Superman 64

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Some argue that this is the greatest game ever made.


   
 
I think Superman 64 is a pretty cool guy. eh flies through rings and doesn't afraid of anything
 

 
 

A cooler guy than you.

   
 
I liek the rings becuases I get to fly thru them.
 

 
 

You

Overview[edit]

That's the only cutscene in this game. Really.

Dr. Lex Luthor has kidnapped your friends and thrown them into a virtual world. However, there is hope to rescue your friends; that is... If you decide to solve Luthor's maze. That's right. Instead of saving people around Metropolis like Superman usually does, you fly through fucking hoops. But don't worry, if you're butthurt about not being able to save people's lives; there are special bonus missions where you can stop car collisions by CRASHING INTO THEM (that's how you pick them up), then throwing one of the cars elsewhere; presumably killing the passengers inside. If that's not challenging enough for you, the makers of this game have gone out their way to make the controls as unresponsive as possible. Usually it takes over 9000 seconds to turn around, and Superman flies at the speed of a retard; making solving the timed missions physically impossible.

The Fucking Fog[edit]

In a spectacular storytelling device, Superman's vision is impaired by Kryptonite Fog. This is used to cover the fact that the makers of this game were too busy working hard to meet the deadline to remember to render all the buildings. Therefore, most levels are completely unplayable due to being buried in layers of fog and the insanely low framerate. If the buildings aren't rendered until you're 2 fucking feet away, why does this shit run worse than Stephen Hawking?

Accolades[edit]

   
 
It serves no purpose other than to firmly establish the bottom of the barrel
 

 
 

—Gamespot

   
 
It would have been more fun if they made a game about Superman window shopping with Aquaman.
 

 
 

—Electronic Gaming Monthly

   
 
the sluggish polygonal mutant Titus has created moves more like a hovering couch. Turning around can take five or six seconds, while landing and taking off sometimes feel as if they're completely up to chance.
 

 
 

—IGN

Superman 64 has an epic storyline paralleled only by classics such as Big Rigs and Zero Wing. I'm not going to ruin any of the excellent plot but let's just say it would put William Shakespeare to shame.

Gamespot[edit]

Gamespot can't hide the fact that they love Superman 64!

Games like Superman 64 usually receive bad reviews all around, however the esteemed reviewers really crossed the mine on this one. A 1.3 is supposed to be reserved only for the worst of the worst, like Halo 3 or pretty much anything for the Wii.




:3

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