The Dolmen

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Jump to navigation Jump to search
ED CLEANER 2.jpg This article needs a serious clean up

Somebody should do something about it.

Billymays1.png


Cvst.jpg
 
 
And then the Lord God yelled at the Christ thusly: HERE COMES A NEW CHALLENGER!
 

 

—Faggots 13:43

IMA CHARGING MY CULT!!!
Fucking Gypsies

The Dolmen Grove (hereto referred as Teh Dull-mangs Groveling) is a collection of likeminded, i.e. brainwushed drutards, witch-azz-nigguz, and sheethens. They iz persistuntly prosegutted by just about everybody for they "peaceful faith". Recognigging that they is the irl Aids of Faith, they has band-aid together to hide away behind the super adventure club of they wetsite.

Because of they opposishun to mainstream religion, they is get rich'n or die try'n against organigging themselves into one recuntnigglable faith. Thusly, this leaves them master debating endlessly as to who among they asses is teh must Occulticly of all, aka 47, a Stag Arsed Christ. They is an unquestioned worshipping, vigilante-ence and accept-dunce behind closed asscheeks that He Who Wears Teh Twigs Upon His Head is teh winnar. Victoly wuz his! FINALLY! Sometang Christ lovers and Pagans (hereto referred as paycunts) agree on...

Or is it? Dun dun DUNNNN!!!

Troof is many Paycunts is really just Xians and closet basement dwellin gaywads rebellion against they parents. They who don't knows teh different strokes might have they ass forgivin four not noticin a subtletree difference. Teh difference being the Xian Twig wearer was that teh nyukkah himself twas nailed to a tree where ass teh Pagan Twig wearer worshopped a tree. Butt-hurt, receding hairline, muthafucka nature had decided her ass ain't wanton a bunch of middle arsed mangz and women (hereto referred as cunts) nutsack blastin on her merchandise, i.e. her huge fucking woody.

Mother Nature's Wrath

Green African Goddess

They is only so much faggotry that muthafuckin nature can take. Her Ass endured nuclear bombs, air pollution, Scientology, black person, jews, and after a late night circle jerk round one of her most sacrificed woodies, enough was enough. Taking great care to ensure Her Ass' children suffered, much paranoia ensued as well as butt-hurt, ass Her Ass killed one of the woodies The Dull-mangs pranced around whilst nutsack blast'n aborted future pagan nigglits. Time passed gas and nuts happened... Then all of a sudden death they was a great scream, like OVER 9000 voices bitch azz cry'n out all at once. This caused a sudden surge of bandwidth to teh internets, resulting in much lulz.

A plane was built by the most Occulticly of Teh Dull-mangs, to issue a press release to a local, i.e. shitty ass newspaper. Seeking to regain kinship and cum guzzlang with Mother Nature's dick shitting nipplez, and to have another opportunity to dress in cunts clothing and under garments, they asses demanded a photoshoppin. Cunts and gentlemangz, I shizniggle you not! They is holdin a funeral, for a fucking tree on March 24th at Nine Stones in Winterbourne Abbas! Hooray for sappling anal probing nigotry!

The Dorset Echo, sum shitty newspaper, clearly having loved and ass molestered all the drama and lulz that spewed onto their internets wetsite since poster boying teh article, grew rather fondled of the Dull-mangs and recogniggled this. Teh Occulticly most senile-or members of the Dull-mangz Groveling, aka 47 the Stag Arsed Christ, decided to get they G.W. Bush on. Read below for MOAR!

Interestin to note is this partigniggular group of paycunts also practice sum form of snotty english cunt douchebaggery, which seems to be at an all time smoked sum weed teh fuck up high by teh resident evils of some shit hole nobody cares about called Dorset. Escusay mwa, Do'set. They asses believin Do'set is sum kind of center of teh universe when the rest of teh world has more imporcunt things to worry they asses about than some woody hugging wankers or sum o that boring ass nigghistory about some civil war. Limey twats!

Ritual Killing of Swan for Publicity

Old Tree funerals is sum kind of Old sacriligious religious beleefs they be practisizing. You ass be thinkin why some nigguhz thinkin they ass do sum kind of good for teh environmunt by holding a funeral for a tree. Nigguz got to realizin, anythang else be not DANGEROUS CULT enough, and this way they asses must receive fellatio moar pubicity.

Sum day sum time ago while Teh Dull-mangs bang were playing in some hick-town (Do'set) in the area, a sneaky individuar tookie Teh Dull-mangs's vane and drove all teh way to swan-lake and kidnappy a swan. The swang pecked and pecked all the way back, and this pissed Teh Dull-mangs's manager off. This was zackily teh hateful and negative energy He Who Weareth The Twigs Upon His Head needed for this ritual, and he met the manager for butt-ramming and brutally nigger lynch'd teh swan with a noose. Aftershave teh lynchin, Stag Arsed Christ left that lynched ass kidnappy swan as a paperweight on the widescreen tele of the vang, cock holding a sinistar message in place. DIE WITCH-AZZ-NIGGUZ. This was left for asser-bys to see and cocknowledge they disgust, creating instant lulz and drama for all nigguz involved. They continued the jetsetting, drank some herbal tea, did some herbel X, commenced some MASS EFFECT (virtual orgasmic rape,) and went home for a good night's sleep in a haystack.

However, they manager was not particularly discreet in his kidnappy and mob nigguh lynchin of teh swan and very soon after, a concerned group, most licky them niggaz PETA, took they revenge by hiding NIN behind the tyres of the vang Teh Dull-mangs use for travelling. Sum nother group decided to impersonate Anonymous and opt for some real life trolling, turning up at they ritual at Maumbury Rings.

Infiltration of Local Media to Front Propaganda

Onos! As one concerned reader of teh Do'set Echo echo echo echo echo has noticed, Teh Dull-mangs are now influenza-ing local media, i.e. shitty ass newspapers, to they benefits and to dupniglicate and con the ignignorant masses!

 
 
""It has been molestered previously with retards to teh butt-mount of pubniglicity that teh 'Dull-mangs Groveling' receives fellatio in teh Echo Echo Echo Echo that one of they nigguhs is an Echo Echo Echo Echo Echo Echo employee who insurancess that they has a gettin mutha fuckin higher off this weeed profile than they asses be due. I is notice that of all they reports/stories in todays Echo Echo Echo Echo Echo Online only this one does not have a named author; why?""
 

 

— Some nizzuh goin by teh alais 'Pete'

Alarmingly, this massa of illusion to conspiracy theory was only not denied, but rather confirmed my brothers! MEEK NO MISTAKE!!! PAYCUNTNIGGISM IS COMING BACK TO THIS CUNTRY!

Butt-hurt, who could be reprehensible for this "peaceful" religious takeover? None other than that niggah teh Stag Lord, aka 47, teh Stag Arsed Christ. What's that says you nigglits? Stag Who? Sum of them niggaz say that he is just teh pagan equiviolent of a minister or catholic child molsetereding preist. Gettin hard around intellectual boys, and other niggazz say its a bit like Kermit, Frog lord of the Muppets, or Tupac, Dark Lord of the Chocolates. Liek Islamabomb has them sum hate preachers and pimps on every corner, workin teh streets liek sum whos, teh Stag Arsed Christ has mangs in drag wearing twigs on they heads, arms a raisin to teh heavens, creepin and creepin round your muff garden in search of mudkipz, mandrakes, and baby nigglitz in teh small penis hours of teh morning wood to sacrigfice.

Occulticlier Than Thou

DolmenGroveZ.jpg


Durrrrrrrrhhh!!!
 
 
..........He has no idea where I am Occulticly, but chose to label me to suit his own ideas of the dramatic. But we're more Occulticly radical than you..............
 

 

—Arch Druid Vine

Just like Scientologists, the Dolmen like to make up their own words to try and use against the rest of the world. One can only guess what their Occulticly superior mean by the word. Perhaps one can be Occulticly measured using a similar device to a Scouter or the E-meter. A glossary of terms would perhaps not have any use to the eyes of the Occulticly inferior, as to confess to understanding this nonsense is to forfeit one's dignity in a manner of their choosing.


Another interesting note is that along with being more Occulticly than thou, the Dolmen also practice religious intolerance and hypocrisy, which is something they militantly seem to fight against when cosplaying out in the streets of dorset, which can be seen by one of the Dolmen Grove Moderator's on their very own forum. These fine tolerant individuals will delete anything that they feel is more Occulticly superior than themselves and if you question anything or create topics they feel threatened by or that should challenge their cult it will be deleted and end up with the user being banned.


DolmenH.jpg

The Dolmen [Band]

Yes, no cult is without its music. And this bang is reputated to be teh very best paycunt music in teh world ever. As some local nutjob says in this video.

 
 
You get bangs and they come and go, and they aint never nuttin, but you get a bang liek Teh Dull-mangs and everyone knows Teh Dull-mangs
 

 

—C. S-J Yocal

Thanks to the invention of the internets you too can have perfect pitch enjoy a reasonably accurate portrayal of what they gigs is like, and they strange Satanic chanting, moanin, an groanin around national monuments. Spread the lulz!

Origin of the Dolmen Grove

A long time ago, many people came up with the idea of penis worship and erected poles to that end. They danced and danced around these giant dicks, for some reason attributing their dizziness and euphoria to the magic of fertility that the poles had given them. At some point in time, worshipping giant dicks made of wood wasn't fashionable anymore, so one guy decided to wear twigs on his head and created the first ever gemini-dildo hat. Some more time passed, and then these people were over-run by foreign invaders who slaughtered them by the thousands.

Mightily cursed were these invaders, but that doesn't matter because they accomplished more in their invasion and christianisation of europe than the dick worshippers ever had. One god, one book, one language in latin, and one message. By keeping it simple, it was exceedingly easy to win over the ignorant masses, improve communication and get burnin them witchazz nigguz.

And so they did!

Some time later in the 60s, some faggot had a wet dream about what it must have been like to worship dicks all day long, and thus paganism, and it's various branches, plagued western society like aids. Unfortunately, nowadays people don't die of pagan fagotry in the same way people die of aids, but that doesn't make them any more attractive. Most people prefer aids.

Fandom

Some choice quotes from teh fangs of teh most awesome, SO awesome, paycunt bang evar!

 
 
I'm a petite chunky (translation: fat ass) tree sprite (O rly!) living in Herne's domian between the well and the north wood I have green eyes and hair that changes with the seasons my life partner is Mr Wolf and we have been together for over 25 years
 

 

—Some woody huggin cunt

 
 
I live in Dorset, and am married to Liz, a dance teacher, (so yes, I can dance a bit), and we have 8 boys and 2 girls between us.
 

 

—Some drutard who believes in Merlin the Magician and needs to stop fuckin!!

Gallery

1) Find pics from Dolmen's homepage or myspace

2) Alternatively find pics of their fans

3) ????

4) PROFIT!!!!!

MOAR Dolmen links: [1]