The Batman Rapist
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The Batman Rapist (TBR for short), like the name suggests, is a rapist who resides in Bath, United Kingdom. Unlike other, boring, rapists; the Batman Rapist is a rapist of conviction who seeks to establish order. He rapes because he sees that society needs it, not that he does. He is known as The Batman Rapist because he always attacks at night, and always does so wearing a full leather batman costume. He is the inspiration for the Batman comics and movies, and is therefore Batman IRL. Experts believe that this may be part of some sort of fetish, but everyone else knows that it’s done for the lulz. He has been at large since 1990 and has never been caught, further proving that he actually is a superhero.
His Badass Inner Narrative
On his first night out, TBR (as he has commonly come to be called) left a message explaining his motives. Revealing that unlike non-serial rapists, he is doing the world a service with his rape. Christopher Nolan would later steal this letter from Bath police and paraphrase it for use for his piece of shit movie, The Dark Knight.
—TBRs motivation to enforce justice.
TBR has several similarities with the fictional, and less lulzy Batman. He has never been caught, and his Batrapistmobile differs from the Tim Burton Batmobile only in having a back seat for which to rape upon. All of his various tools have been custom made to both look and operate over 9000 times better than standard raping equipment, but also carry his custom, and fairly awesome logo. His armory of deserved sexual domination includes:
- Bat fuzzy cuffs
- Bat ball gag
- Bat rope
- Bat high heels
- Bat tights (kept in ample supply as they are always destroyed)
- Bat leather outfit that has “Put it in my bat cave” printed on the front
- Bat leather gloves
- Bat make-up (in case a tomboy or a hippie is targeted)
- Bat clown suit (For comic relief. Rape is always funny, but it is especially funny when done in a clown suit.)
Bat condomsThe Batman Rapist does not believe in condoms, he regards them as a paradox.
Note: All tools used by TBR both bear his logo, and have the word “Bat” in what they are called. Calling his Bat fuzzy cuffs “fuzzy cuffs” means YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG.
Upon reading his letter, the male police instantly recognized the obvious truths to TBRs ideals. They sympathized and found themselves agreeing with him. Having infiltrated the police, many of the feminazis would not let justice stand, and so they used their evil women's rights to commence a go-for-broke investigation to catch the crusader of justice, and bury his dangerously true thoughts. While many of the male police have become victim to the feminazi information and thought control, several brave policemen are working hard in aiding the caped crusader in his quest for truth, vagina, and lulz. One such brave soul is Commissioner Gordon, who eventually had a character named after him in the Batman comics and movies. It is thanks to the work of policemen like Commissioner Gordon that TBR has managed to evade capture for over 20 years. TBR remains the single greatest and most shining example that the feminazi regime can be overcome, and that chauvinism is not yet lost to mankind. If every basement dweller had the courage to cosplay and rape for years on end, the world would without a doubt be a better place.
With such a famous and righteous hero on the loose, it didn’t take the feminazis long to form a list of suspects, along with their motives. Below are some of the most likely candidates of people who could possibly be the greatest hero in the history of the United Kingdom.
Mick Jagger – That guy from Fergie was tired of how easily he could get to see wimminz naked. He was completely disgusted by the fact that even though he’s 80 years old he could clap his hands and a blockbusting line of fresh loli would appear at his front door and circle around his house several times. Realizing how women functioned only as a way of fulfilling a momentary desire, and how no women had EVER revolutionized the face of music, he set out to remind them all of that. He laughed in the face of feminazis, and tl;dr'd all of their bullshit excuses as to why they should have equal rights.
Paul McCartney – The crowd favorite of The Beatles and a father of Pop music, Paul McCartney had it all, amiright? While he was out being the fantastic musician we all know and love he had to watch John Lennon and Yoko Ono scissoring each other and making out during practice sessions. If that stupid azn bitch hadn’t been there they could have just practiced in peace, and probably been a successful band. He concluded that women had only done harm to the music world, and set out to prevent such an atrocity from happening in the future. An true hero to the music industry not as a musician, but as a rapist.
Sid Vicious - oh wait, he’s dead lol.
John Cleese – That dude behind most of Monty Python eventually had to compete with all modern comedy which, all things considered, just ripped off of his work from at least 100 years ago anyway. He did what any competitive mother fucker would do, he pushed comedy forward into the realm of lulz. While seemingly not impressive, he did so only by being a pretty cool guy and having no exposure to internet culture. As if that wasn’t enough, he discovered that rape can be funny and set out on the greatest comedic crusade since the
holocaust holocaust MOTHER FUCKING HOLOCAUST. One might say that this means he takes his role as the protector of Bath unseriously. This is complete and utter bullshit. He sees being funny to be a major bonus to doing the world a favor. Like we said, through and through a pretty cool guy.
JK Rowling – Being able to write complete sentences is an obviously suspicious trait for a woman. Despite having to abbreviate her first initials, JK is a well known lesbian because she can both recite her alphabet AND use it to form words. Writing books that promote homosexuality, it’s no secret that she’s a fan of people who share her parts. Her books are full of sexual confusion with a main character who remains a virgin, but is cock teased in every fucking chapter. Rollin' began to emulate her character and desire some sex for herself. Using a costume to hide her identity, she went out into the night to find her own Ginny Weasley. Either that or she has a cock.
Josef Fritzl - To the rape cave!
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