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From Encyclopedia Dramatica
|This article needs moar pics and crazy racist lesbian ex-girlfriends.|
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At first glance, Stormfront seems like a typical vBulletin forum, yet, behind the fugly and dated design of this website lies barely contained, whiskey fueled, pure redneck hatred. The story of Stormfront is a lulz-filled romp through ruined political dreams, the olden history of the internet, a failed invasion of Dominica, rough prison sodomy, and - god help us - Ron Paul. Lurking Stormfront is like studying a science: the more you observe the more questions you have. For instance, the logical questions of "what is this website?" and "how racist are the people on it?" devolve quickly into "how did these dumbshits learn how to use a computer?", "is everyone here related?", or "how is it that ED can be racist and hilarious while this place is racist and unfunny?"
And now, gentlemen, step right up and let us tour the freak show that is Stormfront.
The Lonesome Ballad of Don Black
It's at this point at which we meet our hero of this story, Don Black, the future webmaster of Stormfront. Don Black was the second in command of the KKK, right below David Duke. So, one day Duke decides to run for a Senate seat. Duke found that being the active Grand Wizard of the nation's largest white power organization could put a slight crimp in his ability to win a public office so, in 1978, Black took over national control of the Klan. Sadly for Black, his tenure as Grand Wizard was put in jeopardy by his conviction of attempting to overthrow the legitimate government of a small Caribbean island, a portion of Black's life so lulzy it needs its own section.
The Invasion of Margaritaville
See, it turns out that Don Black had more lofty goals then just running a large pro-white organization. He wanted his own country. In a half-assed scheme, he somehow got the idea to invade the Commonwealth of Dominica. He would bring together a Nordic army of genetically superior troops and use them to reinstate the former Prime Minister. When the FBI finally caught wind of the plot, it swept in and arrested the conspirators, sentencing them to various short terms in prison before the "invasion fleet" could get their boats in the water.
It turns out the plan was critically flawed and doomed to ruin, owing mostly to:
- Duke's trying to invade a country of 70,000 black people with nine white supremacists armed with handguns and dynamite
- The captain of the boat Black chartered telling the FBI what was going down
- Black continuing the invasion plan even though he knew his "recon team" was already in custody
Black's excuse of "I did it for the lulz" was not, at that time, an accepted legal defense. The invasion plan, dubbed the "Bayou of Pigs" by locals, was dead in the water, and Black was going to jail for three years for breaking the Neutrality Acts.
Prison Life to Stormfront
Now Black had a minor problem. Here he was, going to prison as the Grand Wizard of the KKK. One could imagine how popular he would be for midday rape sessions or mass shankings. When he got to prison he quickly used his title and position to keep him away from his roommate Bubba (Gold Medalist in Endurance Raping, Beijing '08). Black found a home in the computer lab, learning how to administer servers, set up networks, and stop runaway anal bleeding. Black came to the realization that the internet could provide an important role in the future of the white nationalist movement, and he intended to be at its cutting edge. He also came to the realization that if he wasn't the leader of the KKK, he could save himself from permanent health issues, and relinquished the title to the current head of that organization, Jesse Jackson.
When Black got out, he went back to his old friend David Duke, looking for a job and an opportunity to demonstrate his newfound skills. Duke consented and Black became the new webmaster of Duke's forums, named Stormfront after some shit nobody cares about. Black remains the webmaster to this day, running his own server out of Palm Beach, Florida. During that process, Stormfront has emerged as king of the racist websites, something akin to being king of the homeless furries.
Jamie Kelso, Bringing Queer Pride to Stormfront
Don Black's #1 butt-boy is a closeted gay ex-scientologist Ayn Rand fanboy. His name is Jamie Kelso and he goes under the SN "Charles A Lindbergh" on the Stormfront boards and has the pathetic position of Sr. Moderator - meaning he voluntarily spends all his waking hours on a message board trying to wade through the posts by his functionally illiterate board members.
Jamie's early years were featured in a book called, "What Really Happened to the Class of 65?" Kelso just could not join enough fruitcake cults once he got out of high school.
He then predicted his future involvement with the simps at Stormfront with the following 
—Jamie Kelso, when still lusting after Hubbard cock, in "What Really Happened to the Class of 1965?
After his stint playing a sailor in Hubbard's pretend Navy & sucking scifag cock, Jamie fled to Kansas where he became a member of the "John Birch Society" and discovered Ayn Rand. Not surprisingly, he went on to join the white power movement shortly thereafter. It seems Jamie has joined one crazy-ass cult after another in order to cure him of teh gay. He has met with nothing but fail and an ass full of AIDS. What is curious is how all these homophobic racist rednecks can reconcile having Kelso, a raging fag lusting for white cock, running their forums. We are sure Don Black has the answer - and a dick covered in AIDS sores to show for it.
This brings us to the point in the story of “who the hell follows these retards?” We find that it is that sick group of outcasts who use sexual fetishes to deal with their Victim complex. Unlike weaboo’s and furries who keep their sick fetishes in their own communities, Stormfronters believe that everyone who is qualified (white, lower class, retarded) should fetishize Germany like they do, and they form groups to convince everyone that German fetish is normal and good for you.
Joining the REVOLUTION!
Just when you thought that the white supremacist community at large had decided to go back to contently fucking their cousins and drinking moonshine, they decided to get involved with presidential politics. And, if you're a white supremacist, then there was only one obvious choice for Supreme Dictator of America - the wizened old fucker known as Ron Paul So...why did Stormfront, the National Alliance, Hal Turner, Alex Jones and a bunch of other similarly minded white folks decide to endorse Mr. Paul?
- Ron Paul is old enough to remember what it was like to whip a slave, and it's liberating.
- Ron Paul endorsed Hitler in '33.
- Ron Paul is glad that they shot that annoying black preacher guy.
- Ron Paul didn't get his ass handed to him in the Louisiana primary because he appealed to the same dumb shits who voted for David Duke.
- Ron Paul hates immigrants.
- Ron Paul was so fucking broke he'd take donations from NAMBLA.
- Ron Paul doesn't believe in evolution. Fucking trust him, he was there when it all started.
The Obama Effect
It turns out that white people are so fucking terrified of having a black Muslim atheist terrorist pinko commie leftist elitist effeminate anti-American pro-Iranian socialist corporatist clueless under-experienced college professor as president that when it became apparent that such an unspeakable thing was actually going to happen, thousands of confused southern Republicans flocked to their last remaining line of defense, Stormfront.org. The result was a spike in traffic and new accounts that caused the server to crash. This is funny just because one can only imagine the look on Don Black's face as he had to simultaneously process that the first black president after 42 consecutive white American presidents had just been elected and the subsequent implosion of his server.
Europe Hates Stormfront
For some odd, arcane reason, France and Germany have strict anti-white supremacy laws. Both countries decided to have Google take Stormfront off of its index for ISPs operating within their borders. The law was overturned in Germany because it violated the right to free speech, though it remains blacklisted in France, much to the disappointment of both members of the French Nazi party.
The Trolling of Bill O'Reilly
In 2003, a school in Georgia (Taylor County High School of Butler, GA) decided to have a segregated party at their school. The year beforehand they had finally desegregated the prom at their school and a segment of the student population decided to hold a private, segregated function to continue the tradition before they graduated. Suddenly, Billo The Clown and the Faux News goon squad descended from the sky to feed off the event like ravenous vultures. In eager anticipation of the coming public crucifixion of a defenseless position, Bill put up a poll on his website asking the public if they supported the segregated dance. Unfortunately for Bill, someone over at Stormfront heard about it and invited everyone he could get his hands on to raid the poll and throw off the results. That night he refused to show the poll results or acknowledge Stormfront in his newscast. Instead he got his ass handed to him by a pretentious douchebag libertarian.
Assorted Stormfront Trivia
- For some reason, the people at Stormfront are compiling a wiki in their forums instead of compiling it on, say, A WIKI YOU STUPID FUCKS
- Stormfront threads widely blamed The Anti-Defamation League for 9/11
- Ron Black's wife works for an organization that works for the betterment of Hispanic and African-American youths.
- Stormfront frequently publishes white supremacist literature for free for public dissemination. Because these works aren't in the public domain, Stormfront is denying the creators of the work profit for their work.
- Stormfront is persistently trolled by Oriental Asians.
How to troll Stormfront
- Ask them "If Whites are the superior race, then why do Jews always outsmart, manipulate, and control white people?"
- If Jews "control" everything then why does their website even exist?
- Tell them that the first humans came from Africa.
- Tell them how the Mongols bitch-slapped Aryan Whites during their invasion and Europe was only saved by dumb luck.
- Troll them about their history how whites were mostly barbarians and learned everything from civilized Arab-Semites in the past.
- Inform them that the Semitics, Persians, Indians, Chinese, Egyptians all have civilization for thousands of years before Europeans.
- Mention how the Egyptian niggers forged a civilization while euro-trash barbarians were running around naked in the forest.
- Inform them that if it wasn't for the Egyptians and Phoenicians who gave civilization to the Greeks, whites would still be running around naked still eating each other.
- Vikings practiced homosexuality works perfectly among European heavy metal fans which most of the members are.
- Inform them that the Aryans(the original whites) were actually a race from Asia.
- Tell them the swastika is a Hindu symbol that Hitler stole from real aryans from India because the Germans made no significant impact on ancient religions or ancient history.
- Tell them that Judaism is Christianity Version 1.0, both a Jew religion.
- Remind them there is no way they can determine if they are "pure" white because it can be fairly difficult to trace ancestry 50 to even 100 years ago(without some guess work) who knows maybe their ancestors fucked around with lots of black person men/women : )
- Remind them that even 1 drop of non-white blood can spoil 1000's of years of pure "Aryan" genes.
- Tell them that the only way that they could be alive today is if their ancestors had cross bred with another race otherwise they would be all genetic mutant freaks (But then again.....)
- Tell them Oswald Spengler was a communist.
- Tell them Oswald Spengler thought racists, anti-Semmites, and misogynists were imbeciles:
- "How much envy of the capability of other people in view of one's lack of it lies hidden in anti-Semitism!"
- "When one would rather destroy business and scholarship than see Jews in them, one is an ideologue, a danger for the nation. Idiotic."
- Hitler compromised the 1 drop rule.
- Hitler was an Austrian JEW!
- Ask if Hitler was a member of the beetles.
- Tell them Hitler was the most liberal tree-hugging pro-animal rights vegetarian art fag in history(which goes against their beliefs that Hitler was some conservative war hero).
- Hitler caused more whites to die in WWII than the Jews did in the 3,000 years of their existence.
- Say Nietzsche was Polish, not German. Even Nietzsche himself denied being German.
- If they are so pro "white" then why do they praise the primitive rape obsessed mongoloids of Japan? Yet berate and refuse to accept other whites such as Armenians, Russians(tartars), Georgians, Irish, Italians, Portuguese etc. The list keeps growing larger...
- For such a superior race northern european whites were the most primitive race in ancient history who did not even wear clothes nor did they have a grasp of the basic necessities of civilization such as long-distance trade, occupational specialization, urbanism, cleanliness, contract and tort-based legal systems,monumental architecture, mathematics, sophisticated metallurgy, and astronomy. They did have a primitive writing system however.
- Their community is a pariah among most whites.
- Pretend to be a White Nationalist and tell them you are leaving the "movement" because of its obvious flaws and hypocrisy.
- Whenever a there is a successful civilization forged they claim it was run by whites.
- Evolution promotes race mixing and diversity.
- How can you believe in evolution(whites are "superior") and religion at the same time?
- Any pure white with 1000 years of non-tarnished genetics automatically becomes non-white subhuman if he converts to a jew religion like Judaism, Islam, and Christianity(...more or less for certain SF members).
- Bring up the topic of Christianity being a good or an evil religion and it will cause infighting of a colossal scale.
- Remind them that their hero David Lane is an admitted pedophile, with an attraction to white children.
- Mention how every time there is a disagreement on their site people call each other a "Jew" to win the argument instead of using actual facts.
- Mention how a multicultural societies are highly successful and a pure white society leads to poverty. Use America, Canada, and France as an example of successful multicultural superpowers and then point out the ghetto slums where most whites reside in Russia.
- Point out how most Neo-Nazis or White Supremacists aren't even Nordic or German they are usually American, British, and Russian wannabe's. Mention this and they'll throw out a few noob words in German such as Über or whatever they can pick up from Rammestein.
- Mention how Europeans aka whites are responsible for over 100 million deaths(not making this up) due to world wars,genocides and racism.
- Whites are responsible for more deaths of whites than non-whites.
- Tell them the majority of the great geniuses of Western History (Galileo, Da Vinci, Michelangelo, Goethe, Benjamin Franklin, Thomas Jefferson, Denis Diterot, Voltaire, Rousseau, Nietzsche, Haydn, Mozart, Beethoven, Bartok, Tchaikovsky, Thomas Edison, Nikola Tesla, Einstein, Olaus Rudbeck) were extremely progressive for their time.
- Give a lengthy list of female geniuses of Western History (Trotula of Salerno, Maria Agnesi, Hildegard of Bingen, Hypatia, Sopho, Emilie de Chatelet, Emily Dickenson, Eleanor of Aquitaine, Marie Curie, Mileva Einstein, Judit Polgar, Ada Lovelace, Rosalin Franklin, Jane Austin, Iris Murdoch etc. etc.) and remind them that their stupid sorry asses will never get any.
- Inform them that Ludwig van Beethoven, the greatest composer of Western History, was a feminist nigger.
- Post pictures of beautiful blonde girls and ask them if they are impressed by her "Aryan" beauty,only to tell them later that she is a Jew, lol!
- Call them racist (Ironically they hate being called that)
- Link them to gay porn sites (preferably interracial gay porn)
- Remind them that those close to Don Black have said in the past that Black is into Cuckold porn.
- Tell them that Arabs and blacks have bigger cocks.
- Remind them how educated minorities hold better jobs than almost every Stormfront user.
- Inform them that progressive/secular/feminist societies like Sweden, Norway, and Iceland have better education, better economy, better health care, better technology, eat the healthiest food, have low prison populations, and watch the least TV.
- Remind them that German girls are hot, tell them that Jewish girls are hot, and ask them if that means German Jewish girls are really hot.
- Post interracial images, such as this one
- Insult their mother, since they're all related it should have a wide blast range.
- Tell them that bestiality was invented in Europe.
- Tell them that for the majority of human history Europe was a barbaric backwater and with the Renaissance whities were merely catching up with the rest of the world.
- Explain them the X chromosome, not the shitty Y chromosome, has the majority of genes for brain development and consequently intelligence.
- Draw some Hitler/Goebbels yaoi and show them.
- Show them this Hitler and Stalin yaoi and tell them it is fitting that Hitler is the twink.
- make a thread titled "Nick Griffin, Gay or GAY???"
- Tell members of the KKK that they made a good effort with their ghost costumes but it isn't Halloween yet.
- Say Bush did WTC
- Since many of their members are Slavic, point out that Hitler hated Slavs almost as much as he hated Jews.
- Remark on how big their nose is.
- Talk about how Israel has nukes and Germany doesn't.
- Alex Jones is a shill!
- Olivia Chow is married to Jack Layton.
- Frank Weltner is a puppet of the Elders of Zion!
- Jews have infiltrated their site.
- KKK vs Neo-Nazis
- National Socialist vs White Nationalists
- Slavic Separatists vs White Nationalists
- Slavic Communists vs Slavic White Supremacists
- White Communist Racists vs White Nationalist Racists
- Genetics vs History/Archaeology
- BLACKS INVENTED ROCK MUSIC!
- Make mention of Eugene Terre'Blanche, a South African white supremacist who was killed by two of his black workers and lieked it with graet force in teh poopar.
- Post pictures of female-to-male transgenders in the "I like white boys" thread and lol as the Aryan ladies fap.
- Tell them the Nazis loved big government.
- Inform them that the Vikings didn't give a shit about race.
NOTE: you cant just make an account and begin trolling off the bat since all posts from new members are monitored. You need to have at least one rep which can be earned by introducing yourself on the youth forums.
What inevitably occurs when one hotlinks ED images:
- Stormfront Home
- Stormfront's Open Boards - Troll away with your guest accounts! Maybe ask why the site is available in Afrikaans but not Hebrew or Arabic.
- Stormfront's Queer Mascot, Jamie Kelso, goes totally batshit on the radio because Canadian Neo-Nazi Paul Fromm stole his ass-less leather chaps.
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