Swine Infuenza (Also known as: Swine Flu, H1N1, The T-Virus, Pig AIDS, Bacon Lung, Burrito Blight, Enchiladapocalypse, Hamthrax, and Mexican Flu) is permabanning everyone from IRL, just like bird flu was doing from 2004 to 2008, SARS did in 2003, and Swine Flu Beta did in the 1970s. Many current media reports are saying that the US Government did it for the lulz.
As of late November 2009, Swine Flu has killed 9,800 Americans. The disease coincidentally broke out after Mulatto Jesus visited our neighbors in the south to reassure his Mexican counterpart Felipe Calderon that the U.S. was intent on eliminating violent drug cartels waging turf wars on each other and victimizing innocent beaners with American-made tools of liberation.
Yes, President Barack Hussein Obama is the initial vector; pumped full of Tamiflu, he's turned himself into a weapons-grade walking biological weapon to slow beaners down as they reclaim Aztlan from the U.S.A., distracting US citizens from his own plans to just give the place away. Obama's host and tour guide keeled over and died just after he'd visited a local museum.
Lately, pork companies lobbied congress to not call it swine flu. This was due to possibly retarded people believing if you ate pork, you become infected. This made niggers feel better about eating chitlins. Jews, who have no use for pork but to sell it, were not affected. One of the funniest facets of all this, in retrospect, is how crazy people get when something they've never heard of before comes to the surface and makes a few people sick, especially when someone who is most at risk of mortality like a child or elderly individual, allegedly dies from the illness. During the mass hysteria, some muslims have said that the Swine Flu is a punishment from Allah because people eat pork and shit.
- 1 Symptoms and How it Kills You
- 2 Progress of the Pandemic
- 3 The Government Did It
- 4 The WHO's Present & Past Positions
- 5 Future Prediction
- 6 Then and Now
- 7 Life Saving Facts About the Swine Flu
- 8 The Swine Flu Rap
- 9 Gallery
- 10 EDiots Who Have Enjoyed Swine Flu
- 11 See Also
- 12 External Links
Symptoms and How it Kills You
- Being tired at night
- Cough/sore throat
- Joint and muscle pain
- Lack of appetite
- High blood pressure or low blood pressure
- Seizures (rarely)
- Abdominal pain, gas and diarrhea
- Broken heart
- Court summons
- Itchy crotch
- Pierced stomach
- Economic downfall
- Black president
Of course all of these are just symptoms of the common flu. Once you start craving truffles and snorting like a pig, you're done for.
Progress of the Illness
Swine flu is known to have four stages (five if you count the postmortem zombie stage) of illness.
Stage one has no discernible symptoms, although the victim is walking dead. Blood pressure shows unusual variations, and “wagon wheel” incubator cells are present in the sputum. The flu is detectable through blood samples, and if it's treated at this stage, there is a 98% survival rate.
Stage two resembles the common cold, with mild symptoms such as nasal discharge, sneezing and coughing. A low-grade fever may be present. Many in this stage do not limit their activities; they continue to shop, travel, or work, freely spreading the flu. If you see a doctor during this stage, your chance of survival is 50%. If you see anyone showing these symptoms, be sure to exercise your second amendment rights before the filthy swine has a chance to infect you or others.
Stage three at the start may resemble asthma, bronchitis, influenza, or mononucleosis. The cold-like symptoms of stage two become more severe. The victim develops chills, high fever, swollen lymph glands, dizziness, weakness, and painful urination. Most infected in this stage go to bed or try to see a doctor. Late in this stage, the illness becomes more like pneumonia; a few show delirium, screaming "OH MY GOD, WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE, OH WRYYYYY!!!" just before entering the fourth and terminal stage. Chances of survival are around 22% if it's treated.
Stage four resembles pneumonia, bubonic plague and, in some cases, hemorrhagic fever. Breathing becomes difficult and the face, neck and groin swell up like the Michelin Man. Swollen areas turn purple, then black. The victim discharges much mucus, often bloody, and shits dicks out of his or her nipples. Fever is extremely high, and delirium is common. The infected in this stage are immobilized in most—but not all—cases; as in the earlier stages, any caregiver will be infected unless he or she is immune. Death is usually caused by respiratory failure. At this point, there is a 0.1% survival rate.
Stage five is the bonus round where you get to come back as a zombie and attack your relatives.
- Reanimation (page has been taken down). Yes, like zombies: it must be true because it's on the BBC's official site.
Also on Reuters.
REUTERS (London) - POLICE in London and southern England are preparing for what is being dubbed a 'zombie apocalypse'. H1N1 has mutated according to reports from various health organizations, but the WHO are yet to release a statement. The new strain of swine flu has been named 'H1Z1'. Swiftly placing any infected host in a coma, H1Z1 then increases core body temperature by up to 200%, causing severe damage to vital organs, including the brain. Due to the intense heat damage the outer layer of the brain effectively melts, leading to a loss of cognitive processes and placing the host in an 'instinctive vegetative coma'. Infected corpses in the latter stage of transformation develop behaviours similar to those of typical media zombies. Vectors for virus contagion include the air and exchange of bodily liquids such as blood and saliva. Those suspected of infection must be quarantined immediately. Unlike typical flu, the H1Z1 virus causes irreparable damage and the infected can't be restored to normal human functionality.
Lame drunken video on the theme
Progress of the Pandemic
The World Health Organization is against the name "swine flu" and wants to call it "Mexican Flu" because while it is the same strain of influenza (H1N1 / Type A) that originated in pigs in 1918, the 2009 swine flu strain did not spawn from pigs at all. It spawned purely from Mexicans not washing their hands. So call it "Mexican Flu" and talk about how Mexican illegals spread the plague.
In its first weekend, the swine flu swept through Mexico City, but no significant changes were noticed. The Mexican government then proceeded to shit adobe bricks and started a massive operation to control the disease. Needless to say the swine flu is now a worldwide concern and containment efforts in Mexico have largely been abandoned. It has been reported that within a minute of this information being released, Madagascar has closed its only port.
In just a few days, swine-flu cases were spotted in half of western Europe, Russia, and New Zealand, with panics just about everywhere else, and within a week, nearly every country in the Americas has been infected. WMF slaves are covering progress of the pandemic and Wikipedophiles are maintaining a running tally of deaths and a list of infected nations as well as a special article covering the United States, since it is the most important country in the world.
The Government Did It
How could it ever have come to pass that a pig could have been infected with four completely different strains of influenza at the same time? Well obviously it was part of the massive conspiracy of the Illuminati, who need to pare down the population to clear the way for the New World Order. Need some proof? Have no fear, Alex Jones is here:
—Leo Gold, speaking in the 2000 video game, Deus Ex.
Hal Turner was saying much the same thing, or even worse. He released a video of random underground images, including a GE mag-lev test train from the 1970s, stating that it could exceed Mach 1, and was all built by the U.S. government to protect "high-ranking officials" from a WMD attack. Hal has also suggested that the Swine Flu was created to solve the U.S. immigration problem.
OMG it's all true?
The WHO's Present & Past Positions
- June 2009:Swine flu epidemic reaches its peak. 1/4 of the American population is dead. After making billions of dollars by selling vaccines that don't even work, the drug companies claim to need a handout from the president. Civil unrest develops when an anonymous senior official leaks word that President Mulatto Jesus and other senior politicians caught the virus but received a "miracle vaccine" that was kept from the public.
- February 2010: America only remains a world power 'cos of the nukes. The economy has collapsed and swine flu is still claiming hundreds each day. Radical constutionalist militias, disenfranchised blacks, and womyn dying for gay marriage get revolting. Half of the top brass of the U.S. military defects to join the "Citizen's Republic of America" or C.R.A.
- May 2010: After a bloody civil war, the C.R.A. takes control of Washington D.C. The president and many members of Congress are executed live on TV in front of the White House. The C.R.A. is seen as liberating the people from corrupt black person and Washington elitism.
- December 2010: America has now become an isolationist country under the control of the C.R.A. Swine flu is going under due to "harsh but necessary preventative techniques". America has also begun tapping into its own resources and has become fully self-sufficient.
- April 2011: Due to America's isolationism, China's economy collapses, taking most of the rest of the world down with it. China's Communist Party begins plans to invade the U.S., as they believe the newly established C.R.A. regime is weak.
- July 2011: China attacks Japan. Other nations attempt to help, but fail. America under the C.R.A. does nothing. After the fall of Japan, Russia slips back under communist rule and realigns itself with China, which also shifts back to a commie path so that it can sap and impurify America's precious bodily fluids.
- November 2011: Pakistan gives itself up to the Taliban, whose buddies smuggle three thermonuclear devices into Israel. All fail, but Israel sends nukes into every town and city it can hit in the rest of the world.
- Eve of Mayan world's end, Dec. 21st 2012: At exactly 11:59 PM, China and Russia launch their remaining ICBMs at the C.R.A. The C.R.A. responds by launching their remaining ICBMs. World War IV or V begins.
- December 22nd, 2012: Game over for the world.
- However, you can just look at the story of Deus Ex.
Lest We Forget: The Stephen King Ending
- Everywhere but the western parts of what was the U.S.A. is irrelevant. Some retard is still alive and wandering through a Midwestern town. He meets a cowardly lion, a tin man, and the tin man's loli, and they all lead him to an ole black woman who has the incredible mystical powers all black people have on account of being so close to nature and all.
- Some other guy is still alive. He is corrupted on the way to Heaven in the Rocky Mountains by meeting Satan's bride-to-be, who preserves her virginity for the Antichrist by only letting him fuck her ass. The Antichrist finally meets and impregnates his bride, magically kills the basement dweller, magically finds and arms some left-over nukes, but gets defeated by the retard who carries precious advice from the naturally mystical black lady. Can I throw up yet?
Then and Now
The Swine Flu made its debut in 1976. Some military base got hit with the flu when a small group of soldiers got sick. The ailing troops were put to bed and one (only one) of them was issued a special vaccine in order to cure the flu, and died as a result. The
Umbrella CorporationUS went apeshit over the swine flu, started manufacturing vaccines that made people sick and flinging out public service announcements to urge people to 'get a shot of protection.' The upshot was tens of thousands of people becoming disabled with a rare neurological disorder called "Guillain-Barre syndrome"; the medicine even killed a few straight away.
This special 60 Minutes episode from 1979 tells all.
Well, history has a tendency to repeat itself, and with the government's recent declaration of swine flu being a national emergency, people are scrambling to get their shot that could very well protect them from the epidemic.
Life Saving Facts About the Swine Flu
The Swine Flu Rap
Courtesy of  on Youtube -here is another Swine Flu Rap
- The story breaking on the BBC.
Drug companies are cashing in.BALEET
- A simple online test to determine whether you have swine flu
|Encyclopedia Dramatica Commonwealth Nations That Have Fallen To Swine Flu|
|Losers||Austria | Belgium | Brazil | Canada | China | Colombia | Denmark | England | France | Germany | Ireland | Israel | Italy | Japan | Malaysia | Mexico | Netherlands | New Zealand | Norway | Peru | Poland | Portugal | Russia | Scotland | South Korea | Spain | Sweden | Switzerland | United States|
|Rejects||Chile | Costa Rica | Ecuador | El Salvador | Guatemala | Hong Kong | Kuwait | Panama|
|The Collapse of the United States of Encyclopedia Dramatica|
|Somewhat fucked||Alabama | Alaska | Arkansas | Colorado | Connecticut | Delaware | Florida | Georgia | Idaho | Iowa | Kansas | Kentucky | Louisiana | Maine | Maryland | Michigan | Minnesota | Mississippi | Missouri | Montana | Nebraska | Nevada | New Hampshire | New Jersey | New Mexico | New York | North Carolina | North Dakota | Ohio | Oklahoma | Oregon | Pennsylvania | Rhode Island | South Carolina | South Dakota | Tennessee | Vermont | Virginia | West Virginia | Wyoming|
| Totally fucked
|Arizona | California | Hawaii | Illinois | Indiana | Massachusetts | Michigan | New York | Texas | Utah | Washington | Wisconsin|
|Featured article May 1, 2009|
| Preceded by
The Hipster Grifter
|Swine Flu|| Succeeded by|