealth-loving fucks, worship gems as gods). only if there were small, round gems made of gold that could fit in a pouch around their neck because gems only have value to the buyer where gold is a universal tender.
    • WW2 didn't happen, no lolocaust either (at least that was unchanged).
    • Canada's flag being green and white.
  • Rebecca said that no one is "truly evil" in her show despite the fact that she wrote the diamonds doing fucked up things to their own(the cluster, force fusion experiments on dead gems, etc).
  • In this show, if you done fucked up things over and over, all you have to do is cry your eyes out and people will forgiven you easily. Great message there, crew.
  • The "plot" will only get shittier down the road with even more pointless filler.


No comment.
  • Rose Quartz did it for the lulz.
  • Steven is a gigantic furfag, and according to shippers he will have sex with his lion at some point.
  • If you gave Steven the choice of an ice-cream sandwich or eating Connie's pussy he, like You, would take the ice-cream sandwich
  • X is Yellow Diamond.
  • Connie dies.
  • Fire Salts will eventually become a black market cooking ingredient.
  • Bleedman will eventually incorporate this show into his shitty comics. He's already made fanart. He may even make Rose Quartz responsible for the American Civil War.
  • All the diamonds will be redeemed by the end of this show.
  • Rose was Pink Diamond or vice versa.
  • Pink Diamond faked her death and is alive
  • This show does not in fact have le DEEPEST LORE.

Trolling the fandom[edit]

The crewniverse promoting pedophilia.

Or you could just bait-and-switch the poor fuckers to this page, they'll pussy-out At least 100 percent of the time.

Attack the Light[edit]

In April 2015, a group of childish manlets working for "Grumpyface Studios" thought it was a good idea to develop a Steven Universe RPG for iOS and Android mobiles to add to their collection of other brilliant games based on Cartoon Network shows. "Attack the Light" was conceived as a result of Tumblrfags whining and sobbing because their favorite fat autistic 14-year-old hero didn't have his own video game. The fags wasting their lives at Grumpyface Studios saw this and immediately took the chance to spoil every fantard with a trailer of their game at FAGfest 2014.

The game costs $3.00 on the App Store, and plays like the most generic RPG in history, utilizing the touch screen to literally do everything in-game allowing all of the pathetic losers who play it to swipe their filthy, salty fingers over the touch screen repeatedly until the screen looks like vomit. Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl play the offensive positions, while Steven supports them by forcing Diabeetus down their throats such as Cookie Cats, Bagel Sandwiches, and Rose's Tears. Player's HP is referred to as "harmony" in this game, and if a Gem loses all of their "harmony" then they are forced to emoquit in their gemstone until the battle is over. Battle sequences are tedious, boring, and repetitive, and consist of a ridiculously small variety of enemies, known as "Light Monsters". The attack methods during boss battles are blatantly obvious as well, and sometimes Steven will literally force the Crystal Gems to fuse into Alexandrite when the boss won't fuck off. Oh, and there's now a "Diamond Mode" for all the MLG Swagfags out there who want a "challenge".

In summary, this game fucking sucks. Look at how boring the gameplay is...

Save the Light[edit]

Last Thursday, rather than to work on her failing show and seeing the "success" of "Attack the Light", Rebecca with Grumpyface Studios made a sequel game that no one asked for, this time for the PS4 and Xbone one. Again its a boring RPG with more (only 3 more)characters to play as now; being Connie, Peridot, and Greg. You can now play with more of the main fusions except for Alexandrite as its not in this game(something about being too OP); which made some people baww. It has the same boring as fuck RPG fight system as the last game with a few changes like you can build character(s)stats up(which will only be half done), and Steven somewhats "fight" but is still mainly the bard of the group and only somewhat useful when he fuse with Connie into Baitvonnie(just like in the show).

This story is you save the light in the last game now you have to rescue the light from two new gem villains named; Squaridot(yes really, she just what old main Peridot use to act like but with a square head and a gem eyepatch) and her boss, Hessonite, a garnet(minus being a fusion) looking recolor, who brags about being the perfect gem(hmm sounds like someone *cough Jasper cough*). FACT: both are just the main show's copy of Jasper and Peridot; so original. So your team just fight them with other monsters and in the end, Squaridot gets poofed and bubbled(like main Peridot did minus getting redeemed) and surprise surprise, Hessonite upon defeat is deeply insecure about herself and start to question if she's really the perfect gem as homeworld makes her to be.

TL;DR They just recycle some things from "the Return", Jasper and pre-redeemed Peridot episodes but with the light monsters. Plus none of this shit is canon like the first game.

The game didn't score well as some felt that the game was both rushed and dragged out, like backtracking a fuck ton and areas you travel through were simply too big and empty to run thorough, which made the game feel longer then it should've. While the game surprisingly hard in a cheap kind of way as enemies had way too much health and cheap kill attacks, which made each encounter drag on and on after awhile due to some characters are underpowered to use than other characters.

In summary,this game fucking sucks like the first game.

Videos about why this show is shit[edit]


A man on the cusp of manhood can't spend the whole day whackering.


Steven Universe

Will you help me into my birthday suit?


—Steven Universe

I learned to stay true to myself by watching myself die!


Steven Universe, urging children everywhere to commit seppuku

Oh Steven. You don't have healing tears; you'll never have any real magic powers, and we don't want anything more to do with you.



Eeh. You need to put some more "ball" in your cannon.


—Amethyst talking to Steven.

Hey it's cool man. I've seen your junk before.





Buck Dewey

Dearest Jamie, No. The end. Forever. And even after that.


—Yours truly, Garnet.

I think crying is really fun.


—Rebecca Sugar

I like the way humans being play. I like playing along.


—Rose Quartz

Fusion is just a cheap tactic to make weak Gems stronger.


—Jasper, who fused with Lapis because she lost a fight.




You clods don't know what you're doing!



You crystal clods!



I guess I'm just too smart for the likes of you lumpy clumpy clods!



You insufferable half-formed traitor mega-clods!!



I'm running out of ways to say "Clod".



It has no functional purpose. It just makes me feel bad.



UT fans honestly thought this was the original.
Behold the highest art attainable from Adobe After Effects.
Steven you sick fuck!
An SU staff member actually shared this on his twitter
Another staff member actually acknowledged this on zer twitter

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See also[edit]

External links[edit]

Steven Universe
is part of animated shows, a series on

Not to be confused with Animu
Disney, Fox, Cartoon Network, Warner Bros., Adult Swim [-+]
Nickelodeon, MTV, Comedy Central & Hasbro [-+]
Other Networks [-+]
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Steven Universe is part of a series on


Visit the Anime Portal for complete coverage.

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Steven Universe is part of a series on


Visit the Media Portal for complete coverage.

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Steven Universe is part of a series on

Social Justice

Visit the Social Justice Portal for complete coverage.

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