The Crusades

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Crusaders
PARFAIT GENTLEMEN

The Crusades were a ridiculously appropriately long series of wars that continue on today over control of Jerusalem, and one of the greatest dramas in history. The modern version of the Crusades is a myth invented by Jews to explain everything that happens in the Middle East. According to this version, Muslims hate Christians solely because of a war that happened 1,000 years ago, and America and Israel have done nothing bad in the last 50 years.

Myth[edit]

The Crusades were an ancient version of the War in Iraq, a battle between Catholics and Muslims. Except back then the Catholics were the terrorists(And most would argue, still are). Another important difference between the two is that back in the olden times thousands of years ago noone cared if eleventy zillion pilgrims were killed, as opposed to the one bazillion killed in Iraq which Liberals always bitch about. Unlike the War in Iraq, it was perfectly justified as all Muslims uneqoivocally deserve death, and they had been raping, pillaging and attacking Europe for 300 years already and nobody gave a shit when white women were being traded like candies.

The Crusades were started by the Crapolic Church, who wanted to go pwn the Muslims for living in the Holy Land, the place where Jesus was born. So basically, they wanted to rule the world by committing acts of Terrorism, raping women, children and anything else that moved. Some argue they deserved it, a claim aided by the fact that they were Arabs, but then the Crusaders attacked Byzantium which weakened the Orthodoxy and gave rise to Islamic dominance in Europe. In the end, as we all can see, the Catholics got pwnz0rd.

It is just recently that the A-Rabs have had their revenge with the help of Osama Bin Laden. With this knowledge at hand, it is clear that the Catholics deserve it and every shred of agony they get, is called Karma.

Fact[edit]

The Crusades were planned by a cabal of Jews from Venice, to control a port city across from the Strait of Suez, import hookers and blow into Europe, and amass Jew golds. At least 100 years later, the Muslims recaptured the city and the Jews blamed it all on the Catholic church. Later still, Muslims conquered half of Europe and foolishly spared their tormentors. But that doesn't count. All of this happened about 1,000 years ago, and has nothing to do with the modern Middle East whatsoever, except for the last part, which, supposedly, is called Karma.

It is a little known fact that the Crusaders were actually government contractors doing advance scouting for Halliburton.

See Also[edit]

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