The Student Room
The Student Room, known as TSR to its serious users, is a British forum-based website devoted to the discussion of college. In practice, however, it serves as a lol-cow ranch where idiots gather to 'offer' each other 'advice' about 'subjects' not even related to the question "How do I got education?". Perhaps England's most fetid cesspool of unwarranted self-importance on the Intertubes, at least 100% of TSR posters claim to have seven or more A-grade A-levels (the equivalent of a GPA of around 5.5 for the Americunts reading this).
Particularly troll-able forums include:
- University discussion, where 16-year-old girls and emo fags whine about how they're being persecuted by the university application system just because they spent all their school life in a spiral of angst and internet disease so now don't have any qualifications and will end up riddled with AIDS, dying in a box in an alley somewhere. Or they fight over the pros and cons of top-flight universities that they have no chance of getting in to anyway. SPOILER: Ur goin 2 ITT Tech, faggots.
- Health and relationships, also containing many who have, or soon will have, AIDS. Provided one is subtle enough to rein in the h8 so as to avoid B&jolnir from the fascistic mods, you will find a looooooong list of those with low self-esteem just waiting to be e-pushed into an hero status.
TSR includes a handy reputation system so you can TELL that your trolling is going well! Every time your comments cause someone to feel butthurt, they will neg-rep you. The moar red boxes you have, the closer you are to The Prize!
The Potential Trigger flag is a flashing billboard pointing you in the direction of lulz; the retarded site actually has it as policy to draw attention to the fact that a poster is in a fragile emotional state and thus particularly easy to talk into chugging shotgun mouthwash. What a service!
It has its own gay little Model UN, too. For the love of God...
Still, for lulz maximisation:
- Inform the "Trouble making friends" posters that the reason noone lieks them is because they are horrible people with disgustingly ugly faces.
- Tell the self-diagnosed-anxiety-disorder-sufferers that they actually don't have a disease.
- Attempt e-psychiatry; other TSR users love to join in!
- Claim to have a terminal illness, then after 300 sympathy posts of "OMG I'm so sorrrreeeeeeyyyy!" have rolled in, point out YHBT.
- Say "DO IT FAGGOT" in suicide threads (i.e. 99% of TSR threads) and watch the neg rep and thus lulz roll in from butthurt "humanitarian" lolcows.
- Make the women of TSR aware of their proper place, writing off the LGBT types as delusional transvestites.
- Suggest serious discussion of BNP policies; watch faggotry socialist types fall over themselves to insult you.
- Suggest psychology is a worthless degree. Since 99% of TSR users are either social sciences students or CSIII graduates, you stand a chance of sparking a civil war.
- Express even slight misgivings regarding any aspect of Israel's foreign, domestic, or military policies. You can be sure of drawing copious quantities of red boxes from the forum's hordes of skullcap-wearing, kosher-chomping, WTC-doing Yidds. Even serious business posts on Jew-related topics have been known to "mysteriously vanish" if a passing mod doesn't consider them sufficiently pro-Zion. The Student Room? Moar liek The Jewdent Room, amirite?
- TSR has a strong tradition of parody threads created by changing one word. If a thread seems at all formulaic, expect multiple fail attempts to turn x thread into a forced meme.
|Originally posted by: The forum sig of all female TSR users.|
| Omg hai ^___^ !!!1!
Okies so anyways, im going to tell you bout my exam results <333333333
Except for 1 tiem were I got 98% (((( have sent it 4 remark 16 tiems but dey wont give me 100% (ò_ó) (ò_ó) (ò_ó) am not faiiiiir!
I am soooo kewl & smart bcos I got so many graeds!! RLY!! >.> <.< >.< *(^O^)* *(^O^)* *(^O^)* !!!!one!
|Originally posted by: The forum sig of all male TSR users.|
| Good day, fellow internet users.
Permit me, if you would, to divulge the results of my recent scholarly examinations, for your elucidation.
GCSE RESULTS (which I found laughably simple, I might add)
English Literature (Edexcel June 21st, 11.07am starting time, 2:15 long) - A* - 100%
A-LEVEL RESULTS (As I knew I would, I got my 7 A's, obviously, and 100% all but one)
Advanced Hyper-Mathematics: A - 100%
As I am sure you will agree, this marks me out as a most accomplished man of letters, and I hope you shall bear the above in mind when addressing my superior person during our time together on The Student Room 'internets forum website', as it were.
I shall, of course, be taking up residence at Oxford University subsequent to the conclusion of my summer vacation, on safari in Rhodesia. The interview procedure, I might say, made it particularly easy for one as gifted as I to astonish the learned professors with the bredth and extent of my educated intellect. As such they have offered me an unconditional place at Saint Fizzlewick's Boy's College.
Chronicling each and every AIDS-infested lolcow within The Student Room is an inevitably futile endevour, as no-one cares. Still, the existance of the subs makes the process slightly easier. These "coolest" TSR members are the "social elite" of the forum; the fucking losers who pay £3.50 a month to hang out in 'The Shoutbox', where they discuss TSR drama and who had sex with who. As subs frequent this article fairly often, it is Encyclopedia Dramatica's profound honor to tell you that YOU ALL FUCKING FAIL IT.
The rogue's gallery of failure includes such luminaries as:
- <CJ>, 3105, A Stranger in Moscow, a_t, Acaila, Anatheme, Apagg, Ascient, Aula, Bagration, blackhawk, BruceTaylor, Bubbles*de*Milo, burningnun, Calcium878, Christien, ChunkymunkyDJC, Coy Girl, CyclopsRock, d0mz, Democracy, Ethereal, farhan, Folderol, Frannnnn, generalebriety, Gypsy King, HCD, JakePearson, Jangrafess, JessicaW, Jonah Ramone, kexy, kimoso, Kolya, Laus, LawBore, letsdothetimewarpagain, littleshambles, Llamageddon, Magnum Opus, Mastermind`, mc_watson87, Melana, Melancholy, Mithra, Mr. Mortell, MSB, M:)ckel, natty_d, necessarily benevolent, NoHands, Nynyflower, paperclip, PeeWeeDan, Profesh, PQ, Rainy, robinson999, samba, Seanisonfire, SiaSiaSia, sil3nt_cha0s, SoapyDish, socrates, SuicideCommando, ToastyCoke, Toy Soldier, Trigger, tropical-twist3, TuckingFypo™, Tufts, Undiscovery, valjean, Vicious Fishes, wes, wzz, Yuffie, and many more.
Some of these people are the most self important assholes ever to have graced the internet. If encountered on The Student Room, these dickheads should be immediatelly milked for lulz. For moar details, see below!
- musicbloke: TSR also has its own resident failure at life in the form of member musicbloke (moar like JEWISHbloke amirite?) After graduating with first class honours from Cambridge the member has failed to do anything with it, sitting unemployed at home since summer 2007, spending his time chatting to teenage boys on the site and meeting them in real life (despite looking like a 40 year old himself). He also gets annoyed when the site admin don't listen to him (as they so obviously should due to his high reputation and post count) and thinks that insults are fine, so long as they are not directed at him. In January 2009 he took a break from the site by requesting a ban. But it wasn't for a job. Nothing has come his way yet after 18 months...
- Sadly the 1st class thing isn't bullshit. This is his blog; http://jacobslittleworld.blogspot.com/2006/05/difference-between-systemic-and.html
- Acaila: The award for most useless and big headed member goes to the bore that is Acaila. She is a supermoderator on the site. So what is so super about her? She is super lazy, doing nothing on the site, has a super-ego thinking she is loved and does so much good (when in reality most of the members thing she is rubbish and want her gone). She also thinks that because she is Scottish she is owned one, yet just gives us Scottish people a bad name. Added to this, she is condescending, rude, hideously obese and overly sarcastic to the extent that she is one who is a joke and she loves to ban and warn people (tell me about it :rolleyes:). Shame it had to be fleur de lis who left as supermod. The site owed so much to fleur, but suffers so much at the hands of Acaila and her cronies wesetters and nota bene.
- jaydoh: The Student Room's resident sex offender/lol-cow, and yet another member who thinks himself more important than you. Often whines about how difficult it is getting 12 year old girls to send naked pictures of themselves to him. Despite claiming not to care about the reputation system, he whines for hours on end whenever he receives red boxes and offers fellatio to users who give him green ones. Despite all of this his future looks bright and just like many other users of The Student Room he is a prime candidate for the 2009 Golden iPod award.
- fran.ha: A relatively new member and massively big arsed cunt that constantly moans about how fat she is but continues to stuff her face with jelly babies. At any point that someone tries to suggest some form of diet or exercise she goes on about how it hurts so much it makes her weep lard filled tears. Constantly wearing unflattering clothing and posting endless pictures (which people say they like, presumably out of pity) she gains much fail as each day passes. Possibly one of the most self pitying people you'll ever meet, anyone that can stand giving her any advice without gouging out their eyes deserves a medal.
- Yuffie: The Student Room's resident whore, fit as but has her legs open far too many times that we are blinded by the golden gems that dwell within her pussy. She is also a massive attention whore who told everyone she was raped by jangrafess then it eventually emerged he had no cock. Pretends to think she's fat, ugly, repulsive, how often she has sex, how original she is, how much weed she smokes, and how alternative her taste in EVERYTHING is. Weeaboo first-class; fuck off to Japan. UPDATE: She's actually going to be taking japanese at university, WHAT AN ABSOLUTE FAGGOT LOL! Likes to punch other TSR members, because she's a fucking whore who will do ANYTHING for attention, thinks she's the funniest person to have ever graced the internet, loser. She chain smokes in the hopes of getting terminal cancer and becoming like her idol Jade Goody. Upset that Jade is now sleeping with the fishes, she has started smoking 200 a day in the hopes of catching up. Good riddance you fucking bitch, I hope it happens sooner rather than later. Recently B& for posting porn in the faggot infested shout box.
- kimoso: See above. Basically Yuffie's twin sister, except she somehow manages to be even more dismal, inane and pointless. Now that Yuffie's finally fucked off, thinks she's filling a gap; alas, it's more akin to curing syphilis during an AIDS epidemic. Let us in any case not forget that she was the Queen of TSR. (However she has left this site.)
- Vapid Slut Magician (Previously known as "Puppy"): VSM is a stupid whore who somehow managed to get a First class degree at Cambridge, yet despite the said qualifications she is fucking retarded. She managed to shoot herself to Epic Fail fame when she was arrested for punching a spectator after losing a jelly wrestling match. Amongst this all she talks about is trying to get laid and how no guy who fits her criteria wants to sleep/date her. Which is hardly surprising from her photos.
- Alasdair Russell aka Alasdair: Alasdair is one of the most active members of The Student Room's House of Commons. Despite claiming to be a socialist, he has known real life links to the BNP and was recently arrested for breaking an indian man's jaw. Fortunately there are few retards who agree with his misguided ideals. Generally considered to be trolling, he claims to have slept with many women as documented by his blog, however this is highly improbable as he has a history of breaking mirrors. Arrogant enough to claim that he is similar to Charlie Harper from the television show Two and a Half Men, although this comparison fails because Alasdair is an unfunny faggot. Seriously, fuck you Alasdair. Fucked Yuffie and denied then claimed it was like fucking a doll. You would know Alasdair.
- anna_spanner89: The hero of nursing, saviour of the NHS and the source of all factual medical knowledge, anna is a self obsessed, arrogant nobody who claims to love nursing yet constantly tries to be a doctor. Frequently expresses concern that people may not accept such rigorous academic disciplines as RE and Photography as proof of her intellectual superiority over us all, Anna has repeatedly informed us of her heroic deeds within her nursing course. Correcting medical students, mocking the communication skills of people with 40+ years of hospital experience, and scoring 98% in what was obviously a very difficult nursing exam go a long way to showing just how wrong we were to doubt that she is indeed the smartest person alive. My life is just drab and boring in comparison Anna, you're a fucking hero. Furthermore all we ever hear is how she "wants sex" and a doctor with a massive "Nelson's column". Considering she professes doctors all have an IQ of -4 you wonder why she wants to date one so much.
- Magnum Opus: Studying a philosophy type degree in London, this faggot spends every minute of his life on TSR failing life. A weedy short internet nerd, he has no friends other than a little 16 year old girl (who uses TSR every minute of her life) who he wanks to every day, hoping he can finally bestow his ugliness and fail upon this girl who looks 10 years old. Attempting to flirt with the normal female members of the shoutbox and negging/banning the normal male members of the shoutbox, he is the epitome of fail on TSR. Likely to turn into a furiously masturbating pedophile hermit when he grows older. Already looks like a 60 year old man. No hope in life so turns to the internet in a feeble attempt to validate his existence in society. Recently got a 2.2 in an essay. The world hopes that he fails his degree and comes to terms with worthless sack of shit he really is.
- Jangrafess: A total faggot, who thinks he's god on TSR due to possessing the highest reputation power on the site. Apparently this self importance has begun to carry over to real life. An ugly, stereotypical Jew rat who is also a massive child molester. One of Jangrafess' favourite hobbies is playing in Pokémon tournaments, through which he can find the next little girl to abduct, rape, and bury. Rumour has it he went far out of his way to abduct the last one, and managed to frame the girls parents for the crime. Claims that he has received death threats, which is unsurprising given his aforementioned penchant for babyfuck. Seemingly possessing no real life friends, Jangrafess' last hope is clinging to TSR members who live near him in a desperate attempt to validate himself. Woe betide anyone who crosses him or disagrees with him, he'll do the nearest thing he can to actually punching you: leaving you little red boxes on a website. We can but hope that his bipolar disorder spirals out of control, and kills himself while realising what a worthless sack of shit he really is. Little does he realise a degree at Manchester Metropolitan (one of the worst universities out there) will never ever get him a salary higher than his TSR post count.
- Bagration: Libertarian smoker who likes mudkips. Noted Paultard and emo. As to be expected of his breed of faggot, he worships free markets and the US constitution, despite being in fact a Singaporean-English-Somalian nigger.
- Blackhawk: A massive whore who was raeped by the whole of the student room and ended up getting pregnant. Cue endless months of bawwwwwing about her stupid unborn baby. Apparently she didnt feel any pain giving birth because her vag was so loose the baby fell out when she stood up last thursday. To extract lulz from this user simply call her baby a disgusting nigger.
- Democracy: The Student Room's self-styled know-it-all, often seen screeching pompous bile in threads discussing the BNP or Iran. Democracy was born with his head firmly inserted up his ass, which is reflected in how he portrays himself as the fount of all knowledge and will actively shout down anyone who disagrees. Democracy studies Medicine at university, yet thinks he's going to lead the next Socialist revolution. Seriously, fuck you, you idealistic prick.
- Bubbles*de*Milo: The infamous Arab whore. She's an attention seeking slut. She often creates threads about her disgusting black person hair, who gives a fuck? Fucking loser. Her eyes look all dazed and fucked up because she's always high on drugs. Despite her pictures, she is actually overweight. She once sucked black cock in exchange for drugs, I shit you not.
- Adonis: Ugly fucking sandnigger or some similar shit. He goes on about the gym and how he pumps his guns, he does this because his face looks as though someone took a sledgehammer to it. His head is some fucked up weird shape, he has a receding hairline like an old cunt as well. An established loser, depressed about his looks. Not much else to say really - UGLY. Recently got banned for posting porn but has been unbanned since. Does not mean anyone likes him.
- Dalimyr: Twisted pervert who goes to great lengths to cover up his real gender. Goes by the name of Holly on TSR, an attractive female videogaming geek; in reality, he's Chris, a ginger St. Andrews Computer Science drop-out who spent his time there as a real-ale society outcast whilst failing epically on TSR. Newsflash, dickhead: moderating on TSR isn't going to pay for your sex change. *Edit* He's also so worried about people finding out that he removes this contribution from ED every few weeks. So folks, shout it from the rooftops: DALIMYR IS A BLOKE! Oh, and if you're so dumb that the PM screenshot isn't enough for you, see for yourself here.
- Profesh: Mick Hucknel impressionist and all round ginger cunt Profesh is the walking thesaurus of the back room. Apparently his motto is "I like big words, and I shall not prevaricate" this is the tip of the tip of the iceburg that is the faggatory of Profesh. Often editing posts and shouts 2 or 3 times to ensure the largest most pretentious word is used. It is rumoured that this is so emo, 16 year old girls will suck is ginger cock. He has managed to dupe 4 girls into sex on The Student Room claiming his cock has magical powers to heal the sick. That would explain why Laus spends most of her time hanging off it then.
- Trigger: Old member unable to take the hint that fat 28 year old emo's should not be posting on a student site, especially as she isn't even a student. Desperate to be modded to the point that she starts the "Knickers Thread". A jacking off paradise for the perverted men of the back room and a free medium for Trigger to play out her feeder fantasises without fear of being harpooned. She pleads for members to come and look at her hideously obese body and whines when nobody has anything nice to say. Recently tried to kill herself by attempting an overdose on pies, which failed as she forgot she was already a disgustingly obese manity.
- Undiscovery: Retarded mincer who has now been eternally banned.
- sil3nt_cha0s: TSR's latest luminary is sil3nt_cha0s, an 18 year old manboy who has tossed off properly. Calling his penis the staff of excelsior he wants to bestow its power on someone worthy (more like his dad amirite?). Apparently he faps to profile pics. He also makes a myriad of threads asking about his virginity, all the signs of an hero in one shining example.
- kexy: Another one in the Trigger mould, that being fat fuck emo depressed about the fact that he hasn't seen his penis since 100 years ago. Constantly moaning about his weight on shitbox, yeah that'll help get rid of those jelly rolls. As we know, lip piercings are so cool on teenage girls, this faggotry is even more pronounced on this 20 year old chubby funster. Apparently kexy's equally emo girlfriend has been missing since last thursday, one suspects she's hidden in one of the many crevasses of the ginormous ass of the TSR groovemeister.
- Ilora Danon: Anorexic 23 year old virgin Ilora Danon embodies all the Faggotry of TSR in her needle filled body. Constantly moans on about the sanctity of virginity despite gagging for it on TSR ffs. As if this wasn't enough she is also a self confessed twilighter. Used to be a fat fuck but lost it all through exercise and dieting. Pretends to have a "rocker" image to disguise the fact that she is in fact a mid 20's angsty emo, one suspects she is just having an extremely late puberty. Completely oblivious to the fact that she has no connection to the student world yet continues to post over 9000 times a day on TSR. Apparently if she doesn't get laid in the next year she will slit her wrists, fingers crossed eh? According to this she is going to date a man for the first time in over 9000 days (ie her whole damn life). When he finds out she's a sad, pathetic little virgin who spends her days on TSR even though she's not a student, she will be dumped and create another virgin thread on TSR. Epic failure at life.
- Taiko: Not much to say about this "up his own arse" twat, a part from the fact that he looks like a baby nazi nigga. Thinks the world literally shines out of his own crusty bumhole, in fact he is so up his own crusty bumhole you can see his baby nazi nigga face in his own mouth. His main hobbies include being a dick to people on the internet that he believes can't hurt him and stirring shit with his own tongue.
- Lefty Leo: Homosexual Indian liberal Lefty Leo represents the "wannabe politician" of The Student Room. Constantly stating his openly free views on race, religion, freedom, party politics and what have you, this naive short-arsed faggot literally knows nothing of what he says, then attempts to blame his silly, worthless views on his "dangerously sarcastic" style of posting. He cannot get his small pathetic brain around the fact this country is predominantly white and the interviewers at Oxford can screw him over with his stupid pre-Ghandi views on the pseudo "PPE" course which he is foolishly applying to.
- im so academic: More commonly known as ISA (same acronym as "individual savings account", ironic in the fact this is the LAST person you'd ever save on earth), this person (unsure of the gender) is the epitomy of TSR's oxbridge-obsessed, grade-obsessed, low-life loser culture. Apparently has over 9000 A*s at GCSE and A Level despite only being 13 years old. Has significant negative reputation due to rep whorage and being one of the most hated idiots on the forum with its uninformed, bullsh!t arguments for things it can never possibly comprehend. Will epicly fail Oxbridge before interview due to its confusion over gender.
- Mad Vlad: A self-important, militant Apple-hater and connoisseur of smartphone on smartphone hardcore pornography; this guy just sums up everything that sucks about TSR. He's managed to do the impossible and make all of his posts 100% sarcastic (normally complete with :rolleyes: and :facepalm: smileys, of course) yet 0% humorous. He's one of a handful of users whose reputation includes a shiny, flashing gem - an honour which entitles him to free entry to TSR's Annual Subscriber Gangbang (an event that began as a desperate attempt relieve the TSR moderators of their acne/obesity/personality disorder-induced virginity), the right to be condescending and patronising to TSR users who don't act exactly like he wants them to and the power to have the semi-important TSR users (you know, the ones who are on their second or third shade of green gem) to give him e-fellatio in a desperate attempt to allow them a quick such on his rep-lactating e-nipple.
- Samba: An uptight pretentious gay faggot who likes to eternally piss people off in "The Shoutbox" starting arguments whenever he can. He is considered to be one of the biggest faggots on the internet he has also fucked his mother and does so regularly. Many say that he needs to curl up in a corner and die.
- Apagg: Not much is to be said about this Cambridge clown, which shows just as much about his personality. Has an economics degree (yawn) from Cambridge which he probably wipes his arse with everyday. WELL DONE, The Student Room congratulate you for being a clever little fuck.
- sauce: Bellydancing cockney nutjob sauce is the shoutbox's resident mental patient. Despite being in a bimbo in her mid 20s who has yet to complete her GCSEs, she hopes to one day become a doctor, most likely so she'll to look at other women naked all day whilst performing gynecology exams, without fear of being accused of being a lesbian. Recently created a Twitter account dedicated to spreading gossip about other TSR members, and uploaded a video of herself bellydancing to it to throw people off the scent when they (immediately) realised she was behind it.
- lovely_me: Mouthy Mancunian Jewish bimbo lovely_me is TSR's latest super troll. Often seen sucking up to more experienced members of the box, telling other members to 'simmer down', and relentlessly flirting with any male member whose face doesn't look horrifically maimed (granted, a rare occurrence on TSR), she provides hours of entertainment. She thinks being a combination of Northern, Jewish, and a woman makes her superior to everybody else on the site, when in actual fact, it does little to cover the fact that she's a failed troll, and one of the most active members of the nauseating 'young fags clique', whose other notable members include Addzter and failingatm.
- failingatm: A member of the TSR's 'young fag troll' generation, failingatm is one of TSR's new breed, sometimes known to follow other fag troll lovely_me around the site. Often seen on the shoutbox flirting outrageously with anything with a penis, she once received a picture of Johnbergqvists penis, which she faps to every morning and evening before she brushes her teeth. Rumour has it she is in a long-distance relationship with Johnberg, which given the fact she is uncertain of her own gender, and Johnberg is a sexual deviant, seems fairly likely. His/her gender is often confused and no one knows for sure what her/his true motive really is. One thing that is known, however, is that failingatm is a faggot.
- Addzter: Self proclaimed troll-fag that likes Alan Partridge so much, he literally fingers himself before bed every night thinking about him. Most likely known on The Student room for rep whoring in the Health and Relationship Forums by trying to make witty and comical comments on the OP's post, whether being serious or not. Doesn't understand how much of a twat (and faggot) he looks as he tries to gather up his little green gems. Notable for starting the 'young fag troll' generation, and carrying out attacks on old fags despite being just as faggy as the rest of them.
- Kater Murr: One of the shoutbox's most boring members, it has been said that not yawning whilst reading a post by Kater Murr is harder than climbing Mount Everest with no legs. Constantly talks about her 90-year-old boyfriend Joachim in the shoutbox, despite nobody caring about his opinions on other box members or what he did during World War II.
- Nynyflower: Nynyflower is the shoutbox's resident scarecrow impersonator and over-the-top hippie. 90% of the lonely male members on the shoutbox want to go balls deep inside her, despite her hair looking like it was last washed with Fairtrade hemp shampoo in 1998. Her ultimate sexual fantasy is to be spit roasted by Ed Miliband and Ed Balls on a bed of Labour Party election leaflets whilst being watched by Jacqui Smith in a leather gimp suit.
- The-Wi$e-One: Ridiculous and obnoxious, this massive faggot hangs around in the shoutbox 24/7 informing us all of his degenerate existence, apparently he's yet another sub with depression, excelling even beyond Mad Vlad Tech-faggotry as a replacement for actual human contact. Likes to tease Johnbergqvist in order to distract others from his car crash of a life. I feel debased just for knowing you even exist.
- Johnbergqvist: Resident sexual predator and Ass Burgers sufferer Johnberg is one of the shoutbox's biggest LOLcows. His sexual habits are often discussed by in detail by members, and they include, in no particular order: using Mars Bars as anal dildos (100% true), boning vacuum cleaners (100% true), forcing his dog to lick Rolo yoghurt off of his testicles (100% true), and even masturbating to pictures of shoutbox hotties such as sauce, Trigger, Nynyflower, and Dalimyr (90% true - not even Johnberg wanks to Dalimyr). Despite the fact he's a spastic of Forrest Gump proportions, Johnberg has actually been moderately successful with the ladies in the past. He's met up with over 9000 women from OKCupid, none of whom have yet permitted him to fuck them. One of the women he met up with famously trolled him IRL, by making him take a long train journey to see her, and then dumping him as soon as he got off the train, resulting in much lulz.
- Ham and Cheese: Resident pedo cunt, dupe cocksucker and animal abusing wanker of TSR. His sexual ambition is to rape every underage girl in the world. This ridiculous pedo cunt abuses animals [100% true], fucks little girls [100% true], wanks over child porn [100%] and wants to fuck imsoacademic which makes this socially rejected bastard a bigger cunt than Jangrafess. He always talks about how often he has sex with toddlers. Cunt.
- Ape gone insane: Another faggy scotscunt who thrives off his gay green gems, biggest rep whore out on TSR at the minute, literally spending every waking second of his useless and monotonous life on TSR making shitty threads so he can get more and more rep. Between his working hours and TSR fag time, he likes to fuck goats and all sorts of critters up in the highlands of the north. His username is no myth either, he looks literally like a fucking gorilla and his mother probably locked him up in his room (re. spending too much time on TSR) for everyone's benefit. Shame she couldn't stop this monster of a fail being unleashed on to TSR, but at least he's with his own kind on there, the superfags.
- Aj12:Another faggy repwhore who spends every second of his pathetic and meaningless existence posting on pseudo debate forums, posts in accordance with the general consensus of the fags in order to gain more rep and is a complete cunt failure at life being on a 'gap' year which translates into being rejected by all the faggy universities.
- littleshambles: Whiny little emo black cunt who spends every waking moment droning on about her worthless and depressing life. Severely bullied at school (no surprise). Always a social outcast. Frequently cuts her wrists, either for attention or for a genuine and completely failed attempt at suicide. In all probability, it's the former as its inconceivable that such a fag could fail so many times at taking her own life. Nothing more than another faggy attention seeker. One hopes she succeeds in killing herself next time.
- AreYouDizzeeBlud_x: Stupid rep whoring troll who complains about absolutely everything and starts retarded threads about The Wanted and how he likes fuck and monkey face his girlfriend to the songs because of his immense faggotry. Associates himself with TSR's latest luminary is sil3nt_cha0s, an 18 year old manboy who has tossed off properly. Has over 2,000 posts not long after joining and is definitely going to be around forever. Most likely will have to listen to him fucking moan about failing uni because he was too busy wanking off The Wanted & The Script backstage across the UK. Has a fetish for another member known has mirin? and keeps linking this troll failure's threads in the shout box. Deserves to die just as much as littleshambles and is a self confessed cunt.
- zjs: The biggest cunt known to the internet. Constantly comes into the box to disrupt conversation with his oh so fucking witty remarks that keep coming from his retarded and miniature brain. Always looking around to report posts that he thinks his fucking F grade intelligence is above due to his up the own ass attitude. Another rep whoring cunt who posts within the first 5 of every thread to try and gain some attention from other members too fucking retarded to notice that hes doing it for his own massively inflated ego so he can wank himself off in front of his computer screen and give his fucking microscopic dick a bit of action. Only a double decker bus could take this egotistical cunt out, hopefully another member is driving it and they fucking crash and burn at the same time.
- gradjobplease: The name says it all to be honest. This fucking cunt will only be getting a grad job in McDonalds and I hope he chokes on a chicken nugget the self obsessed cunt. Always trying to be funny in the box and the smart one and quite often will quote you in a thread repeatedly to be a nuisance because his own fucking life lacks anything. A retarded fucking avatar that shows him dressed like Joseph in his fucking amazing technicolor dreamcoat which I presume he wore because the A grade twat thinks he something special. Only friend is Addzter the Alan Partridge anal tongue bleaching cunt and the 3 of them should have a fucking threesome the faggots. Calls himself the freakonomist when in reality hes just a fucking freak of nature. Another new member who's going to be brainwashed into the TSR ways and is going to be a cunt for life.
- G8D: Another faggy scotscunt related to the fucking failcunts Dalimyr and Ape Gone Insane. This faggot spends his spare time sucking up to fags lella_m (rumour has it he wants to release his faggy scottish cock juices deep inside her hairy, infested pussy) and young fagtrolls failingatm and inferior twin failure kimprovising. Admitted in the box he has no friends and no life outside his shitty deadend job at Sports Direct (where he pervs on fat, slimy scottish women in desperate hope he can sew his scottish fagseed deep inside their hairy, withered pussies). Comes out with shitty, sarsastic, failed witty remarks at the shoutbox people who have lives. Over half the backroom wishes he was dead. Protip: go die you faggot.
- kimprovising: She is failingatm's real life twin sister. Although sisters, they are nothing alike (except both are faggy). Should be called kimprowhoring with the amount of TSR gays chasing her pussy. These fags include: G8D, Addzter, AreYouDizzeeBlud_x, gradjobplease, ch0llima, Mastermind`, Tucking Fypo, UniversityLAD, Bagration, Jonah Ramone and basically all the other TSR gays that have (tiny) penises, all begging to taste a bit of that hairy and probably huge vagina. Granted she doesn't have a face that looks severely maimed (a rare occurrence, unlike many of the other fuglyass TSR femalefags), she gets a lot of attention and is disgustingly white knighted for by the desperate male population of TSR. Notoriously associated with other youngtrollfags (Addzter, lovely_me) she is just another fucking waste of space that TSR has to offer. What do I think? I think this shitty little cunt should go kill herself, lets say, from jumping off a bridge.
- Delta_Aitch: This cunty slag is probably one of TSR's faggiest fagbitches around. Goes around acting like a sweet little cunt, but turns out to be a two faced fag, and infact asian, despite her looking like a blicknigger from the depths of Faggy Nigeria. Hangs around trying to act hard and get attention, but fails sorely, especially as none of the members of TSR can guess her gender. Is he/she/it really a girl? Who knows? One thing is for sure, this little bitchnigger is a cunty slag who should be dealt with as soon as possible by the appropriate means.... AKA should be shot dead infront of its niggerpals.
- Illusionary: One of the TSR supermod fuckwits gangs most prevalent members. Has a dog with a bone style of moderation and if you get on the wrong side of this bitchfag then you'll know about. Will find any idiotic minor reason to ban you. Has so many TSR moderator awards coming out of his rear end. Has around 40k posts, and been a member since 2005 25% of these posts are spamming "Welcome to TSR" in the welcome forum. Includes among his friends list over trollwhores including: Ape Gone Insane, Democracy, kimprovising, letsdothetimewapagain, Mads Vlad, modsfriend and secretmessages. The ultimate wankshafting TSR no life who was somehow deemed deserving of a banhammer.
- L'Evil Fish: Arrogant and self-righteous tosser, from the giant swimming pool of Some Asian Shithole(appropriate username I see). Spends most of the time trying to impress all the other TSR addicted Oxbridge hopefuls with his A-Level in Maths. Commonly seen 'fishing' for appreciation in the Study Help forums and probably cries to his mummy when he doesn't get any. Seems to want ipoop's two incher firmly up his ass and his cum in their mouth in the 'Describe the Person Above You thread'. Avoid this little fuckwit like they've caught malaria, which given that he's from Some Asian Shithole, is probably true.
- ipoop (preferred title Lord ipoop): A self-important wankshaft who strides around Games and Competitions likes he owns the fucking place, famous for getting regular bans and hiding his reputation 'cos this little bitchfag doesn't want anybody to know how unpopular he is with everyone. Has a definite superiority complex and don't be afraid if this little mothafucka talks to you like you're a little cunt he could step on. However compared to most of the shitholes on TSR he is relatively nice which is more than can be said for the possy of bumlickers and arsehookers who treat hims as if he's some sort of God of the forum and even though their licking his bum want his account to die like Cephalus's so they can take over. The bumlickers are too numerous to list but if you walk into the Describe the Person Above You thread you'll spot them pretty quickly as all of the faggot wrenches who post there with there nice little A-Level tongues wrenched firmly up his butt creek. Also remember to call the arsehole Lord ipoop if you want to fit in with the bumlicker and arsehole brigade.
From the whole of the internet, we hope each of you die a painful death, by something like cancer or equally as sad.
De_monies is giant lord beta fag of all things TSR, the most brightly burning star in the new generation TSR bitchfag rimjobbing convention. He spends his faggot forever alone days in the Chat and International Lounge forums and has a particular penchant for exposing his disgusting paedhophilic arsehole to pre-teen TSR insecure virgin bitchfag wimminz in the Pakistani thread. De_monies has acquired a unique reputation amongst TSR modfags in a short space of time with his awful attempts at repwhoring (unsurprising given his miniature senile brain from over9000 years ago) and providing endless lols from his needy, desperate, forever virgin posts in H&R. When asked about his age De_monies answers invariably with '21' despite the fact that his receding hairline and typically Mirpuri obscenely-sized beer belly put him in the company of middle aged taxi drivers and gorilla-platypus hybrid species. It has been widely speculated that DM's real name is 'Richard Head' but these reports are unconfirmed. Illustrating his evident super-alpha attributes are the following quotes:
- 'I quite like parks/museums/greenery... but I've never been on a date so..' - De_monies
- 'Why does he look like that' - Sister of ILovePancakes
- 'why is he a giant beta faggot' - Everyone
- 'I've been to several TSR meetups... But Social services always take the kids away' - DM
- 'I lost my virginity to Katbob years ago... I'm going to meet her for the first time in a few weeks'
- 'I went to a child protection convention a while back... I think I have to up my game'
- 'DM's dick was nice and white and veiny' - Katbob
- 'I like De_monies, he's a very sociable mod' - Dilsz (head of De_monies fanclub and paedophile ring)
- 'DM is a fair and just moderator' - no one ever
- 'Ooh yes de monies fuck me harder I want you to essert your mod power over me' - Mishaal Javed Dawaar
- 'He didn't spread his cheeks enough so I carded him' - De_monies (about various vulnerable underage TSR newfags)
Courtesy of "TheCurlyHairedDude"
The moderation of The Student Room are perhaps the worst part of the website. Their "community team" is technically illiterate, resulting in some particularly entertaining blunders. In fact, their corrupt moderation was criticised to the point at which they realised that they had to do something to address the disillusioned masses. So, they started "carding" users for discussing moderation, even if that involves sucking their cocks, in public. Instead, they filter all criticism to a private subforum (which their "volunteer" minions, the "TSR Support Team", who are under strict supervision) don't even have access to, where users will receive a very thoughtful reply. It's not unknown to see moderators, often middle aged individuals that have nothing better to do with their time, advance their Jewish political agenda, silencing criticism regarding Islam, and nuking threads with the mere mention of white genocide, or anyone that dares to claim that there are only two genders.