The Natural Living Man
In late November of 2013, Ernie was fishing for his next meal with his son when he was routinely asked by an approaching park warden if he had a license to fish. The old timer living in old times responded that he didn't need a license to feed his family, because he's a "sovereign citizen" who lived outside of modern laws in the mountains.
The warden asked to see his ID, which was denied, so he then proceeded to arrest the old kook, who attempted to stick it to the man by resisting the arrest. Ernie was subsequently given a court date on charges of fishing without a license, resisting arrest, and obstruction of justice.
The fish was most likely spared and returned to the lake, although this is unconfirmed as of press time.
Ernest Goes To Court
Ernie vs. Granny
The Mountain Hippie's court appearance would ultimately end up tearing straight into the internet's loose vagina. It was filled with numerous outbursts, interruptions, and pseudo-babble about why he was exempt from modern law, citing "natural law" as his defense.
—Ernie, showing the judge who's boss.
Apparently he thought that nature's laws would trump state laws in a state court, and it was worth the fruitless effort of trying to persuade a state judge to see it his way instead of just paying the fine and buying a $20 fishing license.
Luckily for Ernie, his assigned judge was just as old as he was, a woman, and a soft-spoken submissive wimp. Unable to deal with the delusional mountain-dwelling patriot babbling before her, she abandoned her post for a recess, to which Ernie declared his own court date to be over and promptly left the building. Cameras followed his daring exit, and a shitstorm struck the internet soon after.
Wild man Ernie's defense was that he's a sovereign citizen that lives by natural law, so if he wants to forage food to feed himself by means of fishing, state fishing laws do not apply to him, regardless if he's fishing in a state-owned lake or not.
Awarding this man what he thinks he's entitled to would likely pave the way for other nutjobs such as nudists to begin parading naked through the streets because indecency laws shouldn't apply to them either. This is similar to how legalizing gay marriage has paved the way for kiddie fiddlers to push for their sick fuck lifestyle to be accepted and recognized as a sexual orientation instead of the sick fuck lifestyle that it is.
Second round KO
Ernie's court shenanigans didn't go over as smoothly during his next court date, and he was eventually removed from the court for being a psycho who was flapping his gums out of turn. Ernie, full of confidence over his previous victory over the pacifist granny judge, immediately launched into his signature tirade. He again chose to represent himself and went on to state more outdated constitutional laws and bizarre natural claims that he was not the name they referred to him as, but a living natural spirit equal to the dirt and air around him.
In one final move of sticking it to the man… er, old woman… he refused to stand for the bailiffs who were ordered to remove him from the court room, claiming it would be giving the judge undeserved recognition. The bailiffs, seeing their moment to shine on YouTube, took their sweet time cuffing the old man, allowing him to insult the prosecuting attorney for having a British title attached to his name in an American court of law, and make more outrageous claims of corruption over his misdemeanor fishing case on his way out the door. The video recording stops here, but he was ultimately found guilty of all the charges.
Final round: Ernie gets pwned
In a now-deleted video (because video for this hearing was forbidden), Ernie returned to court to face his final judge, this time in the form of a man who doesn't put up with hippie bullshit. Ernie had been arrested on a warrant, where he had again resisted and claimed the cops had no authority to take him in.
Ernie attempted to preach his mystic jargon to the judge and refused to remove his mountaineer hat, and was quickly removed from the court as a result. He was forced to sit hatless and handcuffed in a room alone and listen as the judge found him guilty of resisting arrest, plus slap him with a new charge of contempt of court for not shutting his trap. This new charge gave him an instant 30 days in an unnatural, mountain-free jail cell where he wouldn't need a license to eat.
Beatnik millitias saw this as an opportunity for coverage and began uploading videos about how wrong it was to find Ernie guilty, and what was wrong with the justice system as a whole. Ernie himself attempted to explain his own actions and bizarre beliefs in a few videos of his own, such as this one below.
As is always the case with a nutjob like this, almost all the current articles written about him paint him as a brave crusader against unjust laws and side with his hippie logic. It shouldn't come as a surprise then that the websites responsible for said articles are activistpost.com and thedailysheeple.com.
The TL;DR version of them basically states "natural living man harassed and arrested by The Man for trying to feed himself," and goes on to suggest reforming laws because the brave geezer stuck it so badly to the granny judge. The comment sections are filled with countless dimwitted supporters, who are apparently also so against modern society that they used a computer in the comfort of their homes to write the agreeable comments.
Though Ernie's voice was the only one bellowing out nonsense in the court room, he was not in the building alone. He brought a crew of beatnik friends with him that said they were there to help enforce the Constitution.
—Ernie's friend William Wolf, sticking it to the man.
William Wolf was later identified as the leader of a right-wing militia responsible for scumming up Montana, who made the internet news himself when he threatened to place Ernie's second judge (the one who had the balls to shut him up and sentence him) under citizen's arrest, which is known to be a hippie term for kidnapping.
- A detailed article that doesn't kiss his hairy old ass
- An article packed full of some classic Ernie quotes from inside the court
- Ernie's friend wants some attention, too
- Typical ass-kissing article chocked full of anti-government comments from conspiracy nuts
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