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Sxephil

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Info non-talk.png if you hacked phil's account, this article could use your help
   
 
I'd like to eat Dane Cook's cock
 

 
 

—sxephil

Sxephil youtube.gif


YT's poster boy for unfunny.
File:Sxephil youtube broadcast yourself.jpg
YouTube; Broadcast Yourself, literally.

sxephil (pron. "sexy fail") is a wannabe Dane Cook and hyperhomosexual asshole who posts awful videos to YouTube. He is also a cock-sucking pig famous for his overly plucked eyebrows and powdery make-up. To date, he is the only person to have signed up for every single video website ever created. Sxephil is also known for redefining the term attention whore. Before he had many subscribers, he learned the art of YouTube View Fraud, so that all of his videos were soon included on the most viewed list. He is currently riding the popularity wave of his cockblock "Big Boobs and You" video, in which an icon of a big titted woman is utilized to obtain more views. He was recently featured on the YouTube main page due to his faggotry with MGM. It's a known fact that YouTube features anything even remotely gay.

Sxephil is also a member of the Gay Pride Wing of the YouTube Kewl Kids Association. He charges five hundred dollars for collaboration videos, and his boyfriend is bravesgirl5 (prove it's a chick).

Sxephil is now an internet panhandler. Please give him all your money now! No donations under $5 accepted. Thank you.

The Basics

"What? Men and women can have sex together?".
How he became so popular out of nowhere!

PROTIP: Real name, Philip Franchina; fake name, Philip Defranco

Essentially, Philip is a 23-year-old unemployed loser who uses the term "new media entertainment" to describe his job: he records himself being a spastic jackass and uploads the videos to YouTube, as any asspie child can do. The real motive behind his "job choice" is his complete inability to do anything that contributes positively to society even in the slightest. His father suffers from AIDS and his kidneys are about to fail because Philip isn't there to actually do a damn thing about it. Since he is a useless retard, he plans to cure his father's AIDS the only way he can: being a complete faggot on over 9000 video sharing sites and becoming wealthy enough to either get a haircut or have his father put to sleep. He loves to laugh at his own jokes, take car rides with boys, and consistently align his opinions with the majority of JewTubers so that nobody will ever, ever dislike him. He claimed that he'd stop uploading videos sometime during November 2009, but as of January 2010, that promise is as broken as his anal hymen. Phil also can talk like he is on XTC. But he can't afford it. Poor guy.. Here is an example: WhatsHappeningYoutubeIhopeUDontHateOnMeNowCuzIlikeCocksRightInMyAssButTodaysShowItAboutShitAndNothingSoSubscribeIfYouAlreadyHaven'tUnsubscribedAndILikeGuysAndIFapToGoatse. TEHEE. /facepalm

The DeFranco Nation

"Can I buttsecks you?"

The DeFranco Nation was established to give its members a place to roam free, have fun, and inflict harm unto one another with words and/or sexy massage according to their leader, Phil. Essentially, it's a group of mindless drones who don't understand humor. They blindly follow him into the elite realm of YouTube celebrity, with the hope that they will profit from the venture.

Phil's Oath to the Internet (TL;DW)

"I'm a happy faerie."
His sister.
His Dad is also just as retarded.
   
 
This post was inspired from the constant question of, “What is Your Real Day Job?”. This is my “job title”, according to most advertisers that contact me, so I will continue to use it in this post. New Media Entertainment isn’t as new as many people believe. It has been around for some time, and was popularized by ZeFrank who gave many video makers inspiration to pick up a camcorder. I learned about the online video scene when I first found the lonelygirl15 series and vlogger Renetto, but didn’t decide to join until I watched ZeFrank’s video on how to vlog. The fact is, New Media Entertainment is a very hot field right now. Advertisers have been throwing more money into the online video realm as of late, because statistically users are more likely to act on an ad online, because computer users are more involved in what they watch online, than something they watch on their living room tv’s. Now, I’m not saying all video advertisements will be successful, because “general” advertising has the potential to fail. When I say “general advertising”, I’m talking about programs like Revver/MetaCafe, and also the YouTube Partner Program, if it becomes much easier to become a partner. The reason being, advertisers may not want their product advertised on a specific show that is offensive, or geared to the completely wrong audience. The strength of advertisement in videos are product placements/mentions and sponsorship. For example, RocketBoom.com has sold 2 weeks of video advertisements for $80,000 in the past. Rocketboom.com at that time received 200,000 user views a day/video (5 videos a week), so the advertiser, was paying Rocketboom.com $0.04 per person. THATS $40/CPM! ($40 per 1,000 people). Now whenever I have advertised a product/site (except in the beginning when I was really in need of cash), I have charged around $2,000 per video, which is less than $20CPM considering the show gets over 130,000 views on average. So, I’m not saying everyone can hit that $40/CPM number, but the potential for cash is definitely there. I believe that smart vloggers/video makers, with a large audience, should not and will not receive less than 6 figures incomes for the 2008 year. But, please don’t join to become famous or rich, because the odds are against you.
 

 
 

—Phil, pretending that he knows anything about marketing

His videos

All of his videos consist of shit nobody cares about, using recent news stories and hawt thumbnails of women to bring in the views.

How to make a sxephil video:

  1. Find most "hot" and controversial news using websites like Google Trends, CNN, Digg, etc.
  2. Steal hot pix to use as the thumbnail on video
  3. Try to steal the old Ze Frank style but end up just looking like a douche
  4. Make title of video "F*CK <insert news story here>' or '<insert name> IS A B!TCH" to make people click on it
  5.  ?????
  6. PROFIT!!!

Example titles to bring in views:

How he makes a living

Evidence that he forgot to remove. Post date: 2006. This picture pretty much sums up the entire purpose of his existence on YouTube.
Further proof. Pic is from a video from 2007 which he uploaded for nextinternetmillionaire.com Most of his oldest videos are deleted or private in order to hide his view spamming.

After spending his life savings buying YouTube View Fraud warez and hiring nerds to establish a YouTube view spamming team, Phil contacted numerous large companies and offered to advertise products for them whilst boasting about how many "views" he was getting. He then advertised stuff in nearly every one of his videos, even though this was in violation of YouTube's Terms of Use and continued to do so until the partner program became available. Although they're all now private or deleted, the titles of all of his old videos can be seen here.

As soon as the YouTube partner program became available, he signed up for it and has since been making videos nearly every day to make sure that he's on the most viewed list 24/7 and getting as much money as possible. Who cares if his videos are shit and use stupid tactics just to boost views? More videos = more money. Quality and truth don't matter.

Phil is currently creating more and more YouTube channels to which he uploads the same kind of unfunny bullshit in his other channels, so that he can continue raking in more cash.

His Fans



Later


Phil an heros after he closes his account. Lulz ensue.
Manofwhite.jpg

Final Solution

Phil says he's leaving because YouTube won't pay him enough? WAT!?

Paul Fetch drops dox on Phil

Unfortunately, Phil never left and is still fagging up the tubes on a daily basis, but recently, Supreme Epic Failure Paul Fetch turned his attention to Phil and their similar inclination to chow down on manpole (he removed the video shortly thereafter).

Sxephil's Forums

Phil's forums were established in December of 2008. They have been deleted three times since then. These forums are notorious for being breeding grounds of 16 year old girls and complete and utter faggotry. After the first shut down, a group of former Phil fans created their own forum. It is unknown how many of these members, if any, still troll Phil's current cesspool of fail.

Trolling Phil's forums

  1. Post a thread titled something along the lines of OMG PHIL IS TEH BEST GUY EVAR
  2. Fill said thread with pictures of Tubgirl or Goatse. Bonus points if you use Pain Series.
  3.  ????
  4. PROFIT!

Sxephil Coming Out

Sxephil was seen posting on /b/,


Gallery

Here's The Real Reason Why Sxephil Lacks In Any "Real" Talent

Of course the average sxephil fan would burst out in rage if you call their idol hero anything but one of the most talented entertainers in the history of everything! However, their opinions are still just opinions and not facts (unless you want to argue that it is fact that they hold that opinion. Thus that somehow makes their opinion a fact...ok in that case just STAPLE YOUR FUCKING MOUTH SHUT YOU LOOPHOLE JUMPING RETARDED LAWYER WANNABE!).

The truth is...sxephil is LIGHT-YEARS AWAY FROM ONE OF THE MOST TALENTED THINGS IN EXISTENCE (Chuck Norris doesn't count anymore because he is one of the most overrated things in existence...another TRUTH...now cry home you silly, immature, Chuck Norris exaggerators!). You wonder why he uses so many jumpcuts in his videos?...to make his audience laugh at his excessive silliness of his videos?...to appeal to the incredibly short attention span of the average Youtuber?....Both of those answers are part of the FULL ANSWER , BUT you are forgetting one thing...Sxephil himself like the average Youtuber, he tries to appeal to, also has an incredibly short-attention span! Thus he must jumpcut as often as possible because otherwise his entire videos would consist of him shuddering, hmmmmmhinng, and looking like a COMPLETE BUFFOON OF AN ORATOR!

Additionally, he OBVIOUSLY reads off a script for all his videos. That's because he just regurgitates a tiny sentence or two off the script and does a jump cut since he OBVIOUSLY can't remember anymore than the amount of script contained within each jump cut interval (5-10 seconds AT MOST)! Just imagine if an actor IRL could only remember 5-10 seconds of script AT MOST! That would be SO IMPRESSIVE right!? Or just imagine a news reporter like Billy O'Reily who is COMPLETELY UNABLE to make a coherent, meaningful, and rational thought FOR MORE THAN 5-10 SECONDS? Ok Billy O'Reily isn't really that talented but he is still LEAPS AND BOUNDS more than talented than SXEPHIL because at least O'Reily doesn't suffer from the incredible lack of attention span and cognitive impediments of sxephil! Heck it is possible now to create a new syndrome…SxePhilSydnrome…now add that bitch to URBAN DICTIONARY!

Ok if you want to see how hard it is to make an sxephil video, then you should try the following STEPS:

1) Write a script consisting of a bunch of various news events that you just found off the Internet (of course you don't have to search any harder than Yahoo or Google News!)

2) Sit your ass in front of a camera but before you turn the camera on, QUICKLY MEMORIZE A VERY SHORT SEGEMENT OF YOUR SCRIPT.

3) Turn the camera on and then regurgitate what you've just read from the script. And don't forgot to add some of your own "thoughtful" opinion into the script to make sure that you don't look like nothing more than a defective automaton regurgitating from a script!

4) Then PAUSE your camera's recording! NEXT, QUICKLY MEMORIZE THE NEXT VERY SHORT SEGMENT OF YOUR SCRIPT!

5) Repeat Steps 3 to 4 as many times as possible UNTIL YOU COMPLETELY REGURGITATED ALL THE INFO OFF YOUR SCRIPT!

6)????

7) Ok NOW HAVE SOME FUN!

Now, hopefully you guys understand WHY SXEPHIL has a CHIMPANZEE AS HIS INTRO FOR HIS VIDEOS! Heck a chimpanzee with human vocal apparatus could probably do what sxephil does and just as well as him! Or maybe just a very "high functioning" aspie, but it is still very likely the first group could do what sxephil does too!


SxePhil Is A Very DEDIKATED HARD WOORKER!

Of course the typical sxephil fan EVEN IF THEY CAN SOMEHOW EXCEPT ALL THE ABOVE TRUTH WITH RAGE-QUITTING IN EXTREME BUTTHURT, could still say that SXEPHIL HAS A LOT OF DEDICATION TO HIS FANS SINCE HIS VIDEOS OBVIOUSLY TAKE A LONG, LONG TIME TO MAKE! It TAKES SO MANY BACK-BREAKING, ARDUOUS, HOURS to make just a few minutes of a sxephil video due to the nauseating about of jumpcuts (it is only logical that watching anything with so many jumpcuts might make you want to vomit!)!

Well, it may be true that such a completely untalented, heavily-edited, and heavily-scripted video making process is VERY TIME CONSUMING, it STILL doesn't prove THAT sxephil HAS a lot of dedication either! Heck all this “hard work” , believe it or not, IS HIS WELL-PAYING JOB THAT PAYS HIM much MORE THAN WELL OVER 9000 PERCENT OF THE AVERAGE AMERICAN POPULATION! So of course, HE IS GOING TO HAVE A LOT OF TIME FOR EDITING HIS VIDEOS just like the asspie, no-life, basement dwelling, unemployed losers writing this article about him! Actually, here’s another big shocker….despite the fact that sxephil has SO MUCH SPARE TIME ON HIS HANDS FOR EDITING HIS OWN VIDEOS, he is of course too lazy to do that himself. So he has to get somebody else to do all the “dirty, tedious work” for him aka the any-idiot-can-do-editing !

Yep as a conclusion that pretty much proves to the entire world how talented and dedicated sxephil REALLY is!

See Also

External Links

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