The Guardian

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What a coincidence!


Sinister lesbian: ex-editor whose genius obsession with Encyclopedia Dramatica articles wrecked the paper

The Guardian is a Britfag newspaper. Unlike tabloids such as The Daily Mail and the Sun, this one is quite progressive and is mainly read by people who are rather left of center and dogmatically approve of libertarianism liberalism (get it right everybody hates Matt fucking Ridley, eh Monbiot?) for all, as well as many college (aka university) students who don't know anything about the real world and are thus taken by the radically all-encompassing ideas within the newspaper. It's also well known for its online website version of its paper, which features many interesting articles and has a network of blogs which people with differing views regularly engage in flame wars on. In their defence, most of the worst of Guardian comment arguments have been taken out of the equation due to their insistance that Comment is Free as a header means they need to obsessively remove all opinion outside of their desired frame. They are best know for publishing transphobic articles by involuntary lesbians then frantically backpeddingly once the general British public calls them out on this.

Guardian readers contrast massively with the readers of those other two types of tabloids. The average Sun reader is thick as pigshit and eagerly willing to swallow whatever vile propaganda Rupert Murdoch throws their way. The typical concerned mother who steals copies of the Daily Fail from her local cafe does not give single a fuck about what happens to anyone except the English.. But the average Guardian reader doesn't give a fuck about people in her own country. Instead, they hate themselves for being privileged and harbor romantic notions about ethnic minorities (they never have to mix with any darkies themselves IRL, of course). Guardian readers think that non-Guardian readers only hate immigrants because they don't meet enough of them, and would therefore happily allow criminal gangs from Pakistan and Nigeria to take over England. Fortunately, Guardian readers are massively outnumbered by normal people who don't buy into the Guardian's pipedreams of a happy-crappy "multicultural utopia without white people."

100% of British Wikipedia admins are Guardian readers. Also, you can bet that by now at least one Guardian columnist has seen this magnum opus of a page. No one is EVAR allowed to criticize Wikipedia in the "hallowed pages" of the Guardian or any of its affiliated publications. Especially now that Jimbo's on the Board. (At least, he was, for almost one whole year.)

Why It's Crap[edit]

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The chief reason for the Guardian being crap is simple. It was always crap, but stupidly appointed Alan Sinister Lesbian Rusbridger to the post of editor. Under his guidance, The Guardian adopted a policy of giving away its content for free online, without any attempt to recoup losses from decreased advertising revenue. At the same time, he made the paper adopt a new format, The "Berliner", a non-standard size that didn't fit any printing presses in the UK, meaning that the paper was trapped in terms of getting value for production, and then (because digital is DA FUTURE!) turned the print edition into a substandard collection of opinion pieces and cookery columns but doubled the cover price to try to claw back the website's losses.

Suddenly, the Guardian's already-scanty profits took a nosedive so the Sinister Lesbian decided to sell off the one publication that ever turned a profit, for a one-off sum of £600m - which was duly pissed away within a year. Since the paper was going down the crapper, theguardian.com website began producing ridiculous SJW clickbait in order to produce sufficient traffic to justify its online advertising fees because that was now its only income.

As a result, The Guardian has turned into a parody of the parody of itself that it already was. The Sinister Lesbian has been kicked out, whining about his misunderstood genius and thwarted vision, while the new editor (some chick, natch) tries to repair the disaster he left behind. So far, the final solution seems to be to rattle a collection-tin under the noses of readers every five minutes, with more pleading and arm-twisting banner ads than even Jimbo Wales could dream of. Coupled with the fact that The Guardian often relies on user-generated content (e.g., crowd-sourcing big stories, soliciting first-hand accounts, and the like) this means that not only are readers doing a fair amount of work for The Guardian, they are being asked to pay for the privilege of doing so. Whether this strategy will reap dividends remains unclear.

Content[edit]

Nuvola
Moar info: Jessica Valenti.
Nuvola
Moar info: Max Gogarty.

Their website's main page and their newspaper's front page general reflects serious business primarily, but is a bit more quirky than the front pages of papers read by those who are taken seriously. The Guardian was anti-Iraq war right from the start and mocked Dubya at every opportunity. There was a lot of shit to do with Obama in there as well, and the views on him in The Guardian were as mixed as his parentage. They particularly enjoy talking about multiculturalism, homosexuality and other shit nobody cares about. The squealing over President Trump continues to yield great things.

Their blogs and comment is free sections are one of the biggest havens for moralfags to debate things with each other on the entire internets. On South Ossetia and Kosovo-related issues there are many communist sympathizers who believe that Putin is better than Tony Blair because they've never been to Russia and they don't realize that saying one totalitarian state is better than another is like saying that one woman in a porno featuring an MFF threesome has a tighter anus than the other one. Still, it is awesome that The Guardian dislike the large number of bureaucratic laws created by Tony Blair Gordon Brown's government because they don't want to see censorship or their beliefs being made into thought crimes.

The Guardian is also a pioneer of the culture of the internets, rather like Encyclopedia Dramatica. They are known to loev Anonymous, and even stood up for Epic Nose Guy (although the Daily Fail did as well, lawl), whilst also embracing the unfunny aspects of chan culture such as the Obama Rickroll and Bush being made into a lolcat. As a result of this faggotry, they were goatsed by Britchan who The Guardian actually linked directly to, hogging bandwidth from them.



WIKI IS MAGIC[edit]

Nuvola
Moar info: WP:DAILYMAIL.

They also go into excessive detail about Wikipedia to a degree that the average Sun reader wouldn't even be able to begin to understand, even worse than Valleywag. Much of it was once critical of TOW, which we here at ED appreciate, yet since it has many different people writing for it (and especially since Jimbo is now one of their Fearless Leaders), Jimbo is allowed to use it as a mouthpiece for his driveling bullshit, which is likely to be able to brainwash the less-intelligent Guardian readers, being the PC moralfags that they are. Hell, they even mentioned Willy on Wheels in The Guardian, wonder who's gonna be next?

By 2014-2015 the WMF was routinely using the pages of the Guardian as a "safe and friendly space" for its incompetent propagandizing, and for Jimbo's outright lies and omissions.

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Opinion writers[edit]



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"Facts are sacred"[edit]

"Well, she's going to be buried, so..."


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Guardian Talk[edit]

"Post freely, but shit is sacred"

No mention of the Guardian is complete without GuardianTalk, an online talkboard filled to the brim with hard core trolls and the lulz that accompany them but which is slowly declining despite the fact that the banhammer there is pretty lame and their security is about as robust as the American economy. GO NOW AND TROLL!

Links[edit]

  • Guardian Talk(CLOSED). Dedicated talkboard which runs on a hint, hint|not-very-secure version of WorldCrossing. Home of endless, epic political trolls by both conservatives and libtards alike about such topics as Freedom™, why you hate America, and of course the ever-popular Israel / Palestine conflict. Feel free to goatse until it bleeds, oh, and give BryanHinnen my love while you're there.
  • Their website.
  • Guardian talkboards were shitcanned a couple years ago, the gibbering remnants of this once-proud empire now continue their pointless bickering at justthetalk.com, where some promising drama occasionally happens. Infiltration in progress since June 2014, watch this space. April 2016, disregard that. Shithole full of oldfags so boring that your correspondent forgot to report back. Only thing worth noting is that the site's final boss is an aspie faggot who is building a Large Hadron Collider in his kitchen.
  • "Off-Guardian" - a blog dedicated to rubbishing The Guardian, run by an crank so bitter that if he was the editor he would still accuse it of printing lies. Only accurate on a "stopped clock" principle.
  • Tumblricon.png "So Much Guardian" - abandoned several years ago, but the contents have lost none of their insanity
  • Twitter-favicon.png SoMuchGuardian - similarly-stalled Twitter account of the above
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