Teenager

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All teenagers look like this. If they don't, they are most likely lying to you. Meet IRL to be sure.
What did they say about My Chemical Romance???
Blame it on the interwebz.

Teenager is the name used for the human adolescent, so named for the "teen" in their age (e.g. sixteen).

They are known to suffer from acne, fatness, puberty, angst, USI, self-loathing and wearing braces. You can spot a teenager, by their constant overuse of commas, and, the word "like", as well as their hypocrisy and acne.

When not wasting daylight on the Internets, they tend to frequent the local mall and masturbate during English class. They are generally considered to be the Uncyclopedia of the human race, as they are filled with fucking fail and, like 4chan, it would be a mistake to take them seriously.

On the internet, it is common for teenage boys to lie about their age to make them seem more mature. If you encounter a teenage boy of at least 15 years of age on the internet, subtract 3 years and add a vagina if needed.

Teenage girls are more prone to uploading endless photos of themselves at sexi angles and flooding the interwebs with pictures of their cats. Both genders feel the need to push their misguided preferences and agendas over every social networking site possible.

Teenagers make up the largest percentage of the LJ user base, and often use x or underscores in their user names to set them apart from the sheeple (which rarely works; see the Law of Conformity). All teenagers are hypocritical assholes, and need to be reminded of this until they either commit suicide or turn 20.

According to Michael Moore, being a teenager in America sucks. And that's true.

What They Are Most Known for Doing[edit]

   
 
It is a well documented fact that only 98 percent of teens have not tried pot. If you are the other 2% put this in your sig.
 

 
 

—98% of teenagers

The Two Phenotypes[edit]

Teenagers come in a wide variety of flavors, including:

13 year old boy[edit]

Tell them that no matter how hard they try, they will never be a nigger or an azn and laugh when they try to prove that they are.

Categories:

16 year old girl[edit]

Note to parents - all teen parties are like this...
...unless /b/ is present.

Note that sixteen year-old girls are not so much a flavor or "type" of teenager, but are instead a "template." Thus, a sixteen year-old girl can also be a goth, or emo, or almost any other flavor of teenager. If and when they begin to drone on about how, liek, Stacey was, liek, OMG stealing her boyfriend find the nearest e-pimp and be proud that you have found him his newest skank whore. They most likely put the art of gossiping above anything else in school, but sometimes are found in a unstimulated state. Teachers, fortunately, can manipulate them by putting sound-absorbent foam in the room to suck up every social stimuli, or use the great old fashioned banhammer when they get out of hand.

Categories: (note: may be in more than one)

  • Faggoth FOR LULZ: Introduce them to a tanning bed and revel in the burning flesh! For maximum results, bring a fire hose to wash away the pounds of makeup.
  • Hippy FOR LULZ: Eat meat, drive a Hummer.
  • Hipster FOR LULZ: Call them a hipster or say that they are unoriginal.

Puberty[edit]

During puberty, you begin to grow a taste for beautiful women.

Some teenagers go through puberty. Puberty is that special time when children start becoming adults. However, this never goes as God planned, and all it produces are retards, retards and even more retards. Teenagers going through puberty will not only be insane, but they will experience the following symptoms:

If you or someone you know are going through puberty and do not know how to cope with your symptoms, there is additional material available to help you through this difficult time.

Facing It[edit]

When confronting puberty sufferers on the internets, keep in mind where they are coming from to ensure maximum lulz can be achieved. Pubescents will complain about many things, but the appropriate response will be to remind them of what the future holds for their individuality. Tell them the world is coming to an end in 2012 so they can do whatever they want without fear of consequences. If you can convince them of this, you may solve the population crisis.

Facing Yourself During It[edit]

The best way to deal with the terrifying changes happening to your body and mind is to start a journal. Doing this can be part of the healing process; however, if you're foolish enough to put your deepest, darkest secrets information on the internet, it is highly recommended that you get it through your mushy adolescent brain that you're asking for it.

Another way to deal with the horror is to find a mentor. Howevar, be careful with your selection; some people are better than others.

Teen Angst[edit]

Behold the power of the angst..
If I had to pay $18 29.99 (adjusted for 2018 inflation) for a shitty Rancid shirt, I'd be angry, too.

The angsty teen is something of a redundant term, since to be a teenager is to be angsty all the time. In more common usage, however, an angsty teen is a catch-all category into which most under-18 drama whores, homosexuals, attention seekers, DA users and self-mutilators fall. Teenagers angst especially hard when treated like the idiots they are. The half-developed brain of a teenager will perceive its first colored pube as a sign of immediate adulthood. This delusion of equality convinces teenagers to act a fool as a way to protest justified intolerance.

The most common species of angsty teens include emos, goths, nerds, punks and everything.

Angsty teens are statistically more likely to:

Angsty teens are most often seen at home whining on their livejournals and posting photos of their cuts.

Trolling[edit]

Teens are easy to troll in a number of ways:

Gallery[edit]

Teens to Troll[edit]

See Also[edit]

Street name retard.jpg


Featured article July 23, 2006
Preceded by
DMCA
Puberty Succeeded by
Put shoe on head
[Case ClosedOpen Up to Us]
Teenager is part of a series on Psychology
Antisocial personality disorder Hannibal Lector.jpg Mental illness & Disorders

AcrotomophiliaAddictionAgoraphobiaAlcoholismAlexis Pilkington SyndromeAlzheimer'sAnorexiaAntisocial personality disorderAnthropophobiaAnxietyADDADHDAsperger's SyndromeAutismBimboficationBipolarBorderline personality disorderBug ChasingBulimiaDeep thinkerDepressionDick ImpalementDown's SyndromeDyslexiaEating disorderFactitious disorderFake SchizophreniaFauxlimiaFeminismGender dysphoriaGirl on the Internet SyndromeHeterophobiaHero ComplexHFAHistrionic Personality DisorderHutchence's SyndromeHyperbolimiaInadequacyInconsistent personality disorderInsanityLiberal Butthurt SyndromeLow Self-esteem'Missing White Woman' SyndromeMultiple personality disorderNapoleon ComplexNarcissistic personality disorderNeurotypicalObsessive Compulsive DisorderParanoiaParanoid personality disorderPeter Pan SyndromePost-Traumatic Stress DisorderPsychopathyRetardationSchizophreniaSeasonal Affective DisorderSelf-diagnosisSelf InjurySelf-VictimizationSexsomniaSickfuckerySociopathySocial anxiety disorderSpecial Snowflake SyndromeTrolling Induced Transsexuality SyndromeTulpaUnrealistic expectationsVictim complex

Fetishes:

AcrotomophiliaAquaphiliaArborphiliaAudiophiliaAutogynephiliaBalloon FetishBestialityCarmen Electra complexCross DressingDollfiliaEmetophiliaEmosexualityEproctophiliaFatty Fetish (Female Fat Admirer) • FetishismFoot FetishFurniture PornFurrismGoo girlGuroHeterophiliaHomophiliaInflation FetishJapanophiliaJungle FeverLesbian pedophiliaLotion PlayMacrophiliaMaiesiophiliaMechanophiliaMpregNecrophiliaObjectophiliaOedipial ComplexParaphiliaPedophiliaPlushophiliaPregnant LoliPregnophiliaQuicksand FetishRangerphiliaSpectrophiliaStatuephiliaTrichophiliaVoraphiliaWet and Messy FetishismWetlookXenophiliaYellow feverZoophilia

E-Psychosis:

Chronic Troll SyndromeDeletionismE-goE-PsychiatristE-PsychiatryETDHivemindI-DosingI have a 140 IQIRC DiseaseImaginary girlfriendInternet Disease & Internet Disease ChartInternet poverty delusionsInternet RehabInternet troll personality disorderMega ultra super geniusNerdy Fandom Gateway TheorySex by associationLulz-BlindnessWikipedia's Greatest Hits Diseases

Experiments:

ask.fmBrainwashingHypnosisMilgram ExperimentScientologyStanford Prison ExperimentThe Hivemind Corollary

Sites:

Above Top SecretB/Bodies Under SiegeCYOCChatrouletteDefense Industries OrganizationDeekerFoolQuest.comInkBunnyNeuticles.comPsyke.orgWarpMyMind.com

See also:

American Psychiatric AssociationAngerASMRChild abuseConscienceDreamDSMEnlightenmentIntelligenceLobotomyPsychiatristySerial KillersTake the meat bridgeThe Law of ConformityTrigger Warning