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Susan Marie Basko✡ (also known as Batshit Baskocase Sue, Solange Soleil and Suehappy Basketcase for short) is a known belligerent attorney at lol who has been involved in and lost over 9,000 cases in Internet Court. She is also an IRL lawyer with a license to practice law in California and Illinois (note: NOT in New York). She claims to be Catholic but her actions are closer aligned with Scientology than Catholicism. Sue Basko is roughly equivalent (but superior to) what might happen if Mike Sandy and Daniel Brandt mated.
Whether you're a potential target of swatting and need to be reminded to never allow the police inside, need someone to harass the family members of those internet terrorists known as the Rustle League, or are just being bullied by The Man, Sue Basko is the only Internet Lawyer you will ever want to call.
- 1 Award-Winning Blogger
- 2 Rustle League
- 3 Anti-COINTELPRO Extraordinaire
- 4 IRL Harrassment Service
- 5 Work with convicted felons
- 6 Occupy Peace
- 7 Philanthropy
- 8 Copyright thief
- 9 Sue Basko: Tree Whisperer
- 10 Sex Life
- 11 Copypasta
- 12 Profiles
- 13 Related Articles
- 14 Media
- 15 Further Reading
In 2013, Sue was awarded a Golden Jimmy for her pioneering work in the legal field. This was due primarily to the free legal advice which she gives on her blog, which, upon being read by anyone who isn't retarded or Ronbryn, is self-evidently beyond reproach. This was further bolstered by some of her 5 star reporting, which was exclusively released on her blog. Here are some of the gems she has given the world:
During the Occupy Wall Street protest, our favorite undisputed queen of the legal realm spent a lot of time weeding out FBI plants among the people who were actually there to protest, even though, according to her, her own brother Gabriel is an FBI agent. It's really too intricate to lay out in this article without making the more ADHD-addled readers get bored and search for the Offended page, so all of Sue's deathless prose concerning her anti-COINTELPRO work has been preserved forever in the above link. Enjoy!
IRL Harrassment Service
For those with especially persistent cyberbully problems, Sue will go the extra mile and turn to extrajudicial means, as any good lawyer would. However, what separates Sue from the rest of the pack, is that in addition to e-mailing the cyberbully's parents, she has been known to sub-contract out to IRL witches and have hexes placed on specific targets. In the cases that have gone public, the hexes have been performed by no less a figure than The Second Coming of Jennifer Emick herself, Kamonra. To provide an analogy that veteran EDiots may understand, Sue plays Daniel Brandt to Kamonra's Amorrow in this dynamic duo of Internet justice.
Work with convicted felons
Another of Basko's henchmen is a relative nobody and convicted felon named Joseph A Camp. In 2009, Joseph and a classmate decided to RAT boxes on their University of Central Missouri's network so that they could add funds to their college accounts, change grades, and steal/sell databases. Naturally, since they were skiddie fucktards who had only been on HackForums for 3 weeks, and thus didn't know the first thing about hiding behind 7 proxies, they were immediately fucked in the ass in the back of the partyvan, then shipped off to prison for more nonconsensual buttsex.
Sue Basko retained Joseph Camp as a client and worked hard to delete pastebin entries and respond to his emails. Here's the $4000 legal bill.
Threats like these are worth every shekel.
Bright side of life
Occupy Peace is a crappy blog where Sue Basko offers advice on how to organize a peaceful protest or occupation in the United States. She frequently derails her own blog with unfunny off-topic posts because she lacks self-control and doesn't respect her readers who don't care about personal drama. She desperately hints to journalists that she wants media coverage, not so she can help others exercise their freedom of speech, but instead to cry about people saying mean things to her.
—Sue Basko, a desperate plea for attention.
Sue Basko has issues with self-confidence and writes delightful walls of text detailing what a wonderful "bright side of life" type of person she is, making it clear that violence and pornography are immoral. The amount of effort she puts into making herself look good only proves that she is extremely self-centered and very insecure about her image. Susan should seek the assistance of a trained professional and become a survivor of her shortcomings.
After Sue Basko manages to talk about something other than herself, she begins communicating with her claws and fangs, revealing a deep hatred for Encyclopedia Dramatica, Rustle League and Doxbin. At this point her writings read like a liberal's wet dream of white middle-class Americans. That's correct, those who contribute to Encyclopedia Dramatica don't understand satire and are definitely racist.
Susan insists that she's been attacked over the last couple years despite no prior dealings with these sites or trolls. What she will never acknowledge is that she goes out of her way to draw attention to herself by writing off-topic rants on her blog and tweeting like a crybaby on a daily basis. The only way Sue Basko maintains what little sanity she has left is to convince herself that she is a victim, because without that crutch, she would be admitted to the nearest psychiatric ward.
Susan worries that nobody takes her seriously and to compensate for that she repeatedly mentions that in two states she is a licensed attorney. After doing extensive research, our e-lawyer has reached the conclusion that subjects of articles on Encyclopedia Dramatica tend of the "smart, nice, good people." Susan also warns that contributing to Encyclopedia Dramatica or linking to an article is a crime.
Being a computer expert, Sue Basko has determined that people who visit Encyclopedia Dramatica will immediately have malware installed onto their computer. She goes on to speculate that said malware may be used to take control of webcams, log key presses or install a botnet.
Enemies of the Lulz can finally rejoice, Sue Basko discovered Encyclopedia Dramatica's offended page and offers EDiots some free legal advice. The images there are not only shocking and horrific, but also illegal! She is probably referring to the picture of Limecat.
The purpose of Encyclopedia Dramatica isn't to document internet drama, but to harass, coerce and extort its victims. According to Sue Basko anyways, and she isn't going to stand by and watch as people's lives, especially hers, are destroyed by the hate wiki. She's made it clear she knows the identities of various contributors, but is withholding this information pending a DOJ and FBI investigation. Hopefully justice will indeed be served, because Susan has informed us that the harm done to her by Encyclopedia Dramatica can never be undone. Sue Basko is also a medical expert and has determined her health has also been damaged beyond repair, all because some jackass on the internet said something mean about her.
Rustle League, Doxbin, and Encyclopedia Dramatica attacks
Sue Basko paints a very polarizing picture of herself as a humanitarian. While she crafts the image of herself as a hero for anyone who feels they're a victim of stalking, copyright violation, or harassment, she takes a very questionable stance toward supportive parents of children with serious mental diseases.
—Sue Basko, weighing in on autism.
Basically, Sue believes that parents are actually going out to get autism diagnosis for their kids just so they can reap the government SSI benefits that are paid to these mentally disabled children. Are all these kids pretending to be aspies just so their parents can make an easy living, Sue?
Once she was called out for her atrocious insensitivity and hypocrisy, she proceeded to delete her comment, use her personal Twitter account to defame the woman who called her out on the comment, and insist that the entire thing was made up. Unfortunately for Sue, the woman had taken a screenshot of the disgusting comment before she could remove it.
Sue was also called out for this by another person on her Facebook page, and she decided she would attempt to defame the person (who was legitimate and had a genuine concern) by calling them a bully with a fake name attempting to troll her. Sue ended up deleting this comment as well, but not before it was also saved in a screenshot.
So aside from losing her image as a good person with compassion for fellow humans, she is now exposing herself as a paranoid drama queen who thinks anyone who opposes her diluted views on life are bullies, fakes, or trolls, and need to be promptly reported to the FBI. And if her facts are proven lying under oath in court and if by that she becomes unwilling to reveal some of the anonymized people who had it coming to deserve their article on this lulzworthy website would have her fined and disbarred from being a lawyer.
Sue specializes in copyright claims, and has extensive first hand experience in stealing the intellectual property of others. Basko Law™ will work hard to prevent others from stealing your hard work, utilizing the knowledge she has gained from countless years of making minor edits to other people's work and claiming it as her own. The cover photo of her former Twitter account is a perfect example of her work in action.
The artwork you're seeing was actually created by Georgia O'Keeffe, artwork that is clearly FOR SALE and is still subject to copyright. But Sue doesn't give a shit, because she's a lawyer and is therefore above copyright law.
Looks familiar, doesn't it? Nice steal, Sue
Sue Basko: Tree Whisperer
Did you know that Sue is an accomplished artist herself? She's the mastermind behind the chart-topping smash hit "You Know The Trees." The song is an epic tale of meeting a well-traveled man who talks to trees and shares their glorious insight with the listener. It would be a shame if we spoiled this masterpiece for you any further, so prepare yourself to experience the greatest song ever made, sang by Basko herself.
#1 best-selling track
If you're like most people and can't understand what the hell Sue is saying in this psychedelic drug-inspired song, FEAR NOT. The lyrics have been transcribed so you too can swallow a bag of magic mushrooms and sing along. Don't forget to have a chat with some trees afterward!
It has also long been suspected that Sue is a serial masochist and only acts out online in an attempt to gain sexual gratification from being demeaned by thousands of random, anonymous strangers. As a result, experts theorize that Sue has developed a myriad of sexual fetishes and fantasies that would gain her immediate social ostracization if she were to ever allow these to be made known to the general public. Some of these theories include:
- Since the estimated age of 14, Sue has had continuous fantasies of being sexually assaulted. This is most likely a result of Sue's need to develop an interest in human sexual relations while at the same time coping with the crippling depression associated with her low self-esteem.
- Sue Basko often does a poor job of cleaning her anus after defecation as the constant potential of being anally raped encourages her to maintain a dirty anal cavity with the intent of giving "shitdick" to whomever may find themselves inside of her.
- Sue has been known to hang around various "glory holes" located in the Chicago area.
- Sue has lost countless marbles, wooden pencil erasers, and other such objects in her body during masturbation.
- Sue Basko often sneaks into public men's rooms so that she may rub her body against the unwashed toilet seats to gain sexual gratification.
- Sue has created and distributed several recordings of her engaging in bestiality. These revolving films are too immoral to be linked here, but know that they have been forwarded to American authorities.
- Sue Basko has volunteered at homeless shelters where she mixed her own pubic hair into the meals served to unknowing homeless men.
- Sue Basko has been known to use "bath salts" as an aphrodisiac.
Unfortunately for Sue, even the most vile of perverts find her too repugnant to even consider fornicating with.
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated Magna cum Laude and earned my Juris Doctor at Southern Illinois University School of Law, and I’ve been involved in numerous COINTELPRO operations on Occupy and Anonymous, and I have written over 300 cease and desist letters. I am trained in internet lawfare and I’m the top lawyer of the entire Internet. You are nothing to me but just another FBI informant. I will sue your balls to the wall with fabricated evidence the likes of which has never been seen before on Twitter, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying my name over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of autistic script kiddies across the USA and your chat logs are being reported to the FBI right now so you better prepare for the defamation lawsuit, troll. The defamation lawsuit that wipes out the pathetic little website you call Encyclopedia Dramatica. You’re fucking sued, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can sue you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with this Twitter handle. Not only am I extensively trained in media law, but I have access to the entire archive of Twitter and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the Internet, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have locked your Twitter account. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking Basko'd, kiddo.
- PROTECTED for your copyright safety.
- STOLEN. Karma for stealing copywritten artwork.
- Her latest sock account.
Sue Basko's terms for being on LulzTalk R3bolution Radio are announced 3-26-14 Sue Basko on LulzTalk R3belution Radio 3-29-14
- Get those "creative juices" flowing! (CP Parody)
- Sue Basko: 2012 lolcow of the Year! Part 1
- The Sue Basko Files Part II: Because Fuck You.
- Sue takes on chronicle.su and wins, because she's Sue Basko
- Sue Basko called out for grossly insensitive comments which she later attempted to deny
- How not to defame someone, a lesson in viciousness by Sue Basko
- Another article calling out her ignorance and insensitivity
- And another
- Yet another
- Sue continues making a laughing stock of herself online - maybe she ought to read this!
- How I’m Learning Not To Take Anonymous So Seriously (feat. @YourAnonNews, @TorontoPolice & Sakura Saunders)
- Harassed For Replying To Sue Basko's Blog
- EDF2: Sue Basko is the biggest lolcow in the history of the internet.
Sue Basko Twitter Meltdown Drinking Game.
- The first episode of Rage Radio. Sue complained to BTR and got their account banned.
Actual facts about Sue Basko
- Disbar Sue Basko
| Sue Basko
is part of a series on
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Sue Basko is part of a series on Enemies of The Lulz
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