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The Netherlands

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Netherlands in a nutshell.jpg
Those who lived in Holland
Those who live in Holland
How people view Holland.
What Holland actually looks like.
Clogs, all of the Dutch wear these. If they don't, they will be raped at night by a mad goat.

As the name suggests, The Netherlands is a fictional low-lying country invented by JRR Tolkien and it has slowly been legalizing everything for the last 100 years. As of today you can purchase sex from Macedonian women, marry someone of the same sex, use controlled substances and kill your Grandma. However, you may not shove people, forget to tip your hat or steal bicycles. Do not confuse them with the Danish. Although in practice this is fairly hard to avoid, because the country is called the Netherlands, but it's also called Holland, and the people are called Dutch, because that is the name of the official language. IRL, "Holland" is the name of the western region of the Netherlands, so the overall situation is a bit like calling all of the USA "California" and referring to all US citizens as "English."

Until 2008 Holland was heaven for Animal Fuckers, because it took the dutch that long to make fucking sheeps illegal.

The Dutch are known to go crazy over soccer.

Contents

Geography

The Netherlands has a striking resemblance to you, as it is low-lying, flat, small and sometimes it leaks. It used to be smaller but they built an extension. It lays directly on top of Belgium. Everyone in the Netherlands is so fucking tall and they all ride bikes and have their own bike lanes so they can even ride bikes in the Red Light District and sleep with a tranny.

The People

Dutch cinema.

Ex-Prime Minister Balkenenenende. He's Harry Potter's dad and the brother of Dildo Baggins, until people where sick of him and the Dutch government fell apart. Then the power-obsessed Mark Rutte took control. The queen of the Netherlands was named Beatrix. She has a weird hat fetish and planned to stay queen for over 9000 years. However, presumably mind-controlled by aliens, she decided to give the throne to her son Willem-Alexander thereby sparking a wave of other rulers doing the same, including the Spanish king and the pope.

While the Dutch were once invaded by their inferiority complex-suffering neighbors Germany, they take it rather well and don't whine.

All the other people in The Netherlands, the Frisians have never been occupied by any country, mainly because there is absolutely nothing of value to find. During the German occupation of The Netherlands, when the Germans took all the food, most of the Frisians tried to keep the Dutch off their farms and away from the enormous surplus of food because they are the Dutch Jews.

History

The Netherlands were created 6000 years ago, just after the creation of the world, as an insult to God. In its long history, the Netherlands have kept true to their founding principles. They legalized prostitution, made same sex marriage legal, and hid Jews in their homes. It wasn't until the Nazi's came and talked some sense into them that they started persecuting the Jews.

Most of the Dutch history has been a struggle against the incessant attempts of god to erase them in another flood. Because of this, they evolved into a inhumanly tall bunch. Also they invented dykes, because if there's one thing the Dutch know, it's sexual depravity.

The Netherlands gained independence from Spain, after the Spanish were totally disgusted by the local cuisine, consisting of nothing more than potatoes, carrots and onions, all mashed together with a dimple for the gravy. The leader of the Dutch rebellion was a German, and as such it was the first, but certainly not last time the Dutch just rolled over and collaborated when a foreign army crossed their borders.

For a long time the Dutch behaved like any decent country, colonizing backwards savages, murdering and extorting them whenever possible, and just straight up messing their shit up. But the greedy hand of the Jew became apparent when the Dutch sold Manhattan to the English for a few bucks and bought a useless piece of land named Suriname. This was the beginning of the end, culminating in them losing a war to the French, of all people. After that, they just kept low and neutral during wars, all the while doing business with both warring parties, like the greedy little fuckers they are.

When the Nazi's came and the Dutch collaborated again, their political impotence led them to the create the Poldermodel. That consists of nothing more than talking any issue over for days on end, without ever coming to a conclusion. When Fritz left, they forgot to revert back, and the resulting indecisiveness led to the lawless hellhole the Netherlands have been ever since.

The highpoint in their existence came in 1988, when they defeated the Germans in the most pointless game ever, and became European champions.

Culture

Have a bite.

They have clogs, tulips, windmills, pot and cheese. Also, liberal sex laws. Hookers and blow for all. Also a variation of Christmas as national holiday where a some old guy who looks like the pope tells his niggers slaves to deliver gifts to your house. If you have been naughty he'll spank you with a wooden plank and kidnaps you to Spain where he'll lock you up in his basement. Who needs anything else?

Languages

The language most people speak is known as Dutch, or Nederlands if you happen to already speak it. The Dutch think it's the hardest language in the world to learn because no visiting foreigner has ever mastered it (if they even wanted to). What they fail to realise is that it sounds like you're speaking English while spitting and we can understand every word.

Oppose Zion, die tryin'

Unfortunately, since Dutch has far too many vowels and no one gives a shit, no one besides the Dutch can really be assed to learn it.

But there is good news! Though the words may be hard to understand, the Dutch are actually famous for their grammar.

There even is a second language in the Netherlands, called Frisian; which belongs to the aforementioned Frisians the Dutch province, Friesland. It claims to be the root of a lot of modern languages, like English. However, the Dutch-speaking part of the country regards this to be not true, much like the rest of the world. Frisians are generally seen as annoying peasants who keep clinging to really really really (well, compared to American standards) old traditions, like going to church on Sunday and wearing 18th century clothing. Everybody in Friesland is either related or acquainted to each other related and retarded. Other languages spoken in The Netherlands are Turkish and Moroccan, as well as other forms of gibberish. The Netherlands are also known for being a storehouse for Turks and Moroccans. These are usually looked upon by actual Dutch people as niggers are in the US. The Dutch are the one who started slavery, until Abraham Lincoln spoiled it.

People who live in the Netherlands

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