Thailand sits in the southeast corner of the circle jerk known as Asia. Known for being the tranny capital of the planet, its cuisine (a staple of the hipster diet) and loose morals, Thailand is a must for any traveller looking for a cheap, 13-year old whore of questionable gender. With a capital named Bang Cock (Alternate name: Krung Thep Mahanakhon Amon Rattanakosin Mahinthara Ayuthaya Mahadilok Phop Noppharat Ratchathani Burirom Udomratchaniwet Mahasathan Amon Piman Awatan Sathit Sakkathattiya Witsanukam Prasit) what the fuck do you expect? The country is well-known for being the biggest Open Air-Brothel of the world.
After many years of slow economic growth, Thailand's economy has recently exploded due to increased production of whores, which is now the country's top export. Due to limited infrastructure, the hookers are generally shipped elsewhere to be packaged into hookers and blow, which is sought after world-wide for its awesomeness. Without exception, these hookers are 13-year-old boys who are not actually "so horny" and will certainly not "love you long time". A mix of orifice tightness and small, easily disposed of bodies make these whores prized by any collector.
Due to over hunting, Thai whores are nearing extinction. However, science has offered a ray of hope in the form of sex change operations.
While cars, motorcycles, and even light trucks are common in Thailand, nobody cares. The most common ways of getting around are walking, riding in the back of a pickup, taming a wild tranny as a mount, riding a janky train or using the ever present auto rickshaws otherwise known as tuk tuks, which combine the safety of a motorcycle with the weight and agility of a car. NEVER RIDE A TUK TUK IN THE RAIN.
Thailand is a beautiful country filled with garbage at every corner and police just waiting for you to fuck up and get bribed. Unlike China where no one has any good gats to waste assholes with, Thailand is bristling with weapons and crazy azns who aren't afraid of death because they're all buddhists and get unlimited free replays IRL. The southern part of the country is a good place to get kidnapped by Muslim separatists who are always killing Thai soldiers (a couple a day is the terrorists way!) or basically just get nice and robbed.
Most of Modern Thailand's culture was brought to them by the Portuguese who introduced peppers and hence mouth melting spicy food which has spread like a food AIDS; before this, Thais ate bitter roots that tasted like shit and listened to the Chinese all the time when not fighting between city states like a baller. (See: Rome)
Modern Thais partake in and enjoy the worldwide pastimes of listening to overplayed reggae and getting shitfaced. They also pray occasionally when they need something and listen to the national anthem twice a day if they're awake/sober and enjoying radio, old media tubes, or in public.
The State religion of Thailand is Buddhism. This does not have the intended effect of a utopian society, rather Thais receive a free get out of jail free card by becoming an hero if shit gets bad then just coming back. Protip: buy a shit-ton of cigarettes or something good like booze or expensive food and give it as an offering while you pray BEFORE you kill yourself. This way you get to come back as something wicked awesome like Falcor. To help Thais to become better buddhists, the State-run media offers a "Call a Monk!" show where you can learn the awesome reason that your daughter is autistic (Spoiler: it's because in a past life she drank alone! DUH!)
Also don't even fuck with elephants or their statues or paintings and junk, they or the Thais that love them have no problem murdering you.
Many native and traditional dishes are enjoyed by Thais everyday! Some examples are:
- Live shrimp doused in hot sauce and lime (called dancing shrimp for lulz)
- Fish Balls (like fish sticks but denser and not breaded)
- Fresh killed chickens blood
- Junk From 7-11
- Ground up cephalopods
- Military grade pepper spray
- WORST FRUIT EVER, THE DURIAN
- Roasted Bugs (Mealworms, Grasshoppers, whatever dood)
- Fried Chicken Cloaca-on-a-Stick
Much akin to your local ice cream shops flavor of the week, Thais love to overthrow their government and support a new one. This is done purely for the lulz, to tell tourists to GTFO and the love of going apeshit rather than to bring meaningful change. The most recent history of the massive wave of riots stemmed from a cool dude named Thaksin or some shit who totally is like Thai Nixon. Which is basically cool as fuck because some of the riots that led to coups were about exiling his ass to not Thailand because the military is all NOPE like Chuck Testa, with a real lifelike gov't, but he is like Dick Cheney motherfucker has dudes everywhere. So that B.S. led to pro and anti thaksin rifts in the everything and everywhere has to do with this and then ppl started wearing red shirts and being retarded on social media but nobody gave one single shit. So basically the Rodney King Riots but drawn out over like 20 years and everyone's black and whitey is the Thai gov't.
TL;DR U can't Pepper spray dem Thais they haz immmoonity! U GOTS TAH USE UR FALCON PUNCH!
Due to its abundance of talented inventors at least 100 years ago, Thailand's excrement disposal system has evolved significantly, going from a hole in the ground, to a delicate and complex hole in the floor. This has the added advantage of a flushing mechanism, which is decidedly useful in holding the contents before losing them, greatly facilitating the prominent national Shit fetish.
Note: You will never find a clean Thai toilet ever.
Due to its lack of airports and natural resources, Thailand's annual gross domestic product is measured not in currency, but in volume of pictures and videos of Thai hookers posted on the internets. 80% of all Asian porn is from Thailand, especially if the porn is labelled as Japanese.
Also worth mentioning is the fact if you access this internetz page from Thailand you can get up to 5 years in prison for bad mouthing their pimp king.
How you can troll Thais
- Say that all women in Thailand are prostitutes.
- Say that all men in Thailand are prostitutes.
- Say that Filipino women look better than Thai women.
- Step on their money (will get u v& in Thailand).
- Say anything even borderline negative about their king.
Women in Thailand have vaginas with extra functions. Their hole can dispense the following:
- Ping-pong balls.
- Cherry-flavored Pez.
- Hot foam lather.
- A whet stone to sharpen your ancient Chinese silverware collection.
- Pokemon Cards.
- The Holy Grail.
- A myriad of other wonderful concoctions including lumpy gravy and dead cats.
- Penises ("It's a Trap!")
- Read I married a Thai whore
- Read Proof Thai Women More Deadly Than Scorpions
- Watch A common story in Bangkok
- Thai bridecomedy
- Thailand military training 100% not gay
- Typical weekend in Bangkok