Tales of Symphonia

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Tales of Symphonia is a shitty, overrated J-RPG made by Namco and released for the Gamecube in 2004 (2003 in Japan). The game was also re-released for the PS2 shortly after because Namco was butthurt about how little it sold and wanted to make more money. By the way, if you can guess what a "symphonia" is or what bearing it has on the plot of this game, please inform someone immediately, because the rest of us have no fucking idea.

It should be noted that Tales of Symphonia is part of the Tales series, which consists of at least a dozen titles released for just about every gaming system of the last few generations. This is because Namco are huge money-whores who don't care much about their fans. Symphonia, along with most other Tales games, is subject to huge whore-marketing. For example, Symphonia alone has seven manga adaptions, two novel adaptions, four strategy guides, a character book, an official scenario book, an art book, seven drama CDs, a shitty 11-episode OVA series, and a crappy sequel (see below). The sequel and original game are also going to be re-released in HD for the PS3 (in both English and Japanese). Notably, Symphonia was the third Tales game to be released in English (the fifth in Japan), but no one gave a shit about the other ones because they weren't 3D and such.

Gameplay[edit]

OR IS IT?
Genis don't gotta explain shit!

Tales of Symphonia is an action-RPG, which means you get to run around and do shit in battles instead of taking turns hitting each other like in turn-based RPGs. This would be cool, but the battle system in Symphonia is utter shit. Even though the battle plain looks 3D, it's actually just a bunch of 2D graphics trying to trick you (kind of like the average 3D movie). The AI, which controls any characters the player isn't, is also retarded. AI-controlled allies frequently rush straight into attacks that will kill them, and mages make sure to place themselves right next to an enemy as they cast so they can be interrupted mid-spell as much as possible. The game also frequently screws the player out of building up combos because it's too stupid to keep track of high numbers. Also, when you reach a high enough level to learn a new attack, rather than just learning it like in most decent RPGs, you have to use a crappier version of the attack over 9000 times before you can unlock the new one. The game can also be broken incredibly easily because you can switch armor, accessories and controllable characters mid-battle. Then there's the fact that most major boss fights are 4-on-1, so your party can just unfairly rush the bad guys until they die. There are also two different ways you can set your characters' attacks to by way of Ex Skillz: Strike and Tech. Neither method will get you all of the character's available attacks, as each path has different skills. Sorry, completionists. You can exploit a glitch to get both though.

The gameplay outside of battle is even shittier. In the standard RPG-fashion, you go into dungeons and solve easy puzzles to make yourself feel smart, save worthless townspeople and do stupid sidequests/farm Grade to make your party even more OP than it needs to be. Once you beat the game once, the New Game Plus ensures that you'll never have to be challenged again. Just set all your mages' EX-Skillz to "Concentrate" and watch as your party proceeds to pwn every enemy on your next playthrough. As an added bonus, if you get bored of actually playing the game (which is pretty likely), you can view "skits," which consist of your party members bitching at each other and wondering if what they're doing is right. In the original Japanese version, these scenes were voiced, but in the English version, they're silent in order to keep with the "boring" theme the rest of the game is going for.

Story[edit]

Most of the traitors in Symphonia. Are we noticing a theme here?
Mithos reveals his true intentions
WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS, I DON'T EVEN

Thousands of years ago, four heroes (one human and three half-elves) went on a quest to try to end racism. Then one of the half-elves got killed by a human who pretended to be their friend. The dead half-elf's brother got butthurt about this and split the world into two with a magical sword to "save" it. The two separate worlds became known as Sylvarant and Tethe'alla, and each mostly forgot about the other's presence. After that, the butthurt half-elf set up this flawless system where each of the two worlds has to constantly compete for the little life source ("Mana") left in the universe, bringing their own world to prosperity while fucking over the other one. The winning world would get to live peacefully, but the losing world would be plagued with famine and evil half-elves called Desians who enslave everyone and turn them into these weird things called Exspheres. In order to reverse the process (IE, make the other world have to put up with the famine and half-elves), a random person no one gives a fuck about, known as a "Chosen," would have to set out on a journey of regeneration, breaking seals on temples or some shit. If they failed, their world would have to keep suffering until they found another person to sacrifice. If they succeeded, they would apparently die and get reborn as an angel.

At the beginning of the game, which is set in the shitty, dying world, typical J-RPG orphan Lloyd Irving and his gay friend Genis Sage go on the world regeneration quest with his retarded slut of a friend Colette Brunel and her guardians Raine Sage, Genis's bitchy but hot sister, and Kratos Aurion, a double-agent working for the main bad guy and Lloyd's real father a mysterious mercenary. Colette is the newest Chosen, which means she's supposed to die to save the world. Of course, Lloyd and Genis don't find this out until right before she's about to do it. Along the way, Lloyd and his companions have to exercise border-patrol by killing Desians, fight low-leveled monsters in easily-penetrable temples (leading to the rather obvious question of why so many people fail such an easy quest) and do other RPG-stuff. They're also joined by this assassin from the prospering world, Sheena Fujibayashi, who wants to kill Colette so her world won't have to put up with half-elves. Of course, she eventually becomes friends with the party, just like every other "anti-hero" in every J-RPG ever.

Then Kratos betrays them (he's a ginger, after all), Colette becomes an empty vessel (which doesn't make much difference because she had no personality to begin with), and Lloyd and the others get pwned by the butthurt half-elf, Mithos Yggdrasill. Unfortunately, the game doesn't end after this. Instead, the heroes are saved by this organization opposing the Desians, the Renegades (which are also made up of half-elves, but "good" half-elves). Then Lloyd and his friends save Colette and go around fighting these monsters called summon spirits in order to save this dying tree that provides all the world's Mana or some shit. They're also joined by a faggot-in-denial called Zelos Wilder, a loli called Presea Combatir and a fugitive called Regal Bryant. And yes, these names are all very stupid.

Eventually, an "innocent" half-elf called Mithos befriends Lloyd and the others. Because they're all idiots, they don't stop to consider that the half-elf who looks just like Yggdrasill might actually be Yggdrasill. Then Mithos reveals himself to be Yggdrasill. OMG! But before that, Lloyd and the others "accidentally" destroy a village and kill thousands of people when they release the final seal, which is arguably the only cool thing they do throughout the game (although they do blow up several fortresses as well, which is also pretty cool). Then Zelos betrays them (depending on the ending you choose, you can either make up with him or kill him), and they confront Yggdrasill. Yggdrasill's goal all along was to use a compatible Chosen to become a vessel for his dead sister, then remake the entire world's population with mindless, soulless zombies. This would apparently end racism towards half-elves (although one could argue that half-elves not acting like complete assholes would be an effective method too). Lloyd and his friends call Yggdrasill out on his bullshit, kill him and reunite the two worlds with the magic sword, Martel gets reincarnated by stealing some worthless robot's body, the magic tree grows again, and everyone lives happily ever after. Until the sequel. Then, many thousands of years later, this happens:

Should've just let them all die in Symphonia.

Characters[edit]

The faggy cast from Symphonia (except Kratos, but no one cares about him)
Kirby edition!

Lloyd Irving[edit]

The game's main protagonist and a fucking retard, like all J-RPG heroes. He's an idealist and wants to build a world where everyone can be "equal." He doesn't believe in sacrifice (except where it benefits him), but he kills endless Desian underlings without any remorse or hesitation whatsoever. Admittedly they're half-elves and aren't people, but Lloyd seems to think they are, so he's a murderer. Other than that, even though he's not a silent protagonist, Lloyd has about as much personality as a dishwasher. Just about the only thing he does with any traces of win throughout the whole game is troll Colette with a cup of coffee. Or, it would've been win, if the fucking cunts of the internet hadn't milked and abused the fuck out of it until it became unfunny. He's decent in battle with all his sword attacks, but Kratos and Zelos are better because they can use magic and heal themselves.

Colette Brunel[edit]

Known as Collet Brunel in the original Japanese version. She's Lloyd's friend and the Chosen of Sylvarant. She was likely chosen as this sacrifice because she has no redeeming characteristics whatsoever, so everyone wanted to get rid of her. She's even stupider than Lloyd, and she makes Bella from Twishite's Mary Sue-ness look tame. An incomplete list of her Sue-ness: She has no emphasized flaws outside of her "clumsiness" and "cute" naivity, she constantly jumps in front of loved ones and random people to take hits for them, bad shit always happens to her and the entire cast has to drop everything to figure out how to help her, she can read an ancient angel language no one else understands, her Mystic Arte is literally triggered when she fucks up one of her standard ones, she's adopted, her tripping over almost always has beneficial effects like stunning an enemy or disabling a complex computer system, she gets a ton of epic Angel skillz like super-hearing and flight that, while they do cost her things initially (such as her ability to taste and feel), she eventually gets to keep without any sacrifices whatsoever. Oh, and everyone just loves her, even the bad guys. Because she's so damn likeable. She's utter shit in battle except against Dark elemental enemies, although her Hammer attacks do make for good trolling.

Genis Sage[edit]

Known as Genius Sage in the original Japanese version. He's Lloyd's stupid BFF and possibly the most unlikeable character in the game, which is a huge accomplishment. He's a complete smart-ass and always makes fun of his friends in order to cover up his own insecurities. He's also racist towards humans, even though he's constantly complaining about how racist humans are towards half-elves. Double standards much, Genis? It's easier for him to think people hate him because he's a half-elf, as opposed to just hating him because he's a whiny, snarky, nerdy pussy. Despite this, he's easily the best black mage in the game, as long as he can't be interrupted while spell-casting since the dumb fuck always seems to put himself in harm's way whenever possible.

Raine Sage[edit]

Known as Refill Sage in the original Japanese version. A complete bitch who's always smacking her students and younger brother around. She also gets wet every time she sees ruins. Apparently this is because her mother abandoned her outside some ruins, so Raine has been fascinated by ruins ever since. Despite her bitchiness, Raine is one of the less insufferable characters in the game, if only because she calls out people's stupidity most of the time. Battle-wise, if you use Raine for anything other than healing or stat-boosting, you're a fucking retard. If you set her to Strike instead of Tech, you're also a fucking retard.

Kratos Aurion[edit]

One of the four heroes of legend, along with Mithos Yggdrasill, his sister and Yuan. He's also Lloyd's father, a ginger and thousands of years old. Kratos was the only human among the group of heroes, with the other three being half-elves. This shows that Kratos was either incredibly tolerant or just had a terrible judge of character. I mean, seriously, being friends with three half-elves? Kratos is also part-angel because he injected steroids or something into his blood for massive damage. He joined Yggdrasill in trolling the two worlds, most likely for the lulz, but changed his mind when he met a hot girl who was one of the test subjects in the Exsphere project. Then he had a kid with her (Lloyd), and they tried to live peacefully. Unfortunately, this didn't work out too well, and Lloyd's mom ended up dying while Kratos thought Lloyd was dead too. Heartbroken, Kratos went back to Yggdrasill to help him kill and torture more people. Because. Years later, he found out Lloyd was still alive and began trolling Yggdrasill in order to save the world. He leaves your party in the first quarter or so of the game, but you can get him back later if you kill Zelos. Kratos betrays the party about 9002 times throughout the game, but eventually it's revealed he's actually a good guy. Then he leaves the planet on a meteorite or something in order to avoid having to raise Lloyd or pay him child support. In battle, he makes a pretty decent fighter because he can do sword-shit, decent spells and heal himself. He can also learn the incredibly inaccurate and shitty angel skill "Judgement" if the player gets him back after he leaves the first time.

Sheena Fujibayashi[edit]

Known as Shihna Fujibayashi (you don't call her "Fujibayashi Shihna" unless you're actually speaking Japanese, you fucking weeaboos) in the original Japanese version. She's a ninja (as demonstrated by the fact that she's practically the only character in a Japanese game to have a Japanese name). She's also apparently the ancestor of a boring and pointless character from the first game, but no one cares about that. At first she's trying to kill Colette, but then she suffers from troll's remorse and joins the party instead. Before the main plot, she got several people in her village killed when she fucked up a pact with some asshole thunder god, so extra credit for that at least. She can also make pacts with summon spirits, which is the only way she's ever any use in battle (too bad she can only summon shit when she's in overlimit). When she's not summoning shit, she's throwing Chinese cards at her enemies and other useless crap like that. Don't use her unless the game forces you to.

Zelos Wilder[edit]

Also known as Kratos 2: Electric Boogaloo, and a ginger as well. When Kratos betrays you, you get this guy soon after. He's a complete slut, since he flirts with every girl he sees, including young girls. He's actually Tethe'alla's Chosen, but no one cares about that because the Chosens in Tethe'alla do fuck all. As such, he's kind of an over-entitled, whiny brat with a bunch of money he doesn't deserve. But he has some depth because, when he was a kid, his parents didn't love him, and his dad cheated on his mom with a half-elf, which shows the low standards his family had. Then his dad's half-elf fuck-buddy tried to kill Zelos so her illegitimate fail of a daughter could become the next Chosen instead. But Zelos's mother was killed instead, and just before she died, she told him he should never have been born. According to Zelos, this is why he's such a dick all the time, but it's more likely he was just born a dick. If the color of his hair didn't tip you off, Zelos eventually betrays you. After this, you can either choose to forgive him and let him back into your party, or you can kill him off and replace him with Kratos. To read about how Zelos fights, just see Kratos's section, minus the ability to use Judgement unless you're actually fighting him or playing the PS2 version.

Presea Combatir[edit]

An emotionless little bitch with no personality whatsoever. She looks 12, but she's really 28 (so it's okay to fap to her, pedos). She was equipped with a super-powerful Exsphere which made her super-strong but also made her stop ageing and a robot. Again, basically like Bella from Twilight. She eventually gets restored to her former self, although she's still super-strong. Aside from Colette, she's probably the least interesting playable character in the game. Unlike Colette, she is at least some use in battle, since she has very high attack and defense, which allows her to both stall and smash the fuck out of her enemies. She's a fan-favorite in solo Mania runs of the game. Her young appearance probably has something to do with that as well though.

Regal Bryant[edit]

A CEO of a big company who dated Presea's little sister, Alicia (she was totally legal, don't worry), then killed her when her Exsphere made her into a monster. Regal then handed himself in for the crime, even though he killed the bitch in self-defense and had nothing to do with her transformation. Later, he agrees to kill Colette if the Pope will arrest the fat fuck who built Alicia's Exsphere. Of course, he eventually ends up joining the Chosen instead. He doesn't have much personality outside of never STFU'ing about how he lives in sin and regret and other emo shit. He also wears handcuffs all the time to signify that he will never use his hands again. One has to wonder how he wipes his ass like that, but whatevs. In battle, he's one of the suckiest fighters ever, since his combos are really hard to pull off, and they drain TP like no one's business.

The four heroes of legend

Noishe[edit]

Holy SHIT, this thing redefines worthless pets in stories like nothing else! He even had the potential to be an awesome animal who does cool shit, but instead he just tags along with Lloyd and proceeds to be of no use to anyone ever. Or, he does ward off Corrine a few times, but Corrine is also useless to the plot, so no one cares. Seriously, Noishe is utterly useless. He can't be used in battle, he hardly ever interacts with any of the other characters, and the game just seems to forget about him after the first few hours. Fuck, what a waste of programming this miserable failure of a dog is. If you want to see Noishe done right, play Tales of Vesperia.

Corrine[edit]

Only slightly less useless to the plot than Noishe. He's an artificial furry creature-thing that followers Sheena around. Kind of like a Pokémon, but it talks. So a Digimon. Sheena can summon him in battle, but he does fuck-all there. He also does fuck-all in the plot, aside from sacrificing himself for Sheena when Volt tries to kill her. OMG, drama! Then he gets reborn as a heart god for some reason, and rather than rejoin Sheena now that he might be of some actual use, just stays in one spot for the rest of the game.

Mithos Yggdrasill[edit]

The main villain of the game. One of Symphonia's best "twists" is that one of the heroes of legend, Genis's pussy half-elf butt-buddy and the main bad guy are all the same person. Of course, this ceases to be a twist when you consider that Mithos is a campy half-elf with long, blond hair who appears out of nowhere to "befriend" the party while Yggdrasill is a campy half-elf with long, blond hair who is out of action for most of the game. He's also thousands of years old, not because he's a half-elf but because he fucked around with his own DNA so he could go on trolling indefinitely. The Tales series is supposed to be known for its "deep" and "sympathetic" villains, but unfortunately Yggdrasill is about as sympathetic as the average teen school-shooter. Because people were racist towards him and his fucked up race, and because some random douche killed his sister, this means the entire world deserves to be trolled for a few thousand years, then finally destroyed and its population replaced with zombies. Makes sense, right? Yggdrasill also wonders why he doesn't have any friends, when if he stopped for one minute to consider how he treats his supposed friends/followers, the reason would become pretty damn obvious, even for a retard like him. The upside, Lloyd and the others kill him. The downside, this doesn't happen until the very end of the game. After you beat him for the first time, he transforms into a submarine for some reason. Unfortunately for him, his submarine form is much weaker than his first form. Great strategy there, genius.

Martel Yggdrasill[edit]

One of the four "great" heroes who "saved" Symphonia's world and Mithos Yggdrasill's sister. She got killed long before the events of the game's main story. She hung around with three guys for a while, then some traitor killed her for some reason. But she was a half-elf, so it was no real loss. After this, she got known as a goddess, and everyone worshiped her. Throughout the game, Yggdrasill is continually trying to resurrect his sister by finding her a vessel, which is the whole reason he made the system of Chosens. When Yggdrasill finally manages to bring her back, she tells him to fuck off and leaves again, causing Yggdrasill to throw a hissy fit. When Yggdrasill dies, Martel possesses some robot bitch called Tabatha, which obviously proves she wanted to be resurrected but didn't want to be near her faggy brother. This is understandable, because Yggdrasill is easily the most whiny bitch in the entire game. With the robot's body, Martel becomes a goddess for realz and plays a somewhat larger role in Tales of Phantasia.

Yuan Ka-Fai[edit]

The last hero of legend. Like Yggdrasill, he's also a half-elf and thousands of years old. He was Martel's fiance, but their wedding had to be put on hold due to a sudden case of death on Martel's part. Like Kratos, Yuan enjoys trolling Yggdrasill by pretending to be on his side when he really isn't. He even secretly runs a group dedicated to taking down the bad guys. He does this because he doesn't want Martel back, since he doesn't want to have to pay the bitch alimony. It's never stated in the game, but that's clearly the reason. That or it's because Yuan is secretly gay (this is shown extensively in fanfiction, so it's obviously true). He'd be a pretty cool character despite all this, if not for the fact that he gets the shit kicked out of him by Yggdrasill near the end of the game. If he can get his ass handed to him by that pussy, he's truly a failure at life. As a note, Yuan also participates in one of the trolliest fights in the game, wherein he and Botta ass-rape your team into submission until you're either forced to set all your mages to be uninterruptable while casting spells or ditch them altogether.

Desians[edit]

Desians are douchy half-elves who work for Yggdrasill's organization, Cruxis. Characters often confuse them for Renegades, a secret organization opposed to Cruxis, because it's also made up of half-elves and all half-elves look the same. There are five idiots known as the Desian Grand Cardinals who have huge ego problems because they think being a half-elf is actually something to be proud about. Let's see...

  • Kvar A nerdy scientist who does nothing but fail for most of the game. He fails to take Lloyd's mother's Exsphere, he fails to kill Kratos, he fails to kill Lloyd and the rest of the party (several times). He fails at everything, much like the typical gamer. Coincidence? Lloyd and Kratos kill him.
  • Forcystus Supposedly a great hero because he killed some humans who were persecuting half-elves (the idea of simply talking things through is apparently a foreign concept to this race). He's probably meant to be a sympathetic villain, but he has as much personality as the rest of the villains in this game. He's also a pussy because he made a non-aggression treaty with a nearby village. Lloyd kills him.
  • Pronyma The leader of the Desian Grand Cardinals and the only girl. Feminism at its finest, people. She doesn't have her own human ranch, nor does she do much outside of occasionally getting her ass kicked by the party and being forced to make them sandwiches. She's really not that important or interesting (much like all the villains in this game, in fact). Yggdrasill kills her when he gets angry at her for daring to call him by his first name. What a caring, three-dimensional villain.

Botta[edit]

Yuan's trusted butt-buddy second-in-command. He's British for some reason. At one point, he and Yuan gang-bang your party in a totally balanced 2-on-4 match. Good luck winning that fight using mages without Concentrate. Late into the story, he an heroes by locking himself and his two subordinates in a flooding room to "save" Lloyd and his party, despite there being no real need to. Of course, the main characters just stand by and let them drown because no one really gives a fuck about them.

Remiel[edit]

Some angel faggot who trolls the party into thinking he's Colette's real father, but it turns out he's really a double-agent who works for Yggdrasill. After Lloyd and the rest of the party hand his ass to him, he begs Kratos for help. Kratos just lets him die though. And nothing of value was lost.

The Pope[edit]

The leader of the Church of Martel in Tethe'alla. He's offended because he has a half-elf daughter, which freaks him out because she never ages. And no, the idea that fucking an elf without protection might lead to him being the father of a half-elf never crossed this retard's mind. Truly, he has the wisdom needed to lead a church. He makes lots of anti-half-elf laws and seems like he'll be a pretty important villain. Then he's forgotten about later in the game and poses no threat at all until Zelos has him kicked out of office. Why was this character in the game again?

Remiel takes good care of Colette
Lloyd and his adoptive father share a moment

Kuchinawa[edit]

Sheena's childhood friend. At first he seems like a good guy, but then it turns out he's a bad guy. He's butthurt at Sheena because her stupidity got a bunch of people in their village, including his parents, killed. He's also butthurt at her for abandoning her mission to kill Sylvarant's Chosen and potentially dooming his world. Actually, he has better reasons to be butthurt than the majority of the villains in this game. Of course, unlike Yggdrasill, Kuchinawa isn't ever purposely portrayed as a sympathetic villain. Wanting to destroy the whole world because everyone is racist is totally more justified than wanting revenge on some idiot who got your parents killed and almost doomed your entire world. Totally. He eventually challenges Sheena to a duel, and when he loses, attempts to kill himself. But Sheena stops him, and he leaves to go fuck a monkey or something.

Abyssion[edit]

Some sickly faggot who tells the party to collect these powerful Devil's Arms weponz so he won't die. These weapons can effectively break the game if you kill enough monsters to raise their attack to the high thousands. When he gets the weapons, he betrays the party and transforms into this demon thing. It should be noted that when he does this, he gets red hair, thus keeping with Symphonia's accurate theme of all traitors being gingers (as well as the fact that all gingers are demons). He's supposedly the hardest boss in the game, which really just means he's fucking cheap (especially in the PS2 version).

Dirk[edit]

Lloyd's dwarf adoptive father who took Lloyd in when he found him with his dying mother. Lloyd's real father, Kratos, didn't care enough to see if his wife and kid were still alive. Note that Dirk is called Dike in the Japanese version, which raises some interesting questions. It might have something to do with the fact that he speaks with a Scottish/Irish (same thing) accent. He's also apparently good at crafting treasure and such, and he taught Lloyd how to do this as well for some reason (IE, plot convenience).

Altessa[edit]

Another dwarf who can customize cool shit for you, but can't do it until right at the end of the game. Presea hates him because he almost raped her with an Exsphere or some shit. But then he saves her life later and she forgives him, OMG drama. For some reason, your characters decide to save him when this happens, even though it means paying a big-ass doctor's bill because Tethe'alla doesn't have a decent healthcare system.

Tabatha[edit]

A pleasure robot Altessa made for himself because he was lonely. Apparently she looks like Martel, which pisses Yggdrasill off. She also might be Indian, since she teaches the party how to make curry at one point, and only Indians know how to make curry. Near the end of the game, Yggdrasill tries to kill her but fails because he sucks at everything he does. Then Martel possesses Tabatha and uses her as a vessel to be reborn (and yes, we know how hilariously subjective that sounds).

Seles Wilder[edit]

Zelos' half-elf (technically quarter-elf) younger half-sister. Her mother tried to kill Zelos so Seles could become the next Chosen, but she failed at this because half-elves can't do anything right. Then Seles's mother got executed and Seles was placed under house arrest for the rest of her life. Guilt by association FTW. Like most of the characters in this fucking game, Seles is mostly pointless to the plot, but she can be fought in the arena and is fucking OP there. Although, that might just be because you actually have to fight her in a fair 1-on-1 match, unlike the majority of the battles in the game.

Pairings[edit]

Lloyd, Colette and Genis show their friendliness
Lloyd and Colette's standard greeting
OMG, THEY'RE HUGGING! IT MUST BE LOVE!

No Japanese media would be complete without its share of stupid, pointless pairings that are 1% evidence and 99% fandom invention. Skip this section if you want to keep your sanity.

Lloyd/Colette[edit]

Because they're both so stupid, they deserve each other. Colette does clearly worship the ground Lloyd walks on, since she has no personality of her own, and she starts out with a higher affection level for Lloyd than any other character in the game. Lloyd rarely shows interest in her outside of friendship though. This pairing doesn't have too many fans, since it's too canon and non-slashy for the average fan.

Lloyd/Sheena[edit]

Because Sheena does eventually develop an obvious crush on Lloyd, especially in the sequel and if you max out her affection for Lloyd. Lloyd ignores Sheena about as much as he does Colette though, so it'll probably never happen. Although unlike Colette, Sheena is slightly older than Lloyd, which may increase her chances, since Lloyd has a thing for older girls. Fangirls seem to gravitate more towards this pairing than Lloyd/Colette, but that's probably just because Sheena isn't as suicide-inducing of a character as Colette.

Lloyd/Raine[edit]

Because Lloyd admits in the sequel that he finds older women, including Raine, sexy. Raine can show urges to fuck Lloyd if you max out her affection for him and follow her storyline, but this can be said for just about every playable character in that game.

Lloyd/Presea[edit]

Because just about every other Lloyd/someone pairing is listed here, so this one might as well be too. Lloyd frequently cockblocks Genis when he tries to get in Presea's pants, but this is more because he's too stupid to realize what is going on than because he's jealous or trolling. The two can show some interest in each other, particularly if Presea's storyline is pursued, but it's arguable that this is anything beyond friendship. It's possible that Lloyd would show more interest in Presea if he realized she was really 28 and not a loli, but that remains to be seen. Also, if Presea actually has feelings for Lloyd, that technically makes her a cougar.

Lloyd/Genis[edit]

Because Genis says he loves Lloyd in the sequel, and the two are best friends. Of course, the idea that Genis just meant he loves Lloyd platonically, or that two guys can be friends without wanting to fuck each other, fails to occur to the average fangirl of this pairing. Also, Lloyd is 17 and Genis is 12, so... yeah.

Lloyd/Zelos[edit]

Because Zelos calls Lloyd his best friend and often hides behind him like a pussy. "Hot" subtext does admittedly occur between them a bit, especially if you pursue the Zelos-storyline, but the fact that Zelos clearly wants to fuck every girl he meets (including Presea) kind of goes against that. Of course, one could argue that Zelos just flirts with every girl he sees to hide his gayness, which is fair, but that would also imply that the creators of Symphonia actually put more than two seconds of thought into their characters, which is unlikely.

Lloyd/Kratos[edit]

Because... internet. Incest is hot, I guess? Maybe fangirls playing Symphonia for the first time thought Lloyd and Kratos made a hot pairing and didn't get to the "twist" about Kratos being Lloyd's father until they'd written a few hundred pages of slashfiction between them and fapped to them several times. And hell, if Wincest is acceptable, this might as well be too! Because in-game evidence clearly suggests that these two want to tap each other.

Colette/Zelos[edit]

Because they're both Chosens, and Zelos flirts with her endlessly. Sure, he flirts with all girls, but at one point he outright tells Colette he'll fuck her if she comes to his room later that night. He claims he was joking, but still. There's not much basis for this pairing (like most pairings in general), especially since Colette is too busy pining after Lloyd's cock to even notice Zelos.

Colette/Sheena[edit]

Because Sheena starts out wanting to kill Colette, but then she becomes her friend because Colette is a Mary Sue who befriends everyone. She frequently shows concern for her after this, worrying for her safety and whatnot. And as we all know, any time a girl shows concern or friendship towards another girl, it's automatically a canon femslash pairing.

Colette/Genis[edit]

Because they're both in Lloyd's circle of friends and both think the sun shines out of his ass because they're too stupid to find a decent role model. They're also both very stupid and cowardly, so they'd probably make a good match as long as they didn't breed. Genis also bakes Colette cookies for her birthday, which combined with his long hair, girly voice and wimpy attitude, leads to some interesting implications.

Genis/Presea[edit]

Because Genis clearly wants to fuck Presea. Unfortunately for him, Presea doesn't seem interested, and Lloyd is always cockblocking him anyway. Of course, if Presea did ever get together with Genis, she'd be a pedophile because she is really 28. Also, Genis really only likes Presea because he thinks she's pretty, not because he knows anything about her personality and interests. Once he realizes what a bitch she is, he's less fond of her (but still wants to fuck her).

Genis/Raine[edit]

Because Genis is 12, Raine is 23, and they're brother and sister. Seriously, it's hot shit. "Proof" for this pairing includes Raine smacking Genis around constantly, the two sharing a tiny house alone together, Raine having raised Genis all his life, and the internet being a terrible place that should be destroyed. Seriously, if you support this pairing, you're a sick fuck and should kill yourself. Now.

Raine/Kratos[edit]

Because they're both the most cynical assholes in the party. Choices that offend other members of the party frequently make these two happy. Both are calm and probably the most experienced fighters in the group, and neither smile very often. They're also the only two in the initial party besides Colette who know Colette will die when she becomes an angel. They rarely show any interest in each other, but this is consistent with the fact that they're both assholes. If anything, they'd make a good pair just so other people wouldn't have to deal with their shit.

Raine/Regal[edit]

Because they're both polite and mature, have very similar names in the Japanese version and there actually is some evidence for the pairing in the sequel. But since no one cares about the sequel (or Regal, for that matter), this pairing is only noted by the biggest no-life Tales fans (such as the writer of this article).

Raine/Sheena[edit]

Because they're both hot girls who have one or two lines of interaction throughout the whole game, including a scene where they get incredibly snappy with each other. That right there is enough fuel for at least 100 shitty fanfics.

Kratos/Zelos[edit]

Because Zelos is a rip-off of Kratos, and if you pursue Zelos's storyline, he'll bitch endlessly about what a bad father he thinks Kratos is. They're also both fangirl favorites, so it's only natural they'd be paired together, even though all canon evidence suggests that Zelos hates Kratos and Kratos doesn't give two shits about Zelos.

Sheena/Zelos[edit]

Because they're both the biggest assholes in the party and probably the only two characters with any trace of personality in the game. Actually somewhat plausible, as far as pairings go. Zelos flirts with Sheena like he does all girls, Sheena has a fairly short fuse in dealing with his shit, frequently physically assaults him, and the two actually do show some concern for each other throughout the game, even helping the other out occasionally. Also, if you pursue the storyline where Zelos dies, Sheena is one of the few characters to give even a slight shit.

Sheena/Corrine[edit]

Mainly listed here because Corrine is the perfect size to use as a sex toy, and no real person would ever want to fuck Sheena. Sheena is also very sad when Corrine sacrifices himself for her, even though it'd be just as possible to use his corpse as a sex toy. Way to overreact, Sheena.

Zelos/Regal[edit]

Because Regal steps on Zelos's head at some point and threatens to kill him if the party fucks with him. And... Yeah, that's it. Lesser things have led to slashfiction and doujinshi. Most of the material involving Zelos and Regal tends to be of the bondage variety. Avoid like the fucking plague.

Presea/Regal[edit]

Because Regal was tapping Presea's little sister, and then he killed her. So naturally, since Presea loved her little sister more than anything, she'd love to get with her killer. There's also the small issue of Presea having the body of a 12 year-old while Regal is 33, so make of that what you will. Why anyone bothered to note this pairing is anyone's guess, since when they're together all that happens is Presea bitches at Regal for killing her sister, and Regal acts like a whiny emo about it, even though it was a mercy-killing and self-defense.

Mithos/Genis[edit]

Because Mithos and Genis become friends when Mithos goes undercover to fool the party into thinking he's good. Also, Genis is twelve and Mithos looks twelve, and if there was one thing this series was missing, it was loli-pairs. Mithos and Genis like each other because they're both half-elves and easily prone to butthurt. Mithos is especially butthurt when Genis "betrays" him by refusing to join him in his world-trolling. In the end though, Genis chooses Lloyd over Mithos.

Mithos/Martel[edit]

Again, because incest is hot. Plus, Mithos and Martel both look like kids, so it's incest and pedophilia rolled into one neat package. Fun! Anyway, since Mithos cares so much about his sister, the only explanation can be that they secretly fucked every night (possibly with Kratos and Yuan joining them) before Martel was killed. Ah, the internet is a terrible place.

Mithos/Kratos[edit]

Because Kratos and Mithos used to be friends, and then Kratos pretends to continue to be Mithos's friend even though he's against him. Also, Mithos injected a bunch of steroids into Kratos to make him immortal, so there's that. Kratos likely would've gone on trolling happily with Mithos if he hadn't found a hot human to marry. It was only when it affected him negatively that he didn't find it fun anymore. Regardless, if you like the idea of a 4000 year-old who looks like he's twelve fucking a 4000 year-old who looks like he's 28, this pairing is for you!

Mithos/Yuan[edit]

Same reason as Mithos/Kratos. Also, because Mithos kicks the shit out of Yuan when he finds out he betrayed him, but spares his life because he knows his sister would be sad if he died. Also, why is Mithos permanently young but not Yuan, even though they're the same race? It does at least mean there are fewer lolis to put into creepy pairings, but it really makes no sense. Oh, wait - this is a J-RPG. Never mind.

Presea bonds with her sister
Even Lloyd finds this faggotry fucked up

Mithos/Pronyma[edit]

Because Pronyma works for Mithos and worships the ground he walks on like a retard. With a role model like him, no wonder Pronyma turned into such a bitch. Actually somewhat plausible, as far as pairings go, although only on Pronyma's side. Mithos is too busy acting emo over his sister to pay attention to whether or not his underlings want to bone him, and it all sort of falls apart when Mithos kills Pronyma for daring to call him by his first name. A shame, really.

Martel/Yuan[edit]

Because Yuan and Martel were engaged, and Yuan acts butthurt over her death all the time. Actually a canon pairing, although not slash, so of course it's not very popular. It's worth noting that, unlike Mithos, Yuan was able to get over Martel's death and avoid the temptation to resurrect her. One could argue that he just did this because he didn't want her to find out his secret, but it does at least make Yuan cooler than Mithos... Not that that's a hard thing to accomplish.

Martel/Tabatha[edit]

Because they're both girls, and that's hot. Also, Martel hugs Tabatha near the end of the game before stealing her body. Because they were compatible. Not a lot of basis for a pairing, but since when do pairings ever have a basis?

Yuan/Kratos[edit]

Because they're both hot, they used to be friends and later renew their friendship, they're hot, they're both arrogant assholes, they're hot, they both enjoy trolling Yggdrasill... Did I mention they're hot? Then there's the scene where Yuan gives Kratos some of his mana. They also have a heartfelt talk and goodbye in the sequel. But yeah, there really isn't much basis for this pairing outside of the fact that girls find them hot. On the plus side, Yuan/Kratos fangirls are extremely fun to troll. Simply find a shitty fanfic of them, contact the author, point out that both Yuan and Kratos had wives they were extremely devoted to, and sit back and enjoy the lulz.

Yuan/Botta[edit]

Because Botta works for Yuan, often shows concern for him and talks about him extensively just before killing himself, which obviously means he's in love with him. Of course, the fact that Yuan shows fuck-all interest in him and gives no shits when he finds out he's dead (not to mention his engagement to Martel) kind of puts a hole in the pairing, but that's never stopped slashfiction from being written before! The good news is that this pairing can create potential lulz if you mention it around Yuan/Kratos or Yuan/Martel fans.

Kuchinawa/Sheena[edit]

Because Sheena got Kuchinawa's parents killed, and Kuchinawa is still a bit sore about it. He tries to beat Sheena several times in revenge, but he keeps failing. Eventually, he makes her battle him. If he wins, he rubs it in her face and runs off. If he loses, he tries to kill himself. Sheena shows pity for him in both these cases, and genuinely seems to regret losing him as a friend. The pairing is unlikely, but it is at least better than some of the other shit Tales fans make.

Fanbase[edit]

   
 
You're not gonna find drama like that in many other games, aside from the Tales series.
 

 
 

PrinceBoo21, Youtube

   
 
Dude i cant agree with you enough. this game and the world ends with you for ds is underated a ton!!! i have even asked people at my anime club at school and they dont even know about this game!!!!! For me this was the best rpg and third party game ever for a nintendo console. the story was amazing, graphics are breathtaking, combat is adrenalin pumping, and the game is a masterpiece. im now playing the sequel and its a pretty good game. Thanks man this game needs way more praise. :)
 

 
 

Cooper Saunders, Youtube

   
 
My favorite game on the gamecube. The hours i spend on this game cannot be compared to the hours i spend nowadays. Its not even worthed
 

 
 

—MisterVinuto, Youtube - IT'S NOT EVEN WORTHED

   
 
Best scene in the game. But the japanese version is much better.
 

 
 

TwilightWolf032, Youtube

   
 
SOMEONE DISLIKED THIS! Looks like SOMEONE needs a Tiger Blade in the face.
 

 
 

thoare4, Youtube

   
 
It's pretty easy to understand all the part with the coffee. I mean "Hotocoh(f)e" and "Aisucoh(f)e" is pretty easy to hear out.
 

 
 

—CatMuto, Youtube, can speak Japanese

   
 
This is a great series. It's, it is awesome. Underrated, overlooked by the... you know, by the RPG crowd.
 

 
 

—Darksnovia, Youtube

   
 
.....what? WHAT? WHAT?!!!! WHAAAAATTT?!!!! OMG I'M GONNA CRY THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER!!!!! T_T NOW I DON'T NEED TO BUY TWO COPIES AND OMG OMG I NEVER THOUGHT THE DAY WOULD COME SO SOON!!!!! Now I get to hear Nana Mizuki as Colette and maybe this means TOX2 will also have dual audio and omg I'm so happy right now... I think I just died and went to heaven...Oh man, this is unbelievable. They finally did it, finally! I might just buy two copies to support it! I love you, Baba-san. <3 THANK YOU!! I love you all; here, I'll give everyone a hug!
 

 
 

fireemblembeast, gematsu, upon finding out Tales of Symphonia Chronicles will be dual-audio

   
 
YESSSSS I *KNOW* KRATOS IS LLOYD'S *** Yes I'm into these kinda things! ughhh I've played the game, I know I know!!! Can't help it when I think they're so hawt together!
 

 
 

kurot, DeviantArt

   
 
Also you can find it on amazon, its like $127 dollars for a new copy but for used its around $40 dollars. I can't believe for a new copy its so expensive why is that?
 

 
 

—swordandshield, Tales Forum

   
 
The Tales Of Symphonia games are one in a fucking million. I've found a few other games that are pretty awesome over the years but I prefer games like this that are a little more involved like if you'd put a novel into the game console.
 

 
 

—cottoncandy12346789, Youtube

   
 
UGH!OKAY COLETTE IS A PREP!GENIS IS A GEEK BUT COLETTE IS THE CHOSEN AND GENIS IS THE GOOD KIND OF GEEK!OKAY SO WE CAN SHUT THE F**K UP NOW!....sorry...
 

 
 

WitchyBaniChanChii, Youtube

The only cool thing Yuan really does

If the shipping section didn't tip you off on how awful this game's fanbase is, this part should. When they're not busy over-analyzing every tiny thing about the damn game, they're whining about how underrated it is outside of Japan. Symphonia fans (or Tales fans in general) have a habit of posting Mania runs on Youtube, because OMG BEATING THE LEVEL 3 SWORD DANCER AT LEVEL 40 ON MANIA WITH NO BROKEN EX SKILLZ IS AMAZING, in order to get praise from fellow Tales fans. When given the chance, they'll also bitch about how the Japanese voice actors are OMG SO MUCH BETTER THAN THE ENGLISH ONES!!!1 Of course, most of them are too lazy/stupid to learn Japanese so they can play the Japanese games. Instead, they spend all their free time demanding no-dubs and dual-audios. Oh, and don't even get us started on the shippers. Please don't. Just don't ever search "Tales of Symphonia" on eBay or Amazon, unless you want to be accosted with yaoi, incest and loli doujinshi.



That's not the only thing they felt
What the original script actually said
Fanboy reviewing this garbage
A quote unquote rant
The game is filled with bugs

Sequel[edit]

Last Thursday, Namco released a shitty sequel to Symohonia, Tales of Symphonia: Electric Boogaloo Dawn of the New World. It was released on the Wii, so the chances that anyone will play it are pretty much zero. Just about every town and dungeon in the game is copy and pasted from the first game, but you also get to catch and control Pokémon and HOLY SHIT YOU CAN FREE FUN IN THIS GAME AND THEY REPLACED MOST OF THE VOICE ACTORS FOR THE ENGLISH VERSION!!!!!11one Also, instead of controlling Lloyd and his friends, you control some pussy called Emil Castagnier, who can change his ego to an aggressive, competent fighter when he gets pissed off, and a slut fangirl called Marta Lualdi. Emil is just a shittier version of Lloyd, and Marta is a shittier version of Colette and Raine. You can recruit the characters from the old game as well, but only at certain points in the game, and they can't level up. Also, since most of the bad guys from Symphonia are dead or converted, the antagonists of this game are some butthurt ginger trying to resurrect his dead boyfriend (whom Emil killed), Marta's dad, who's tissy because the Tethe'alla people don't like the Sylvarant people, and some half-elf slut and her admirer. It's about as exciting as it sounds.

Gallery[edit]

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

Tales of Symphonia: The Drinking Game[edit]

  • Take a shot every time someone says "regenerate the world" or "world regeneration"
  • Take a shot every time someone betrays the party
  • Take a shot every time a town is destroyed or partially destroyed
  • Take a shot every time Colette apologizes
  • Take a shot every time Colette trips or collapses
  • Take an extra shot if Colette's tripping has some beneficial effect, like incapacitating an enemy or disabling a lock
  • Take a shot every time Lloyd or Colette's stupidity makes you want to punch a baby
  • Take a shot every time Raine either threatens to or does physically assault Lloyd or Genis
  • Take a shot every time someone is smiling inappropriately during a cutscene
  • Take a shot every time Regal uses the words "crime," "sin" or "redemption"
  • Take a shot every time Sheena says "I ask that thou annulst thy pact with Mithos, and establish a new pact with me"
  • Take a shot every time Zelos hits on a woman or girl
  • Take a shot every time discimination is mentioned in relation to half-elves
  • If you're not using the Concentrate Ex Skill, take a shot every time one of your characters get interrupted while trying to cast in battle
  • Take a shot every time someone says "inferior beings" (including in-battle)
  • Take a shot every time it becomes obvious just how pointless Noishe is to the plot

The sequel![edit]

  • Take a shot every time you encounter a town or dungeon recycled directly from Tales of Symphonia (warning: Often fatal)
  • Take a shot every time someone says "Courage is the magic that turns dreams into reality" (warning: Always fatal)
  • Take a shot every time someone says "Centurion's core"
  • Take a shot every time Emil apologizes
  • Take a shot every time Ratotosk-Emil yells in battle "This is the final strike!"
  • Take a shot every time Emil expresses his hatred for Lloyd
  • Take an extra shot if someone defends Lloyd/berates Emil for hating him
  • Take a shot every time Marta implies she wants to fuck Emil
  • Take a shot every time Decus implies he wants to fuck Alice
  • Take a shot every time Alice is a complete bitch
  • Take a shot every time you feel like strangling Marta to death with a piano wire
  • Take a shot every time Sheena falls down a hole
  • Take a shot every time you're reminded of Pokémon

Links[edit]

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