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Stoners are an unfunny group of teenage boys who use their parents' money to buy marijuana, which they then smoke in their parents' basements with their dumb little buddies while complaining about their parents and weed not being legal. They are a disgrace to the Legendary stoners that have created things that has enhanced everyone's life's throughout the year. Female stoners do not and should not exist, as bitches only have half a lung. Stoners can often be seen wearing cannabis-themed apparel, including, but not limited to; t-shirts with hilarious slogans, bandannas, sweatbands, underwear and just about anything else you can physically print a fucking hemp leaf design on. It is important to understand that this kind of behaviour and a willingness to refer to oneself as a 'stoner' is what differentiates stoners from people who simply enjoy smoking pot and "jammin'".
Remember that, despite what your grandparents might say, there is only the most tangential connection between marijuana and madness, as seen in the 1937 documentary "Reefer Madness". That is, unless lethargy can be seen as a form of criminal insanity.
Stoners and the Arts
- Movies: Stoners have excellent taste in films and enjoy such modern cinematic classics as Up In Smoke, Dude, Where's My Car?, Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle, Pineapple Express, Half Baked and anything by Kevin Smith. When it comes to television, stoners are invariably fans of Adult Swim (particularly Space Ghost Coast to Coast and Sealab 20+-1), as well as Family Guy and South Park.
- Music: Wise stoners are known to enjoy the only reggae song ever written ("Three Little Birds" by Bob Marley), 'ambient tossery', bad rap by niggers with unimaginative rhymes about smoking weed, appalling mid-90's third-wave ska, Grunge, and their very own genre: 'stoner rock'. The Irony of It All by The Streets is also a favorite amongst stoners who don't drink alcohol when they decide to get on their elitist weed-only pedestal.
- Art: Stoners normally smoke weed to create pretty pictures of dogs playing poker but most of these pictures are that of their own colorful shit which is so totally "far out". Put a stoner in a room with canvas, a huge bag of weed, a bong and some wraps, and a fuckton of chips, and leave them there for a year. Many lulz will be generated when viewing the shit the stoner comes up with. Come back when he dies of starvation after running out of chips in a couple of days, and sell his artwork to museums for extra lulz. Stoner artists also smoke weed because it almost always removes the agony of creativity.
- Snoop Dogg
- Carl Sagan
- Jimi Hendrix
- Jim Morrison
- Bob Marley
- George Washington
- Bill Clinton (but he doesn't inhale)
- Lindsay Lohan
- Keanu Reeves
- Jeff Daniels
- Dave Wyndorf
- Your dad
- Liam Rafferty
- Lena Dunham
- Neil Patrick Harris
- Matthew McConaughey
- James Franco
- Lindsay Ellis
- Seth Rogan
- Posef "Potsef" Ng Xin Qun
- Bruce Lee
- Jay Kinsella
- Doopie DoOver
- Thomas Jefferson
- Dave (he's not here, man..)
- Winston Churchill
- William Shakespeare
- Steven King
- Richard Feynman
- Bill Maher
- The bands; Queens of the Stone Age, Tyler, the Creator, Kyuss, Fu Manchu, King Gizzard, Witch Finder General, King Crimson, Electric Wizard, Orange Goblin, Death Grips, Toner Low, Acid King, Fleet Foxes, Grief, Ufomammut, Church of Misery, BONGZILLA, Om and Sleep, Pink Floyd.
- Americunts and Canadians smoke joints without tobacco or filters. Although Americunt stoners will insist that this is because they are 'hardcore', in reality this is because American weed is shit and mostly baught from Mexican fags that jumped the border. Canadians, however, do so to dull the cold, and make beaver tail taste better. Feelsgoodman.
- European stoners smoke joints with tobacco and a cardboard filter because their skunk is actually decent, and will fuck you up. A notable exception to this rule is the English, who only get weed in the following three varieties:
- Smoking marijuana in backwards-ass places like China, Singapore and Thailand will get you swiftly and severely pwned IRL.
- This section was written by a britfag who knows what he's talking about No.
- Never having any papers, filters or lighters, despite these items being cheaply available from any shop and/or being too young to buy them.
- Getting real thirsty and 'accidentally' drinking the bong water.
- Getting punched in tha he face because You party fouled and knocked the bong over, spilling bong water on your friend's couch
- A drought of marijuana due to Jews withholding stock in order to obtain more Jew-gold.
- Eye-tokes, hot-rock burns.
- Dealer's cell phone turned off or is too high on at least 100 different drugs to get you your shit.
- Sneaking into garage without entire party following
- Running out of Cheetos and Mountain Dew.
- Losers coughing into the bong and getting their weed all wet
- Imaginary police
- Party Fouls
- Imaginary wolfs
- Real police
- Being police
- House being secretly bugged
- 6-year-old neighbour secretly working for the FBI and constantly spying on you
- Going to School
- Going to work
- No one buying your shitty art on Patreon
- Not Finding your keys because you are too high to remember where you left them
- Not Having a "safe" place to smoke
- Dealing with sober people
- People realizing that You're even more boring stoned than sober
- Parents cutting off allowance
- No one reading their poetry
Stoners are Very touchy when it comes to their personal beliefs , They are known to be the among easiest group of kids to troll about as equal as Beliebers. Since Stoners are too paranoid and defensive and are willing to go to extreme measures to protect their rights and freedoms and they will troll you to fucking death. Stoners are an allegiance of anti-trolls that use facts to completely pwn us with their profound intelligence. This is a list on how to properly troll stoners
- Tell them Marijuana kills brain cells
- Tell them Ronald Reagan was the best president EVAR!
- Tell them Marijuana is the gateway drug
- Tell them Marijuana is worse for you than alcohol and cigarettes
- Tell them Above The Influence is the truth about drugs
- Tell them The DEA are heroes for beating the shit out of handicapped kids with cancer
- Say drugs are for losers on a Youtube smoking video
- Tell them Marijuana is poison, not a drug (point out that cannabis is a carcinogen and a cause of a range of psychological disorders.)
- Tell them that Reefer Madness is the best movie evar created
- Tell them kids like them shouldn't use drugs
- Tell them Marijuana is a drug
Then sit back comfortably, now that you're the one who's giggling.
Types of Stoners
The Stoner Guru
- Marijuana Addiction
- Stoner Dog
- Stoner Guru
- Doopie DoOver/Drugs
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