The IMDb Politics Board

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Politics Board user making a point.

A forum where intellectuals meet and discuss politics and relationships. As with all politics boards, it is populated by viewers of MSNBC, FOX, and The Disney Channel. For those who know the internet is serious business, it's a good place for mindrape. For the politically astute trolls, it can be a great place for lulz.

The users debate using logic and facts. As its name would suggest, discussions vary from "post your pic" to "what pets do you have?" No matter how inane the OP, it is likely to result in flamewars and mass butthurt.

The Board[edit]

At least one hundred years ago Socrates invented IRL trolling. The modern day successors to Socrates, Hannity and Olbermann, have taught IMDb Politics Board users how to voice their opinions on a conveniently underwhelming and difficult to navigate messageboard. As a result, users are well versed in contemporary events and can write eloquently about them. Users routinely refer to each other in complimentary terms like "loser" and "cocksucker". Because most users have the wherewithal of 16 year-old girls, they can't read anything longer than a fortune cookie before whipping out their keyboard to put you in your place.

For generations, nobody has given a shit about Palestine, health care, or any other boring shit. The users (5 people, 100 personalities) spend every waking moment discussing nonsense and sucking each other's e-peens.

When this page came to the attention of the Board's users, it was immediately inundated in typical IMDb Politics Board fashion: A list of frequent Board users was drafted, with witty blurbs describing each. An edit war ensued and this page became a weapon of mass destruction as users felated themselves for great satisfaction.


   
 
I want to compile a book of trolls!
 

 
 

—thedaddyGBH_Vol2 going for a Pulitzer

The Great JeremyGrimaldi Suicide "Attempt"[edit]

Early in 2010, a prolific regular named Jeremy_Grimaldi caused a furor by posting a suicide note in his profile. Many believed that Jeremy was actually planning on killing himself. These people are morons. He reappeared the next day, and the people who had been calling his local police department were really ripshit cheesed off. Here is his note:

"Someone is reading my last words. Are you s stranger who has curiosity about me? Are you a friend who is wondering where I have gone? I don't suppose it really matters at this point. I have taken stock of my life and have decided to be realistic about that life. It's not worth it. I had a bad start. No father. A mother who made it known of how little importance I played in her life. A stepfather who either ignored me or beat me. I've tried to overcome those things. I have tried to overcome my loneliness and depression. I've tried for years to examine my attempt at suicide and to be happy that attempt failed. I have wasted a lot of years trying to force myself to be happy. I am so tired, so very tired. I give. I'm beaten. I'm tired of fooling myself. Today is the day that I face reality and do what needs to be done. It'll be quick and painless. I won't fail this time. To EG and KR: I thank you for all you tried to do. I thank you for stepping in as a sort of substitute family. Had I known people like you, my life my have taken a different path. I thought of both of you as my friends and buddies. I foolishly thought of you as a father and a brother. It's odd the lengths that I will go to in order to make myself feel connected, to feel a part of something but I am tired of lying to myself. I am not a part of anything important, anything real. I should have been jettisoned years ago but nature does slip up, doesn't it? Anyway, I want you to know that I think the world of you both and I thank you for trying to help a stranger. I wish we had not met electronically but we did. I would have loved to have been friends with you in real life. It would have great to hang out, see a movie or have a beer at a quiet bar. To Siam: I cannot think of adequate words to describe how much I think of you. I don't believe I have ever had the fortune to meet someone who possessed the extreme kindness, sweetness and thoughtfulness that I've seen in you. You are aware of how much I think of you so perhaps this is overkill. This I will say: I have so much hope for you and your upcoming possibilities. I won't be able to dance at your wedding but perhaps I will be there in spirit. Who knows what is coming next? I certainly don't but, if it's possible, I will be there. Jeremy would be a cool name for a son if you ever have one. It would be great if there was a happy Jeremy running around this world and I do think you could make him happy. To any of those who detested me: You're in luck, I guess? I will be out of your way very shortly. To those of you who liked me: I am replaceable and there will be another along soon to take my place. Jeremy Bryant Grimaldi November 4, 1982 - January 11, 2010"

tl;dr version: Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, I'm going to go eat dirt.

His suicide note as a mad lib

How to Troll[edit]

   
 
The most important job a woman can have...Wife and mother, no other career come close to the importance of that of wife and mother for a woman.
 

 
 

—Tommy Pman asking for it

   
 
Some women don't want that life. I know it isn't for me and i'll be damned if someone of little intellect (such as yourself) will tell me where my place in society is.
 

 
 

—shotgunhomicide needs to learn her place.

  • Demand for proof of Obama's US citizenship. If proof is offered, deny authenticity.
  • If a user criticizes Obama, call them a racist.
  • For quick and easy lulz mention abortion, gay rights, or race. Any stance will do.
  • Feign frustration that no one is as informed or as smart as you.
  • Criticize any relgion, or religion in general.
  • Start a thread calling Americans fat & stupid or Europeans fags & wimps.
  • Explain the truth behind 9/11

See Also[edit]

Links[edit]

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