Superman

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Superman is a Communist!
It's goofy time, little Jimmy.

Superman is the name of a Mary Sue comic book character created by two Cleveland, Ohio Nerds hoping to wish away their inadequacies and the name of a sex move. (Imagine like a "Chicago sunroof", but with heat vision.) This is interesting as comic book fans have no sex and a male porn star with a coked up dick has a better chance of coming to orgasm than they do. As always on ED, when there is more than one subject to be discussed in a single article, we discuss the subject that the majority of our readers will concern themselves with first. Every actor who's played Superman has been pwned in some way or another. Coincidence? You be the judge.

The character was born as Kal-El on the planet Krypton and put into a Rocket by his Daddy Marlon Brando who wanted to get rid of him because he was sure the kid wasn't his and they were to advanced to have thought of Maury Povich; when he came to Earth and started flashing his baby dick for all the pedophiles in the audience he became known as Clark Kent. Whatever, he's still an alien freak horse-rapist and eater of man-scrotum. Some would call him a dick, and others would call him a faggot. Still others would call him a sucker of foreskins, but they are a Jew anyway.

Superman (The Character)[edit]

Welcome to Earth...

Superman is a character created by a couple of Nazis Ohio Jews to glorify the White race but was later turned into an allegory for the Jew, the loss of their homeland and being forced to integrate into a world that is not theirs by later, more progressive writers. IRL, Superman is Clark Kent, a mild-mannered newspaperman who looks exactly like Superman, except he wears glasses, a strap-on and parts his hair on the opposite side. In reality, he is Kakarot Kal-El, the last survivor of some planet that blew up at least 100 years ago before, much like Illegal Mexicans, there were more Saiyans Kryptonians than you could shake a stick at like Nappa Supergirl and Vegeta General KNEEL BEFORE Zod. Like many landed immigrants, Kakarot Superman crashed on Japanese US-soil in a small metallic escape pod from Planet Vegeta Krypton that was launched by his father Bardock Jor-El and forgot to apply for citizenship, (These super powered alien stories all sound alike,) but they still let him vote. His brothers are Sonny and Michael Corleone & Tom Hagen, as his father was Vito Corleone. The name Superman comes from the German word "Ubermenschen" which was a Nazi term for the SUPERMEN, or the Aryan race]]. Superman's arch rival is Lex Luthor, a bald American-CEO and all-round rich bastard; it's almost like Jesus Christ taking on Wall-Street. As with the character of Batman, Superman is to stupid to realize that simply killing his enemy would solve the problem before Bruce Wayne has a bad day with a Russian Ballerina, can't get it up and looks to take it out on the flying Jew with a coyote styled trap brandishing a sign that reads, "FREE Matzo Balls".

Also, Superman is gay and has homosexual relationships with his editor, a photographer boy, his archenemy Lex Luthor, and Batman. (Ya know, Batman would raep his butler if it brought his mommy and daddy back to life. Wait, where were we?) Superman also has a line of softcore pr0n films that co-star Aquaman and some furry videos including Martian Manhunter because - shapeshifter.

The most interesting period of Superman's comics was the late 1950s and early 1960s, when the Nazis had been replaced with writers who were taking illegal drugs long before it was popular. The editor, who took the most drugs of any of them, was infamous Julius Schwartz. Under his guidance, DC Comics constantly cranked out comics that were always either awesome, stupid, or awesomely stupid. Making fun of these comics has become popular recently on teh internets, especially on Superdickery.

A large number of the people Superman knows have the initials LL, which means that they are lesbians. Yes, LESBIANS. One example is Lois Lane, an attention whore who pretends to be Superman's girlfriend but in all probability wouldn't love him if he had no powers. In reality, she's having sex with her rival Lana Lang. Lex Luthor qualifies as a lesbian even though he is a gay-man as he secretly writes fanfic. Fanfic lesbians know that Luthor is one of them. Since Smallville, lesbians have started have been obsessed with Luthor having sex with Superman in the ass.

The Complete List Of Double L Names[edit]

Lara Lor-Van, Lex Luthor, Lionel Luthor, Lena Luthor, Lenny Luthor, Lucas Luthor, Lori Luthor, Linda Lee, Lana Lang, Linda Lang, Lois Lane, Lucy Lane, Lyla Lerrol, Lori Lemaris, Lenora Lemaris, Luma Lynai, Letita Lerner, Linda Lake, Lesla Lar, Liri Lee, Lyrica Lloyd, Lola-La, Lupe Leocadio, and Leslie Luckabee
There are also and number of cities like Smallville that have double Ls in their names along with people like Ella Lane with a double L in the name and sounds like 2 Ls like Lex Luthor. These are too numerous to mention.
The whole idea of using 2 Ls might have it's origin in the Hebrew alphabet with the letter l or Lamed, pronounced Lah-med.
Lamed has an interesting definition in Hebrew when applied to Superman, it originally meant to incite or goad, which would accurately refer to Lex Luther.
On the other hand, the name for the letter Lamed originates from the word Lamad which means to learn or teach.
I'm not going to get into a 300 page dissertation about the connections of the letter L in Hebrew and Superman because I can, easily. There's the fact that it's the tallest letter and how that connects to the King Of Kings or how the letter L or Lamed looks like a Sheppard's Staff in the Hebrew Alphabet. This whole thing with 2 Ls is probably just simple Apophenia and left to the geeks with no lives and too much time because this whole thing probably started with someone noticing that 2 or 3 characters had 2 Ls in their name and started a fad that only got noticed when every other character had the 2L mark of the Superman character.
I can not believe that there is all this depth with the letter L in Superman when he was created back in the days when Comic Book writer's were people too dumb to write pulp fiction and the artists couldn't hack painting pictures of clowns.

Superman (The Sex Move)[edit]

The Superman is a sex move where you fuck a girl and then throw her out of a window; Quasidan tried posting this on Wikipedia and it got deleted faster than a speeding bullet. If you want to see a "superman" move, just try asking your mom, or her niggah manslave.

Superman in Second Life[edit]

Gene Turnbow, who plays Second Life, believes he is Superman and has adopted the identity of Kal El.

Rule 63'd[edit]

Superwoman is similar to Superman, only her kryptonite is penis.

The Death and Return of Superman[edit]

DC has killed him off and brought him back to life so many times, he might as well be Tom Preston. Or a GTA character with bleached skin. Whatever, he's teh ghey niggah.

Notes[edit]

  • Lesbian comic book readers have less sex than male comic book readers.
  • The aforementioned point is retarded, negative numbers are not real numbers.
  • Technically the aforementioned point is true as having negative amounts of sex results in other people around you having sex with anyone you try to approach.
  • The aforementioned point is pointless.
  • The aforementioned points are both valid as negative sexual numbers always leave ALL lesbians in a constant state of asking for it. Nature abhors a vacuum and like a black hole of cock this leaves them in a constant state of waiting to be raped.
  • Lesbian comic book readers spread their anti-male propaganda on Yahoo role playing chat rooms.
  • THERE IS NO SPOON. THERE IS NO RED PILL. YOU DO NOT HAVE GENITALS.

Gallery[edit]

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

Also see[edit]

:3

Superman is part of a series on:
Comic Books

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Featured article December 4, 2005
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