The Vagina Monologues

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No more "good kind of rape"? The Coochie Snorcher censorship is exposed!
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I'm obsessed with women being violated and raped, and with incest. All of these things are deeply connected to our vaginas.
 

 
 

Eve Ensler

   
 
well, I say if it was rape, it was a good rape.
 

 
 

—Eve pretending to be a 13 year old girl who just had drunk sex with a lesbian cougar, The Little Coochie Snorcher That Could

Proof positive that feminists should be outright exterminated, The Vagina Monologues is a huge campus hit among angry womyn, riot grrls, various other dyslexic feminists and masochistic pro-feminist men. The title might lead you to assume that this overcelebrated piece of shit was written by a big bull-dyke with whom you may not agree but have to admire for audacity and rage, and thus support her right to free speech to the hilt. No such luck. Predictably, like most garbage feminist rhetoric, it was created by an upper-class, sheltered, and happily married kike, Eve Ensler.

The Author[edit]

Biography[edit]

Liek most feminazis of Jew, Ensler says she grew up under the rule of an evil patriachal father who regularly abused her; had she not invented this, no one would give a fuck about the ugly hooked-nose piece of shit. Inspired by her daily rape fantasies and thinking of her shortcomings as a woman, Ensler asked 100 different like-minded intellectuals typical stock questions in Jew York about their cunts; the result was The Vagina Monologues.

Ensler later married a Kikelander who just happens to be the filthy rich Ariel Orr Jordan. Allegedly both a psychoanalyst and television screenwriter, he sounds like the kind of guy who is on a permanent holiday. Maybe the Vagina Monologue fund-raising helps?

In spite of being married to a man, Ensler openly claims she is bisexual.

Her Aims[edit]

Evie's first aim in writing the show was to give privileged women a sense of entitlement and victimhood, making it harder for men and women to fall in love and then have secks and bring up babies, and sissifying as many boyfriends of her followers as she could.

The Original Show[edit]

The Little Coochie Snorcher That Could[edit]

"The first thing I did before writing my column for the bucolic Amherst Bulletin four years ago when our little town became the only High School in the nation to allow "VM" was read the play (three times) and get the DVD and videotape (wasn"t" sure if I would be techy enough to hook up my new DVD player).

And what amazed me was Ensler looking into the camera saying directly to the viewers that she was only telling the stories of 200 women interviewed and had, in fact, "not changed a thing".

Of course she HAD changed something: the Little Coochie Snorcher goes from 13 to 16 and drops the line about a "good rape". So that makes Ensler a liar (as the film version was shot after those revisions).
" -Larry Kelley

This was originally a story about a girl who got punched in the vagoo when she was 6, ripped it open on her bedpost when she was 9, was raped by a fat guy named Alfred when she was 10, depressed about her vagina at 12, and then had a lesbian sexfest when she was 13 with a 24 year old woman with a picture of a naked nigra with a massive afro on her bedstand. The person telling the story acknowledges people have told her this was rape, but she says that if it is rape, it is a good rape that transformed her "coochie snorcher" into heaven.

The author at first claimed that she did not want to change it because the authenticity of the women who told her these stories was sacred. She later ignored this (and all scruples about truth) and took out the word "rape" from the play (including the "good rape" line) and changed the age of the lesbian sexual experience to 16 to make it less controversial.

See evidence from iFeminist:

The play is meant to decry rape and other violence against women. Yet, the original performances of the play and the published book eulogize lesbian "rape" of a 13-year-old girl by a 24-year-old woman who plies her with alcohol. The pedophile section is entitled "The Little Coochi Snorcher That Could" — Coochi Snorcher being the nickname of the little girl's genitalia. Her vagina's tale of seduction begins, "She gently and slowly lays me out on the bed..."
After becoming more graphic, the little girl gratefully concludes, "I'll never need to rely on a man."
Both by statute and by feminist definition, the "seduction" scene is rape. Nevertheless, the Coochi Snorcher declares, "...if it was rape, it was a good rape."

Versions[edit]

The play was first written and performed in 1996. Here are dated YouTube links of various women reading this story. Let's see if we can find one old enough that it still includes either 'good rape' or her being 13.

Comments from the Auteur[edit]

The underlying and sub- yet superliminal discoursian intention was to create a critique in post-structuralist neo-post-modern feminist terms specularly reflected in the "uomo" of the speculum of the indelicate other's sensibilities, as it may have been construed in an ipso facto ex-textual formalism, gaze from the audience of...
[blah, blah, blah]
FAIL

The Masterstroke[edit]

The masterstroke lay in the decision to have the women speak through their pussies. The problem was that while, like many men, loads 'a' women can speak through their arseholes, the ability to turn a pussy fart into speech sound is a rare gift. Also, pussy farts don't last very long unless they're pathological and no fun at all, so it's hard to get out more than a word (like "Bbpicca" or "Ppppboyssu-u-u-uck") for the gals who don't have any of the relevant conditions.

The Original Performance[edit]

The backstage preparation for a performance of the Vagina Monologues in the original style is hell. Pussy farting requires vigorous non-butt secks, a bit of a problem since the boyfriends of those who have them are completely sissified and often can't get it up anymore. The straight gals whose boyfriends still can do it doggy. The rest resort to dildoes. The portion of lesbians who liek secks of some kind do the same. The remainder use drinking straws, bicycle pumps, and cans of compressed air to gently blow in teh pussies of their sexless beloveds.

Stage directions[edit]

Stage directions were simple: positions have to be varied from one woman to the next. Three microphones were required, one each for teh pussy at floor height, squat height, and standing height. The first performer might step out from the curtain to a flourish of circus-style music, turn her back to the audience, rip off her wrap, sit on the stage, and let the wind out with a subtle "BLAT", which is actually supposed to say "wicca". The next steps out to a drum roll, again turns her back to the audience, looks at them through the legs, and unleashes a more liquid "SLOOSH-PARP", and so on.

Oh noes! Shut down![edit]

The vice squad jumped in and shut the first performance down when the final performer turned out to be a crack whore with gonhorrhea who, after solid prep from several customers, unleashed a rain of greenish liquid on the perverts in the audience.

Continuing presence[edit]

Secret performances of the original threatening but hilarious version are still held from time to time. Watch out for one in your neighborhood!

Animu adaptation[edit]

The Vagina Monologues have been adapted as an animu by the Japanese, who know fucked up krazee shit when they see it. In this form it is known as Parasyte.

The Crap Vagina Monologues Meme[edit]

After the vice squad shut down the original Vagina Monologues, poor Evie Ensler went back to the drawing board, loved her original monologues to death, and decided that she could do the desired damage with a simple series of extremely tl;dr rants about how bad men are, how pussies don't smell and taste anything like seafood, and how fucking vicious men had better pamper them even if they are rancid from thrush or chlamydia. In great taste, she has the gall to present simple pedophilia as the only pleasant and enticing interlude in the whole shitfest. Hey, as long as it ain't between men and women!

Compulsory on Campus[edit]

The meme has spread, it's now like feminazi Christmas! An annual torture for most men and women on most campuses, whether or not boys will attend provides a test of their worthiness as pathetic slaves of the domineering poifowmahs. A bunch of pore ole frat boys tried to even the score, but the hysteria levels are too high. Even worse, it is now spreading to high schools, wow simple pedophilia must be the point of this.

Typical rant[edit]

Who wouldn't be enticed by this delightful advice?

Atomic.gif Warning!
If you just watch the thing you'll want eye bleach; if you listen to it, you'll need ear bleach, too!

IRL vagina monologues[edit]

IRL vagina monologues are different from the play. Left or upper: a crazy and great emo freakout about the real thing; right or lower: a real vagina monologue.

A Test[edit]

Take the time to take this simple test. Is this a parody?

The Mangina Monologues Version[edit]

WTF, you wouldn't believe who's in on this version by folk who don't even have real vaginas! Ironic, since wimmin-only events generally don't want a bar of them.

The Yugioh Version (unrelated, but lulzy)[edit]

External Links[edit]

DO NOT USE THE BOOK!!!
The original includes a scenario entitled "The Little Coochi Snorcher that Could." This is a reference to a 13-year-old girl/vagina who calls her genitalia "coochi snorcher." In this scene, a 24-year-old woman plies the child with alcohol, then sexually seduces her. By statute law and by all prior feminist definitions I have read, this "seduction" is both rape and child abuse. The scene would elicit unmitigated rage if the seducer were a heterosexual male. Yet, in the original text, the little girl declares,
"Now people say it was a kind of rape.... Well, I say if it was rape, it was a good rape...." (The reference to "good rape" was deleted from some performances last year but the surrounding language still made the rape's goodness clear.) The Coochi Snorcher eulogized her orgasm: "She [the 24 year-old woman] gently and slowly lays me out on the bed...." In the end, the child gratefully concludes, "I'll never need to rely on a man."
It is not clear whether "The Little Coochi Snorcher that Could" will be part of the play being promoted by V-Day 2001 College Initiative. The play is no longer to be performed from the original text but from a special script that will be distributed for use to campus groups that meet the organizer's requirements. Unlike V-Days 1999 and 2000, the organizers of 2001 are laying down rules and issuing legal threats to those who break them. Consider one of the "Rules" for participating in V-Day 2001:
"You must use the version of the script of 'The Vagina Monologues' that is included in the Performance Kit that you will receive. No other version of the play is acceptable for your production. Do not use the book of the play or versions of the script from previous College Initiatives. The new script must be followed."
Note: the 2001 e-announcement Wendy mentions can be found here
..the bed and just our bodies rubbing together makes me come (sic). Then she does everything to me and my coochi snorcher (vagina) that I had always thought was nasty before, and wow." When it's all over, the little girl concludes that thanks to the expereicne, "I'll never need to rely on a man." Mission accomplished.
Now some might call what just happened to the little girl a rape, and indeed, if a 24-year-old man had gotten her liquored-up and then had sex with her .. people would consider that rape, even if she consented
The mostly female audience who attended the Monlogues hooted and hollered, laughing and clapping at just about every piece presented, including this perverted one entitled "The Little Coochi Snorcher That Could". In their revelry, the audience surprisingly missed a very important point: that rape is wrong, no matter the sex or the sexual orientation of the person who commits it
For the record, the little girls' part in the play reads: "Now people say it was a kind of rape... Well, I say if it was rape, it was a good rape then, a rape that turned my sorry-ass coochi snorcher into a kind of heaven." Why is rape wrong only when a man commits it?
While the play's producers did eliminate the sentence in which the girl calls her rape "good" from this year's performance (last year it was kept in), they failed to show enough maturity and still allowed for everything else in the monologue to be presented.
  • May 02, 2005 A readable conservative view
  • Jan 19, 2008 The Monologues as spoken by an actual vagina ('fanny' is Australian slang for vag).
  • Nov 14, 2011 Eve Ensler prefers GOOD rape
  • Feb 25, 2012 Clark University: Partially responsible for the climate which led to sexual assault?: Clark University, which has become a hotbed of radical homosexual agitprop and Christianophobic propaganda, supports Eve Ensler's The Vagina Monologues, a play which celebrates lesbian rape. In one scene, a twenty-four-year-old woman gets a thirteen-year-old girl drunk and rapes her. This is presented as a good thing. The victim later says, "If it was rape, it was a good rape. I'll never need to rely on a man."
  • Oct 5, 2012 Rape Hysteria by Students: Audiences probably won't hear the Coochi Snorcher speaking of "good rape" in the 2002 performances. In past years, some sections of "The Vagina Monologues" have caused embarrassment to the organizers and university officials who have backed V-Day performances. The script has been changed. One of the alterations: the 13-year-old vagina omits the more inflammatory passages.
  • Dec 22, 2012 Rape Hysteria by Faculty and Administrators: "the vagina monologues, a Feminist university play in which women dress up as vaginas, and where, in the original production, a 13-year-old girl is given drinks by a 24-year-old lesbian until she becomes drunk, has sex with her, and afterward says “If it was rape, it was a good rape.” "

Unknown dates:

[Case ClosedOpen Up to Us]
The Vagina Monologues is part of a series on Psychology
Antisocial personality disorder Hannibal Lector.jpg Mental illness & Disorders

AcrotomophiliaAddictionAgoraphobiaAlcoholismAlexis Pilkington SyndromeAlzheimer'sAnorexiaAntisocial personality disorderAnthropophobiaAnxietyADDADHDAsperger's SyndromeAutismBimboficationBipolarBorderline personality disorderBug ChasingBulimiaDeep thinkerDepressionDick ImpalementDown's SyndromeDyslexiaEating disorderFactitious disorderFake SchizophreniaFauxlimiaFeminismGender dysphoriaGirl on the Internet SyndromeHeterophobiaHero ComplexHFAHistrionic Personality DisorderHutchence's SyndromeHyperbolimiaInadequacyInconsistent personality disorderInsanityLiberal Butthurt SyndromeLow Self-esteem'Missing White Woman' SyndromeMultiple personality disorderNapoleon ComplexNarcissistic personality disorderNeurotypicalObsessive Compulsive DisorderParanoiaParanoid personality disorderPeter Pan SyndromePost-Traumatic Stress DisorderPsychopathyRetardationSchizophreniaSeasonal Affective DisorderSelf-diagnosisSelf InjurySelf-VictimizationSexsomniaSickfuckerySociopathySocial anxiety disorderSpecial Snowflake SyndromeTrolling Induced Transsexuality SyndromeTulpaUnrealistic expectationsVictim complex

Fetishes:

AcrotomophiliaAquaphiliaArborphiliaAudiophiliaAutogynephiliaBalloon FetishBestialityCarmen Electra complexCross DressingDollfiliaEmetophiliaEmosexualityEproctophiliaFatty Fetish (Female Fat Admirer) • FetishismFoot FetishFurniture PornFurrismGoo girlGuroHeterophiliaHomophiliaInfantilismInflation FetishJapanophiliaJungle FeverLesbian pedophiliaLotion PlayMacrophiliaMechanophiliaMpregNecrophiliaObjectophiliaOedipial ComplexParaphiliaPedophiliaPlushophiliaPregnophilia (MaiesiophiliaPregnant Loli) • Quicksand FetishRangerphiliaSpectrophiliaStatuephiliaTrichophiliaVoraphiliaWet and Messy FetishismWetlookXenophiliaYellow feverZoophilia

E-Psychosis:

Chronic Troll SyndromeDeletionismE-goE-PsychiatristE-PsychiatryETDHivemindI-DosingI have a 140 IQIRC DiseaseImaginary girlfriendInternet Disease & Internet Disease ChartInternet poverty delusionsInternet RehabInternet troll personality disorderMega ultra super geniusNerdy Fandom Gateway TheorySex by associationLulz-BlindnessWikipedia's Greatest Hits Diseases

Experiments:

ask.fmBrainwashingHypnosisMilgram ExperimentScientologyStanford Prison ExperimentThe Hivemind Corollary

Sites:

Above Top Secret/b/Bodies Under SiegeCYOCChatrouletteDefense Industries OrganizationDeekerFoolQuest.comInkBunnyNeuticles.comPsyke.orgWarpMyMind.com

See also:

American Psychiatric AssociationAngerASMRChild abuseConscienceDreamDSMEnlightenmentIntelligenceLobotomyPsychiatristySerial KillersTake the meat bridgeThe Law of ConformityTrigger Warning

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